Here's a thread for jokes, so post what you have. Here's 2 from me:
A fellow is traveling in a hot air balloon when he realizes he has lost his way. He decides to lower his altitude to where he can shout down to a passerby for directions. He sees a man and shouts "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"
To which the fellow on the ground shouts "You are in a balloon, approximately fifty feet above the ground!"
The fellow in the balloon smiles and shouts "You must be an engineer!"
To which the fellow on the ground shouts "Correct! How did you know?"
"You gave me correct information, but insufficient to help me with my problem!"
To which the fellow on the ground shouts "Then you must be in management!"
"Correct," shouts the man in the balloon "How did you know?"
"Because..." sez the fellow on the ground "...You have no idea where you are or where you're going, but now it's my fault!".
***
Dr: Sorry sir, but you'll have to stop masturbating
Patient: But why?
Dr: Because I'm trying to take your blood pressure
Joke thread
Moderator: Edi
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Kodiak
- Jedi Master
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Joke thread
PRFYNAFBTFCPCaptain of the MFS Frigate of Pizazz +2 vs. Douchebags - Est vicis pro nonnullus suscito vir
"Are you an idiot? What demand do you think there is for aircraft carriers that aren't government?" - Captain Chewbacca
"I keep my eighteen wives in wonderfully appointed villas by bringing the underwear of god to the heathens. They will come to know God through well protected goodies." - Gandalf
"There is no such thing as being too righteous to understand." - Darth Wong
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Broomstick
- Emperor's Hand
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At the zoo, how many monkeys does it take to change the light bulb in the ceiling light fixtures?
None - that's the giraffe's job.
None - that's the giraffe's job.
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. Leonard Nimoy.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice
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Akhlut
- Sith Devotee
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Q:Why did the blonde love Jesus?
A:Because she heard he was hung like this. *spreads arms wide*
Moses and Jesus are out on a fishing trip. While casting, Jesus gets his line caught in a snag. Moses offers to part the water so Jesus can go and unsnag his line, but Jesus politely declines, saying that he's walked on water before. So, Jesus sets foot on the water and promptly drops in, soaking himself from head to toe. Moses helps him in and tells him that it's all right, and to give it the old college try. So, Jesus tries again, and once more plunges straight in. Moses tells him that maybe he should just part the water and Jesus can just get the snag. Jesus again declines, saying that it's been awhile and he just needs to get warmed up. Again, he falls into the water. Moses starts pleading with him, but Jesus gets angrier and angrier, yelling that he can do it, but he keeps falling in the water, until Moses finally asks, "Hey, last time you did this, did you have these holes here?"
A:Because she heard he was hung like this. *spreads arms wide*
Moses and Jesus are out on a fishing trip. While casting, Jesus gets his line caught in a snag. Moses offers to part the water so Jesus can go and unsnag his line, but Jesus politely declines, saying that he's walked on water before. So, Jesus sets foot on the water and promptly drops in, soaking himself from head to toe. Moses helps him in and tells him that it's all right, and to give it the old college try. So, Jesus tries again, and once more plunges straight in. Moses tells him that maybe he should just part the water and Jesus can just get the snag. Jesus again declines, saying that it's been awhile and he just needs to get warmed up. Again, he falls into the water. Moses starts pleading with him, but Jesus gets angrier and angrier, yelling that he can do it, but he keeps falling in the water, until Moses finally asks, "Hey, last time you did this, did you have these holes here?"
SDNet: Unbelievable levels of pedantry that you can't find anywhere else on the Internet!
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Singular Intellect
- Jedi Council Member
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- Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Two men are sitting across from eachother sharing lunch:
First guy: "I had a nasty Freudian Slip the other day!"
Second guy: "Oh?"
First guy: "Yeah, I was in line at the train station and there was this good looking woman selling the tickets and I couldn't help but notice her substantial cleavage. So while purchasing my ticket, I meant to say 'could I have two tickets to Pittsburg please'. But instead I said 'could I have two pickets to tittsburgh please."
Second guy: "That's funny, but you should've heard the Freudian Slip I had with my wife this morning! I meant to say 'could you pass me the butter?', but instead I ended up saying 'you stupid bitch you ruined my life!'."
First guy: "I had a nasty Freudian Slip the other day!"
Second guy: "Oh?"
First guy: "Yeah, I was in line at the train station and there was this good looking woman selling the tickets and I couldn't help but notice her substantial cleavage. So while purchasing my ticket, I meant to say 'could I have two tickets to Pittsburg please'. But instead I said 'could I have two pickets to tittsburgh please."
Second guy: "That's funny, but you should've heard the Freudian Slip I had with my wife this morning! I meant to say 'could you pass me the butter?', but instead I ended up saying 'you stupid bitch you ruined my life!'."