Enterprise Rewrite

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Enterprise Rewrite

Post by Knife » 2006-12-04 10:17pm

Think I put this up in the WG a while back, but a recent thread in PST makes me wanna stick it here, if only for a linking reference for that thread.


It’s been a long, long road, getting from there to here…

There was a loud crash, a screech of metal on rock that drowned out the last traces of the sonic boom the now wrecked ship made as it entered the atmosphere of Earth moments ago. The spaceship burrowed itself into the black dirt, throwing corn stalks in every direction until the vessel came to rest only a couple hundred meters from farmer Moore’s small house.

The old man had farmed the land as his father did and his father before him and never before has such a thing happened in Broken Bow, Oklahoma. Farmer Moore surveyed his land that had been torn up in the crash from the relative height of his porch. A dark, angry scar ran across one of his corn fields. The fresh dirt in twin mounds along a deep groove ran in a straight line for almost a mile.

At the end of the slide out, a tiny bit of gleaming metal could be seen sticking out of a large, fresh mountain of earth. The old man left the safety of his house to get a better look at the ship. He thought about going back inside and using the telecomm. to phone for help, surely the pilots inside were injured, but for some reason he would never be able to remember, the farmer decided to inspect the ship first. Something about it just wasn’t right.

Careful not to get to close to where he thought the engines were, even a simple farmer knew you could get burned or worse from a starship engine, Moore crept along the impact crater to the exposed part of the ship. It was then, he thought, that he realized that the ship was not human. The hull of the ship was a dull green and the old farmer wasn’t sure if it was paint or just the natural shade of the metal that made it so.

There was a small explosion of dirt and a deep hissing sound and poor old Moore just about jumped out of his skin, to say nothing of his overalls. He spun around at the noise and could make out a hatch that had opened just under the dirt. Slowly he made his way to this new mystery, slightly crouched.

He moved up next to the small circular opening and peered inside. Vulcan’s, he thought immediately. Some bright green goo had splattered about in the interior from an unknown source but the old man was certain it was blood. Even an old Earth farmer knew the Vulcan’s had green blood.

All the pieces came together in the farmers mind. The odd looking ship, the green metal and the alien mess inside all seemed to him that this was a Vulcan ship that had crashed on his land. He took his hat off in respect to the dead aliens inside and shook his head before turning around to head back to his house and the telecomm.

Chapter 1
Launch Day

Captain Jonathan Archer adjusted his cap to shield his eyes from the glare coming off of the metal hull that was suspended two hundred meters off of the ground. The spherical shaped piece was but one of many parts that would eventually make a brand new starship. Made one piece at a time here, at one of the many ship yards on the surface, the finished parts were then run up to space using the various space elevators present at the construction site and completed in spacedock.

But the simple explanation did not do it justice, of watching the unfinished and partially unfitted globe of a starship be suspended off the ground and slowly hoisted into space. From where Archer stood, he could see the smooth metal of the hull, not yet fitted with all that would be needed to make her space worthy. He could see the gapping hole in the lower portion of the sphere that was the shuttle bay, its door not yet installed. The open bay that would house an impulse engine, the now empty connectors and hard points that the secondary hull would attach to. And on top of the hull, a small domed like structure that was the bridge. Inside that bridge, Archer knew, was its captain. It was some what of a tradition now, that the first captain of a new ship would ride the primary hull up the elevator into spacedock.

Archer himself did the ritual almost a year ago. Captain Jonathan Archer was the skipper of the UES Enterprise, one of the new NX-25’s that were coming out of the yards for the last few years. Commanding one was an honor that most starship captains could only dream of and would pay a dear price to do.

But, as Archer watched the slow accent of the new hull, Jon’s musing of his honor at being a captain of these proud ships was more complicated. Waiting up in the space dock for this new hull was the heart and soul of the ship. It’s warp engine and assorted secondary systems would be installed and make that spherical hull able to travel amongst the stars.

That engine, and every engine in an NX series ship, was created by Jon’s father. The vaunted Warp-5 engine. The one that allowed mankind to reach out past the half a dozen stars in Earths immediate neighborhood and truly explore space. For almost a centaury, mankind had limped through the local cluster using Cochrane’s first warp engine. It had allowed man to colonize a handful of planets but the engine could only go so fast and that limited man to very few planetary systems.

The people of Earth knew it was possible to go faster, to explore further. After all, the Vulcans do it. But Vulcans were part of the problem, when it came to Archer’s political views. Simply put, Jon thought the Vulcans were holding Earth back.

Since First Contact with the Vulcans, the same day Cochrane tested his warp drive, their alien friends had helped mankind recover from the devastations of the last World War. But, it seemed, the long lived Vulcans thought it was better if humans stayed close to their home. Better if the humans didn’t explore the dangers of space. To that end, they refused to give or help Earthlings develop a better warp drive.

