Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Shroom Man 777]

THROW the UNCOMFORTABLE GOWN at ETERNAL FREEDOM's FACE

[Eternal_Freedom]

REASSURE SUAVE PLAYBOY that COCAINE is NOT NECESSARY. EXPLAIN that the PLOTS OF DESTRUCTION are the result of getting ROYALLY SCREWED OVER on a JOB APPLICATION. EXTEND OFFER to SUAVE PLAYBOY to JOIN our SPACEPLANE CREW and hence AVOID the plotted DESTRUCTION.

TALK with ZIXINUS and say it MIGHt be a GOOD IDEA to EXTRACT R'IANN SHEP from the UNSMILING FEDERAL AGENT'S GRASP, as he MIGHT SPILL THE BEANS.

NOTICE what the FILLIPINO JANITOR has DONE, SCREAM LOUDLY and tell him to PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

[Shroom Man 777]

TAKE my UNCOMFORTABLE GOWN OFF

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY begins to have DOUBTS about acting as CHAUFFEUR for ASPIRING BOND VILLAINS and FUGITIVES even if they are POLITE.

Tries to derail PLOT OF MASS DESTRUCTION with offer of COCAINE.

[Zixinus]

Use tablet to
- read HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES issue
- see whether I can order online, having my credit card memorized. If I can, I arrange a gift to be brought to the hangar for the PLAYBOY for his kindness. As well as to arrange a list of items that may be useful for out flight.

Talk to ETERNAL FREEDOM. Admit that BOMBING the PALACE OF SAINT ORBAN THE THIRD is tempting but it might cause more problems than it's worth. For one, doing so is a war crime and it will guarantee that it will cause everyone to try and BLAST US OUT OF THE SKY. Plus, the bombs may not be drop-able from orbit.

But it does raise the question of what to do with the SPACEPLANE. We COULD go to EUROPE.

[Ilya Muromets]

*regenerates completely*

*emerges DRAMATICALLY and MENACINGLY from the rubble and begins to track the scent of ZIXINUS and ETERNAL-FREEDOM*

[MKSheppard]

REVEAL STORY under DURESS.

TELL UNSMILING FEDERAL AGENTS how I found out that I was being suckered into a FRAUDULENT SCHEME by a bunch of BOZOS who were going to take people for SUCKERS.

{insert long explanation of pounds per square foot and how if you want to load a main battle tank onto a C-5 galaxy, you must make sure that at no point does the load exceed the C-5 cargo floor's pounds per square foot rating. Also explain mass distribution and how off-center loads do bad things to aircraft center of gravity and thus flight characteristics}

MENTION that I have no idea what EXPLODED. EXPLAIN that I woke up in the Hospital CHAINED TO BED, then WENT TO SLEEP and WOKE UP IN BACK OF TRUCK.

ASK for SOMETHING WARMER THAN HOSPITAL GOWN.

[Scottish Ninja]

Answer CELL PHONE CALL from ETERNAL FREEDOM.

SAY: "Whatever Iosef and Pyotr can come up with. I wasn't too picky."

OWN BARACK OBAMA PRIVATE SPACEFLIGHT COMPLEX in CREEPY RUSSIAN FASHION.

SAY: "We can get whatever onto this airfield for now. But you'd better hurry up and get here."

Drink CHEAP RUSSIAN VODKA while waiting.

(EDIT: updated to reflect actual name of location)

[Eternal_Freedom]

ASKS CREEPY RUSSIAN GUY what KIND of BOMBS they are, and HOW MANY can he HAVE DELIVERED without being NOTICED?

[Scottish Ninja]

Order BOMBS from RUSSIAN ARMS DEALER. Have them delivered to HANGAR.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I MAKE SURE to THANK the SUAVE PLAYBOY for his KINDNESS.

I then CONFER with ZIXINUS, IGNORING PHANT and the JANITOR who don't seem to matter anymore. we DISCUSS the FACt that we are now APPARENTLY WANTED FUGITIVES.

I SUGGEST that we may as well LIVE UP TO THIS CHARGE. I FURTHER SUGGEST that once we have the SPACE PLANE in our POSSESION and I have LEARNT TO FLY IT, we ACQUIRE some kind of BOMBS and START PICKING TARGETS.

