You're the President... for 24 hours.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2006-10-27 01:25am

Fire Cheney, make the actual me of whose form I'm not in for the 24-hour period vice president, and then resign before I go back into my own body, effectively making me president for the next 2-10 years. As for the whole damage to the party factor, even the Kool-Aid drinkers will go their own way if their leader gets replaced by a college Freshman.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2006-10-27 01:31am

havokeff wrote:OP: Do I have access to Bush's memories as well?

On a purely personal level, I'd have to fuck in the Oval Office. I'd order the DCI to tell me everything that CIA knew about every dirty secret we had as well as the NSA and FBI directors.

I'd issue a direct order to get all our troops who are in harms way out of it.

I would ask for Cheney's resignation, along with anyone else whom I have deemed unworthy of the confidence of the American People.

I would then at the end of my day schedule a press conference announcing my resignation from the office POTUS FOR IN THE MORNING when Bush is back in his own body

Cheney was elected just like Bush was, so while you can ask him to resign, he can say 'fuck you' and there's nothing you can do about it.

Now you can fire Cabinet officers *cough* Rumsfeld *cough*

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2006-10-27 01:45am

What I'd probably do is a variation of what others have proposed: some actions, a speech, and then resignation.

I'd probably revoke most of the EO's issued by previous administrations, including the one his daddy issued forbidding the importation of so-called 'assault rifles'.
Then I'd give a nice speech about how "I've betrayed conservative principles by becoming involved in 'nation building', extreme deficit spending, increasingly intrusive security laws, etc, expose the corruption that I'd have first hand knowledge about, and announce my resignation because I can no longer live a lie saying one thing while doing another."

ThatGuyFromThatPlace · Post by **ThatGuyFromThatPlace** » 2006-10-27 02:06am

hmmm. I'd end the EO prohibiting the CIA from carrying out Assassinations, I'd fire Rummy, thta rat of a press secretary and Condi and then I'd bring out all the skeletons into the open.
and the Football might see some use over in Nork and possibly some select mideastern countries.

Thunderfire · Post by **Thunderfire** » 2006-10-27 02:33am

Glocksman wrote: Cheney was elected just like Bush was, so while you can ask him to resign, he can say 'fuck you' and there's nothing you can do about it.

Firing him the hard way should be possible.

tim31 · Post by **tim31** » 2006-10-27 05:14am

I'd sign an EO making it illegal for Fox to cancel a television series once it gets good.

Then, if CINCPAC could mobilize quickly enough, I'd order as much of the Pacific Fleet(commandeering civilian vessels if necessary) as was available to form the words "VAN HALEN ROCKS" off the coast of Oahu, as seen from space.

Sex in the Oval Office, on the desk, then on the seal, sounds pretty good. The in the Rose Garden.

Finally, call a press conference, walk in, plug a Gibson SG into a Marshall Superlead and play "One Way Ticket" by The Darkness, then announce legalisation of abortions for some, miniature American flags for the rest.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2006-10-27 05:22am

Thunderfire wrote:
Glocksman wrote: Cheney was elected just like Bush was, so while you can ask him to resign, he can say 'fuck you' and there's nothing you can do about it.
Firing him the hard way should be possible.

The VP can't be fired by the President. Period.
He can voluntarily resign or be impeached by Congress, but not fired.

Now if during your 24 hours, you dug up enough provable dirt against him that'd warrant impeachment, he'd eventually be removed but it'd take a while for the wheels of the Congressional bureaucracy to grind him out.

Prozac the Robert · Post by **Prozac the Robert** » 2006-10-27 06:12am

It wouldn't be binding, but it would be cool to force congress to hold a vote of confidence. Watch the representatives heads explode as they decide between publicly backing bush or breaking party ranks.

Then depending on the results either remove myself from office by impeachment if they vote for me, or just embarrass the party some more if they vote they want me gone.

Post by **K. A. Pital** » 2006-10-27 09:00am

Go hunting. Kill Dick fucking Cheney in a hunting accident. Then just before the end, take poison - just enough to kill oneself brutally before my mind leaves GWB's body. That's enough. Two biggest piece-of-shits in the US admin dead - what more can I say?

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-27 09:22am

MKSheppard wrote:Heh. I'd get the football and TBO the following countries:

Iran
Syria
North Korea

my announcement would make heavy reference to the "LeMay doctrine"

That's it? You're not going to glass the entire middle east and take out China while you're at it?

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2006-10-27 09:31am

aerius wrote:
MKSheppard wrote:Heh. I'd get the football and TBO the following countries:

Iran
Syria
North Korea

my announcement would make heavy reference to the "LeMay doctrine"
That's it? You're not going to glass the entire middle east and take out China while you're at it?

And have fallout in Israel and the oil wells?

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2006-10-27 11:09am

aerius wrote:That's it? You're not going to glass the entire middle east and take out China while you're at it?

China can hit back.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2006-10-27 11:11am

Uraniun235 wrote:
aerius wrote:That's it? You're not going to glass the entire middle east and take out China while you're at it?
China can hit back.

And the U.S still dosn't have ballistic missle defense, so it's not a good tradeoff.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2006-10-27 01:00pm

aerius wrote:That's it? You're not going to glass the entire middle east and take out China while you're at it?

Most of the middle east is an insignificant little pustle. Iran's got their Nuke program, and Syria is being a shithead to us; North Korea's self explanatory.

China, while being a future economic threat to the US; knows the rules, plays by them, and isn't Mohammedian or insane. So Why nuke them?

