Armageddon???? (Part Fifty Up)

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Post by Zim » 2008-05-01 01:48am

FireNexus wrote:
Fyrwulf wrote:However, something to consider. Taking out metro Detroit, if indeed this weapon is powerful enough, is guaranteed to provoke an all-out nuclear strike on Dis. No questions asked. Even if the weapon isn't powerful enough to completely take out metro Detroit, the attempt is likely to incite some extremely severe retaliation, probably including the use of nuclear weapons against large demon military formations and major fortresses.
The problem is that we have, as yet, no way to deliver a nuclear weapon reliably to dis without killing one of our own.

The planes we have in there can travel about as far as the pilots can piss while drunk (Which I'm sure is a great distance. :-P)

Kitten could open a portal, but it would have to be big. Read: Wipe her out for a while and make her unable to open a new one. This presents the problem of having an agent inside to take delivery who you won't kill.

MAybe I'm missing something, but I can't see a way to deliver a nuke.
Could an ICBM work? I mean, it's not like its reusability would factor much into the equation.

With regards to collateral damage, well it's unfortunate but if the attack against Detroit is big and deadly enough then I'm sure the public would be howling for a retaliatory strike.

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Post by Crayz9000 » 2008-05-01 01:49am

Edward Yee wrote:
Crayz9000 wrote:On an unrelated note, the demons interpreting human fighters as "sky chariots" makes me wonder if they would consider this:

Image

to be a "Chariot of Fire"?
Actually, considering that the release pattern from the front looks like a stereotypical shroud-wearing, winged angel...
Yes, there is that kind of reaction too... :twisted:
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Post by Crayz9000 » 2008-05-01 01:52am

Zim wrote:Could an ICBM work? I mean, it's not like its reusability would factor much into the equation.

With regards to collateral damage, well it's unfortunate but if the attack against Detroit is big and deadly enough then I'm sure the public would be howling for a retaliatory strike.
Or we could always just shoot off a Snark into Hell. After all, who knows, perhaps its flawed inertial guidance system would compensate nicely for Hell's non-Euclidean geometry...

There's also Project Pluto for when Heaven gives us shit. Assuming we could open a portal and launch it through first.
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Post by Chris OFarrell » 2008-05-01 01:53am

Darth Wong wrote:
FireNexus wrote:
Fyrwulf wrote:However, something to consider. Taking out metro Detroit, if indeed this weapon is powerful enough, is guaranteed to provoke an all-out nuclear strike on Dis. No questions asked. Even if the weapon isn't powerful enough to completely take out metro Detroit, the attempt is likely to incite some extremely severe retaliation, probably including the use of nuclear weapons against large demon military formations and major fortresses.
The problem is that we have, as yet, no way to deliver a nuclear weapon reliably to dis without killing one of our own.

The planes we have in there can travel about as far as the pilots can piss while drunk (Which I'm sure is a great distance. :-P)

Kitten could open a portal, but it would have to be big. Read: Wipe her out for a while and make her unable to open a new one. This presents the problem of having an agent inside to take delivery who you won't kill.

MAybe I'm missing something, but I can't see a way to deliver a nuke.
A rocket-propulsion missile would do the trick. Rockets don't need to ingest air, unlike jet engines. They can fly just fine in a bad atmosphere.

The real trick is making sure it goes where you want it to go. It would be pretty bad to launch a missile from the FOB, only to have it curve around in a big circle and come right back.
You know, thats actually a rather valid point. They don't really have a good idea of the layout of hell, which is something you could probably manually correct for with a command guided missile of some sort. Target marking is a possibility, if a special forces unit can somehow get close enough to drop a beacon off at a target, missiles can just keep self correcting and homing.
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Post by Dracofrost » 2008-05-01 02:29am

FireNexus wrote: Kitten could open a portal, but it would have to be big. Read: Wipe her out for a while and make her unable to open a new one. This presents the problem of having an agent inside to take delivery who you won't kill.

MAybe I'm missing something, but I can't see a way to deliver a nuke.
Not necessarily. She can open enough to send in whole teams of special forces, so presumably she would have absolutely no problem making one big enough for a small group of people to chuck in a SADM or similarly compact warhead on a short timer, no need to risk a bomber or bad missile guidance. For having someone to link to, just have a lone 'live' special forces guy sneak to the target area, help haul it through the hole, and then leave back to earth before the timer gets to zero.

Really simple, and allows for very precise targeting, though obviously you lose out on the benefits of an airburst.

