Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Zixinus]

In a moment of my opponent's retreat, I drink pálinka to gain a Hungarian frenzy strength! I also ask Phant to help by picking up the lawn chair and fighting with me!

[PeZook]

Spoiler

You know, there is a PHRASE that SHOWS UP with DISTURBING REGULARITY in those posts of mine

January 9th 2025
Thursday

ROUND 4



Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP, FILIPINO JANITOR

You are on the STREET. The STREET is CROWDED. It is MORNING. The WEATHER is NICE.

You are ALONE. You are STANDING in the PARKING LOT of the VON BRAUN AEROSPACE BUSINESS CENTRE.

There are several AMBULANCES, a FIRE ENGINE and a GIGANTIC POLICE CRUISER. There are PARAMEDICS helping WOUNDED PEOPLE. The WOUNDED PEOPLE are wearing UNIFORMS of BUILDING SECURITY, and are CLUTCHING their BUTTS. One is SMILING WISTFULLY. RI'ANN SHAPP is WHIMPERING on the GROUND. There is a PARAMEDIC who is TREATING him. The FART EO is neabry. He is UNCONSCIOUS on the GROUND. A HOBO is still KICKING him. There are COPS running TOWARDS you. They are ANGRY.

FILIPINO JANITOR swings and PUNCHES the PARAMEDIC. He HEAVES RI'ANN SHAPP over his SHOULDER and begins to RUN right TOWARDS the AMBULANCES. He is OBVIOUSLY PSYCHOTIC.

FILIPINO JANITOR Says: CRAB BAT...

FILIPINO JANITOR is TASERED by the COPS. He FALLS OVER. He DROPS RI'ANN SHAPP. It is VERY PAINFUL.

The COPS begin to BEAT UP the FILIPINO JANITOR in another display of POLICE BRUTALITY.

A COP screams: Damn dirty foreigner! You are under arrest for assault, resisting arrest, littering, assaulting a police officer, illegal posession of taser darts and terrorism!

The COP becomes WINDED after his TIRADE. You are SHOCKED and can BARELY MOVE.

What do you do? _

***

Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: PHANT, ZIXINUS, ROBOTIC PROBE and CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY.

You are at an OFFICE. The OFFICE is FULL of PEOPLE. It is also TINY. There is one DESK and one LAWN CHAIR. There is no DOOR. There is a SPACE HEATER and a LADDER. There are many PAPERS on the FLOOR.

ZIXINUS is FIGHTING the ROBOTIC PROBE with a NASTY AXE. He is FENDING OFF the ANAL PROBE ATTACHMENT from his BUTT. The ROBOTIC PROBE is QUOTING passages of MANGLED SHAKESPEARE. It is a real CRAB BATTLE. It is THREATENING to INJURE both PHANT and CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY if it CONTINUES. It is currently TIED.

What do you do? _

[Shroom Man 777]

The FILIPINO JANITOR inexplicably screams CRAB BATTLE!

[Zixinus]

Quickly roll, get up and begin a fencing duel with robot and his anal probe with my fokos-walking stick.

[Ilya Muromets]

01010011010001010101011001000101010100100100010100100000010100110101010001010010010101010100001101010100010101010101001001000001010011000010000001000100010000010100110101000001010001110100010100100000010100110101010101010011010101000100000101001001010011100100010101000100
Spoiler

SEVERE STRUCTURAL DAMAGE SUSTAINED

01000001010000110100111101010101010100110101010001001001010000110010000001000100010001010100011001000101010011100101001101000101010100110010000001001111010001100100011001001100010010010100111001000101
Spoiler

ACOUSTIC DEFENSES OFFLINE

0100110001000001010100110100010101010010001000000101011101000101010000010101000001001111010011100010000001001111010001100100011001001100010010010100111001000101
Spoiler

LASER WEAPON OFFLINE

01000001010011100100000101001100001000000101000001010010010011110100001001000101001000000100010001000101010001100100010101001110010100110100100101010110010001010010000001010000010100100100111101010100010011110100001101001111010011000010000001010011010001010101010000100000010101000100111100100000010001010101100001010100010100100100010101001101010001010010000001000100010100100100100101001100010011000010000001010010010001010100000101001101010010010100111001000111
Spoiler

