MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[The Grim Squeaker]

dBackground: I'm a data scientist doing a pro-bono data science/machine learning project with a giant public healthcare group.
I stepped on some glass and got badly cut, and headed to the hospital, which is part of this group.

Me (to the company slack channel):

• 1) I have become a data point in my own study.
  Very meta.

[Someone at the company]:

• "Give it a higher weight in the training set"
  Me: ":| "

2) It's easier to generate this data (while giving my details to the doctor) than it is to clean the data. (Still less painful though).

[Raw Shark]

CUTE HIPPIE GIRL: Taxi!

YOUR DRIVER: Need a ride?

CUTE HIPPIE GIRL: Yeah, but hold on a second, I'm peeing!

YOUR DRIVER: [laughs] Okay...

[time passes]

CUTE HIPPIE GIRL: Whew. I can't believe I just hailed a cab with my skirt hiked up in the bushes.

YOUR DRIVER: When you've gotta go, you've gotta go, right?

CUTE HIPPIE GIRL: You have to tell this story to as many people as possible.

YOUR DRIVER: Oh, you have no idea how many people will hear this one.

[Napoleon the Clown]

I'm pretty sure this is not the first story you've told us that involves urine.

[Crazedwraith]

YOUR DRIVER: Oh, you have no idea how many people will hear this one.

Like a dozen whole people on this webforum?

[Raw Shark]

YOUR DRIVER: Oh, you have no idea how many people will hear this one.

Like a dozen whole people on this webforum?

Hey, now. I like to think that more people read this thread than post in it, and I do have friends.

[Esquire]

Raw Shark has no friends, only people who haven't been overcome by jealousy yet.

Anyway, I for one love reading the silliness in here, even though I haven't had anything worth contributing. It gives me a good chuckle every once in a while, so thanks for that.

[Raw Shark]

A really good-looking girl handed me a business-type card at work tonight that reads,

"Hey, you-

You're pretty fucking awesome. That's all. Keep that shit up.

-A Passing Stranger."

Made my whole night.

[DaZergRock54444]

Last week we had several middle-school aged football (American) campers come in to watch a movie. When some of them mentioned looking at something in a toilet, my coworker went in and said that it was backed up with something. Then comes closing time:

Me: So, you have a choice - Adventures in Teenage Plumbing, or Pack Mule Duty
Coworker: Pack Mule.
Me: Wise decision, let me help you pack [overflowing and linerless garbage can] up.
::A few minutes later::
CW: Hey did you fix that toilet already?
Me: No...
CW: Oh, it took care of it's self then.

[Raw Shark]

RECENT PRISONER: I want to tell you up front, I don't have any money. My sister is going to pay for this.

YOUR DRIVER: This is a very long ride. Look me in the eye and tell me that you're sure about that.

RECENT PRISONER: Yes, I just talked to her. I didn't get out until just now. I thought I was going to be in for at least another weekend.

YOUR DRIVER: I am placing my faith in you. How long were you in for?

RECENT PRISONER: Three years.

YOUR DRIVER: Holy shit. Welcome back.

RECENT PRISONER: Thanks. Never again.

YOUR DRIVER: You can do it. Just watch yourself and be careful.

RECENT PRISONER: Yeah. You ever been inside?

YOUR DRIVER: Not for longer than a night, but only because I've been lucky. I don't have anything to toast you with besides water, but here's to a new beginning, right?

RECENT PRISONER: I appreciate that. I'm going to do things differently from now on.

YOUR DRIVER: Cheers, brother.

[Zaune]

Did she pay?

[Raw Shark]

Did she pay?

His sister did, and even tipped 15%. She seemed like a nice girl.

[Venator]

Did she pay?

His sister did, and even tipped 15%. She seemed like a nice girl.

Keep it in your pants, dude. Don't you know she's got a brother who did hard time?

[Raw Shark]

Don't you know she's got a brother who did hard time?

What? I said nice, not super extra nice...

[Borgholio]

Don't you know she's got a brother who did hard time?

What? I said nice, not super extra nice...

He's just looking out for you, Shark. We know you.

[Raw Shark]

He's just looking out for you, Shark. We know you.

I'm not pushy, just available...

[Raw Shark]

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: I'm recently single.

YOUR DRIVER: Yeah? Me too. Mine was crazy, what happened on your end?

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: I can't believe I'm telling you this... [lowers her voice] He never gave me head...

YOUR DRIVER: What, never?

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: Never.

YOUR DRIVER: What the actual fuck? That's completely unacceptable.

