Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Eternal_Freedom]

I take the second flask, drink a sip and feel like my head temporarily explodes. However, my hangover is indeed cured. I fart once again at the FEO and waltz off to seek a supply of plasters for my various cuts and bruises.

[Zixinus]

I offer another, different flask to Eternal Freedom. It smells horrible and repugnant.
I assure that "anyone who drinks this unique mix of herbs and paprika will be quickly cured of hangovers as well as a series of other ails, although it requires a bit of a trick to be correctly used as well as handling the after-effects".

I politely say hello to the fart EO while very close to him and turn around and make a very loud non-fart of gas release. I then turn around, make a step back, take out my palinka and the hangover cure flask, pour a small amount of both in front of the EO fart officier's legs.
Then I take out another match, light it and throw it at the patch.

There is a spark and it goes out. I walk away. After a few seconds however, the liquid seems to react and releases a cloud of such vicious, horrible, standstill smell that the EO officer vomits into his helmet and passes out.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Ah, my thanks comrade. I thought it was some Russian narcotic that didn't translate well into English.

Bottoms up! Oh, wait, better not, still bleeding. I'll wait until I get fixed up but thanks anyway.

[Scottish Ninja]

Direct Eternal_Freedom to Wikipedia.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Asks as politely as possible "hair of the dog" is.

Something along the liens of:

"Dude, wtf is that and why the fuck are you offering it to me?"

[Scottish Ninja]

Arrive abruptly from opposite direction. Hire a LOCAL YOKEL with CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA and a BURRITO to distract the FART ENFORCEMENT OFFICER.

Offer Eternal_Freedom "hair of the dog".

[MKSheppard]

I PUT THE PUPPY-ROBOT IN MY PANTS AND WALK PAST THE FART EO.

[Eternal_Freedom]

But what, former Loadmaster Shep, are you going to do about the Fart Enforcement Officer?

[MKSheppard]

I notice that my employers have no idea what mass distribution means, nor no idea of what PSF = Pounds per square foot means for the floor of an aerospacecraft. Nor do they have a business plan with defined, even if vague, types of cargoes.

I PULL THE LOUD HANDLE AND EJECT.

I take the ROBOT with me. It seems adorable and tugs at my pantsleg every so often like a robotic arachnoid puppy.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I also fart to appease the giant robot thingy, then politely ask if I may be excused to seek medical attention for my injuries, which clearly prove I can't possibly have been involved in the incident. Also now wishing I had accepted Zixinus' hangover cure, and ask him if he might have some handy.

EDIT: On the plus side, awesome, I seem to have a fan. Perhaps I can exploit that further down the line.

[Zixinus]

I also ask his experience with spaceflight and why he's so keen on the job. Also, why did he go for co-pilot and not command pilot?

I explain that my spaceflight experiences are limited and I would rather take a second seat, where I can work out more of the minor details. I am keen on the job simply because I am looking for work fit for the caliber and title I have inherited.

In my introduction I only mention that I am Earl Huyagy Zixinus. I am from a long line of noble family and I seek to once again bring honor to that family name as well as to regain my own from my... "mischievous" past.

[PeZook]

Spoiler

I meant that Floyd is your fanboy, EF, because of your AWESOMELY PATRIOTIC NAME.

And the music is being played by ROBOTIC PROBE.

January 8th 2025
Wednesday



Conference Room
Unit 215
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

ROUND 4

You are: Group of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises employees.

You are in a CONFERENCE ROOM. The conference room is FULL of PEOPLE. There is one DOOR. There are no FILE CABINETS. The air reeks of HUNGARIAN LIQUOR, CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA and VOMIT. The PAINT on the WALLS is PEELING OFF. There is HORRIBLE MUSIC. It is LOUD.

It is MUCH TOO LATE.

There is MUCH COMMOTION.

The FILIPINO JANITOR helps ETERNAL FREEDOM through the WINDOW. The WINDOW is CLOSED. The FILIPINO JANITOR helps ETERNAL FREEDOM anyway.

There is a LOUD CRASH. ETERNAL FREEDOM LANDS on the SIDEWALK. He is CUT by many SHARDS of GLASS.

The FILIPINO JANITOR Says: You forgot your coat, sir!

ETERNAL FREEDOM is HIT by his CHEAP SUIT JACKET. It is COVERED in VOMIT. It is very PAINFUL.

PHANT SCREAMS something incomprehensible and LEAPS through the WINDOW. He LANDS on ETERNAL FREEDOM. There is much SHOUTING.

ZIXINUS is very POLITE to EVERYONE until he starts a FIRE. He LEAVES through the WINDOW before the SPRINKLERS activate, DOUSING everyone who REMAINS inside.