[PeZook]

Spoiler

Shep is actually in the best condition of your sorry lot, since he wasn't beaten up, exploderized, cut or hit with a broom handle

Unknown time

ROUND 4



Middle of fucking nowhere

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, ZIXINUS, PHANT, ETERNAL FREEDOM and SUAVE PLAYBOY.

You are STANDING near a ROAD. Your TRUCK is GONE. It is AFTERNOON. The WEATHER is REALLY HOT. Also VERY HUMID. You are all WEARING your HOSPITAL GOWNS. They are GETTING really UNCOMFORTABLE. They are CLINGING to your BODIES. There is a CONVERTIBLE parked NEARBY. It is driven by a SUAVE PLAYBOY.

You are ACHING all OVER. You are MOSTLY SOBER. BOYD LLOYD is LAYING on the GROUND. He is WHIMPERING and CLUTCHING his ABUSED GROIN. It looks VERY PAINFUL. FLOYD LLOYD is in SHOCK.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is ACCOSTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. He decides ZIXINUS has CHUTZPAH and agrees to help. ZIXINUS thankfully DISREGARDS his EVIL PLANS and SMILES under his GRAND MOUSTACHE. The SUAVE PLAYBOY helpfully EXPLAINS you are near MOBILE, ALABAMA.

ZIXINUS HUDDLES with FLOYD LLOYD and ETERNAL FREEDOM. They WHISPER amongst THEMSELVES and LEARN you were GOING to SAINT REAGAN SPACE CENTRE in FLORIDA. He PROVIDES an ADDRESS where he SAYS his SPACE AIRLANE THINGY is LOCATED.

He does NOT LIKE the SUGGESTION of WALKING there, but DECIDES they can HITCH HIKE, since BOYD LLOYD seems FINE despite his ABUSED GROIN. PHANT, FILIPINO JANITOR and ETERNAL FREEDOM are in LOTS OF PAIN and VERY BRUISED and MIGHT have RANDOM SHRAPNEL in them, but can WALK for SMALL DISTANCES.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Okay you dudes drive ahead and me and my bro will meet you there! Just make sure not to leave for Europe without us, as that would be totally sucky, dude. Man, you're the best employees ever! I am so glad we busted you out of that hospital!

You take a MINUTE to BRUSH and RESTORE the GRAND MOUSTACHE and DIG through the SPORTING BAGS. They contain CIVILIAN CLOTHES and a TABLET. The TABLET is CHARGED. It tells you the DATE. It has an ISSUE of HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES downloaded and enjoys ACCESS to TUBENETWEB 4.0

Not wanting to TEST the SUAVE PLAYBOY'S PATIENCE, you PILE INTO his CONVERTIBLE and TAKE OFF heading EAST. The RIDE is SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE. There are HANDS, HEADS, LEGS and PRIVATE PARTS sticking OUT.

The SUAVE PLAYBOY is getting ANNOYED. You have a 12 hour DRIVE ahead.

What do you do? _

***

January 20th 2025
Monday

HUNTSVILLE ROCKETRIES
Terror suspects break out of hospital

In a daring raid, members of an unknown terrorist organization sprung the suspects of last week terror attack against the Von Braun Aerosace Business Centre from their secure room at a local hospital.

Federal authorities have initiated a manhunt, believing the terrorists to be heading north towards Canada, well known for sheltering antiamerican disruptive elements and plotting the downfall of our great nation with their socialist ways.

Any citizens who spot the escapees are asked to report to their nearest law enforcement office.

We will provide updates as the story develops.

<poor quality photos of your group are attached>

Mobile County Sherrif's Office
510 South Royal Street
Mobile, AL

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP

You are SITTING in a CHAIR inside a SHERRIFF'S OFFICE. The OFFICE is VERY BUSY. There are many DEPUTIES. They are IGNORING you. You feel COLD and SHRUNK in your HOSPITAL GOWN.

Suddenly, a FEDERAL AGENT enters the OFFICE. He goes STRAIGHT for YOU. He seems ANGRY.

FEDERAL AGENT Says: Well, well...one of the Huntsville Bombers decided to make amends, I see? Take him to the Comfortably Enhanced Interrogation Room!

The DEPUTIES JERK you to your FEET and DRAG you to the CHEMICAL SHED.

What do you do? _

[Eternal_Freedom]

THANK ZIXINUS for his CONCERN. Tell him I haven't BROKEN ANYTHING. CHange into SPARE CLOTHES.

AGREES with ZIXINUS' PLAN, and I also offer to GO IN THE TRUNK, as due to my INJURIES I WON@T NOTICe being FOLDED IN HALF to fit.