ANAL PROBE DEFENSIVE PROTOCOL SET TO EXTREME DRILL REAMING

*from speakers:

AND ROBOT'S PROGRAMS, RAGING FOR REVENGE,
WITH PROBE BY HIS SIDE COME HOT FROM HELL,
SHALL IN THESE CONFINES WITH A MONARCH'S VOICE
CRY "HAVOC!" AND LET SLIP THE DONGS OF WAR,
THAT THIS FOUL DEED SHALL SMELL ABOVE THE EARTH
WITH ASSPLOWED MEN, GROANING FOR BURIAL.

[Shroom Man 777]

PUNCH the PARAMEDIC

GRAB RI'ANN SHAPP and make a RUN FOR IT

TRY to JACK the PARAMEDIC's AMBULANCE

[PeZook]

January 9th 2025
Thursday

ROUND 3



Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: ZIXINUS, RI'ANN SHAPP, ETERNAL FREEDOM and FILIPINO JANITOR.

You are on the STREET. The STREET is CROWDED. It is MORNING. The WEATHER is NICE.

You are STANDING in the PARKING LOT of the VON BRAUN AEROSPACE BUSINESS CENTRE.

There are several AMBULANCES, a FIRE ENGINE and a GIGANTIC POLICE CRUISER. There are PARAMEDICS helping WOUNDED PEOPLE. The WOUNDED PEOPLE are wearing UNIFORMS of BUILDING SECURITY, and are CLUTCHING their BUTTS. One is SMILING WISTFULLY. RI'ANN SHAPP is WHIMPERING on the GROUND. The FART EO is neabry. He is UNCONSCIOUS on the GROUND. A HOBO is KICKING him. ZIXINUS and ETERNAL FREEDOM are talking about UNHOLY HUNGARIAN MIXTURES, HUNGARIAN LIQUORS and the RIGHT times to DRINK them both. They have become BROS. The CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY has VANISHED like a WRAITH. Again.

The FILIPINO JANITOR is GENTLY CARESSING RI'ANN SHAPP'S GROIN with a BAG OF ICE. He seems SORRY for KICKING the FORMER LOADMASTER. The PUPPY ROBOT has RUN OFF.

ETERNAL FREEDOM decides to TAKE a DAY OFF. He TAKES OFF in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION. ZIXINUS also DISAPPEARS. He did SOMETHING to the FART EO before LEAVING.

A PARAMEDIC begins to TREAT RI'ANN SHAPP. There are several POLICE OFFICERS who are RUNNING towards the SCENE. The OFFICERS seems ANGRY.

What do you do? _

***

You are now: ZIXINUS

You are at a SIDE ENTRANCE. There is a SECURITY OFFICER. The SECURITY OFFICER is UNCONSCIOUS on the GROUND. There is a CAMERA. The CAMERA is DISCONNECTED. The AIR smells slightly of CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA.

You ENTER the BUILDING. There is a COP inside. The COP is also UNCONSCIOUS. He is CLUTCHING his SIDEARM.

You PROCEED into the BUILDING looking for your OFFICE. There is an INFORMATION COMPUTER in the LOBBY. It SAYS that UNIT 213 is a BROOM CLOSET on the SECOND FLOOR.

You hear TERRIBLE MUSIC. You PROCEED CAREFULLY.

***

Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: PHANT

You are SOBER. You have a few CUTS from LEAPING through a WINDOW last night. They are VERY PAINFUL.

You are at an OFFICE. The OFFICE is EMPTY. It is also TINY. There is one DESK and one LAWN CHAIR. There is no DOOR. There is a SPACE HEATER and a LADDER. The ROBOTIC PROBE is SITTING on the CEILING. There is SOUND of COMMOTION from the OUTSIDE.

You have STUFFED the HORRIBLE MESS of PAPERS into a BOX with DISMAY at the LACK of DEFRAUDABLE FUNDS. You have PRODUCED a box of MATCHES in preparation to BURN the PAPERS and DISAPPEAR without a TRACE.