He STOPS to help ETERNAL FREEDOM. They quickly become FRIENDS.

FILIPINO JANITOR and RI'ANN SHAPP manage to LEAVE as well, but are DOUSED and SMELL like WET DOGS. Nobody knows what happened to ROBOTIC PROBE, but there is SCREAMING from inside the BUILDING, audible even over the FIRE ALARM, which is BLARING.

CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY VANISHED like a WRAITH.

RI'ANN SHAPP and FILIPINO JANITOR have spent the NIGHT together at a NASTY MOTEL outside the CITY. ZIXINUS and ETERNAL FREEDOM dined TOGETHER at a HOTEL and are now BEST BUDS. ETERNAL FREEDOM is RECOVERING from his AILMENT. He APPEARS to have LOST his TASTE after TREATMENT applied by ZIXINUS.

***

January 9th 2025
Thursday

HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES

Break-in at the VBABC!

Unknown perpetrators have broken into the Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre last night, wounding several security officers, vandalizing the offices of Boeing-WalMart-Rockwell and attempting to start a fire.

A rogue robot was allegedly involved in the attack. Agents from the Federal Agency of Robotic Terrorism are reportedly at the scene and conducting an investigation.

No statement has been released by the Huntsville Police Department or Federal authorities at this time.

Altea Aerospace executives arrested on charges of gross mismanagement and larceny

In a stunning development of the Altea Bankrupcy case, the FBI have arrested two company executives under charges of gross mismanagement and larceny. No further statements have been released about the case. Both men will be presented to court on Friday, and according to the DA's office, will be held in the county jail pending bail.

It is currently unknown what the precise nature of the charges are ; Federal authorities have raided Altea offices in Miami and New York, seizing computers and paper records.

ROUND 1



Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: ZIXINUS, RI'ANN SHAPP, ETERNAL FREEDOM and FILIPINO JANITOR.

You are on the STREET. The STREET is CROWDED. It is MORNING. The WEATHER is NICE.

You are LATE. You are WALKING towards the BUILDING of VON BRAUN AEROSPACE BUSINESS CENTRE.

There are several AMBULANCES, a FIRE ENGINE and a GIGANTIC POLICE CRUISER. There are PARAMEDICS helping WOUNDED PEOPLE. The WOUNDED PEOPLE are wearing UNIFORMS of BUILDING SECURITY, and are CLUTCHING their BUTTS. One is SMILING WISTFULLY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM still can't SEE very WELL, though he SEEMS to be RECOVERING. He has a TERRIFYING HANGOVER. He REEKS of VOMIT. He has MANY PAINFUL CUTS. Some CUTS are still BLEEDING slightly. He is also BRUISED.

There is a FART ENFORCEMENT OFFICER talking with the WOUNDED PEOPLE.



He has a BOOMING VOICE. He seems ANGRY.

What do you do?

***

Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: PHANT

You have arrived EARLY to start WORK on COMPANY FINANCES. You are SOBER. You have a few CUTS from LEAPING through a WINDOW last night. They are VERY PAINFUL.

You are at an OFFICE. The OFFICE is EMPTY. It is also TINY. There is one DESK and one LAWN CHAIR. There is no DOOR. There is a SPACE HEATER and a LADDER.

There is an UNHOLY MESS of PAPERS stuffed in the DRAWER. There is a SCRIBBLED NOTE on the DESK.

The NOTE reads: "Bro, remember to pay Pitbull Johnny his 2500$ by the end of the month - Floyd."

You NOTICE the ROBOTIC PROBE. It is SITTING on the CEILING. It SMELLS SLIGHTLY of POOP. It seems PLEASED with ITSELF. Your EMPLOYERS are ABSENT.

What do you do?

[Eternal_Freedom]

I accept his hangover cure, but only for future reference as I'm now totally sober. Honest I am officer!

I also ask his experience with spaceflight and why he's so keen on the job. Also, why did he go for co-pilot and not command pilot?

[Zixinus]

I casually talk about pilot things. I offer him my homegrown cure for hangovers.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Finally, someone who cares!

[Zixinus]

[What music? I stopped humming when the employers came in.]

I politely say goodbye to everyone here, hoping to see them in Florida.

Then I kick the table to block the doorway and set it on fire.

I then carefully climb out of the window through which Eternal Freedom was thrown through and try to help the man up. I introduce myself to him and talk to the man. I learn that he is at the same hotel I am. I follow him to the HOTEL.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Ha! Your image fails. As I walk to the motel I laugh even harder, then I begin to wonder what the hell I've gotten myself in for. Oh well, as long as they let me fly I don't particularly care.

