THE CAPE, Murca
BIFF MCCAIN put aside his teacup. Ever since his time at the Hamoi Hellton, he had developed a taste for the stuff. He had to be careful though, if the MBI guys knew he was into that kind of stuff, they might question his patriotism. Drago and Fax suddenly walked pass him, and BIFF had to act fast and drink all of the hot tea before they knew what it was. It burned BIFF's throat, but it also tasted so good.
He had to hide his filthy secret.
As he choked on the hot tea, another person settled on the couch beside him. It was OHJESUS.
"You lucky mang, you'll be the first one to launch into space, with the rocket between your legs, rocking so hard
, I envy you man." OHJESUS gave him a Jeebus Side Hug.
"Yeah, I just hope those eggheads make it safe. As much as I like riding rockets, we gotta use some protection, y'know?" BIFF MCCAIN replied. He was a bit nervous, and even though he exercised and oiled himself all the time, he still couldn't shake off his worries and insecurities. Sometimes he'd still have flashbacks to Hamoi Hellton. He held himself tightly.
OHJESUS was a religulous man and was something of a chaplain, many of the other astronauts came to him and he'd read the Bibel to them and talk about Jeebus.
"I know, BIFF. I know how you feel. Times are tough, with the Zenobians ahead, and all these base break ins and Fax getting his heart broken," OHJESUS said. "And now the Zenobians are raising hell 'cause of that crazy sub captain, all hell might break lose and we'll be in Salvation War Part Tres!"
"I thought the Salvation War Part Tres was canceled because some Youkrainian kid two-rented it!" BIFF exclaimed.
"Well, the publisher just called, and if shit hits the fan, we'll be seeing Part Tres in the shelves pretty soon," OHJESUS replied.
"That sucks. Two Salvation Wars are enough. I don't want any more of that," BIFF sighed. The Salvation Wars were horrible. The entire planet was devastated by them. They dragged on and on, as though they would never end, and even though it resulted in a one-sided curbstomp on part of the victors, the horrers had still scarred all the survivors. He had seen war too, and wanted none of it again.
"Don't worry, BIFF. We're playing our own part in beating the Zenobians to space. When it comes down to it, all that matters will be our balls, and I'm sure we've got bigger pairs than those shriveled communoids! They're all sapped and impurified with their bodily fluids, not like us, well oiled and greased!" OHJESUS said enthusiastically. "Come on, BIFF. Say it with me. Balls!"
"Balls," BIFF said half-heartedly.
"Come on, louder! Faster!" OHJESUS encouraged. "Balls! Balls! Balls!"
"Balls!" BIFF shouted. He was starting to feel it get hard.
"Even louder! Come on! Louder!"
"BALLS!" BIFF screamed as he started to jump on his couch.
"WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE SATAN MERKATRIGNAMARA OUT TO GET YOU?!" OHJESUS screamed back.
"BALLS SAID LIEUTENANT MIKE WONG!
" BIFF shouted with all his might, convulsing as he did so before collapsing on his couch, exhausted.
"Attaboy!" OHJESUS applauded as he slapped BIFF on his swollen balls.
"Thanks, man," BIFF panted.
"No problem, BIFF. Good luck with your flight." OHJESUS said as he went off to hold a Jeebus Bibel study with some of the other astronauts.