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: Right?

YOUR DRIVER: I mean, I love doing that, personally. The only thing I like more is getting it.

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: Really?

YOUR DRIVER: Yeah. I think it's fun. Y'know, if you want, we could pull around the corner right now and I could make your day better.

FLOWERY DRESS & RED HAIR: Uuummmm...

HER FRIEND: [grabs her by the arm and drags her] FD&RH, get out of the car right now. You are not doing this.

YOUR DRIVER: What are you, the goalie?

[Raw Shark]

REALLY DRUNK GUY: I lost my phone in a cab tonight.

YOUR DRIVER: That sucks, I'm sorry. Have you tried calling it? I always return phones, if they throw me a few bucks for my time.

REALLY DRUNK GUY: It was dead.

YOUR DRIVER: Lame.

REALLY DRUNK GUY: Do you have it?

YOUR DRIVER: Uh, no, that was a different cab.

REALLY DRUNK GUY: Isn't there some kind of number you can call to find it?

YOUR DRIVER: Do you know the number of the cab you left it in?

REALLY DRUNK GUY: [starting to get angry] No, but it was the same company!

YOUR DRIVER: Okay, settle down, buddy. You did this to yourself and there's nothing I can do to help. Try calling the company tomorrow and have the girl at the front desk check the lost and found box, and if it's not there try again on Monday. Most of the guys pay on Monday.

[time passes]

YOUR DRIVER: So, your total will be $9.85. Would you like to put a tip on your card?

REALLY DRUNK GUY: No! You didn't give me back my phone!

YOUR DRIVER: [eyeroll]

[Broomstick]

Had my first day assigned to a new department at work. We soon realized a small problem. There are now two people with the same name (me and another gal), and two with similar names. It's as if we have Broom, Broom, Boom, and Boon. This will make paging any one of us on the scratchy, overhead paging system fun. Even more so since we have two "Brooms". So... how to distinguish between us?

The Two Brooms suggested "Old Broom" and "Young Broom".

This was apparently the incorrect answer according to management.

Well, us two Brooms though about it. Given that the "Young Broom" (me) is in her 50's and the "Old Broom" was just shy of 80 we proposed "Old Broom" and "Older Broom".

Apparently that was also not the correct answer.

Really, don't know how they're going to deal with this. Could be interesting. Could be amusing. Almost certainly will be annoying at times. But really, neither of us has a problem with being the age we are.

[Zaune]

Same last names as well?

[Elheru Aran]

Similarly, I have 4 others of my name at my work, 2 of which are on the same team as me... even one about my same age and with the same disability! Thankfully the other one on my team only works 2 days for some reason, so that's not too bad, and the other two (if you were keeping count) work during the day so they're not an issue when I'm at work. It has caused occasional amusement though when we're talking about [Elheru's]... "[Elheru] who?" "Oh [Elheru] B." and so forth.

[Broomstick]

Same last names as well?

Nope.

The only other person in the world with my last name is a lady living in England.

Yes, we could use last names, except for the custom at work of not using last names over the intercom. Not sure if it's custom or company rule.

[Venator]

Same last names as well?

Nope.

The only other person in the world with my last name is a lady living in England.

Yes, we could use last names, except for the custom at work of not using last names over the intercom. Not sure if it's custom or company rule.

<Name> <Middle Initial>?

[GuppyShark]

I think the answer is to come up with callsigns.

[Ace Pace]

I think the answer is to come up with callsigns.

At some point I brought two new guys to my work with the same name as me. Cue everyone laughing at me for being clones.

The smart thing would be for them to pick up nicknames and me to stay with Ace Pace. The result was one of them by his nickname, one by his family name and every third person calling me by a different callsign.

[Raw Shark]

It's as if we have Broom, Broom, Boom, and Boon. This will make paging any one of us on the scratchy, overhead paging system fun. Even more so since we have two "Brooms". So... how to distinguish between us?

My gaming group has three guys with the same first name as me. We numbered ourselves based on seniority, to the point that it's a running joke for the three of us to leave the name out entirely when addressing each other, eg: "Excellent point, #3. That's how we should handle this." "Why thank you, #1. #2, hand me the dice, please?"

I also worked with a guy back in college with the same first name and a last name that was identical except one of us had an n at the end, eg: Sharko and Sharkon. Fucking payroll gave him his money and my money for the week combined once. Had to wait a week for them to sort it out on the next check because he didn't have a car and was too much of a lazy pothead to walk to the bank to get me some cash, despite repeated promises that he would.