Chapter 6: I Blame the Sea of Stars
Janeway was running out of time, the decaying in Harry’s supple Asian cells had already begun in earnest and it wouldn’t be too long before he was completely useless to her. She felt his body, touching it as lightly as possible. “Good, he’s still warm…” she said to herself. The Captain activated her communicator and placed it on Harry’s lifeless body before grabbing a mysterious cylinder from her closet and rushing out of her quarters to the nearest transporter, making sure the lock on her door was activated as well. The plan to restore Harry Kim without anyone noticing wouldn’t work if somebody found him dead on her ministrations table.
Since there were no transports to be scheduled that day, and none could happen without her authorization, she knew she would have uninterrupted access. The datapad she had grabbed was a secretly obtained transporter pattern buffer with its own internal power source. Stored in the buffer was the pattern of a previous incarnation of one Harry Kim, all she needed to make the copy complete was enough compatible physical matter in order to build her creation.
That was where the lifeless body of Harry Kim the seventh would come in, the dead Harry would be rejuvenated as it was filtered through the transporter pattern buffer and reorganized into a Harry Kim that was a perfect replica in almost every way, save for having no memory of the past few days because the cloned Harry would have never actually experienced that time.
Although she acknowledged her mistake, she was still infuriated that she would have to once again go through with the task of properly training Harry Kim to be a proper subordinate.
At her command, the transporter energized, and nude body of Harry began to materialize on the pad. Despite her stress, Janeway felt a twinge of excitement in her loins as she pulverized scientific ethics to a pulp in order to accomplish the unnatural.
His eyes opened, and Ensign Harry Kim was officially reborn.
“C…Captain? What am I doing in the transporter room?”
Janeway sighed and wiped some perspiration from her forehead. “I’m not sure Ensign but whatever sordid activity you were involved in apparently didn’t involve your clothes.”
The transporter-clone realized his nudity and covered his genitals with his hands, his face blushing terribly. “Oh….Oh shit! I don’t know….I mean…the last thing I remember is coming in here to beam aboard that derelict alien ship looking for salvage.
Harry, in his stupor, failed to notice the Captain’s frown as he tried to retrace his steps. Janeway grit her teeth. She remembered that mission took place well over six months ago, and she had apparently failed to update her “copy” of Harry Kim in the meantime.
“Well, it’s like my father always said. Nobody can distinguish one turd in a large pile of shit, a lie can only be truly buried by more lies.”
“Ensign Kim,” she muttered. “You’re obviously sobering up from one beast of a hangover. Maybe this will teach you not to indulge in lower quality moonshines. I want you to report to sickbay for a full physical immediately followed by a briefing in my quarters afterward, is that understood?”
“Y...y...yes ma’am!” Harry said. “Um, do you think you could beam me back to my quarters?”
“I’m sorry Mr. Kim, but it would be a waste of our transporter resources. You’re just going to have to pray that the halls are empty and that nobody happens to be using the turbolift.”
Sullen, Harry Kim walked out of the room, looking both ways repeatedly before daring to venture out into the hall.
Janeway remained behind for a moment, although she would have liked to follow the nude Ensign and delight in his anxious escape there was much work to be done erasing this incident from the transporter logs. Then there would be the matter of going over the data from Kim’s physical, there was no telling what sort of side effects would occur from using such an old pattern…
“Um, excuse me ma’am, but that’s probably not the best way to reattach the conduit leading to the capacitor.” Ensign Susicivus said as he nervously watched his superior officer, one Belanna Torres, using several feet of extension cord in order to draw power to a capacitor that would help provide emergency power to the engines in case of emergency.
“Hey, fuckin’ relax.” said Torres as she puffed from the doobie hanging out of her mouth. Chakotay had backed off from his previous threats to monitor her activity after his last inspection, ignorance was truly bliss on board the USS Voyager. I know what I’m doing, I used to do this on shuttles all the time, this will save us from having to go through the wiring in the Jeffries tube and cut about thirty or forty hours off our maintenance queue.”
