1. NO CONSCIENCE!
A Republican man will never whine in the middle of the night—let alone in the middle of screwing you—about the girlfriend/wife/whatever he is “devastating” by sleeping with you. He just does it. It’s all about him—he needs to be the best you ever had, and that can be a good thing if your getting off is contingent on his. He doesn’t even stay for breakfast. (Though if you do make him breakfast, he is eternally grateful and will go down on you for another several hours.) One word: pancakes!
2. NO TEARS!
A Republican man will never, ever cry. Not on election night (no matter what happens). Not when you’re breaking up with him (what, you think he cared?). Not even when he’s having “a problem I’ve never had before, really, I’m not kidding, I swear.”
3. A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE
I’ve dated Democrats whose nights have been ruined (forever!) due to some stupid-ass comment by Bill Frist on Hardball. I’ve watched them go all mopey, argue with the TV…and then their little weenies disappear. Not so with GOPers. Republicans, particularly when naked, do not want to sit around and talk about Social Security privatization. Or Iraq, for chrissake. Or why (oh, boo hoo, get over it!) Kerry lost. They don’t even want to sit around naked and talk about George W. Bush. They just want you to sit on them.
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
Republicans are happy to watch Jon Stewart with you. They think he’s a riot. They don’t parse every word he says in an effort to figure out if “The Huffington Post” will approve. They just laugh, pour another cocktail, and decide upon which couch they will fuck your brains out after the show.
5. FOREPLAY
Democrats often need something incredibly erotic—like Meet the Press—to get revved up, particularly on a Sunday morning (there are only so many sections of The New York Times). Republicans, on the other hand, don’t even need Fox News to get it up. They understand that foreplay is about sex. And lots of it. Democrats are too busy checking if the condoms you keep in the jar by the bed are good for the environment. And by the time they figure that out, we’ve all lost our erections.
6. SIZE
It is absolutely, positively, 100 percent true that Republicans have bigger dicks. Just ask Lynne Cheney. (Dick is the Liam Neeson of Washington!)
7. EFFICIENCY
Republicans are much more likely to whip their dicks out during the cab ride back from dinner. (This is not an urban myth.) They are also more inclined to get started in the elevator, pin you against a wall, do you on the kitchen sink, wherever. Democrats bring jammies, spend at least twenty minutes prior to “sex time” doing God knows fucking what in the bathroom, and then emerge with a big grin that says: “After all I did for you supporting equal pay and abortion rights, the least you could do is make love to me.” Democrats always think you owe them. Republicans, because they’ve never done a goddamn thing for you, have no such delusions.
8. LARGESSE
Republicans have great taste in restaurants and will never make the wussiest of pre-date proposals: “You pick.” They understand that a woman wants a guy who knows how to pick a restaurant by himself. And who doesn’t feel the need to tell you what Zagat said about it before you get there. A Republican also knows how to order wine without getting all prissy about it, never dissects the bill (they don’t even look at it!), and will never, ever—ever—say, “Well, yes, I think that’s fair; your half comes to $39.25, but you had one more drink than I did,” if you offer to pay. They won’t let you think about offering to pay. This is so sexy! The best part: There’s never any guilt involved; we all know they got their tax break.
9. WOOING TECHNIQUES
Republicans will never send you group e-mails that consist of the entire text of Al Gore’s last speech (that was “woefully underreported” but “I knew you’d want to read it in its entirety”). Or the sign-up sheet for Democracy in Action, or whatever the hell those weirdos from the Howard Dean campaign are up to now. Or forms to send your congressperson because something terrible is happening to some woman you don’t know in Niger. (And you’d better send it to a hundred more friends or her labia will be removed tonight!!!) Nah. Republicans send e-mails that say: “I can’t wait to eat your pussy.”
10. NIGHTSTAND READING
You will never hear a Republican say, “Let’s just cuddle and read The New Yorker tonight.” They understand you do not want reading materials in bed. You want a man.
You forgot 10.5, or either that or it was posted afterwards.
10.5. THE BIG CAVEAT
Yes, Republicans are the better lay—but only the Republicans you’ve never heard of. The more prominent they are, the less fuckable they are. The opposite is true of Democrats. Think about it. Is there any woman on the face of the earth who wouldn’t fuck Bill Clinton? (Didn’t think so.) But with a gun to your head, could you even think of doing Santorum? DeLay? Lott? Yuck, yuck, yuck! Okay, with a gun to our head, we might do W. And Cheney. Definitely Cheney. As long as we’re blindfolded. (But that’s okay. Republicans are into that, too.)
