Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Wait, who are you?

Are you Jesus? If you are I must be dead, which sucks.

[Force Lord]

I FUCKING WALK.

[PeZook]

Unknown time

ROUND 2



Somewhere on the road

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, RI'ANN SHAPP, ZIXINUS, PHANT and ETERNAL FREEDOM.

You are in the BACK of a TRUCK. The TRUCKS is EMPTY. You are on the FLOOR like SACKS of POTATOES. You are WEARING your HOSPITAL GOWNS with no BACKSIDES. Your JUNKS are WAVING AROUND in the BREEZE. There are some SPORTING BAGS by the CAB. ETERNAL FREEDOM is PASSED OUT on them.

You are ACHING all OVER. You are no longer DOUSED up to your FUCKING EYEBALLS in DRUGS. It is VERY PAINFUL. You can HEAR somewhat BETTER. Except for RI'ANN SHAPP. The RIDE is VERY BUMPY.

You HEAR a CONVERSATION from the CAB. ZIXINUS manages to COLLECT HIMSELF, which he SIGNALS with a TORRENT of HUNGARIAN CURSES. You begin to WONDER why EASTERN EUROPEANS SWEAR so MUCH. He CHECKS himself for INJURIES. He DISCOVERS he has a lot of BRUISES and CUTS and ACHES and can BARELY WALK.

After VERIFYING the INTEGRITY of his GRAND MOUSTACHE, he STAGGERS to the CAB WALL and SPEAKS to your EMPLOYERS. He is WEARING his HOSPITAL GOWN and you get a GOOD LOOK at his HAIRY BUTTOCKS.

DRIVER Says: What? Who's there? Holy shit bro they woke up! I'm stopping the truck come on we'll see if they're okay. Hang in there, buds!

You HEAR RI'ANN SHAPP mutter SOMETHING with SATISFACTION. RI'ANN SHAPP has WOKEN UP as well. He ROLLS the FILIPINO JANITOR to the DOOR.

The TRUCK stops ABRUPTLY. There are sounds of COMMOTION and EXCITED BABBLING from the OUTSIDE. The BACK DOORS open.

RI'ANN SHAPP SCREAMS some PROFANITY and THROWS the FILIPINO JANITOR on your UNSUSPECTING EMPLOYERS.

The FLYING FILIPINO JANITOR CRASHES into your EMPLOYERS. It is VERY PAINFUL.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Shit, dude! What the fuck?!

RI'ANN SHAPP JUMPS out of the TRUCK and HITS FLOYD LLOYD with the unconscious form of PHANT. FLOYD LLOYD becomes UNCONSCIOUS. RI'ANN SHAPP starts to RUN AWAY. His HOSPITAL GOWN is WAVING in the WIND. His BUTTOCKS are nowhere near as HAIRY as ZIXINUS'. You will forever REGRET having that THOUGHT.

You REALIZE you have NO IDEA where the FUCK you ARE.



What do you do? _

[Ilya Muromets]

Spoiler

I was actually expecting the rest of guys to find improbable and crazy action movie-style ways to survive the explosions.

Although, did this game almost split into RANDOME ALTERNATE REALITIES REALTIES where the explosion might or might not have really happened?

meanwhile, in the burning remains of the building, the pieces of ROBOTIC PROBE start to melt into 90s SFX mercury...



*cue terminator soundtrack*

[Zixinus]

Swear nasty Hungarian swears. Check for precise injuries and any inventory. Check if magnificent mustache is still intact.
Try to talk to my employers. Ask them if they have any drugs they can spare and ask them where are we going.
I consider TALKING TO THEM about EUROPE, but think that should be saved for later.

If I am given any drugs, I carefully examine them and lower dosage just enough to either help cope with the pain or drift back to unconsciousness, depending on whether I can identify the drugs. If I cannot, I do not attempt to use them.

I TALK TO everyone else next to me, asking them how are they doing and checking in with them if they are still alive.
I once again OFFER CHEAP LABOUR, this time to Phant.

[Scottish Ninja]

Independently PROCEED to the HANGAR in FLORIDA. Wait for LLOYD BROS to arrive.

Order MINIATURE MINOX CAMERA.

[MKSheppard]

I wait until the truck stops, then I open the gate and TOSS FEELEEPINO JANITOR at my kidnappers. I then throw PHANT for good measure.

This will probably knock the kidnappers unconscious.

[Eternal_Freedom]

MUTTER to MYSELF that it's been a REALLY BAD couple of DAYS. FAR too MANY INJURIES.

I CRAWL painfully over to the SPORTS BAGS by the CAB, PLANNING to EXPLORE their CONTENTS, but I PASS OUT AGAIN en route.

OOC: Sweet, this is great fun. And cool! We made into PeZook''s sig!

[PeZook]

January 19th 2025
Sunday

ROUND 1



Huntsville Hospital Center
201 Governors Drive Southwest
Huntsville, AL

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, RI'ANN SHAPP, ZIXINUS, PHANT and ETERNAL FREEDOM.

You are in a VERY STRANGE PLACE. There are many MACHINES. The MACHINES are BEEPING. They APPEAR to be doing SOMETHING else, too.

