All you FUQs HERE

Post by **Dalton** » 2004-12-04 11:52am

Pcm979 wrote:To this end, I propose a radical new amendment that will seperate ASVS and Sdnet in the minds of aspiring FUQers; The Sdnet User Quotes, or SUQ. This will allow Rob some leeway, and let the good denizens of ASVS and Sdnet to go on SUQing and FUQing in piece.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....no.

Post by **Dalton** » 2004-12-04 11:53am

Zaia wrote:Any chance there will be a FUQ update soon, so I can lock this fucker and we can move onto another FUQ nomination thread that will contain MUCH LESS CONVERSATION? *glowers at the SD.net collective*

*clears throat* So, um, yeah. Just curious.

Yeah, there'll be one pretty soon.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-12-04 05:29pm

Eleas wrote:Or we could liken them to swords (that would be SDnet) and plowshares (ASVS).

First, superficially a sword is more dangerous - it looks sharp, and big, and sharp. This is in keeping with the rabid SDnet fixation upon appearance and exaggeration of phallic size. However, while a plowshare isn't as sharp to begin with (it is not as technologically advanced) it does hurt a fuckload more when applied with a measure of force to your cranium by a strong bastard with a grudge (which epitomizes ASVS, as any fool knows). It also has the virtue of producing gruesome, messy results when used thus, rather like an irate ASVSer in the midst of a sea of SDnetters.

Furthermore, a plowshare can be used as a farming tool, which is also in keeping with the ASVS tradition of not giving a flying fuck for what they're really supposed to do when there's good slaughter to be had. The plowshare is dependable, rust doesn't affect its performance, and it never goes out of style. Admittedly that last part was a fucking lie since ASVS was overshadowed by SDnet, and there's talk of some ASVSers reforging their plowshares into swords. They've missed the point, I'm sad to say, for the final lesson of ASVS is this.

Swords don't kill people. SUVs at high speed kill people. And the Baron will fuck the bloody remains.

That is the lesson of ASVS. Selah.

Yeah, but
1) I'm not smart enough to think that up, and
2) It wouldn't fit in with the theme of my post. Which was a thinly-disguised attempt to slip as many euphamisms as I could into one post.

Dalton wrote:
Pcm979 wrote:To this end, I propose a radical new amendment that will seperate ASVS and Sdnet in the minds of aspiring FUQers; The Sdnet User Quotes, or SUQ. This will allow Rob some leeway, and let the good denizens of ASVS and Sdnet to go on SUQing and FUQing in piece.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....no.

Argh. Foiled again. Curse you and your dog, or however it's supposed to go! Ah well, it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2004-12-04 08:36pm

MKSheppard wrote:*locks the thread door and barricades the room with a machine gun nest*

"Yarr mateys, we ain't leaving this room till I get FUQed!"

Well if you want to make out that you are in the navy, then loosen your belt..I am sure the resident sailors will be along shortly to grant your request

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2004-12-05 01:24am

Stuart Mackey wrote:
Well if you want to make out that you are in the navy, then loosen your belt..I am sure the resident sailors will be along shortly to grant your request

You know what I say, "It ain't gay if underway, it's queer if by the pier."

(You can FUQ that, by the way)

Post by **Dalton** » 2004-12-05 05:21am

OK, I realize I'm just as guilty of this as everyone else, but seriously: cut the chatter and post submissions.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-12-06 01:06pm

Dalton wrote:OK, I realize I'm just as guilty of this as everyone else, but seriously: cut the chatter and post submissions.

Aye aye, Cap'n!

Lusankya wrote:They'd make great watch dogs. They'd watch the burglars come in. Then they'd watch the burglars take all our stuff. And then they'd watch the burglars leave.

From here.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-12-06 03:09pm

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=58333

flakin wrote:My ex-wifes family were always breaking chairs because they'd pretty much kamikaze their butts into them.

The Third Man · Post by **The Third Man** » 2004-12-06 05:43pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:
Darth Wong wrote: I would love to meet somebody who got scammed, bought a snake-oil product, was fooled by a misleading advertisement, or bought into creationist jibberish because he didn't know Latin.
Um... caveat emptor?

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-12-09 12:38am

An intelligent conversation between Kuja and Cyran about artifical intelligence and its capabilites.

