Unconditional Love

[RayCav of ASVS]

So what you're saying is, first I need good self esteem, then a girlfriend? Do I even need a girlfriend at all?

Vympel's right; part of a girl's determination of whether you fall into the "yes", "maybe", or "no" categories is your aura of confidence. If you don't have any, you're a "no".

As for "needing" a girlfriend for your self-esteem, Vympel's both right and wrong on this one. You need to have strong self-esteem and self-confidence first, but a girlfriend can build your self-confidence further (mind you, she can also tear it down if she's a nasty, critical bitch, but I'm hoping you have better taste than that).

I dunno...my self esteem has suffered a lot thanks to a certain stupid Catholic bitch....

[RayCav of ASVS]

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[RayCav of ASVS]

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[Durandal]

I'm going to be very frank with you.

Get over it. It's not that big a deal. It seems like it is right now, but there's always another girl. You're probably thinking, "Man, I'll never find another girl as good for me as she was..." Trust me, you're completely wrong. I thought the same thing, and then someone who was probably even better for me came along. Since then, I've met plenty of girls who I could easily date/have dated.

Stop trying to fall in love your first time out. You're in high school. Just try to have fun. I've found that it's just a huge mistake to try and find your soulmate at such a young age, because at this point, you don't even know what you want. Go out with a variety of different girls. Find out what you like and what you don't like.

I'm only 19; do you think I'm trying to get married? I just want a cute girl who's fun to be around and good in the sack. These are not uncommon characteristics in the female population.

So, just have fun, and stop dwelling. It does little good.

[RayCav of ASVS]

I'm going to be very frank with you.

Get over it. It's not that big a deal. It seems like it is right now, but there's always another girl. You're probably thinking, "Man, I'll never find another girl as good for me as she was..." Trust me, you're completely wrong. I thought the same thing, and then someone who was probably even better for me came along. Since then, I've met plenty of girls who I could easily date/have dated.

Stop trying to fall in love your first time out. You're in high school. Just try to have fun. I've found that it's just a huge mistake to try and find your soulmate at such a young age, because at this point, you don't even know what you want. Go out with a variety of different girls. Find out what you like and what you don't like.

I'm only 19; do you think I'm trying to get married? I just want a cute girl who's fun to be around and good in the sack. These are not uncommon characteristics in the female population.

So, just have fun, and stop dwelling. It does little good.

thread bump!

[Eleas]

thread bump!

Ray, I've been avoiding this thread and your self-pity long enough, so I'll answer it now: THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BUMP THIS TREAD.

Instead, you might want to address advice given to you by denizens whose post count doesn't mean they've hit the "reply" button five thousand times without adding meaningful content.

I'm sorry if this offends you, I really am. But it looks to me like you're just holding up your private life for scrutiny, which seems somewhat perverse in an exhibitionistic sense.

If you hate your life, do something about it. At the very least, please acknowledge the existence of people trying to help you. Doing otherwise is just bad form, IMHO.

[Cpt_Frank]

Naah Ray's just bumping around like he's got no brains because he wants to become a Jedi Knight as fast as possible.

[Eleas]

Naah Ray's just bumping around like he's got no brains because he wants to become a Jedi Knight as fast as possible.

Which invalidates the whole point of post count in the first place. What a moron.

[beyond hope]

DANGER! PERSONAL STORY AHEAD!

With that disclaimer out of the way, here's my story: I was a virgin until I was 20 (spare me the jokes, I've heard them all.) I threw myself into the first relationship that came along, assuming this was "it," and got badly hurt for it. I had a nervous breakdown from that: I got into another relationship within a few months because I couldn't handle being alone after being part of a couple for 4 years: that ended with me being hit on several occasions and lit on fire once. So, I swore off dating.

3 years later: someone I chat with strikes up a conversation with me out of boredom. We discover we enjoy talking to each other, and start talking regularly. From there we exchanged photos. From there, phone numbers. At this point we've been talking together almost a year and I'm planning to move a *very* long distance so the two of us can be together. All because we started talking with nothing in mine other than finding someone interesting to talk to.

