The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel
SCHROMCORP SHAVES SHEP's SHEEP
Shepistani Sheep getting shaved.
"Baaah! Baaah!" cry the sheep of Shepistan as they are led to the shaver.
While it is a widely known fact that Shepistan has the New World's largest population of goats, it is not widely known that Shepistan also has the largest population of sheep in the New World.
SHEEPISTAN
In a landmark trade deal between Shroomania and Shepistan, the Schrom Corporation has negotiated the purchase of innumerable metric tonnages of Shepistani sheep wool. In return, Schrom Corp will weave the wool into overpriced designer clothing - from branded burqas (always in high demand in Shepistan), to lingerie, to obscenely priced tuxedos and to more sensibly priced bulletproof vests - and sell them back to Shepistan, as well as to other countries all over the world. For outrageous fees.
Part of the profits will go to the Shepistani agricultural sector. However, Shepistani farmers have protested that the deal is unfair to their businesses since it only benefits the Shepistani government. Shepistani farmers have also protested Shepistan's mass purchase of 'made in Shroomania' aluminum baseball bats - bats that, like in last year's Japanistani purchase, ended up in the hands of law enforcement personnel.
The Schrom Corporation is also constructing several massive facilities in Shepistan. Equipped with conveyor belts and mechano-pumps, the factories will be able to harvest Shepistani goat milk with minimal human involvement.
This latest development comes after Shepistan saw a rise in crimes violating animal rights.
Despite Shepistan's alleged human rights violations, the nation has been lauded by organizations such as Shroompeace for its progressive legislature promoting animal rights.
"Obviously, many farmers cannot be trusted when they are alone with Shepistan's glorious livestock," the Shepistani Minister of Information said in a recent statement. "Too many incidents have happened where people put their hands, and other parts, in the wrong places. This is why we need these machines."
DOMINION DOUBLE DARE
An udder.
MACMILLAN MOO-MOO MILK
The MacMillan Megacorporation, the Schrom Corporation's rival in more than just the defense sector, has announced its plans to one up its competitor.
While Shepistan is known for its goats (and Shep sheep), the Old Dominion has endless plains full of roaming herds of cattle and buffalo - resources the MacMillan Megacorporation hopes tap.
Despite the fact that recent border conflicts and the trouble over the Fuckland Islands has scared away many foreign investors, MacMillan has followed its rival in doing business in wartorn nations on the brink of mutual annihilation.
While the tender and succulent meat of Old Dominion cattle, particularly when made into world famous Loinstar steak, is known to all meat-eaters, cow's milk is often an overlooked source of vitamins and minerals.
The recent ad campaign with oversized pictures of Shroomanian body builders pouring milk over their bodies while being captioned with the words 'Got Milk' has renewed the global public's thirst for liquid nourishment squeezed out of the teats of bouvines - and MacMillan is quick to answer that demand.
The 'Got Milk' ads have also caused an upsurge in canoe sales.
Boosting canoe sales aside, milk is rich in calcium and can also be used to create cheese and, more importantly, ice cream.
MacMillan aims to dominate the world market of ice cream, with its stated goals involving the proliferation of more than 31 flavors of ice cream.
The Schrom Corporation has countered this by creating ice cream made out of goat's milk.
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- PeZook
