Falwell Croaks: "Falwell... And truly dead."

Spearfish · Post by **Spearfish** » 2007-05-15 07:05pm

Had he lived, wouldn't it have been wonderful to have kept him unconscious until he could be transferred into a large room mocked up to look like a cavern in hell? Recycle a film set or something. Imagine his reactions when he wakes up in what appears to be the underworld... clad in rags, surrounded by fire and sulphur and so on, and greeted by leering demonic faces...
I mean the shock would likely kill him within a few minutes, but that's not really a problem, is it?

Note: I'm not normally in favour of massive psychological torture, but since hell doesn't actually exist this is as close as we can get to showing him where he would go if it did.

White Haven · Post by **White Haven** » 2007-05-15 07:05pm

Holy shit, this just made my day. And that was before I found out about Phelps. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a word for this sort of thing.

Fratricide

J · Post by J » 2007-05-15 07:28pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:Wow. No honor among theives.

Being picketed by Phelps is enough revenge for me.

I couldn't have hoped for a more fitting end.

Darth Raptor · Post by **Darth Raptor** » 2007-05-15 07:31pm

The most fitting end would have been a summary execution by the Christian Republic of America's stormtroopers for being insufficiently doctrinaire, actually.

Lord of the Abyss · Post by **Lord of the Abyss** » 2007-05-15 07:32pm

Mange wrote:It's breaking news on CNN.com: Jerry Falwell has died at the age of 73.

And the only sad thing is that he lasted so long.

CmdrWilkens · Post by **CmdrWilkens** » 2007-05-15 07:36pm

Now just as soon as Robertson kicks the bucket we'll be free of the worst of 'em.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2007-05-15 07:47pm

I bet everyone thought Larry Flint would go first, too.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2007-05-15 07:56pm

I understand he died of a bowel obstruction, meaning he died because he couldn't give a shit.

It will be funny though if he went straight up, only to find that Freddie Mercury was the new St. Peter.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2007-05-15 08:00pm

CmdrWilkens wrote:Now just as soon as Robertson kicks the bucket we'll be free of the worst of 'em.

We've still got LaHaye and Dobson to deal with.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2007-05-15 08:06pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:I understand he died of a bowel obstruction, meaning he died because he couldn't give a shit.

This just keeps getting better and better. First he dies, then we find out Phelps is picketing his funeral, and now this. He literally died from being too full of shit.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2007-05-15 08:14pm

If there was anything more appros in the history of mankind...

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2007-05-15 08:23pm

This, combined with Phelps picketing, is the silver lining of a day that began most crappily. Rot in hell, you pataq...

Post by **Gandalf** » 2007-05-15 08:24pm

Things are going to be all well
Because we've just lost Falwell.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2007-05-15 08:47pm

Jadeite wrote:From Phelp's website.

WBC will preach at the memorial service of the corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines like "God loves everyone".

There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died. The evidence is compelling, overwhelming, and irrefragable. To wit:

1. Falwell was a true Calvinistic Baptist when he was a young preacher in Springfield, Missouri, and sold his soul to Free-Willism (Arminianism) for lucre.

2. Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC's faithful Bible preaching -- thereby committing the unpardonable sin -- otherwise known as the sin against the Holy Ghost.

3. Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler, etc. All for lucre -- making him guilty of their sins.

Falwell is in Hell, Praise God!!

He even used the exact wording I did! Hahahahah.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2007-05-15 08:47pm

Gandalf wrote:Things are going to be all well
Because we've just lost Falwell.

Yes things are gonna be real swell,
We've just lost Falwell.

...I feel a song coming on...

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2007-05-15 08:50pm

wolveraptor wrote:
Gandalf wrote:Things are going to be all well
Because we've just lost Falwell.
Yes things are gonna be real swell,
We've just lost Falwell.

...I feel a song coming on...

I'll signal the chorus and the synchronized swimmers...

Post by **fgalkin** » 2007-05-15 08:55pm

Rye wrote:
Jadeite wrote:From Phelp's website.

WBC will preach at the memorial service of the corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines like "God loves everyone".

There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died. The evidence is compelling, overwhelming, and irrefragable. To wit:

1. Falwell was a true Calvinistic Baptist when he was a young preacher in Springfield, Missouri, and sold his soul to Free-Willism (Arminianism) for lucre.

2. Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC's faithful Bible preaching -- thereby committing the unpardonable sin -- otherwise known as the sin against the Holy Ghost.

3. Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler, etc. All for lucre -- making him guilty of their sins.

Falwell is in Hell, Praise God!!
He even used the exact wording I did! Hahahahah.

I generally would have prefered it to be the other way around (Falwell commenting on that scum Phelps' death), but this is too hilarious to pass up.

Anyways, so long to that racist, homophobic, lying fuck.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Pelranius · Post by **Pelranius** » 2007-05-15 09:33pm

Well, so it looks like someone won't be enjoying the rumored to be Rapture, at least.

Problem is, who will picket Phelp's funeral?

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2007-05-15 09:46pm

Pelranius wrote:Well, so it looks like someone won't be enjoying the rumored to be Rapture, at least.

Problem is, who will picket Phelp's funeral?

We need a crazier bunch than Phelp's circus. Any ideas?

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2007-05-15 10:11pm

VT-16 wrote:Technically, he's not gone and never will be. He'll just be filling up the soil with some prime fertilizer.

I wonder how many people will tape themselves pissing on hisgrave, and upload it to Youtube?

"Do you know why they cremated Gene? So no one could piss on his grave" --Harlan Ellison

Post by **Coyote** » 2007-05-15 10:15pm

Lord Poe wrote: I wonder how many people will tape themselves pissing on hisgrave, and upload it to Youtube?

"Do you know why they cremated Gene? So no one could piss on his grave" --Harlan Ellison

Then give him to Keith Richards.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2007-05-15 10:15pm

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-05-15 10:26pm

ok, bets on whose gonna be 2 and three?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-05-15 10:33pm

could we arrange for robertson and phelps to be struck by lightning and killed at falwell's funeral?

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2007-05-15 10:38pm

Superman wrote:
Pelranius wrote:Well, so it looks like someone won't be enjoying the rumored to be Rapture, at least.

Problem is, who will picket Phelp's funeral?
We need a crazier bunch than Phelp's circus. Any ideas?

I don't know, the Mormons?