and I got saddled w/ VISTA Antivirus 2008, which is a virus/spyware/malware combo the likes of which I've never seen before. This thing was able to change the windows registry to lock me out of my own start menu, the run prompt, and "My Computer". The thing is though, that this virus looks EXACTLY like windows security in almost every detail, so much so that I actually "bought" upgraded security through it (yeah, I have to make a phonecall to cardmember services tomorrow

I talked to my buddy there who works in IT and he agreed to come over this afternoon to take a look. He's good at what he does (probably why he does it for a living) and it took him OVER FOUR HOURS to fix it. The solution involved Norton, several single-shot fixes, and microsoft's recommended anti-malware program. My system is fine now.
The moral of this story is:
1. Don't open e-mails without paying close attention. The one I got was so low-tech it slipped by, posing as an e-mail from my friend James.
2. Google any and all error messages your comp spits out that look shady.
3. Always have a friend who knows more about computers than you do.