Invasion Part I

[Cpt_Frank]

Shit can't edit anymore, btw I really like your story the twist was meant positive.

[NecronLord]

yeah, i know.

I've designed a fed ship capable of firing 30 photons and 20 quantums a second, In *TURRETS*. I might put it in there

[Eleas]

<snip>

To be honest, I didn't manage to read more than a few paragraphs. I applaud the effort, but punctuation and grammar should be worked on some more, as well as sentence structure. There was no real plot hook to grab the reader's interest, and the paragraphs lump together.

I hope this will be taken for what it is; constructive criticism. I don't mean this as a flame, and if circumstances were different, I probably would enjoy reading your story.

[NecronLord]

To be honest, I didn't manage to read more than a few paragraphs. I applaud the effort, but punctuation and grammar should be worked on some more, as well as sentence structure. There was no real plot hook to grab the reader's interest, and the paragraphs lump together.

Yes i've been told about the paragraphs, they'll definately be shorter next time, as people seem to want them that way.


The Actually I thought that i had sorted the punctuation and grammer already, i must have overwritten that with a draft somewhere. I'll emphasise the plot a bit more in part two. Is it focussing too much on the Imperials? I personally thought so. Ah well Practice makes parfect, or maybe passable