However, something STRANGE has POSSESSED you. You are ENGAGING the bank CHICK in PHONE SEX. She is not RESPONDING. It is POSSIBLE she is RECORDING your INNUENDO for a future LAWSUIT. You are still ENJOYING yourself IMMENSELY.

Suddenly, CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY SHOWS UP. He is RIGHT BEHIND YOU. He says HELLO in a really CREEPY way. You are DISTURBED and thus FALL off the LAWN CHAIR. You TIP the BOX of PAPERS over. The PAPERS SPILL on the FLOOR.

The ROBOTIC PROBE is SPOOKED and begins a SUDDEN ONSLAUGHT of TERRIBLE MUSIC. The MUSIC is extremely LOUD despite COMING from DECEPTIVELY tiny speakers. Your EARS begin to BLEED.

ZIXINUS shows UP. He is WAVING an AXE and SCREAMING lots of PROFANITY in HUNGARIAN. He almost CHOPS OFF the head of CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY. The ROBOTIC PROBE is EVEN MORE SPOOKED and FALLS off the CEILING. The TERRIBLE MUSIC stops ABRUPTLY.

ZIXINUS SLIPS on the PAPERS and FALLS on the ROBOTIC PROBE. It is VERY PAINFUL.

What do you do? _

[Zixinus]

I tell Eternal Freedom that alas, I myself have only limited supply of the thing and I believe that I may have use of it in the near future.

On my into the offices, I make a few... modifications to the FART EO's gear in case he wakes up. Especially with his weapon and communicator.

I head into the offices carefully, observing the number on the doors to find the office number I am looking for. I attach my fokos axe-head to my walking stick when I hear strange noises when I believe I am close to the intended office.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I assure him that when I say "future use" I mean "next week or so."

But I also thank him for his concern and his offer to keep me appraised of news.

[Zixinus]

I refuse to give him any more pálinka or anti-hangover medicine and remind him that after consuming some of the medicine he should avoid drinking any alcohol for at least an hour.
If he insists, I use my walking stick on him.

Also I do mention to him that having a little rest now might not be a bad idea, especially after yesterday's window accident. I'll say that I'll inform him of any significant news or development with our employers, although I suggest to him to stay until at least we meet with our employers once more.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I begin to worry that I'm losing sense at an alarming rate working for this company. I decide to head back to the motel and sleep until the apparent "meeting" tomorrow, so as to be completely fine and dandy and sober.

Before I go however, I feeel obliged to laugh at Shep and the Philipino janitor who kicked him so painfully, taking comfor tin the fact that Shep can't hear me laughing. I also make sure to take some of the vodka, the palinka and the hangover-cure, for future use

[Zixinus]

I look around, thank Scottish Ninja for distracting the FART EO, examine a building and note where I may enter unobserved.

I assure Eternal Freedom that the brew may effect some people less than more. The loss of smell may last a while but it can be fixed by a little cold, some sea air and a few leeches. I advise him to not drink alcohol for a while, at least for an hour as the anti-hangover thing and alcohol in any form as they mix too well.

I then walk up to Shep and offer a helping hand once the paramedic has treated him or offer any assistance to the paramedic. I offer Shep Pálinka or headache-cure as well (but I emphasize that he must pick only one).

[PeZook]

Spoiler

You could head to Florida if you want to (MOAR wacky hijinks!), but the LLOYD BROS said "see you tomorrow" and gave you the office unit number in the VBABC (the information table thingy in the lobby says 213 is a broom closet, though )

Besides, you don't know the location of the spaceship in florida, which is kinda problematic

[Zixinus]

[OOC: Erm, what are we doing at the space centre again? Shouldn't we be heading to Florida? Or should I check in with Phant or something?]

[Shroom Man 777]

as FILIPINO JANITOR:

put ICE on RI'ANN SHAPP's GROIN

as PHANT:

engage in PHONE SEX with the CHICK

[Ilya Muromets]

*does diagnostics after escaping from earlier commotion*

*anal probe attachment is cleaned and primed*

*laser is still offline but maintenance nanites are beginning to make some headway in repairs*

*activates ALTERNATE ACOUSTIC DEFENSE OPTION*

*blares out LADY GAGA and KATY PERRY songs at MAXIMUM VOLUME*

[Scottish Ninja]

Find a way to enter the OFFICE subtly. Disturb Phant.