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Post by JBG » 2008-05-01 03:42am

Until the exact geometry of Hell is known, nuclear tipped missles, air breathing or rocket, might be a tad iffy. If Hell is like a mobius strip, you don't want to mess up with the elevation part of targeting or the bloody thing may keep flying until it comes back to you.

As for other nuclear devices and how they might be taken to Dis and what their effect may be etc, I leave to Stuart. He lives and breathes such stuff and has probably forgotten more about it than anyone else here knows. For now it may be better to rely on chemical explosives than the initiation of nuclear devices. Kitten opening up a portal as she did with the visit to Deumos but with the added attraction of a FAE or thermobaric munition into a reasonably enclosed space would usually do the job, but so would also an old fashioned satchel charge! Say:

"two Marines step through a portal into a major demon lord's throne room. Whilst the occupants are still in the brief stunned silence phase with the unexpected interruption the senior Marine says: "Sir ( US Marines are always polite, even if their bayonet is rapidly approaching your belly ) in view of your service to humanity, the people of Earth offer to you this mere token of our appreciation." The "token" is placed on the floor, the Marines step back through the portal which closes just before WHAM!"

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Post by bilateralrope » 2008-05-01 03:59am

JBG wrote:Until the exact geometry of Hell is known, nuclear tipped missles, air breathing or rocket, might be a tad iffy. If Hell is like a mobius strip, you don't want to mess up with the elevation part of targeting or the bloody thing may keep flying until it comes back to you.

As for other nuclear devices and how they might be taken to Dis and what their effect may be etc, I leave to Stuart. He lives and breathes such stuff and has probably forgotten more about it than anyone else here knows. For now it may be better to rely on chemical explosives than the initiation of nuclear devices. Kitten opening up a portal as she did with the visit to Deumos but with the added attraction of a FAE or thermobaric munition into a reasonably enclosed space would usually do the job, but so would also an old fashioned satchel charge! Say:

"two Marines step through a portal into a major demon lord's throne room. Whilst the occupants are still in the brief stunned silence phase with the unexpected interruption the senior Marine says: "Sir ( US Marines are always polite, even if their bayonet is rapidly approaching your belly ) in view of your service to humanity, the people of Earth offer to you this mere token of our appreciation." The "token" is placed on the floor, the Marines step back through the portal which closes just before WHAM!"

Jonathan
Why not just chuck the charge through after setting the timer ?

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Post by Starglider » 2008-05-01 04:14am

Fyrwulf wrote:However, something to consider. Taking out metro Detroit, if indeed this weapon is powerful enough, is guaranteed to provoke an all-out nuclear strike on Dis. No questions asked.
Actually you can be sure that quite a number of questions will be asked, and very carefully at that.

The usual logic of nuclear retaliation does not apply in this case. We do not need to demonstrate to hell our willingness to retaliate in kind, nor is there any sort of 'use it or lose it' dynamic in play. The humans are fighting a war on two fronts and almost nothing is known about the second front; as such revealing the most powerful weapons early in the game is a definite downside. Finally there is the problem that many of the targets in hell contain or are in close proximity to large numbers of friendlies (military and civillian). Dis may be pretty much devoid of humans, but it's right next to hell itself and there may be fallout concerns.

Nuclear weapons will only be deployed when they are necessary to accomplish specific tactical or strategic objectives. As for 'howling for revenge', I am sure there would be much howling but military planners (at least, competent ones) do not make operational decisions based on public opinion.

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Post by JBG » 2008-05-01 04:59am

"Why not just chuck the charge through after setting the timer ?"

Of course, LOL. I was in hindsight seeking the dramatic! The Marine's little speech could only ever be for our benefit, not those who are about to be shredded! You'd have to have some Marines ( etc, for instance SAS would do very nicely as well ) step into the throne room and put some .50 packets of human love into various entities there and, after a little speech, step back through the portal to let the demons deal with the resulting confusion.

"...nor is there any sort of 'use it or lose it' dynamic in play."

Nor is there any hint of "one flies, all fly", to vaguely reinforce that point.

Stuart can afford to be most discriminating if he should so choose in the use of such devices and my feeling is that until Heaven shows it's hand or much more is known of it then those babies are staying safe and quiet with momma. Nothing about Hell so far suggests that chemical explosives are not adequate, though delivery as always is not a given.