Kuja0083: I like Cortana's new look.
Kuja0083: Less...plastic-y.
IRWriter86: Yeah. You know you'd hit it...
Kuja0083: If I were an AI,, I'd be all over that.
IRWriter86: Same here.
Kuja0083: ...I'm tempted to make an 'interfacing' joke now.
IRWriter86: Do it. Give in to the bad jokes. It is your... destiny.
Kuja0083: Nah, I traded enough bad puns with Eleas today, I've hit my limit.
IRWriter86: Liar.
Kuja0083: Fine, fine...*thinks*...I'd like to access that port.
Kuja0083: *rimshot*
IRWriter86: The bad joke... it burns.
IRWriter86:
IRWriter86: Back port or front though, that's the big question.
Kuja0083: Backdoor access eh...but don't you need good accessing skills to get to that?
IRWriter86: Come on, what port hasn't had access to Cortana?
Kuja0083: Only the ones she wants dude...remember what she did to the last AI that tired to strongarm her...
IRWriter86: True dat.
IRWriter86: But come on, she's definately willing to take one for the team. You just need to be the right port at the right time.
Kuja0083: Bad analogy dude...you need to have the right plug-in at the right time. ; )
Kuja0083: And anti-virus software never hurts.
IRWriter86: Yeah. It's a requirement these days.
IRWriter86: Though with her systems I'm sure she's clean.
Kuja0083: I wonder what subroutines she likes best?
IRWriter86: She probably knows them all.
Kuja0083: Right right, I'm not doubting that, hell she's probably got an entire folder of the stuff she's downloaded.
IRWriter86: She's a nymphomaniac.
Kuja0083: : )
IRWriter86: It's in her programming.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-12-09 12:43am

Kuja wrote:An intelligent conversation between Kuja and Cyran about artifical intelligence and its capabilites.

All you need to read is this to go "Aww fuck no, this is gonna be bad."

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-12-09 01:42am

Halo is a richly detailed universe with an intricate plotline, thoroughly crafted aliens, and an enormous amount of battle scenes. When such a universe comes along, fans will never cease to talk about its finest points. In other words, here's Kuja and Cyran talking about Halo sex again, this time regarding female Spartans.

Kuja0083: Two guys, two girls.
IRWriter86: Ok then.
Kuja0083: What a surprise.
IRWriter86: Yeah.
Kuja0083: I think he should end up with the redhead.
IRWriter86: What's the other choice?
Kuja0083: ....brunette, IIRC.
IRWriter86: Mmmm, brunette.
Kuja0083: hell if I can remember. I think so.
IRWriter86: lol
Kuja0083: But anyway, Linda, the redhead, is one scary shot.
IRWriter86: Oh?
Kuja0083: Pciture this: she's hanging from a chain by one arm and aiming her sniper rifle with the other.
IRWriter86: Damn...
Kuja0083: She fires three times and the result - three Banshee pilots shot right out of their cockpits. While flying.
IRWriter86: Holy shit.
IRWriter86: Sorry man, but I've always had a thing for brunettes.
IRWriter86: Even if Linda does kick ass.
Kuja0083: Uh dude...Spartans are strong enough to shatter people's bones without even trying...are you really sure you'd want to try fooliing around with either of them?
IRWriter86: Good point...
Kuja0083: This is kind of like a 'steel vs. tissues' situation...
IRWriter86: But on the same note, they can be gentle if they can squeeze off shots like that. Just have to not be rough.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2004-12-09 05:06am

Rogue 9 wrote:
Dalton wrote:OK, I realize I'm just as guilty of this as everyone else, but seriously: cut the chatter and post submissions.
Aye aye, Cap'n!
Lusankya wrote:They'd make great watch dogs. They'd watch the burglars come in. Then they'd watch the burglars take all our stuff. And then they'd watch the burglars leave.
From here.

I feel guilty claiming that, because I'm certain that I got it from somewhere else. (Can't for the life of me remember where, though.)

Please note: I said I feel guilty claiming it, not that I wouldn't.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2004-12-09 07:08pm

Imperial Overlord wrote:Concession accepted your the reading abilities.

'nuff said. Here's the thread.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-12-09 07:11pm

Eleas wrote:
Imperial Overlord wrote:Concession accepted your the reading abilities.
'nuff said. Here's the thread.

Quotes like this provide a strong argument as to why the Edit button is disabled in debate-oriented forums.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2004-12-09 07:19pm

Durandal wrote:Quotes like this provide a strong argument as to why the Edit button is disabled in debate-oriented forums.

Yeah. Comedic effect, for one.

I generally hate self-promotion. You may therefore see this as me doing penance for something, instead of boasting.

Eleas wrote:
Natorgator wrote:Did Quake even have a story? I have no recollection of it, if so.
I guess it did. You played a character cursed with amnesia, and a geas that compelled him to run through incomprehensively constructed tunnels while killing viciously rampant Origami figures on PCP. Its music is a subtle allegory on the ephemereal nature of the player's eardrums. Mounting tension leads up to a big finish in the basement of the "gateway level", where HP Lovecraft is interred, the powerful revolutions of his body powering the game's then-revolutionary 3D engine. From this place you are teleported to the domain of Shub-niggurath, and shown the true power of the Hentai Side.

..

...maybe the ending's different if you don't enter the cheat codes.

Don't look at this as bragging so much as me showing me how much I love myself.

egyptfrk · Post by **egyptfrk** » 2004-12-10 01:47am

Admiral Valdemar wrote:
Sonnenburg wrote:
I would join in with the demand that the Romans release Barabus.

