MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

Moderator: Edi

User avatar
CUE
Redshirt
Posts: 5
Joined: 2011-07-12 10:13pm

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by CUE » 2019-12-27 03:12pm

FaxModem1 wrote:
2019-12-23 09:36pm
I've gotten to know the homeless at my job. Since I'm security, I HAVE to get them to leave. More often than not, it's just a polite conversation. You get really good at listening to their personal histories, when more often than not, I get lost in what they're talking about.
Good on you... More often than not people just like being heard.
Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

User avatar
Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 6980
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2019-12-31 01:01am

The homeless are a valuable asset. They have a lot of time on their hands, and will work for a sandwich or a safe place to sleep. Never discount them. They are your friends and allies.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

User avatar
Solauren
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 8576
Joined: 2003-05-11 09:41pm

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Solauren » 2020-01-01 09:38am

It wouldn't surprise me to learn that larger properties had areas set up homeless can crash in during bad weather, provided they keep the area clean and safe, and help out when they can.
\

User avatar
Elheru Aran
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 12899
Joined: 2004-03-04 01:15am
Location: Georgia

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Elheru Aran » 2020-01-02 08:38am

Solauren wrote:
2020-01-01 09:38am
It wouldn't surprise me to learn that larger properties had areas set up homeless can crash in during bad weather, provided they keep the area clean and safe, and help out when they can.
Depends strongly upon the property and how generous the landlords are...
It's a strange world. Let's keep it that way.

User avatar
FaxModem1
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 7686
Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
Location: In a dark reflection of a better world

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by FaxModem1 » 2020-01-11 08:48pm

It snowed today, which is rare in North Texas. So I had to direct some homeless people away from the building. One of them was this middle aged woman, who was convinced that I was her nephew and started spouting celebrity names at random.

Woman: "How old are you?"
Fax: "33"
Woman: "Do you recognize me? I think I'm your aunt."
Fax: "I don't think so."
Woman: "Dennis Hopper. Denis Leary. Where am I? Katie Homes, Kathy Griffin."
Fax: "Let's get you somewhere warm, okay? There's a Jack in the Box over here, and I'll get you some food."
Image

User avatar
Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 6980
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2020-01-29 11:01am

I was friendly with an incredibly organized group of technically homeless people in Denver, the Invisibles. I dated one of them for a while. They're crazy, but not necessarily incompetent.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

User avatar
FaxModem1
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 7686
Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
Location: In a dark reflection of a better world

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by FaxModem1 » 2020-02-10 11:26pm

Previous Shift Supervisor: "Hey, there's a leak here. Would you mind reporting it during your shift?"

Me: (looks at watch, it's 30 minutes until my shift): "Sure, why don't you want to report it during your shift?"

PSS: "Man, I have been way too busy training this person."(Both are sitting around doing nothing. )

Me: "Okay, do you want to train her on how to do it?"

PSS: "Nah, man."

Me: "You know how to do it, right?"

PSS: " Of course. Will you do it?"

Me: "(resigned) Sure.

5 minutes later:

PSS: "Hey Fax, show me how to do it."
Image

User avatar
aerius
Charismatic Cult Leader
Posts: 14642
Joined: 2002-08-18 07:27pm
Location: YHM

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by aerius » 2020-02-27 11:26pm

Co-worker: My kids keep saying they hate me and it's starting to piss me off

Me: Have you tried marijuana?

Co-worker: Is that how you deal with your kids?

Me: No. But you should try marijuana

Co-worker: Me or the kids?

Me: Yes.
Image
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. :)
Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either. :P

User avatar
FaxModem1
Emperor's Hand
Posts: 7686
Joined: 2002-10-30 06:40pm
Location: In a dark reflection of a better world

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by FaxModem1 » 2020-04-29 02:18am

*Checking elevator intercoms at work*

Fax: Hey, how's your night going?
Elevator Intercom Lady: (sighs) It's going all right.
Fax: Oh, are you having a bad day?
EIL: Oh no, it's not bad, it's my birthday.
Fax: Congratulations. Happy Birthday. How are you celebrating it?
EIL: Quarantine and cake.
Fax: Oh.....right. Well, I hope it's a good day. I'll talk to you soon.