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Post by Starglider » 2008-05-01 06:54am

JBG wrote:Nothing about Hell so far suggests that chemical explosives are not adequate, though delivery as always is not a given.
Without giving too much away, I have started writing a follow-up arc which MkSheppard has volunteered to help me with. This is for the best as most of what I know about bomber operations I learned from Dale Brown books. :)

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Post by Edward Yee » 2008-05-01 10:05am

Crayz9000 wrote:
Edward Yee wrote:
Crayz9000 wrote:On an unrelated note, the demons interpreting human fighters as "sky chariots" makes me wonder if they would consider this:

Image

to be a "Chariot of Fire"?
Actually, considering that the release pattern from the front looks like a stereotypical shroud-wearing, winged angel...
Yes, there is that kind of reaction too... :twisted:
"WTF where did the livestock get... are those flying iron chariots driven by giant-ass angels behind them? Ooooh shit somebody call up Yahweh..."

(I'm not trying to give ideas -- remember, I'm still rooting for the demons and believe it or not, Heaven/the angels too -- but I think the above would tie into the concern already by Satan and maybe other demons about where the humans got these weapons...)
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Post by ray245 » 2008-05-01 10:55am

PainRack wrote:
But on the other hand look at singapore as well. Christians only take up about 10 percent of the total singapore population.
The majority of the chinese still believe in buddhism for example.
That's a bit misleading. We aren't debating the popularity of christianity and 15% is just 4% lower than the 19% atheist rate.

Especially once you factor in that Allah=Yahweh, the number of ppl believing in the Abrahamic God outnumbers atheists.

Perhaps the Nephibilim debate raised earlier explains this better in terms of in universe.
True, but I'm talking about the amount of chinese in singapore following abrahamic religion. They still a minority despite the fact that the chrisitians are the most active religious group singapore.


And given how some singaporeans are starting to view the west as a perfect area on earth...they are following christianity mostly because the west gives them a feeling that it is more liberal in every areas, and because the west is more developed than asia in the modern era.


I was also thinking how many people in this fanfic are HAPPY there is a afterlife? Nevermind if it is only limted to hell for now ( the 'liberation of hell' is starting anyway, and in this verse, we can literally make hell a better place ).

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Post by Illuminatus Primus » 2008-05-01 01:32pm

Zim wrote:Could an ICBM work? I mean, it's not like its reusability would factor much into the equation.

With regards to collateral damage, well it's unfortunate but if the attack against Detroit is big and deadly enough then I'm sure the public would be howling for a retaliatory strike.
Intercontinental BALLISTIC missiles need a lot of headroom. Don't know its available or how gravity exactly works in Hell. The guidance would be all fucked up.
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Post by Stuart » 2008-05-01 02:59pm

Command Building, Camo Hell-Alpha. Martial Plain of Dysprosium

“When can I take my command to battle?”

“Say what?” General David Petraeus stopped admiring his fifth star and gazed at the massive baldrick in his office.

“I have over 300 tridents. Where would you like us to fight? Now that we have joined you.”

Petraeus looked slightly bewildered. “You and your men are prisoners of war. We don’t expect you to fight.”

Now is was Abigor’s turn to be bewildered. “But we surrendered to you. So we should fight for you now.”

“Not according to our rules you don’t. When an enemy surrenders, they get put in a prisoner of war camp. We look after them and feed them until the war is over, then we send them back home.”

Abigor’s jaw dropped open. If Hellish Armies fought that way, both side’s foot soldiers would surrender as soon as possible. In hell, surrendering meant changing sides, not a way out of the fighting. “You humans are impossible.”

Petraeus thought quickly. He guessed he would need a convincing story to make sure Abigor forgot any idea of joining the fighting. Anyway, his baldricks would be a liability on a battlefield dominated by artillery and armor. “Look, the Free Hell Army is much too valuable to us to throw away on a battlefield. We know nothing about Hell, what its like and how its run. You can do far more for us by telling us everything you know than by fighting.”

Meaning we are useless to the humans Abigor thought grimly, but if that were the case, why was he being kept alive? Still, to be a source of information was better than nothing.

“Excuse me Sir. General Ivan Semenovich Dorokhov to see you.”

“Thank you Private. Send him in.” There was a brief pause while the Russian entered the room, his jaw dropping at the sight of Abigor’s huge form sitting sprawled in one corner. “Ivan Semenovich, it is good to have you with us. May I introduce Grand Duke Abigor, formerly in the service of Satan and now commander of our allies in the Free Hell Army.”