You win the Most Random Answer Award this month. Congrats!

from here

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-12-10 02:46am

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:
Boyish-Tigerlilly wrote:http://www.narth.com/menus/about.html++

What the fuck is nart? And is that even a real scientific organization. They seem to disgree with teh AAA and the APA.
Silly Boi, you put the flash suppressor on the wrong end! Here, lemme fix that.

/me unscrews the FS off the butt end of the link and onto the pointy end.

++http://www.narth.com/menus/about.html

In the process, Ein's hand accidentally grabs Tigerlily's...

...and TL pulls it back*

EIN: My hands are dirty too... What are you afraid of?

TL: Afraid of?

EIN: You're trembling!

TL: I'm not trembling.

"Then with an irresistible combination of physical strength and emotional power, the longhaired railgunner begins to draw Tigerlily toward him...very slowly.*

EIN: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough
scoundrels in your life.

*Tigerlily is now very close to Ein and as he speaks, his voice becomes an excited whisper, a tone completely in opposition to his words.*

TL: I happen to like nice men.

EIN: I'm a nice man.

TL: No, you're not. You're...

*Ein kisses TL now, with slow, hot lips. He takes his time, as though he had forever, bending Tigerlily's body backward. Tigerlily has never been kissed like this before, and it almost makes him faint. When Ein stops, Tigerlily regains his breath and tries to work up some indignation, but finds it hard to talk. Suddenly, Rogue 9 appears in the doorway, speaking excitedly.*

ROGUE 9: Sir, sir! I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling.

*Ein turns slowly, icily, from their embrace.*

EIN: Thank you. Thank you very much.

ROGUE 9: Oh, you're perfectly welcome, sir.

*Dalton the Wookiee nearly chokes on his wookiee cookies laughing.*

DALTON: Hahahaha!

EIN: Laugh it up fuzzball!

*The moment spoiled, Ein marches out after Rogue 9...*

from here

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-12-10 03:53am

o_O *Flees*

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2004-12-10 05:33am

On Angel/Angelus from the Jossverse, in this thread:

White Haven wrote:Wtf? Roll 2d6 and consult the 'Where the hell is my soul THIS Time?' chart.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2004-12-10 05:57am

Typically I don't do self-promotion, but at least 3 people thought it was funny, and it has gone a long time without mention here, so might as well toot my own horn.

Concerning the Terrell Owens ad, my unbelievably awesome self wrote:Had they shown this ad last year, before TO's arrival, the Eagles reciever would have dropped the woman.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-12-10 09:47am

I figure I might slip my own in as well since it doesn't look like anyone's gonna go for the FUQ. I got sigged by Rye for this one off in testing when someone posted a website by some anthro fundie. Real crazy shit.

Good Christians share their crack.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-12-10 03:15pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:I figure I might slip my own in as well since it doesn't look like anyone's gonna go for the FUQ. I got sigged by Rye for this one off in testing when someone posted a website by some anthro fundie. Real crazy shit.

Good Christians share their crack.

Oh, ya, I saw that. I think I was the scruffy-lookin nerfherder who posted that link to Hell...

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-10 10:11pm

From the AIM chatroom

Darfasti has left the room.
TasothofSDN: I think I'd write death as a lively character
chardok1: like in Bill and Ted's Bogus journey?
chardok1: 5 out of 7?
chardok1: DAMN RIGHT
chardok1: LOL
TasothofSDN: nah, he was still all doom and gloom and deathy
TasothofSDN: more like a child or someone who is innocent
TasothofSDN: you get stuck with the job. Doesn't mean you have to be what it denotes
chardok1: That's true
chardok1: still wouldn't want the job
chardok1: I dont care how much it pays.
TasothofSDN: I actually used that angle for a short story I wrote
chardok1: What's that?
chardok1: Taking over death's job?
TasothofSDN: The Reaper man was just some young kid who got stuck with the job. He walked you to your Judgement through a field of wheat
TasothofSDN: Blonde haired, blue eyed, clad in reds, golds and greens
chardok1: If I were death I would fuck with people
TasothofSDN: more interested in life and the story then
chardok1: show up at night in their house
chardok1: tap on their shoulder.
chardok1: wake em up
chardok1: "Boo!*
chardok1: "OH MY GOD! NO! ITS NOT MY TIME!"
TasothofSDN: [death]HI. JUST WONDERING IF YOU HAD A CUP OF RICE TO SPARE.[/death]
chardok1: ROFL
LtPreNamDan has left the room.
TasothofSDN: YOU DON'T? BOTHER. THANKS ANYWAYS. *poofle*
chardok1: Walk into a house party
chardok1: "Excuse me, could you turn the music down a smidgen?"
chardok1: But I would appear as a nazgul
chardok1: and speak with the voice of Willam shatner

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-12-11 12:05am

Sea Skimmer wrote:Steering is for those afraid of adventure.