And FYI Lloyd brothers, I'm no fanboy. And don't start on the not-seeing-shit jokes Phant, I might just crash the ship on your head

[Phantasee]

Sorry.

I didn't see you there.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Hey, I was thrown out, and it's a ground-floor window, so who cares? Cushion your own damn fall!

[Phantasee]

I jump out the window, with the former pilot cushioning my fall. What kind of pilot crash lands out of a window, anyway?

[Eternal_Freedom]

Let it be known for the record that I am only half-blind. That wall was the result of that damn hungarian...whateveritwas...Anyway, I got my sight back.

I pick myself up off the floor, comment that it's lucky we were on the ground floor, collect my cheap vomit soaked jacket the janitor helpfully threw at me, then throw it in a nearby rubbish bin. Then strolll back to the motel, laughing at the idiot janitor and mildly impressed with the Hungarian's moustache.

And if anyone asks about a deaf loadmaster, a half-blind pilot, a Hungarian co-pilot and a janitor that's two people, tell them that L.A.M.E. is an equal-opportunities employer!

[Shroom Man 777]

help the blind eternal freedom out a window

and throw the jacket at him after

and shout

"you forgot your coat, sir!"

[Ilya Muromets]

0110100101101110011000110111001001100101011000010111001101101001011011100110011101101100011110010010000001100101011100100111001001100001011101000110100101100011001000000110001001100101011010000110000101110110011010010110111101110010001000000110010001100101011101000110010101100011011101000110010101100100
Spoiler

increasingly erratic behavior detected

0110000101101110011000010110110001111001011110100110100101101110011001110010000001110000011011110111001101110011011010010110001001101100011001010010000001110100011010000111001001100101011000010111010000100000011011000110010101110110011001010110110001110011
Spoiler

analyzing possible threat levels

011101000110100001110010011001010110000101110100001000000110000101110011011100110110010101110011011100110110110101100101011011100111010000100000011000110110111101101101011100000110110001100101011101000110010100111010001000000111010001101000011100100110010101100001011101000010000001101110011011110111010000100000011010010110110101101101011010010110111001100101011011100111010000100000011000100111010101110100001000000111000001110010011011110110001001100001011000100110110001100101
Spoiler

threat assessment complete: threat not imminent but probable

0110010001100101011001100110010101101110011100110110100101110110011001010010000001101100011000010111001101100101011100100010000001101111011011100010000001110011011101000110000101101110011001000110001001111001000011010000101000001101000010100110000101101110011000010110110000100000011100000111001001101111011000100110010100100000011000010111010001110100011000010110001101101000011011010110010101101110011101000010000001110011011001010111010000100000011101000110111100100000011000110110111101101101011000100110000101110100001000000111001101100101011101000111010001101001011011100110011101110011
Spoiler

defensive laser on standby

anal probe attachment set to combat settings

[PeZook]

January 8th 2025
Wednesday



Conference Room
Unit 215
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

ROUND 3

You are: Group of prospective Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises employees.

You are in a CONFERENCE ROOM. The conference room is FULL of PEOPLE. There is one DOOR. There are no FILE CABINETS. The air reeks of HUNGARIAN LIQUOR, CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA and VOMIT. The PAINT on the WALLS is PEELING OFF. There is HORRIBLE MUSIC. It is LOUD.

It is EVEN LATER.

There is MUCH COMMOTION.

The FILIPINO JANITOR is no longer flirting with PHANT. He was HIT in the FACE with a CHEAP SUIT JACKET covered in VOMIT thrown by ETERNAL FREEDOM as he is RECOVERING his CONSCIOUSNESS.

ETERNAL FREEDOM has managed to RECOVER his CONSCIOUSNESS. His SPEECH is SLURRED, and he MAY be BLIND. He ATTEMPTS to ask a QUESTION.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: Whur eeez...the, uh...the shit...and when I can start flying?

FLOYD LLOYD is AWESTRUCK by ETERNAL FREEDOM. He seems to be a FANBOY.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Oh, yeah, uh...I guess you wouldhaveaskedaboutthat, heeeee...

BOYD LLOYD WAKES UP.

BOYD LLOYD Says: I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!

BOYD LLOYD PASSES OUT on the FLOOR.

FLOYD LLOYD: You sure didn't, bro! The ship is in Florida! It totally is! In a hangar! We'll be flying it in no time! Like, to Mars and shit! Or wherever people pay us to go! Lots of people need space airplane things, right?

R'IANN SHAPP raises his HEAD. He seems SOBER. His breath SMELLS of ROTGUT BEER. He begins to SPEAK, very FAST.