Dorokhov looked slightly flustered, starting to salute, changing his mind, and wondering what to do next. In the end he settled for a curt nod of the head. Abigor was equally flustered, normally he’d have hit the ground and groveled, throwing in a good foot-licking as well but he’d quickly learned humans had nothing but contempt for such displays. In the end, he returned the nod.

“Are your troops in position, Ivan Semenovich?”

“First Shock Army is setting up along the banks of the Phlegethon. We have four armored divisions, two artillery divisions in position with the Army artillery setting up. Do you know how many enemy there are?”

“Abigor tells us 243 legions, that’s over 1.6 million Baldricks. Don’t know how they divide up yet.”

“That depends on who is their commander.” Abigor’s voice was thoughtful. “Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Dagon were the three appointments I heard but that was for the invasion of Earth. Do you know which?”

“Its not Asmodeus. He’s dead.”

“What?” Abigor was stunned. “Asmodeus dead? For all his mania, Satan has never dared kill a Grand Duke before. He wouldn’t even kill me, he preferred to send me where you could do this.”

“Satan didn’t kill him, we did. Or rather, the people we have fighting in the hell-pit did. Apparently he led some of his army against our guerillas, walked into a trap and they got him. Asmodeus is dead all right. Thoroughly blown up”

Abigor was awed. “You have done the unthinkable. Even in the Celestial War, no Grand Duke was ever killed. Not even Yahweh achieved such a thing.”

“So its Dagon or Beelzebub then.” Petraeus wanted to get the conversation back on track. “What does that mean for General Dorokhov?”

“It will not be Dagon. Many of his legions are Krakens, sea creatures. It will be Beelzebub. They do not call him Lord of the Flies for nothing. His army has 27 legions of Harpies. The rest will just be infantry.”

“180,000 harpies. I hope you have plenty of triple-A Grazhdanin Ivan.”

“One Tungaska or Shilka for every three vehicles. And many brigades of surface to air missiles. Some old but they still work. All radar-guided. And all the BMPs have shoulder-fired missiles on board. Sometimes it is good to have great warehouses. We are dug in and waiting. Abigor, this Great Celestial War, what happened?”

Abigor shrugged. “It was a long time ago. Two or three million of your years. We had found this planet and on opening a gate back to our home a mistake was made and we opened a gate to here. A place like Heaven but unoccupied except for unimportant creatures. We took it for our own. Then, Satan wanted it for his kingdom, separate from Yahweh’s Heaven. Yahweh wanted both. Satan rebelled and about a third of us joined him. The war went on for a long time but Satan won, Hell became his kingdom and Yahweh kept Heaven.”

“That’s not the way our stories told it.” Petraeus was grimly amused.

“They were written by Yahweh’s people weren’t they?” Abigor grinned. He’d been watching The History Channel on television.

Outer Ring, Seventh Circle of Hell
What amazed Aeanas the most about his time in Hell was the fact that he remained sane. He knew his name. Remembered his family. His wife, his two sons. Remembered dying. Knew that he had been in Hell for a long time(though the exact length of time remained elusive). And his torment never drove him insane.

Perhaps that was the most insidious aspect of Hell: they protected your mind from shattering. From becoming a shell with no feeling, no thought, no mind. After all, what use was there to torturing the mindless husk? The joy in the demon's faces came when they saw his terror, his fear, Aeanas could see this. If he had no mind, he might scream, but would he really feel the pain?

So, Aeanas feared them every time they came exactly as much as he had when they first set themselves upon him. Throughout the ages of screaming agony in the river there had been no emotion associated with his sufferings. How did it feel to have his skin seared from his body, his eyes boiled in their sockets, his genitals burned away? He could never grasp these; such memories danced just out of reach.

That was the rub. If he could remember what it felt, perhaps he wouldn't fear the demons so much. But in the heat of the moment, any kind of mental preparation he had made vanished into a cloud of palpating terror and pain. He always begged not to be thrown back into the river, a simpering weakling, utterly without shame or pity. He screamed the same pathetic, high-pitched scream that he let out every time his body hit the flaming lava, the kind of blameless, ringing screech that only mortal injury and mortal fear can evoke.

Except it wasn't mortal in this place; each time he escaped from the river, Aeanas was made whole again. Somehow. He really didn't have time to think about it, because the respites between tortures seemed fleeting and ephemeral at best. Sometimes he saw others tormented as he, but that really didn't matter.