BEFORE any DEPARTURE, ACQUIRE exact LOCATION of SPACEPLANE/HANGER from LLOYD BROTHERS. Then concur that they can WALK.

[Zixinus]

Tell PLAYBOY that we'll just put someone in the trunk. Myself if no one is apparent, I could use some sleep, provided we can get something from SPORTING BAGS to make a bit of a pillow.

If the trunk is unavailable, ask PLAYBOY for current location and FLOYD the location of the place where we need to go. Then EXAMINE BLOYD for any permanent or disabling injuries and then tell FLOYD that considering our condition, HE AND HIS BROTHER CAN FUCKING WALK.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY sees through ZIXINUS's CLINGFILM DECEPTION, but declares that ZIXINUS has CHUTZPAH for the attempt and that he likes him. SUAVE PLAYBOY agrees to drive ZIXINUS and FRIENDS to PLACES, although points out there may be an issue with SEATS.

[Zixinus]

CALM FLOYD DOWN. TELL FLOYD to SUPPORT ME to the PLAYBOY, let me do the talking and follow my lead. While I am going there, I try to THINK whether I can TEMPORARILY DISABLE the PLAYBOY'S CAR and THINK of a GOOD LIE.

CALMLY and POLITELY TALK TO PLAYBOY:
"Greetings sir. As you saw, we are in a dear predicament and I am afraid that I must ask for your help to save our lives. You see, we are patients from Montgomery hospital and contracted a rare condition called excors excerebro. It was difficult to diagnose us and we deteriorated until they found out what was wrong. Let me tell you, it was very painful as it creates bruise-like sypmtoms on the skin. Do not worry! It is not contagious. They could not treat us in Montgomery as it requires a particular machine called EEGNG. It turns out that the closest EEGNG is in Tallahassee, so we we were on our way in an ambulance. However, our group's ambulance broke down. New one you see, some fiddly electronic got sorted out and we were apparently stranded until a friendly trucker allowed us to burrow an empty truck to get us to Tallahassee. We were on our way in it, until that... madman started screaming and convulsing. The drivers stopped and he attacked them, as you saw. I even know why: I was able to talk to him beforehand, and he believed that he was heading to a FEMA deathcamp, rather than to get treatment. I think he lost his supermodel wife and has become paranoid since. So I implore you sir, please help us get to Talahassee or to at least the nearest town. We can pay you for our trouble."

My actions depend on whether the PLAYBOY says yes or no AND whether I think I can disable his car or not.

If he says NO and I CAN disable his car:
- I whisper the word "shade" to FLOYD. I then GRAB my CHEST and collapse towards the car. I try to TEMPORARILY DISABLE the car without the PLAYBOY noticing.
If discovered, I kick or punch PLAYBOY in the groin then the head. HOPE FLOYD can follow and help.

If he SAYS NO and I CANNOT disable the car:
- I whisper to FLOYD to delay the PLAYBOY as long as possible. I examine the STUFF from the SPORTING BAGS to see if there is anything I can use as a weapon or to make something that would distract PLAYBOY.

If YES: I ask him and FLOYD to help me and the others.

EXAMINE ETERNAL FREEDOM for BROKEN BONES and ASK if he feels any BROKEN BONES. HELP ETERNAL FREEDOM up CAREFULLY. OFFER SPARE CLOTHES.
TELL ETERNAL FREEDOM what THE HELL IS GOING ON . TELL him to HELP DELAY PLAYBOY if NECESSARY.

REPEAT WHOLLY WITH PHANT, FILIPINO JANITOR and BOYD LLOYD (in that order).
Spoiler

I actually expected SHEP to collapse due to his injuries. And damn, that took longer to write than necessary. EF got before me.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY cannot PHONE FOR HELP without a LANDMARK for the AMBULANCE my good MAN.

However SUAVE PLAYBOY offers something almost as good, SUAVE PLAYBOY offers ZIPLOCK BAG which may contain ILLICIT SUBSTANCES.

[Eternal_Freedom]

BEGIN to RECONSIDER whether TAKING this JOB was a VERY BAD IDEA. I keep getting INJURED PAINFULLY.

WALK PAINFULLY to the SUAVE PLAYBOY'S car, and ASK him to PHONE for HELP, preferably another damn AMBULANCE.