Susicivus was not entirely convinced, but he was too timid too do anything about it. “I..I..see, but you do know that the Matter/Antimatter chambers of an Intrepid class starship carry quite a bit more juice than you think…”
“Oh I get it!” Torres yelled. Is it because I’m a woman? You think I can’t figure shit out because I’m not packing testicles is that it? Or maybe it’s because I’m Klingon! You think we can’t build shit just because we spend more time eating raw meat and not taking showers than we do reading books? Clearly you are racist and misogynist!”
“N…no!” The meek Ensign replied. “I just don’t think this is a good idea!”
“Aw quite you fucking fuck, just for that I’m going to make you plug in the cable.”
“But it’s not….”
“That’s an order jackwad! Do it!”
Too terrified to disobey, and with a squirt of piss ready to moisten the front of his jumpsuit if the verbal abuse continued, Ensign Susicivus plugged the bright orange cord into the socket Torres had crudely added to the warp core of the Voyager. Unfortunately he had been correct in his assumption that the tactic was unsafe and he immediately was incinerated by the energy into a pile of finely charred dust.
Wide eyed, Torres let the joint fall from her mouth.
“Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit…” She started muttering, just then Tom Paris walked by.
“Belanna, what the fuck is that on the floor?”
Looking down at the pile, Belanna was forced to think fast. “Oh…ummm, don’t tell Chakotay but I’ve been smoking down here. I know I’m not supposed to but Janeway gives me the creeps I need to cope.”
Paris titled his head, noticing Belanna’s pot and noted that the pile of ashes, although quite big, was consistent with Torres’ habit. He had fallen for the lie, although given Torres’s proficiency at smoking the ganj, it was a reasonable assumption.
“I won’t say anything, but hey, if you see Ensign Susicivus, can you let him know I’m finished with his Twilight book and his Linkin Park CD? He swore they were both great but they really sucked and I wanted to return them.
”Hmmmmm, so Susicivus is one of those emo douchebags eh? Sounds like his suicide won’t be so far fetched.” Torres thought. “You know Tom he said he was staying in his quarters sick today, he said he was going to go replicate some razorblades, and then something about going down the highway not across the street?”
Tom cringed, as a former sports reporter working the beat in Cleveland, he knew all about self destructive behavior and severe depression. “Maybe I should go find him.”
Belanna nodded as Tom walked off; when he was clearly out of sight she took a very long drag from her joint and cursed profusely in Klingon.
”This one won’t go away so easily, and I can’t falsify all of the ship’s logs completely, looks like I’m going to owe Tuvok ANOTHER goddamn favor…”
Tuvok meanwhile, had a huge pile of work on his desk. While his numerous side businesses, including the Mobile Holo-Emitter Whore business, were performing well enough, there was still the matter of keeping order on board the ship so none of the other senior staff would start looking twice. Firing up the datapad, he started triaging the most serious offenses and accusations.
“Let’s see here, Ensign Bouvier thinks someone is using a transporter to spy on her in the shower…looks like Lieutenant Rowan isn’t being as discrete as he said he would, going to have to smash a kneecap for that. “
“Ensign Morris thinks that someone poisoned his evening meal yesterday, but he ate Neelix’s food so that one’s pretty obvious.”
“Commander Chakotay…” Tuvok didn’t bother to read further. “This one doesn’t appear to be important. Looks like I might be able to take the rest of the day off…wait what the fuck?”
Tuvok scrolled through another report that had him very intrigued. “Ensign Umberto claims to have seen Ensign Harry Kim running nude down the corridor from the transporter rooms into the turbolift.” That caught Tuvok’s eye as suspicious. A quick records check confirmed Tuvok’s suspicion, Ensign Kim had six instances of prior nudity and all of them were within a ten meter radius of Tom Paris. Not surprising given the secrets Tuvok was privy to, but what would Harry Kim be doing nude in the transporter room? The answer was sure to generate some interesting blackmail.
“Computer, what is the current location of Ensign Harry Kim.”