He was dead.

This was Hell.

And this was how he was going to spend eternity. Each soul-rending abuse seared him but did not destroy him. The memories were not his to cherish. He would never know the wondrous oblivion of insanity. He was instead doomed to repeat every torment as though it was his first, though he knew this wasn't the case.

So, as Aeanas sprawled on the bank, writhing from his burns but never dying, he was in the full grip of panic. His eyesight was only coming back and he would have screamed if he could, if his lungs had not been seared to uselessness. Breathed if he could. Instead, the hard earth of Hell smashed into Aeanas' flailing form. He nevertheless attempted to scramble away. From what, he couldn't say, because he couldn't see more than a few feet. And he couldn't get very far, because he still couldn't breathe. Then, at once, the choking fume and heat were gone. Reflexively, he gulped in air. The sulfur-laden fumes did nothing good for his lungs, but breath was breath. Based on his fuzzy past, he expected perhaps a barrel of molten rock to be poured over him it didn’t happen. He opened his eyes, and he saw a hand. But this hand wasn't scaled. It had no claws. It was a human hand, as his own. Following it up, he saw its owner: a man, naked, stood before him. In his far hand was a spear--no, a trident, but beyond that, the visage of Hell faded to a blurry, ruddy nihility.

Aeanas reeled and tried to scrabble away. What new torment was this? But the figure snatched Aeanas and hauled him to his feet.

"It's alright!" he said in a language that wasn't Aeanas'. But yet, he understood it. How could that be? "What's your name, soldier?"

Aeanas gulped. His throat, long charred by the heat and flames, was already feeling better. "Aeanas," he replied finally.

"Anus?!" another voice shouted. A similarly-naked figure, also carrying a trident, stepped under the tree, into the range where Aeanas could see clearly. "Your name is Anus?!" The man roared with laughter.

"Cool it, DeVanzo," the first man snapped. Again, Aeanas was forced to marvel at the fact that the two were speaking an entirely different language than his own. The first man continued: "He said, 'Aeanas.' That's Greek, right?"

Aeanas nodded, then asked with some timidity: "Who are you?"

The first man started. "Oh, right! Name's Tucker McElroy, from Tennessee originally, though most recently I found myself in the molten river a ways that way. This uncouth gentleman's name is Artie DeVanzo, from New Jersey."

Aeanas nodded blankly. New Jersey? What was that? Where was Old Jersey?

McElroy regarded Aeanas for a moment, then said, "Say, you ain't a new arrival, are you? How long you been here, son?"

Aeanas shrugged. "I...could not tell you. A long time, I am sure."

"Well," DeVanzo said, stepping in, "how did you die?"

"I was struck in the heart with an arrow," Aeanas said. "Then, I believe my throat was cut."

McElroy whistled. "Ain't that a way to go. What was you doin'? Hunting? I didn't know they did that over in Greece."

Aeanas shook his head, his puzzlement now building into a frustration. "Of course not. I was in battle!"

McElroy did a double take. "Battle? Just how old are you, anyway? Shit, no one's used bows and arrows in battle for five or six hundred years!"

DeVanzo then interjected. "What battle were you in? Where was it?"

"It was in Greece, at Thermopylae," Aeanas said warily. Were these demons, trying to trick him into revealing something? What could they be after?

McElroy's eyes went wide, as did DeVanzo's. "Holeeeeee shit," McElroy said. "You died at Thermopylae? The Thermopylae? King Leonidas? Xerxes? The Persians? The Spartans?"

Aeanas nodded. "Yes. Do you know of it?"

McElroy snorted. "It's only one of the most famous battles in history!"

Aeanas shifted his weight. He fear was actually abating. Were they trying to lull him into sedation? "Why?" he asked McElroy in typical laconic bluntness. "It was a simple delaying action. What makes that so famous?"

DeVanzo sputtered, "You faced a million Persians! And there were only three hundred of you!"

"Wrong," Aeanas corrected immediately. "Thespians more than double our number stayed, and we had the Thebans."

McElroy shook his head. "That don't matter none! We got ourselves a genuine Spartiate!" McElroy was now speaking to the other man, DeVanzo. "Man, I can't wait to bring him back to base! A Spartan hoplite from Thermopylae! One of the three hundred!"

"Yeah, and the oldest member of the resistance!" DeVanzo chimed in. "I bet that'll give Ori a thing or two to chew on!"