But that all changes twenty years ago when Jon’s father had started developing the Warp-5 engine with out Vulcan help. Earth, Jon thought, was doing it all by themselves but still the Vulcans used their considerable influence to delay the project. Not only would their ‘friends’ not help them to explore further but they would interfere if the humans did it themselves.

Despite the Vulcan nay-saying, the Warp-5 project eventually went forward and the NX series of ships were born. The NX-1 broke the warp 5 barrier and her three sister ships pushed back the darkness of space outside of human boarders. The NX-5 followed on as an Earth starship capable of both exploration and defense, mostly from Nausicaan pirates that preyed on slow Earth freighters.

Then, in 2156 the NX-25 was unveiled. Probably the last starship design that will incorporate the Archer-type warpdrive, with the coming development of the Daedalus class ships, the NX-25 was large and powerful. Deemed a true Cruiser. Fast and with long legs, the NX-25 could not only transverse the space that Earth claimed, she could travel outside of recognized boarders and explore.

Jon didn’t know how long he stood there daydreaming and watching the unfinished hull of the UES Nimitz creep ever so slowly towards space until a hand grasped his shoulder in welcome.

“Hard to ever get bored with that sight, isn’t Jon?” Asked Admiral Leonard.

The gruff old man had be a close friend of Jon’s father and a good friend to Jon as well. Archer didn’t know if he would have made Captain of the Enterprise with out Leonard’s sponsorship.

“No sir. It is an amazing sight every time. I would have stood here and watch all ten of them go up if I could have.” He responded to the Admiral.

Leonard smiled, “I’ve watched eight of the ten and I plan on watching a few more. How ever, I didn’t have my own waiting up in space dock almost ready to go. Shouldn’t you be up there with her?”

Archer adjusted his cap again, “I’ve got an outbound flight later this afternoon, Admiral. I’ll have Enterprise ready to go on time tomorrow.” He looked into Leonard’s eyes then, sensing something the Admiral was keeping from him. “What?” He finally asked.

A devilish grin came across the old man’s face then, “Then she’ll be just in time for a new mystery to explore.” He said cryptically. “Come with me, I have something to show you.”


Space Navy Research Labs was an old complex of buildings that were placed out in the middle of no where. Some say the lab dated back before the last World War, but no one knew for sure. The complex was kept up to date though and well maintained. Inside the buildings some of the most exciting new technologies were being explored. Jon’s father had worked out here in the New Mexico desert on his warp engine so Jon knew the area well as the Admirals skiff circled it before landing.

“A little early for a refit, don’t you think Admiral?” Asked Jon as he exited the small craft and followed Admiral Leonard into a large hangar.

The old man said nothing, just smiled even larger as he led Archer down a series of corridors. It didn’t escape Jon that ever so slowly he saw more and more MACO’s lining the halls. The MACO’s were Space Navy’s marine force, trained in combat and weapons, they were stationed as guards and armed reconnaissance for Fleet ships and facilities.

Jon Archer followed Admiral Leonard until they came to a security desk with two more MACO’s. A large man dressed in the black fatigues of the marines asked for ID and Admiral Leonard flashed his credentials before the guard would allow him and Jon to continue.

Inside the room was dim. It looked like a medical viewing room and Archer soon found that first impression was right. One whole wall on the far side of the room was dominated by a large window; the room on the other side was brightly lit so Archer figured the glass was one-way allowing those in this room to gaze upon what ever was in the other room with out being seen.

He glanced at Leonard and the Admiral gestured him to go take a look. Jon approached the window and saw the other room was some sort of medical lab. Various pieces of equipment beeped and hummed around a hospital like bed. On the bed was what looked like the remains of a Vulcan.

“His ship crashed in Oklahoma two days ago. A ship we didn’t recognize. He’s Vulcan though so we don’t know if the Vulcan’s were testing some new ship near us or that we just haven’t ever seen his ship before.” Explained the Admiral.

Before Jon could turn around and get another look at the dead alien, the lights of the room abruptly turned on and everyone in the room was blinded for a moment. When Jon’s vision was restored, he saw the tall form of the Vulcan Ambassador walk into the room. Trailing behind him was two of Earth’s Senators, one of which started speaking.

“At the request of the Vulcan Ambassador’s office, the Earth government is turning over the remains of their pilot and what is left of their ship. Please, for respect of the dead, I ask everyone to leave so that the Vulcan’s can take custody of their citizens.”

Jon was watching Ambassador Soval while the Senator spoke. Not a trace of emotion flickered across his face, even as the Earth official mentioned the death of one of his people. Vulcans were supposed to be devoid of emotion, though not naturally. They had spent a long time removing emotion and replacing it with logic in their society, but Archer had always felt that they never figured out how to get rid of arrogance. The one true emotion for Vulcans, as far as Jon was concerned.