”Harry Kim is currently located in his quarters.”
Hoping to find some evidence as to what was going on, went to the logical next step in any Harry Kim-related investigation. “Computer, perform a biological scan of Harry Kim’s quarters and person, identify any viscous fluids found within.”
”Biological scans of Harry Kim and his quarters are restricted by orders of the Acting Chief Medical Officer.”
Tuvok put his hand to his mouth in a gesture of deep thought. Why would the EMH restrict access to such a routine scan used by the Chief of Security? Federation Privacy Protocols a.k.a “The Patriot Act” were clear in that Security personnel required access to any and all facets of a citizen’s life under any circumstances. Further confusing Tuvok, how would the EMH, even as a rampant AI, restrict anyone’s access to any program given the computer safeguards in place put by Tuvok himself to prevent the doctor from taking over the entire ship’s computer and trying to shut down life support again.
Then the answer came to him, after the debacle that stuck the ship in the Delta Quadrant killed all of the medical personnel, someone had to take over as Chief Medical Officer, and while the senior staff was content to hand off all of the work to the EMH, they were never comfortable giving him actual rights and acknowledging sentiency. Captain Janeway had granted upon herself the role of Acting Chief Medical Officer. Tuvok remembered now, she had claimed the position based on her decision making authority but Tuvok had always suspected she had done so in order to prevent anyone from deeming her mentally unfit to command. Theoretically Chakotay could still do this but he was a bitch.
“So Janeway is covering something up, and that something caused Harry Kim to end up naked in a transporter room. So much for taking the night off, logic dictates I figure this out, and profit from it as obscenely as possible.”
Suddenly, the chime went off from his communicator.
“Paris to Tuvok”
Tuvok cussed under his breath and activated his badge. “This better be important Ms. Paris.”
“I think Ensign Susicivus is going to kill himself! We have to do something!”
It took Tuvok a couple of seconds to recognize the name. “You mean the emo fucker? He says that every fucking week. Besides, you know the Captain’s orders specifically prevent me from interfering with any suicide attempts without her permission. If you really give a shit about this guy I suggest you pass it on to Chakotay.”
With his tube sock firmly in place and his dress belt tightly wrapped around his neck, Chakotay was fully ready to enjoy his one remaining pleasure in life before going to sleep for the night. Unfortunately, just as he had finally managed to achieve an increasingly difficult erection, he was interrupted by a chime.
”Paris to Chakotay”
“Goddamnit.” Chakotay muttered as he looked longingly at the bottle of moonshine on his desk. “This is Chakotay go ahead.”
“I think Ensign Susicivus is going to kill himself! Tuvok told me to refer it to you, probably since you don’t give a shit about following Janeway’s orders.
“As much as I like shoving it in the craw of our dear captain…”
”That’s what she said!” Paris interrupted, much to Chakotay’s chagrin.
“…the suicide order is not one I’m particularly inclined to resist, and the Captain is holed up in her quarters right now and has asked not to be disturbed. Besides that guy always says he’s going to off himself.”
”I know that, but he’s not showing up on any of the ship’s scans! Also one of the two people we have left who are any good at repairing the warp drive.”
“Who is the other?” Chakotay said, irritated that this particularly important bit of trivia had eluded him.
” Belanna of course.” Paris said with no hint of sarcasm whatsover.
Chakotay cringed. Unlike Tom Paris, he knew full well of Torres’s erratic behaviors and deficiencies in complex repairs.
“I’ll see what I can do, Chakotay out.”
The conversation ended, Chakotay looked down, his dick was as lifeless as the belt strapped around his neck. Briefly, he moved his hand over the belt which was wrapped quite comfortably and he considered the idea of just hanging himself in his quarters and ending his nightmare.
“No, I’ll never give her or any of those other fucks that satisfaction!” He said to himself as he stood up, making a straight line towards his bottle of shine.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
Last edited by Darth Fanboy on 2012-01-28 05:39pm, edited 1 time in total.