Like RayCav said, you're young yet: what I wanted when I was 20 is not what I want now at 27. Relax, and focus on yourself. If you're not happy with who you are, figure out why and then do something about it. Dating won't make you happy if you're not now, you'll just be insecure with company (and you'll be likely to attract someone with just as many problems with their own self-esteem.)

Of course, I'm going to go see Star Trek: Nemesis, so I might not be the most rational source of advice.

[RayCav of ASVS]

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Ray, I've been avoiding this thread and your self-pity long enough, so I'll answer it now: THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BUMP THIS TREAD.

YES THERE IS, ITS CALLED POST INFLATION!

[RayCav of ASVS]

thread bump!

Ray, I've been avoiding this thread and your self-pity long enough, so I'll answer it now: THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BUMP THIS TREAD.

Instead, you might want to address advice given to you by denizens whose post count doesn't mean they've hit the "reply" button five thousand times without adding meaningful content.

I'm sorry if this offends you, I really am. But it looks to me like you're just holding up your private life for scrutiny, which seems somewhat perverse in an exhibitionistic sense.

If you hate your life, do something about it. At the very least, please acknowledge the existence of people trying to help you. Doing otherwise is just bad form, IMHO.

Sorry, it's just that since I'm really obessive about this topic, I enjoy other people talking about it. I guess it's my way of screaming for attention. Also, I have this paranoid thing where I think I need the advice of everyone before making a decision, even if everyone repeats the same opinion.

Besides, post inflation - it's the way of the future!

[RayCav of ASVS]

Naah Ray's just bumping around like he's got no brains because he wants to become a Jedi Knight as fast as possible.

Which invalidates the whole point of post count in the first place. What a moron.

Gee, thanks

Soon, however, I will surpass you and then YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY AMAZING JEDI POWERS!

[Sothis]

So far, every girl I've liked has been unavailable to me for some reason or another, which has slowly sapped my confidence with relationships to the point where there are times I don't believe I'll ever find love. I have one last throw of the dice with love, which will come in November, when I go to Virginia to meet a girl I know out there, and have known for 2 years. If it works, then I'll be the happiest guy in the world, because to me, she's the most outgoing, loving, bubbly and happy person I know. If she has even half the personality in real life that she has in our net conversations, she'll be the one for me.

If it doesn't work, I just don't see where romance will come from. I'll probably dig myself in for a life alone.

[RayCav of ASVS]

So far, every girl I've liked has been unavailable to me for some reason or another, which has slowly sapped my confidence with relationships to the point where there are times I don't believe I'll ever find love. I have one last throw of the dice with love, which will come in November, when I go to Virginia to meet a girl I know out there, and have known for 2 years. If it works, then I'll be the happiest guy in the world, because to me, she's the most outgoing, loving, bubbly and happy person I know. If she has even half the personality in real life that she has in our net conversations, she'll be the one for me.

If it doesn't work, I just don't see where romance will come from. I'll probably dig myself in for a life alone.

Yeah, that's a lot like my situation, if not exactly.

[Eleas]

Naah Ray's just bumping around like he's got no brains because he wants to become a Jedi Knight as fast as possible.

Which invalidates the whole point of post count in the first place. What a moron.

Gee, thanks

Soon, however, I will surpass you and then YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY AMAZING JEDI POWERS!

Ok, admittedly I got a bit too testy there.

Still - when I make Knight, I'll take comfort in the fact that every one of my posts advanced a point. That is my self-imposed minimal requirement for posting.

[RayCav of ASVS]

Which invalidates the whole point of post count in the first place. What a moron.

Gee, thanks

Soon, however, I will surpass you and then YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY AMAZING JEDI POWERS!

Ok, admittedly I got a bit too testy there.

Still - when I make Knight, I'll take comfort in the fact that every one of my posts advanced a point. That is my self-imposed minimal requirement for posting.