[PeZook]

January 9th 2025
Thursday

ROUND 2



Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: ZIXINUS, RI'ANN SHAPP, ETERNAL FREEDOM and FILIPINO JANITOR.

You are on the STREET. The STREET is CROWDED. It is MORNING. The WEATHER is NICE.

You are STANDING in the PARKING LOT of the VON BRAUN AEROSPACE BUSINESS CENTRE.

There are several AMBULANCES, a FIRE ENGINE and a GIGANTIC POLICE CRUISER. There are PARAMEDICS helping WOUNDED PEOPLE. The WOUNDED PEOPLE are wearing UNIFORMS of BUILDING SECURITY, and are CLUTCHING their BUTTS. One is SMILING WISTFULLY.

RI'ANN SHAPP seems to THINK your EMPLOYERS are IDIOTS. He ANNOUNCES his intention to LEAVE the COMPANY. He would LIKE to take the ROBOTIC PROBE with him. He cannot FIND the ROBOTIC PROBE anywhere. It must have STAYED inside the BUILDING overnight.

While RI'ANN SHAPP is LOOKING for the ROBOTIC PROBE, ZIXINUS and ETERNAL FREEDOM decide to FART in front of the FEDERAL AGENCY OF ROBOTIC TERROR ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. The FART EO is not AMUSED by their WACKY HIJINKS. He SEEMS to have become EVEN ANGRIER and is now MOVING towards the GROUP with INTENT to do TERRIBLE THINGS.

Also everyone is now LOOKING ON.

Suddenly, a HOBO appears. The HOBO is SMELLY. He is also DRUNK. The HOBO FARTS and begins to SCREAM INSULTS at the FART EO. The FART EO is DISTRACTED by the HOBO.

CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY abruptly ARRIVES as if he CAME out of THIN AIR and SEES ETERNAL FREEDOM. He OFFERS some ALCOHOL to ETERNAL FREEDOM as if nothing is HAPPENING. ETERNAL FREEDOM has to check an AMUSING IDIOM on WIKIPEDIA, but ACCEPTS the DRINK.

The FART EO is BEATING UP the HOBO in a stunning display of POLICE BRUTALITY. ZIXINUS seems UNFAZED and POLITELY OFFERS an UNHOLY HUNGARIAN MIXTURE to ETERNAL FREEDOM. He PROMISES it will HELP.

ETERNAL FREEDOM DRINKS the MIXTURE and PASSES OUT again. He WAKES UP after A FEW SECONDS. He DISCOVERS the HANGOVER is GONE. He also loses his SENSE OF SMELL.

RI'ANN SHAPP begins to WRESTLE with a STRANGE PUPPY ROBOT he INEXPLICABLY had in his PANTS. FILIPINO JANITOR attempts to HELP RI'ANN SHAPP and KICKS him in the GROIN. RI'ANN SHAPP collapses into a WHIMPERING HEAP of SORROW.

The STRANGE PUPPY ROBOT begins to HUMP HIS LEG. A PARAMEDIC starts to RUN towards RI'ANN SHAPP.

In the BACKGROUND, the FART EO COLLAPSES to the GROUND for some INFATHOMABLE REASON. The REASON may be RELATED to ZIXINUS, who is now SMILING STRANGELY and TWIRLING his GRAND MOUSTACHE.

What do you do? _

***

Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: PHANT.

You are SOBER. You have a few CUTS from LEAPING through a WINDOW last night. They are VERY PAINFUL.

You are at an OFFICE. The OFFICE is EMPTY. It is also TINY. There is one DESK and one LAWN CHAIR. There is no DOOR. There is a SPACE HEATER and a LADDER. The ROBOTIC PROBE is SITTING on the CEILING.

There are SOUNDS of COMMOTION coming from OUTSIDE.

You have USED your ACCOUNTING SUPERPOWERS to PRODUCE a NOTEBOOK and PENCIL. You are WORKING FEVERISHLY to CREATE a LEDGER that would MAKE SENSE.

Your DISCOVER the UNHOLY MESS of PAPERS is in fact a CLUMP of UNPAID BILLS. There is also a PROMOTIONAL FLYER. The FLYER SMELLS of COCAINE. Nevertheless, you TAKE A BREAK to READ IT.