Admiral Leonard led Jon back out of the room and through new corridors until they came into a conference room. “Well, that was close. I expected that sooner but I’m glad you got a look. What do you think Jon?”

Confusion came across Jon’s face, “About what, Admiral? I mean everyone knows what I think about Vulcans but that doesn’t mean I like seeing dead ones.”

Leonard chuckled to himself, “No, no. That’s not what I mean. We have had two days to go over the ship and what is left of the crew. Like I said before, the dead pilot was Vulcan. But the weird ship had us confused, as did some of the data we pulled off of the computers and other equipment.” He sat in one of the chairs, “We found a couple of star-charts. Star-charts that don’t match anything we’ve seen. In fact most of the charts are from a chunk of space on the other side of Earth, away from Vulcan.”

Jon didn’t know what to say about that and Admiral Leonard saw it in his eyes. “We’re not sure Jon, what it means. But we have some star-charts and the Admiralty would like you to use them to explore out in that direction. The furthest we’ve been out in that direction is Epsilon XIII and that’s only twenty or so light years out. Take Enterprise and the star-charts and see what’s out that way, Jon.”

A twinkle came into Jon’s eyes then, “Yes sir.”


The next afternoon there was a celebration in space. The space dock that held the Enterprisewas brightly lit, the navigations lights blinking on and off in a full spectrum of color. Crowded inside of the dock, jockeying for a position to gaze out of the large windows, stood hundreds of UE Space Navy personnel, hundreds of construction workers and a scattering of United Earth representatives.

Most were cheering and talking energetically about the soon to be launched ship. Her graceful lines and powerful engines. Some were sharing various stories they had while constructing the vast ship; others were there only because it was expected of them.

But onboard, it was all business. Crewmen and officers checked and rechecked systems and ran diagnostics preparing the ship for her launch. Truth be told, the Enterprise had already logged in over ten million miles in various ‘hops’ around the Sol System, but this was the real deal. The official launch of their ship that they’d spent the last year shaking down.

No one had worked harder during that last year than Captain Archer but for the last eighteen hours, the fine details of the Enterprise didn’t interest him as much as the star charts and data schematics he’d received from Admiral Leonard.

Sitting in his quarters, letting the crew do what he trained them to do, the Captain had been pouring over the images and information provided him. He correlated the maps with Earths own meager knowledge of the area, poured over the design and limited information that the scientists at New Mexico had gleaned from the new ship that crashed in Broken Bow.

A soft beeping alarm went off and Archer leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes and then looked at the clock. 1400. ‘Well,’ He thought. ‘Can’t put it off any more.’

He gathered his data pads and took a moment to straighten out his uniform before he headed to his bridge. It was a short walk, though. Through necessity, the Captains quarters and office was in the aft quarter of the third deck, next to the turbolifts that could have him on the bridge in seconds in case of an emergency.

During those quick seconds on the lift, he took a deep breath and readied himself for his moment. For his crew’s moment in the limelight.

“Captain on the bridge.” Announced Commander Elizabeth Tulley. The long, dark hair beauty was the XO of the Enterprise. She was young for her rank, being in her mid thirties, and most people dismissed her abilities, preferring to focus on either her good looks or the fact that she hails from a powerful political family.

Those that did dismiss her on those grounds usually didn’t see the fire burning in Commander Tul’s dark brown eyes. There was an intensity there; an iron will that just radiated out of the woman. While most people thought she had gotten to the rank and position she had because of her father, the truth was that the woman worked her proverbial fingers to the bone to achieve her status.

She had even gone out of her way to refuse a promotion, perceiving it as a political gift from powerful friends of her father. And while that refusal to be promoted to captain would probably hurt her chances when her time did come, it did not trouble her one bit that she did it.

It was one of the things that Archer liked about Commander Tul, as everyone called her when she was not listening. She was a hard, competent woman with a good head on her shoulders and willing to make tough decisions. She was the perfect officer for the job of Executive Officer of the Enterprise.

Her deep eyes followed Jon as he exited the lift and moved towards the aft navigational display, motioning for Commander Tul to follow him. Elizabeth ordered the crew to go about their business and moved to follow her captain.

The soft buzz of people and equipment resumed on the bridge, the circular shaped compartment that contained a majority of the ships command and control systems, and crewmen continued their assigned tasks. The exposed bulkheads were white colored, assuring the lighting of the bridge was always bright, and various consoles lined the port and starboard bulkheads with a massive screen dominated the front of the room.

The middle of the room was sunk down roughly half a meter and here were three more stations, one large towards the front where the helm was and the navigation stations towards the rear. Splitting the rear stations was a small extension of the upper floor, level with the rest of the bridge, where the Captain’s station was.

Archer moved past the small chair that was his and instead leaned on one of the railings along the side of his station and looked down into the ‘pit’ where the Helm Officer, Lt. Mayweather was discussing some navigation data with one of the crewmen.