Damn, I knew I had forgotten someone...PAKISTAN. Add them to the list.

Post by **K. A. Pital** » 2006-10-27 01:07pm

Damn, I knew I had forgotten someone...PAKISTAN. Add them to the list.

Actually, I'm with Shep here. Don't forget to nuke the Paks while going at it. They're alarmingly close to our borders and they have the nukez since long, and they have talibz and jihadis too. It would be nice if the US nukes it's nominal allies in the GWoT, too.

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » 2006-10-27 02:24pm

Walk down the street to where a devout Muslimliah is. Pull off her veil and spit in her face. Toss a koran on the ground and urinate on it, all right in front of Keith Olberman.

Then I'll say, I am above the law.

kheegster · Post by **kheegster** » 2006-10-27 04:51pm

Have public buttsex. If I'm going to get GWB fired, might as well have fun with it.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-10-27 05:07pm

It might be smarter to do something more subtle, like taking command of one of Tony Snow's press conferences in order to "clear the air" and "set the record straight", and then blunder through it by "inadvertently" making incredibly damning admissions while trying to defend your policies.

For example, "Pulling out of Iraq at this point would be a disaster. And not just in terms of stability in the Middle East, but also in terms of the financial health of major American companies like Halliburton, who have already invested so much and need to receive some kind of return on that investment".

Or "The sanctity of marriage is very important to me. Letting gays marry would send a message, that gays are to be treated as our equals. And we cannot allow that. It goes against our most basic beliefs."

Or "Look, socialized medicine would be a disaster for our country. There is only a finite amount of resources to go around, so if you let the working poor have more access, then the wealthy would have less access. And that's just not a very capitalist way of thinking. It's not American."

Or "You know, some of my policies don't seem to be working out as well I'd hoped. Like the War in Iraq, or No Child Left Behind. But I have faith that they will turn out right in the end, because I take my direction from a higher power, and that higher power is never wrong. So we have to stay the course."

Or "You know, the whole global warming scare is really a kind of propaganda, an infiltration of our government. I had to dismiss dozens of scientists who were part of this infiltration into our government. But the remaining scientists are getting with the program. They understand that there are certain kinds of scientific propaganda which this administration will not tolerate."

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2006-10-27 05:27pm

I think Wong has the best plan here. You can't go too over the top or the adminstration can just dismiss everything on a mental breakdown and your back to square one.

You really have to be smart about F***ing over the GOP In the worst way possible... I do think that stepping down would be a wonderful thing to do, but if done along the lines of:

"You know, after all that, this whole 'presidancy' it just wasn't as much fun as Dicky boy promised me! I tried it for a little while, but I don't really want it any more, not my thing."

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2006-10-27 06:23pm

I'd disagree slightly. I think you'd have to do something sufficiently extreme that even someone as spineless as the Democrats could get their dander up about it. Too subtle and the pullulating mass of the electorate would simply miss it.

Resignation would be bad, certainly, but something definitively impeachable, that would descend into a real courtroom fight, and something that will drag on until at least the middle of next year, so that even the dimwits will remember it come 2008's election run, would cripple the GOP to the extent that even Cheney couldn't do too much damage, and make sure they were out on their ear for the next eight years at least.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2006-10-27 06:25pm

Glocksman wrote:Now if during your 24 hours, you dug up enough provable dirt against him that'd warrant impeachment, he'd eventually be removed but it'd take a while for the wheels of the Congressional bureaucracy to grind him out.

That's exactly what you want though. A long progracted death rattle, drag him out whilst he claws at the carpet, and leave the biggest and messiest stain you can on the administration.

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2006-10-27 06:45pm

Doh! I forgot about the part about having Bush's memories.

I collect as much evidence as I can during the 24 hours and mail a copy of it to the justice department, and a copy to every major newspaper.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2006-10-27 11:07pm

Wanderer wrote:Toss a koran on the ground and urinate on it, all right in front of Keith Olberman.

Then I'll say, I am above the law.

I like that idea.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2006-10-27 11:57pm

Kill Dick Cheney. Issue a Press Conference. Replace all the members of my current cabinet with uncharismatic people who will actually say what they mean. Attempt (very blunderingly, so it won't work) to dissolve Congress and the Constitution, stating that America must be a Christian nation and all crimes in the Bible should be punishable by stonings. Try to re-segregate the nation along racial, ethnic, and social divisions. Put moderate, fiscal Conservatives in Concentration Camps and make sure that the story is leaked everywhere. Rave about Revelations. Lock up prominent leaders of Baptists, Fundamentalists, Seventh-Day Adventists, Catholics, etc. Anyone who isn't a Methodist. Remove all soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.

Above all, I must make sure that none of these initiatives actually succeed - I can't make innocents suffer just to bring Bush down. So I do it all very badly.

Anyways, if I do all of these things, I'll lose support from the Libertarians, the Neo-cons and the Fundies - every base of the GOP will collapse.

That, or, I admit to having a sex scandal with Cheney. I did it with him on the desk of the Oval Office.

Also, no matter what, I set up a secret transaction in the fine print of our military spending so that the real-life me will be give several million dollars every year from the US government.

No matter what, this will be an October Surprise no one forgets.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-10-28 12:00am

Darth Wong wrote:Or "You know, some of my policies don't seem to be working out as well I'd hoped. Like the War in Iraq, or No Child Left Behind. But I have faith that they will turn out right in the end, because I take my direction from a higher power, and that higher power is never wrong. So we have to stay the course."

Um, so other than admitting that his "plans" haven't been perfect, whats the difference between that and what GW usually says?