Yeah, sure

Actually I should mention that I'm training to be a SITH LORD, and maximum useless posts is the quickest path to my goal:)

[RayCav of ASVS]

should I start dating at every opportunity I have, or should I wait and hold out? Any other advice, namely for dating?

[Eleas]

Yeah, sure

Actually I should mention that I'm training to be a SITH LORD, and maximum useless posts is the quickest path to my goal:)

As you can see, my post count is far beyond yours. Now, back down... and post sensibly. Please? *force lightning curling at fingertips*

should I start dating at every opportunity I have, or should I wait and hold out? Any other advice, namely for dating?

Look at it this way - would you be interested in anything if the person who wanted to introduce it was a fanatic? Of course not. And it's the same to get a girl interested in you. You simply have to be casual about it, not hysterical. And not just acting. You have to learn to not care quite so much about it.

Assuming you're not grossly deformed, the day you can go to a bar full of beautiful girls and just have a blast without their approval, they will start coming.

[Master of Ossus]

Yeah, sure

Actually I should mention that I'm training to be a SITH LORD, and maximum useless posts is the quickest path to my goal:)

As you can see, my post count is far beyond yours. Now, back down... and post sensibly. Please? *force lightning curling at fingertips*

Both of you shut up.

[Eleas]

Both of you shut up.

Apologies. That last post was a joke, but worded poorly.

[RayCav of ASVS]

Yeah, sure

Actually I should mention that I'm training to be a SITH LORD, and maximum useless posts is the quickest path to my goal:)

As you can see, my post count is far beyond yours. Now, back down... and post sensibly. Please? *force lightning curling at fingertips*

*fights back with force throw - see Dooku*

[RayCav of ASVS]

Yeah, sure

Actually I should mention that I'm training to be a SITH LORD, and maximum useless posts is the quickest path to my goal:)

As you can see, my post count is far beyond yours. Now, back down... and post sensibly. Please? *force lightning curling at fingertips*

Both of you shut up.

Ummm, opps. Ignore my above post then

[Vympel]

I did type hastily the other night, Lord Wong was right in the sense that someone you care about a lot can make you feel really good if they feel the same way- or bring you down into the doldrums if she's a bitch

But yeah Raycav, damn you're only in high school- don't let it get to you, if you let it affect you so much it will basically WRECK your confidence.

I don't know dude - go to the gym! *shrugs*

When I lost all my excess weight I just went from fat to slim, not very muscular (though I did get a lot more positive comments heheheh) so I started going to the gym last year- now that I finally have my own vehicle I can go more often- i found that that helped, especially when I had nothing to do- its a fantastic feeling knowing that you're tired from honestly working the crap out of yourself.

BUT

general piece of advice- girls don't like TOO much muscle, in general. If you go overboard and turn yourself into a Conan or Goldberg massive necked FREAK, you will turn girls off, rather than on. Some girls even hate the six-pack! (shock horror!)

[RayCav of ASVS]

I did type hastily the other night, Lord Wong was right in the sense that someone you care about a lot can make you feel really good if they feel the same way- or bring you down into the doldrums if she's a bitch

But yeah Raycav, damn you're only in high school- don't let it get to you, if you let it affect you so much it will basically WRECK your confidence.

I don't know dude - go to the gym! *shrugs*

When I lost all my excess weight I just went from fat to slim, not very muscular (though I did get a lot more positive comments heheheh) so I started going to the gym last year- now that I finally have my own vehicle I can go more often- i found that that helped, especially when I had nothing to do- its a fantastic feeling knowing that you're tired from honestly working the crap out of yourself.

BUT

general piece of advice- girls don't like TOO much muscle, in general. If you go overboard and turn yourself into a Conan or Goldberg massive necked FREAK, you will turn girls off, rather than on. Some girls even hate the six-pack! (shock horror!)

Hmmm, what if I become obcenely rich?

Or simply take over the world?

[Comrade Yuri]

Or simply take over the world?

I'm afraid it won't be that simple, Comrade! You see, there is but one thing prevent you from complete global domination...ME! You stand no chance against the mighty psychic powers, and mighty psychic armies, of Comrade Yuri!