“Lt, if I could have a moment of your time?” Asked the Captain just as Commander Tul came up to Archer.

The young helmsman responded, “Aye, Captain.” And moved towards the small stair that would get him level with Archer. His young, fit body vaulting up the stairs with ease. Mayweather had been born on an Earth space freighter, grew up in them and Archer thought the young man would probably die on one after his stint in the Navy.

The bright smile on the dark skinned face was nothing but enthusiastic as he reported to his captain and Archer didn’t waste time and cut straight to the point.

“We’re changing plans, Lt. Start making preparations to head for Epsilon XIII. I’d like to be there in less than two months, if we can. Admiralty wants us to take a look against the spin instead of rim ward.” He said.

The smile on Mayweather’s face never dimmed, “Aye sir. Epsilon it is.” He turned and headed back to his station and Archer waited until he was engrossed with his duty before turning to his XO.

“Epsilon, Captain?” She asked, a curiosity showing through the fiery spirit in her eyes.

Archer plugged one of his data pads into his station and pulled up the stolen star chart, “The Admiralty got this map off of a crashed Vulcan ship. It doesn’t match any star chart we’ve ever seen from them, nor does the ship match anything we’ve seen.”

Commander Tul smirked, “Is the Admiralty worried about a Great Vulcan Conspiracy?”

Jon almost laughed in spite of himself, “They don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was. But, I’ve already spent a lot of time rim-ward. I’ve been to Vulcan and such. I don’t mind if Command wants us to take a look in the other direction, do you?”

“Not at all sir.” She said as a matter of fact.

“Very well, Commander. Let’s get this show on the road.” He said indicating that she should take her station.

Archer sat in his command chair and glanced around his bridge looking at each man and woman, making sure all was in order waiting for the scheduled time to go just a few moments away.

Lt. Hoshi Sato turned from her station then and addressed the Captain, “Sir, signal from space dock. We are clear for departure.”

Archer started his checklist, “Helm, status?” He asked in a loud, official voice.

Lt. Mayweather responded, “Course laid in, Captain. Navigation and Helm are ready.”

Archer turned to his right, “Commander Reed, status?”

The slim man responded with a British accent, “Weapons stowed and ready, Captain.”

The Captain turned to Lt. Sato, “Communications?”

“Ready, Captain.” She responded, her voice almost trembling with the excitement of the moment.

Jon Archer turned to Commander Tul, “XO?”

Elizabeth Tulley stood ramrod straight and announced, “Sir, the Enterprise reports ready. Standing by to slip moorings.”

“Very well, Lt Sato, signal space dock and acknowledge that Enterprise is departing. Commander Tulley, set the watch and clear moorings.” He glanced down to the helm, “Lt. Mayweather, take us out.”

Chapter 2
The Andorian Incident

“Captains Log, April 5th, 2157. Captain Jonathon Archer reporting.” He said into the microphone built into his command chair.

“The Enterprise is three weeks out of Epsilon XIII and I think that the crew has finally settled into a routine since leaving Earth three months ago. It has been easy going and we’ve encountered no problems, minus a few incidents on shore leave at Centauri.

I estimate that we have roughly three months to explore in this general direction before we must return to Earth space for replenishment, I intend to make the most of it. According to the star charts we ‘borrowed’, there is an habitable planet in a star system seven light years from the Epsilon system. The Enterprise should arrive there with in the hour. If we don’t encounter anything to amazing, we planned to deploy our first sub-space transceiver. Already our communications with Epsilon have lagged far enough that we only send data instead of voice communications. With the first ‘Echo Star’ in place, we should be able to converse with them again.” Jon said, then glancing at his watch, he turned the recording unit down.

“I’ll finish that later.” He muttered to himself.

Tis as far as I got with the idea...but.....
They say, "the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." I suppose it never occurred to them that they are the tyrants, not the patriots. Those weapons are not being used to fight some kind of tyranny; they are bringing them to an event where people are getting together to talk. -Mike Wong

But as far as board culture in general, I do think that young male overaggression is a contributing factor to the general atmosphere of hostility. It's not SOS and the Mess throwing hand grenades all over the forum- Red

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Post by ElPintoGrande » 2006-12-04 10:38pm

Sounds pretty good so far, I like the direction that you're going away from the show while keeping with the characters and main idea. I'm going to take a stab and say that the dead 'Vulcan' fellow was a Romulan. I hope you continue this, it has alot of promise. Hell, you could very easily make it better than the actual show! Which isn't a long shot for alot of it.
Yay! Midget Toss!

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Post by HSRTG » 2006-12-05 12:01am

Your other stuff is good, this ought to do just as well. More as soon as convenience allows please.
Kill one man, you're a murderer. Kill a million, a king. Kill them all, a god. - Anonymous

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