You can barely HEAR. You are up to your FUCKING EYEBALLS in DRUGS. You are ACHING all OVER.

There are COPS by the DOOR. They are STANDING GUARD. There are also two DOCTORS and a NURSE. They are very BUSY.

There are HANDCUFFS connecting you to your BEDS. There is a SCOWLING DETECTIVE. He is LEANING over RI'ANN SHAPP. He is ANGRY.

The SCOWLING DETECTIVE is FRUSTRATED by trying to ASK you QUESTIONS you can't HEAR. He says SOMETHING to a DOCTOR and LEAVES in FRUSTRATION. A FART EO walks past the ROOM. He can BARELY WALK.

PHANT is WHIMPERING. He seems HORRIFIED to be ALIVE.

The DOCTORS do SOMETHING and you DRIFT back into SLEEP.

What do you do? _

*error*

***

Somewhere on the road

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, RI'ANN SHAPP, ZIXINUS, PHANT and ETERNAL FREEDOM.

You are in the BACK of a TRUCK. The TRUCKS is EMPTY. You are on the FLOOR like SACKS of POTATOES. You are WEARING your HOSPITAL GOWNS with no BACKSIDES. Your JUNKS are WAVING AROUND in the BREEZE. There are some SPORTING BAGS by the CAB.

You are ACHING all OVER. You are no longer DOUSED up to your FUCKING EYEBALLS in DRUGS. It is VERY PAINFUL. You can HEAR somewhat BETTER. Except for RI'ANN SHAPP. The RIDE is VERY BUMPY.

You HEAR a CONVERSATION from the CAB.

PASSENGER Says: Holy shit bro this is a baaaad idea! Really bad! Man, who the hell are those guys anyway bro?

DRIVER Says: I told you already bro, they're the guys we hired! How can you not remember our meeting?

PASSENGER BARFS on the FLOOR.

PASSENGER Says: Man I don't remember anything from that night.

DRIVER: I understand bro. Man you were so damn wasted! Heeee...anyway, how far is it?

PASSENGER Says: Bro, we really need to...urp...

PASSENGER BARFS on the FLOOR.

PASSENGER Says: ...we need to think this over! We can end up in jail, bro!

DRIVER Says: Whatever, bro! They'd take away our space airplane thing! We can't lose our space airplane thing, no way!

PASSENGER Says: Bro, come on! We're gonna lose it anyway!

DRIVER Says: Oh no way bro I got a plan!

PASSENGER Says: What plan, bro?

DRIVER Says: We're gonna go away to Swit...Swiffer....to Europe! Europe is a country, right?

PASSENGER Says: But we can't even fly...oooh...

DRIVER Says: Oh yeah bro you see now? I'm a motherfucking genius!

PASSENGER Says: Oh fuck yeah you are!

DRIVER Says: We are so hot!

PASSENGER Says: Yeah we are! Come 'ere you...

DRIVER Says: Damn straight!

*POWER HUG*

The TRUCK swerves HEAVILY.

What do you do? _
Spoiler

In short - no, you didn't. But thanks to the brilliance of your employers, you are now wanted fugitives!


Also - thanks, Shep!

[MKSheppard]

I decree that this is a STGOD by dint of my moderatorship over the STGOD subforum.

It has enough STGOD elements to plausibly claim so, and is a throwback to many elements of the old TGODs on ASVS.

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

So we did die there?

[Scottish Ninja]

CONTACT my NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR.

[MKSheppard]

I WAKE UP in GREAT PAIN. I see a FEELIPINO JANITOR URINATING on the COPS.

I then FALL UNCONSCIOUS.

{Hours later}

REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS IN HOSPITAL. FIND a HANDCUFF on your ARM connecting it to BED.

ABOVE YOU IS A SCOWLING POLICE DETECTIVE.

[PeZook]

January 9th 2025
Thursday

ROUND 5



Von Braun Aerospace Business Centre
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP and FILIPINO JANITOR

You are on the STREET. The STREET is CROWDED. It is MORNING. The WEATHER is NICE.

You are ALONE. You are LAYING in the PARKING LOT of the VON BRAUN AEROSPACE BUSINESS CENTRE. You have been TASERED. It is VERY PAINFUL.

There are COPS who are BEATING UP the FILIPINO JANITOR. They STOP briefly and ANNOUNCE he is under ARREST for BULLSHIT CRIMES.

FILIPINO JANITOR opens his PANTS. He tries to URINATE on the COP.

ETERNAL FREEDOM is PASSING by. He KICKS the FILIPINO JANITOR. It makes the STREAM go SIDEWAYS and MISS. The COP smiles and HIGH FIVES ETERNAL FREEDOM. He then STRIKES the FILIPINO JANITOR with his BATON. The FILIPINO JANITOR becomes UNCONSCIOUS.

What do you do? _

*error*

***

Offices of Lloyd Aerospace and Management Enterprises
Unit 213
312 von Braun Avenue
Huntsville, AL

You are now: PHANT, ZIXINUS, ROBOTIC PROBE and CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY.