R'IANN SHAPP Says: I want to see cargo mass distribution plans and the PSF that the floor of their aerospacecraft can support. What kind of payloads do you plan to be placing into orbit?

FLOYD LLOYD is CONFUSED by the QUESTION. He scratches his HEAD.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: I don't know what you're saying dude the other dude never told us any of those things! I guess we'll have to check it out for ourselves, right?

BOYD LLOYD WAKES UP

BOYD LLOYD: Totally didn't, officer! I didn't hear a thing!

BOYD LLOYD PASSES OUT on the FLOOR.

FLOYD LLOYD: Right, bro! Heeeee!

ZIXINUS TWIRLS his GRAND MOUSTACHE and TALKS about TECHNICAL THINGS. FLOYD LLOYD NODS quite VIGOROUSLY. He seems to be SOBERING UP slowly.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Yeah I'm pretty sure the guys in Florida have it all sorted out! I mean we won this thing in a bingedrinkingcompetitionohmygodtheressomanyantsARRRRRRRRGH!!

FLOYD LLOYD starts to FIGHT invisible ANTS and SCREAM.

ETERNAL FREEDOM begins to ASK another QUESTION about the other EMPLOYEES. He has to REPEAT it three TIMES.

FLOYD LLOYD is DONE fighting the ANTS. He has WON. He has GAINED some EXPERIENCE POINTS.

FLOYD LLOYD: We, uh...let's see...oh God my head...who are you all?

EVERYONE begins to SPEAK at the SAME TIME while SHOUTING their NAMES.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Argh! QUIET!

FLOYD LLOYD unexpectedly manages to SILENCE the CROWD. He extracts a SHEET OF PAPER with SCRIBBLED NOTES ON IT from his POCKET.

FLOYD LLOYD: We have here, uh...

FLOYD LLOYD ADJUSTS the PAPER, as he was HOLDING it UPSIDE DOWN.

FLOYD LLOYD: The awesomely named ETERNAL FREEDOM guy is, like, our pilot, he's gonna fly the airplane thing to Mars...the guy with a foreign-sounding name is his copilot...

FLOYD LLOYD LOOKS AROUND, trying to find ZIXINUS, but he is UNABLE to, despite the GRAND MOUSTACHE.

FLOYD LLOYD: ...I think he's not here...and urm I guess he's our director of sales, too, since he wrote here he can do that. But he's not here, so I guess we don't have a director of sales? I don't know...Phanta...Phante....Phant is our financial director! Heeeee, oh man let me tell you do we need a financial director! I hope you can get our finances in order man...and the guy wiping puke off his face is Mr L, he's the janitor let me tell you man I loved your application...oh, and there's R'Iann Shapp...another foreign name...he's the loadmaster and boy he sounds so competent!

FLOYD LLOYD BURPS.

ZIXINUS REPEATS his SUGGESTION about hiring CHEAP LABOR. And HANGOVER RECIPES.

FLOYD LLOYD: Oh yeah you can sort it out with the finance director when he gets cracking! And if you do know something and can help my bro sure go ahead it's awesome!

SUDDENLY, the CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY begins to CURSE LOUDLY.

CREEPY RUSSIAN GUYS Says: Is it okay, as an AMERICAN PATRIOTIC CITIZEN OF AMERICA, to make personal calls during work hours? You know, to my ailing grandmother in Smolensk?

FLOYD LLOYD is confused. He BLINKS.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Who are you? Oh, whatever, you must be somewhere on the list, sure I guess it's okay if it's your nana and she's sick...

BOYD LLOYD WAKES UP

BOYD LLOYD: Ground control to major Tom!

BOYD LLOYD PASSES OUT on the FLOOR.

PHANT seems to be THINKING about SOMETHING.

PHANT Says: Wait a minute. The loadmaster is deaf, the pilot is blind, and the janitor is two people?

FLOYD LLOYD seems SHOCKED.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Is that true? No I'm sure it's a misunderstanding!

ETERNAL FREEDOM WALKS into a WALL.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Oh he must be tired.

There is NOISE from the OUTSIDE. It SOUNDS like SECURITY.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Ohshit! Okaymeetingadjournedsee you tomorrow our office is in Unit 213 youhaveaccomodationsarranged at the ROACH CITY MOTEL say you come from Floyd! Nowletsgobeforesecurity, uh...asks us to leave you don't want to annoy these guys tah!

FLOYD LLOYD grabs BOYD LLOYD and LEAVES with SURPRISING SPEED. There is SHOUTING in the CORRIDOR and sounds of a CHASE.

What do you do?

[Phantasee]

Wait a minute. The loadmaster is deaf, the pilot is blind, and the janitor is two people?