XR-2: The TRUE revolution in spaceflight!
From the Marketing Department of Altea Aerospace

For almost a century now spaceflight was limited to crude and inefficient solutions - the only ones available due to limited and imperfect technology. With payload to launch mass ratios as low as 1:30, costs of launching material to orbit could never become affordable.

This ends now

The XR-2 Ravenstar is a product of a century's worth of advances in all fields of science, and 15 years of intense design work by the capable engineers at Altea Aerospace. It makes full use of all the recent breakthroughs in materials and propulsion science, allowing it to achieve a stunning mass ratio of up to 1:3!

Capable of achieving orbit with 10 tonnes of cargo or 12 passengers by launching from a runway, and returning to Earth under its own power, the XR-2 stands to be the first true revolution in spaceflight. The first true Single Stage To Orbit vehicle offers unprecedented speed, flexibility and cost.

Inquire now about the future!

It SEEMS pretty RADICAL.

You DISCOVER some BILLS from another COMPANY based in FLORIDA, at BARACK OBAMA PRIVATE SPACEFLIGHT COMPLEX, near the SAINT REAGAN SPACE CENTRE. The BILLS concern HANGAR SPACE and SPACECRAFT MAINTENANCE for a total SUM of $ 25 000. There is also a FAA CERTIFICATE that is VALID for 2025. The CERTIFICATE is CRUMPLED and has SUSPICIOUS STAINS on it.

The ROBOTIC PROBE begins to make COOING ELECTRONIC NOISES. It is CLEANING its ANAL PROBE. You have no idea how it can DO THAT.

You are DONE with your ACCOUNTING by the time the SOUNDS of COMMOTION reach their PEAK. The COMPANY enjoys a BANK BALANCE of $ -52,50. There are BILLS due by the FIRST DAY of FEBRUARY for the sum of $25 315. $27 815 if you COUNT the NOTE about PITBULL JOHNNY. You FEEL it would be PRUDENT to DO SO.

There is no MONEY to STEAL. There also MAY or MAY NOT BE a LOAN, according to SOME CHICK who CLAIMS to be from a BANK. You are UNABLE to FIND any PAPERS to CONFIRM that.

The CHICK sounded PRETTY HOT over the PHONE, though. You WONDER how she had your NUMBER, since there is no PHONE in the OFFICE.

What do you do? _

[Shroom Man 777]

NO! SHEPPLES!

*kicks the attacking butt-bot*

*in the process, aside from kicking robot, foot also lands in R'iann's groin*

[MKSheppard]

*initiates PANTS ESCAPE PROTOCOL but only after initiating LASER-ASSISTED BATTLE REAMING*

"Aw, it tickles!" muttered Shapp. Reaching into his pants, he pulled out the PUPPY-ROBOT, which was trying to REAM his leg off, but failing.

"What's that little guy? You spent too much time reading ones and zeroes and didn't charge your batteries up, and now can't use your KILL-DEATH-LASER? It's so cuuute!"

[Phantasee]

Get the fuck out.

I've discovered that there is $179.62 in cash and equivalents available. I pocket the money in disgust and burn the box of papers.

I leave without a trace.

[J]

Determine the balances of all cash and current accounts. Takes a few hours of work.

A representative of J&J Banking And Investments calls to inform you that unless you make the minimum payment of $236,398.99 on your $80 million loan by 9pm, your account will be in default and we shall send the collections & repossessions agencies after you to seize your assets.

[Ilya Muromets]

*initiates PANTS ESCAPE PROTOCOL but only after initiating LASER-ASSISTED BATTLE REAMING*

[Zixinus]

Slow starts counting back from 30. Thank God that he is already near a medical station.
He should be starting to incohorently swear at the top of his voice for a minute, stop only to make a reflexive kick, cough for a bit and then pass out for only a few seconds.
However, when he wakes up he should be fresh as morning dew.

Whistle, twirl impressive mustache and comment that I am glad that I have brought my WMN and walking stick with me.

[Phantasee]

Determine the balances of all cash and current accounts. Takes a few hours of work.