You are at an OFFICE. The OFFICE is FULL of PEOPLE. It is also TINY. There is one DESK and one LAWN CHAIR. There is no DOOR. There is a SPACE HEATER and a LADDER. There are many PAPERS on the FLOOR.

PHANT is COWERING on the FLOOR. There is an EPIC BATTLE being WAGED. A CRAB BATTLE. CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY swings a BROOM at the ROBOTIC PROBE. He HITS ZIXINUS. ZIXINUS falls to the GROUND and CURSES AGAIN, as he has LOST his HIP FLASK.

The ROBOTIC PROBE attempts to ASSREAM ZIXINUS, but is STRUCK by the LAWN CHAIR by ETERNAL FREEDOM who has ARRIVED in the NICK of TIME. CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY is able to FINISH the ROBOTIC PROBE with his BROOM HANDLE without INJURING anyone ELSE.

ZIXINUS now has a LUMP on his FOREHEAD. It is VERY PAINFUL.

ZIXINUS undertakes basic SAFETY MEASURES and AVERTS the risk of FIRE. He OBVIOUSLY knows a LOT about FIRE. He OPENS the ROBOTIC PROBE and EXTRACTS the MEMORY CORE.

CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY had somehow managed to JANITORIALIZE the PAPERS. They are now GONE FOREVER. He had taken several PICTURES with his BULKY CAMERA.

Everyone is HAPPY. ETERNAL FREEDOM smiles and POWER HUGS his newfound BRO who he just SAVED from an ASS REAMING. Even CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY doesn't seem so CREEPY anymore.

The ROBOTIC PROBE EXPLODES.



It SAYS something STRANGE but you are too BUSY getting MURDERED to UNDERSTAND.

What do you do? _

*error*

***

GENERAL PROGRAM ERROR

INPUT RECEPTION ERROR

CONTACT YOUR NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR

[Phantasee]

I give my thanks to the Almighty for putting me out of my misery.

[Scottish Ninja]

DISBELIEVE the EXPLOSION.

WONDER when the LLOYD BROS might TURN UP so we can ADVANCE the PLOT.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Oh, in that case can I change mine to "use phant as human shield whilst leaping backwards through the door?"

[Zixinus]

I huff with energy as I observe the robot giving a fizzing sound and make a loud snap from inside. I observe smoke coming out as its self-destructed components melt.
I pity it because it might have been a useful addition to the team.

I take another swing of pálinka, straighten my mustache and look for a foam fire-fighting tool to prevent an unwanted fire by spraying the smoking robot chassis.

Once its covered, I use my axe to carefully pry open the unit and see whether is there anything usable still inside.

EDIT: I find a black box. I take it and plan to later see whether I can make any use of it in Florida. I am sure that the attack was only a minor programming error.

[Shroom Man 777]

zixinus, your move could've been:

JUMP AWAY from the EXPLOSION in SLOW MOTION while being covered in SEVERAL CAMERA ANGLES

then EMERGE from the RUBBLE and TWIRL your SLIGHTLY SINGED MUSTACHE

[Eternal_Freedom]

I must say, the robo-probes idea of a self-destruct is laughable.

Saying "Boom, motherfuckers" whilst holding up a picture of an explosion is oooooo so scary.

One more kick for good measure.

[Shroom Man 777]

since I am NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR, open my VELCRO ZIPPER PANTS and URINATE on the COP's FACE

then TASE him and RUN AWAY leaving R'IANN SHAP to TAKE THE BLAME

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

Well, yeah, that was funny, but now you killed three characters. Now what?

[Ilya Muromets]

010010010101001001010010010001010101000001000001010100100100000101000010010011000100010100100000010100110101010001010010010101010100001101010100010101010101001001000001010011000010000001000100010000010100110101000001010001110100010100100000010100110101010101010011010101000100000101001001010011100100010101000100
Spoiler

IRREPARABLE STRUCTURAL DAMAGE SUSTAINED

01001101010000010100101001001111010100100010000001010011010110010101001101010100010001010100110101010011001000000100111001001111010011100010110101010010010001010101001101010000010011110100111001010011010010010101011001000101
Spoiler

MAJOR SYSTEMS NON-RESPONSIVE

010010010100110101001101010001010100010001001001010000010101010001000101001000000101001101000101010011000100011000101101010001000100010101010011010101000101001001010101010000110101010000100000010000010100001101010100010010010101011001000001010101000100010101000100
Spoiler

IMMEDIATE SELF-DESTRUCT ACTIVATED

*from speakers:

Boom, motherfuckers.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Having reached the motel I realise there is fuck all good on TV to watch and it's a dingy dive of a motel. So I decide that it was far more inteersting back at the buisiness centre. I pass by the cops beating up the Fillipino Janitor and get their permission to kick him once in revenge for throwing me out a window.

I then enter the building and hunt down our supposed office. It is easy to find from the screams of battle and mangled shakespeare. I enter to find Zixinus fencing the robotic probe and phant trying to stand up. I grb the chair and smack the robo-probe that's attempting to ass-ream my new bro.

Take that!

[Scottish Ninja]

JANITORIZE the PAPERS. Surreptitiously PHOTOGRAPH anything interesting with MINOX.

TAKE BROOM to assist Zixinus if necessary.