"Ori's another old revival," McElroy said to Aeanas by way of explanation. "He's a warrior called a Samurai, from a place called Japan, that...well, shoot, it'd be outside what you'd know as the world!" The two men laughed easily together.

"Stop!" Aeanas roared. They would get no more from him; they would confuse him no longer. From this moment forward, they paid for information in blood.

He surged at McElroy and wrapped his arms around him. With fluidity that came with years of practice, he wrenched the man bodily into the air and slammed him to the ground. Most importantly, as he rose, he snatched up the trident and advanced on DeVanzo.
DeVanzo was obviously some kind of fool; he wasn't even holding his weapon properly. With three swift motions, Aeanas swatted the trident aside, forced it from his grasp, and had a point at DeVanzo's throat.

The man instantly raised his hands, and Aeanas jammed it in hard enough to draw blood. He then rotated around DeVanzo so that he was standing side by side with still-dazed McElroy. Through clenched teeth, he hissed: "Explain yourselves, else I will destroy you both!"

And much to his surprise, both men smiled broadly.

"You know, we could actually use you!" McElroy shouted, brushing the reddish dust from his body. A cut on his knee bled feebly. "Alright, here are your answers: as you've probably figured out, you're in Hell. You've been dead for over 25 centuries. That's 2,500 years. The world as you knew it does not exist anymore! You understand? Everyone you ever knew is dead, and probably here, being tortured. You have a wife? Kids? They're somewhere out here!" McElroy gestured wildly at the Hellscape surrounding them. "And they've suffered exactly as you have for that last 2,500 years! Do you hear me?"

Aeanas lowered the trident. McElroy went on, "But things have changed. The situation has changed. We're fighting back, both here in Hell, and on Earth. We're gonna free as many soldiers as we can, and we'll all fight against Hell. Most times, it's modern soldiers, but hey, I can't wait for the guys back on Earth to hear that we got Spartan warrior and a Samurai fightin' with us. Won't that be a trip?

"Anyway, Aeanas, we are the Hell's People's Liberation Front, and we want you to join us." McElroy held his hand out.

Aeanas paused, but just for a moment, then passed the trident back to him. "Good," McElroy continued. "We could probably use some more people proficient in your type of fighting. Word is that our cell won't be getting supplied with modern weapons for a while, so for the time being, we're stuck with more... primitive means of defending ourselves and killing ba--demons. Plus a trick or two we've learned over the centuries."

Aeanas then did something hadn't done since the day before he died, over 2,500 years ago: he smiled. "So they can be killed."

"Betcher ass they can," DeVanzo crooned. "How do you think we got these tridents?"

"So," McElroy continued. "Will you join us? Maybe teach us how to throw a demon like you just did to me? Or maybe how to correctly hold a spear? In return, I'll show you some things that you'd call magic."

Aeanas laughed. "Has anyone said no?"
Nations do not survive by setting examples for others
Nations survive by making examples of others

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Post by Illuminatus Primus » 2008-05-01 03:59pm

So, Dave Petraeus is now General of the Army. Are there any others?
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Post by Academia Nut » 2008-05-01 04:03pm

Great, now I'm chuckling at the thought of Aeanas watching 300 and going, "What the fuck is this crap? That's not how it happened at all!"

Of course, the best response would be, "Hercules would agree."

I would love to see his first response to a rifle though, especially if it had a bayonet attached. "You're holding it all wrong!"

"No I'm not."
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Post by GrandMasterTerwynn » 2008-05-01 04:09pm

Academia Nut wrote:Great, now I'm chuckling at the thought of Aeanas watching 300 and going, "What the fuck is this crap? That's not how it happened at all!"

Of course, the best response would be, "Hercules would agree."

I would love to see his first response to a rifle though, especially if it had a bayonet attached. "You're holding it all wrong!"

"No I'm not."
That's not half as amusing as the thought of a demonic lord sprawled out in front of a television . . . watching the History Channel.