This done, RETURN to try and help LOYD BROTHERS with their IMMENSE GROIN PAIN. FINALLY check to ensure ZIXINUS' GIANT MOUSTACHE is INTACT.

[PeZook]

Unknown time

ROUND 3



Middle of fucking nowhere

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, RI'ANN SHAPP, ZIXINUS, PHANT and ETERNAL FREEDOM.

You are STANDING near a TRUCK. The TRUCK is PARKED by a HIGHWAY. It is AFTERNOON. The WEATHER is REALLY HOT. Also VERY HUMID. You are all WEARING your HOSPITAL GOWNS. They are GETTING really UNCOMFORTABLE.

You are ACHING all OVER. You are MOSTLY SOBER. The LLOYD BROS are LAYING on the GROUND. They are UNDER the FILIPINO JANITOR and PHANT. A STRANGE GUY is WALKING BY. He is LOOKING ON with DETACHED INTEREST.

ZIXINUS attempts to DRAG the FILIPINO JANITOR off FLOYD LLOYD. He is BARELY able to do it.

FLOYD LLOYD GETS UP and HELPS his BRO. He DUSTS himself OFF. He is PRETTY MIFFED.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Man, what the hell is it with that guy?! We saved him, dudes! Totally! The Feds would like throw him in jail, man!

ETERNAL FREEDOM INTERRUPTS by STUMBLING off the TRUCK. He LANDS FACEFIRST on JAGGED STONES. It is VERY PAINFUL. He manages to SPEAK. His SPEECH is SLURRED.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: Whut ze HELL is goofing uuun?! Whur ar ue?

FLOYD LLOYD Says: What? Oh, man...yeah, you'd probably want to know...

BOYD LLOYD Says: Hey shouldn't we get that guy...

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Easy bro we should tell them what's up!

BOYD LLOYD Says: Bro he's gonna hurt himself come on!

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Hey don't question my authority in front of employees!

BOYD LLOYD Says: Don't yell at me!

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Fuck you!

BOYD LLOYD Says: Fuck you too!

There is a LOADED PAUSE.

BOYD LLOYD: Hey bro I'm...

There is an INCOMPREHENSIBLE YELL. RI'ANN SHAPP appears and KICKS BOYD LLOYD in the GROIN.

He does it AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

BOYD LLOYD PASSES OUT on the GROUND. FLOYD LLOYD SCREAMS like a LITTLE GIRL.

RI'ANN SHAPP YELLS again. He RUNS OFF. His LAUGH is TERRIFYING. He STEALS your TRUCK. You are UNABLE to PREVENT the THEFT due to your PHYSICAL CONDITION. He DRIVES OFF. The SPORTING BAGS slide off the TRUCK as he is RAPIDLY DRIVING OFF. Various STUFF spills OUT of THEM.

FLOYD LLOYD: Oh man oh man oh man that guy's a fucking psycho!

The STRANGE GUY snorts with DERISION and CONTINUES WALKING. A SUAVE PLAYBOY DRIVES BY in a CONVERTIBLE. He STOPS and WATCHES your WACKY HIJINKS with MUCH AMUSEMENT.

FLOYD LLOYD Says: Oh man we're never gonna get to Florida in time now...

What do you do? _

[MKSheppard]

I RUN BACK TO THE TRUCK.

I THEN KICK MY FORMER EMPLOYERS IN THE GROIN REPEATEDLY.

I THEN GET IN THE TRUCK AND DRIVE IT UNTIL I FIND AN EXIT TO THE NEAREST TOWN.

ONCE THERE, I CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES.

"Man, I think I've been kidnapped!"

[Zixinus]

I EXPLAIN to ETERNAL FREEDOM what I already know.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I RECOVER CONSCIOUSNESS. I am in a LOT of PAIN.

I STUMBLE to the BACK of the TRUCK, and ask the EMPLOYERS what the HELL is GOING ON, and WHERE ARE WE?

[Zixinus]

I HELP get FILIPINO JANITOR off FLOYD. Due to my current state, I do this with minimal strain to myself. I EXAMINE if FLOYD is OK. I then EXAMINE if Phant is OK.
I sit down and ASK FOR DRUGS again, as I watch RI'ANN SHEP walk into nowhere.

[Force Lord]

Me, Jesus? Jesus, no. I happen to be random passerby.

[Darkevilme]

DRIVE by in HOOD DOWN CONVERTIBLE. STOP to watch HIJINKS.