(at the last elevator check for the night, which is typically where I just wish her a good night and we talk to each other the next time I do them.

EIL: (Company name) How can I help you?
Fax: (sings 'Happy birthday to you' in slow Ratpack lounge style)
EIL: laughs. Thank you.
Fax: See you next time.
Image

User avatar
InsaneTD
Jedi Knight
Posts: 651
Joined: 2010-07-13 12:10am
Location: South Australia

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by InsaneTD » 2020-04-29 11:29pm

That was good of you.

User avatar
Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 6980
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2020-05-12 06:54pm

UBER DRIVER: I filed my unemployment claim six weeks ago, and I still haven't gotten my money!

BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So it says here that you worked for Uber until a Pandemic-related layoff... Did you do something for them other than drive?

UBER DRIVER: No, I'm a driver. I worked over forty hours a week until all the restaurants closed and I stopped making enough.

BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So you weren't actually laid off, you just decided going to work wasn't worth it?

UBER DRIVER: [after much hemming and hawing, grudgingly agrees]

BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: So your statement that you were laid off was not in the strict sense accurate? You checked the box that says you acknowledge that providing a false statement to obtain benefits carries severe legal penalties.

UBER DRIVER: What do you mean, false!? I can't live on $25/day!

BITTER FORMER TAXI DRIVER: I'm sorry, but you've reached the Department of Unemployment, not the Department of I Don't Want to Work Unless I Make More...

MY SUPERVISOR: [virtual office chat] LMAO

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

User avatar
Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 6980
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2020-05-17 08:54pm

ME: Thank you for calling the Division of Employment Security Helpline. How can I help you?

TRAVEL AGENT: Uh, yeah, hi. I'm wondering about the status of my claim, it's been three weeks...

ME: Sure, let me get your Social Security Number and I'll take a look.

TRAVEL AGENT: Okay, it's XXX-XX-XXXX.

ME: One moment please... Right, are you [FIRSTNAME] Corona, of [TOWN?]

TRAVEL AGENT: Uh-huh.

ME: Get a lot of jokes about that lately?

TRAVEL AGENT: [sigh] Yeah.

ME: I bet. I won't dogpile you, I'll just do a search for any outstanding issues and we can - A-HA! It says here that YOU started the plague! I knew it! No wonder your benefits are denied!

TRAVEL AGENT: [laughs] You got me. It was supposed to be a harmless prank, until it got out of hand on my vacation to China.

ME: Hey, gotta get The Wall for your Instagram, right?

TRAVEL AGENT: Of course! [long pause] My claim isn't really denied, is it?

ME: Nope, just a pending resolution on your elegibility. I can't fix that, but hey, at least I've got jokes!

TRAVEL AGENT: Super.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

User avatar
Raw Shark
Stunt Driver / Babysitter
Posts: 6980
Joined: 2005-11-24 09:35am
Location: One Mile Up

Re: MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Raw Shark » 2020-05-24 06:04pm

ME: Okay, next up are the demographic questions. "Other" and "Choose not to answer" are valid for most of these.

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Okay.

ME: First off, what is your gender?

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: Now what kind of question is that!?

ME: I have to ask all of them as-written. Should I put "Choose not to answer?"

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: I am a LADY!

ME: Female, got it. Next, what is your race?

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: White.

ME: Okay. Are you also Hispanic or Latino?

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: *condescending snort* No, my ancestors are European.

ME: Spain is in Europe, ma'am.

OLD SOUTHERN LADY: ...well, I guess you've got me there.

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Y'know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! Y'know, I just do things..." --The Joker

Post Reply