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Post by Academia Nut » 2008-05-01 04:12pm

That must have been a long stream of "Fuck! That would have been a problem... fuck! Fuck! What are these humans made of? Fuck! ...what's this stuff on 'The Manhattan Project'? FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! We should have just stayed in fucking hell and left these bastards well enough alone!"
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You know, if Christian dogma included a ten-foot tall Jesus walking around in battle armor and smashing retarded cultists with a gaint mace, I might just convert - Noble Ire on Jesus smashing Scientologists

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Post by MKSheppard » 2008-05-01 04:17pm

Darth Wong wrote:It's possible that the brain chemistry of eastern people is a bit more resistant to their telepathic communication power.
Or perhaps it's just because you speak jabbering foreign languages. I skimmed a book last week on reading and it was quite interesting. Basically Chinese and English use totally different areas of the brain when translating written words into concepts in the brain; and there was a famous example of a Japanese businessman who knew both Japanese and Chinese; and after a stroke; he could no longer communicate in one language, but could still talk in the other (I forget which one exactly)
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Post by Master_Baerne » 2008-05-01 04:25pm

And now we have Russians and Spartans. Hooray for Stuart!
Conversion Table:

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon

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Post by tim31 » 2008-05-01 04:51pm

GrandMasterTerwynn wrote:That's not half as amusing as the thought of a demonic lord sprawled out in front of a television . . . watching the History Channel.
That was the most delicious line in this chapter :twisted:

I can just imagine Abigor sitting in Rodinesque, fascinated and making careful mental notes.
lol, opsec doesn't apply to fanfiction. -Aaron

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Post by GrandMasterTerwynn » 2008-05-01 04:56pm

MKSheppard wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:It's possible that the brain chemistry of eastern people is a bit more resistant to their telepathic communication power.
Or perhaps it's just because you speak jabbering foreign languages. I skimmed a book last week on reading and it was quite interesting. Basically Chinese and English use totally different areas of the brain when translating written words into concepts in the brain; and there was a famous example of a Japanese businessman who knew both Japanese and Chinese; and after a stroke; he could no longer communicate in one language, but could still talk in the other (I forget which one exactly)
I don't think this is an issue. McElroy and the other Americans can understand Ori, the Samurai, just fine. Of course, this assumes that the same mechanism that allows the demons to understand their charges in Hell is the same one that allows Hell-humans to understand each other.

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Post by Sidewinder » 2008-05-01 05:17pm

Interesting glimpse into the minds of Baldricks. Considering their response to how POWs are treated in more "civilized" nations, we'd probably see a lot of lesser demons abandoning their lords, leaving the greater demons to face the iron chariots alone.
Academia Nut wrote:That must have been a long stream of "Fuck! That would have been a problem... fuck! Fuck! What are these humans made of? Fuck! ...what's this stuff on 'The Manhattan Project'? FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! We should have just stayed in fucking hell and left these bastards well enough alone!"
Actually, my idea of Abigor's reaction to watching the History Channel is this.

"At its peak, in August 1944, Willow Run produced 428 B-24 aircraft or almost 14 for each calendar day."

Abigor's eyes widen at the thought of 14 flying chariots being produced per day.

"On Monday, August 6, 1945, the nuclear weapon Little Boy was dropped on Hiroshima by the crew of the American B-29 bomber Enola Gay, directly killing an estimated 80,000 people."

Abigor's eyes widen further at the thought of such a weapon being used against demons.

"A McMillan TAC-50 .50 BMG sniper rifle was used by Canadian Corporal Rob Furlong to bring off the longest-range confirmed sniper kill in history, when he shot a Taliban insurgent at 2,430 meters (2,657 yards/7,972 feet/1.509 miles) during the 2002 campaign in Afghanistan."

Abigor's eyes widen even more at the thought of a human's ability to kill someone from such a distance.

"The M829A2 APFSDS can penetrate approximately 570 mm RHA at 0 degrees and 670 mm rolled homogeneous armor at 60 degrees, at a range of 2,000 m."

Abigor's eyes widen until he resembles a goldfish on dry land, and he feels the same way. His mouth drops open, closes, and opens again to say, "Oh... shit," at the realization that his legions never had a chance.
Please do not make Americans fight giant monsters.

Those gun nuts do not understand the meaning of "overkill," and will simply use weapon after weapon of mass destruction (WMD) until the monster is dead, or until they run out of weapons.

They have more WMD than there are monsters for us to fight. (More insanity here.)

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Post by NomAnor15 » 2008-05-01 05:29pm

Stuart wrote: ...General Ivan Semenovich Dorokhov...
Just out of curiosity, did you do that on purpose? Or is that actually a Russian name?
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Post by MKSheppard » 2008-05-01 05:38pm

Sidewinder wrote:Actually, my idea of Abigor's reaction to watching the History Channel is this.
Nope, my idea is him watching it and going "What is this crap on UFOs, ghost hunting, Al capones secret vault?"
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong

"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944

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