By the pricking of my thumb,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, locks,
Whoever knocks.
Yeah, that's all well and good for before and during, but what they don't tell you is that a Republican will make you join him in a prayer for forgiveness afterward. Not because he cheated or anything, but because he enjoyed it.
Damien Sorresso
"Ever see what them computa bitchez do to numbas? It ain't natural. Numbas ain't supposed to be code, they supposed to quantify shit."
- The Onion
SirNitram wrote:This misses the fundamental benefit of a Liberal in bed.
We're kinky.
Don't forget about anal sex.
That falls under kinky, for most.
My love, you're not a Liberal. Yo're a Monster Raving Looney.
Which is even kinkier
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
If Republicans are so good in bed, why do they use prostitutes so much ? When the Republican Convention comes to town, sex workers come in from all over due to the massive Republican demand for paid sex. For example :
Lord of the Abyss wrote:If Republicans are so good in bed, why do they use prostitutes so much ? When the Republican Convention comes to town, sex workers come in from all over due to the massive Republican demand for paid sex. For example :
If they're so good, why do they need to pay for it ?
he might be a VI.. but that's a damn good point.
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
SirNitram wrote:This misses the fundamental benefit of a Liberal in bed.
We're kinky.
Don't forget about anal sex.
The Republicans will normally only figuratively fuck you in the ass...and even if they do it for real you can forget about lube or a reach around
"Prodesse Non Nocere." "It's all about popularity really, if your invisible friend that tells you to invade places is called Napoleon, you're a loony, if he's called Jesus then you're the president." "I'd drive more people insane, but I'd have to double back and pick them up first..." "All it takes for bullshit to thrive is for rational men to do nothing." - Kevin Farrell, B.A. Journalism. BOTM - EBC - Horseman - G&C - Vampire
Quote:
1. NO CONSCIENCE!
A Republican man will never whine in the middle of the night—let alone in the middle of screwing you—about the girlfriend/wife/whatever he is “devastating” by sleeping with you. He just does it. It’s all about him—he needs to be the best you ever had, and that can be a good thing if your getting off is contingent on his. He doesn’t even stay for breakfast. (Though if you do make him breakfast, he is eternally grateful and will go down on you for another several hours.) One word: pancakes!
So they enjoy infiedility and claim to have the moral high ground? The hell?
The Republicans will normally only figuratively fuck you in the ass...and even if they do it for real you can forget about lube or a reach around
Not sure who you are fucking Keevan.. but noone of mine have any extra parts..
I think you'll find both genders have fun parts to reach around and play with in such a situation...you'll find lots of very good visual aids to help you study anatomy in the Brotherhood of the Monkey.
"Prodesse Non Nocere." "It's all about popularity really, if your invisible friend that tells you to invade places is called Napoleon, you're a loony, if he's called Jesus then you're the president." "I'd drive more people insane, but I'd have to double back and pick them up first..." "All it takes for bullshit to thrive is for rational men to do nothing." - Kevin Farrell, B.A. Journalism. BOTM - EBC - Horseman - G&C - Vampire
Keevan_Colton wrote:
The Republicans will normally only figuratively fuck you in the ass...and even if they do it for real you can forget about lube or a reach around
Not sure who you are fucking Keevan.. but noone of mine have any extra parts..
I think you'll find both genders have fun parts to reach around and play with in such a situation...you'll find lots of very good visual aids to help you study anatomy in the Brotherhood of the Monkey.
asshole
Sudden power is apt to be insolent, sudden liberty saucy; that behaves best which has grown gradually.
theski wrote:
Not sure who you are fucking Keevan.. but noone of mine have any extra parts..
I think you'll find both genders have fun parts to reach around and play with in such a situation...you'll find lots of very good visual aids to help you study anatomy in the Brotherhood of the Monkey.
asshole
Yes, that's one of the fun parts to play with. See? You're learning already!
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
Durandal wrote:Yeah, that's all well and good for before and during, but what they don't tell you is that a Republican will make you join him in a prayer for forgiveness afterward. Not because he cheated or anything, but because he enjoyed it.
You think this is a joke, but I know someone who went out with a guy that actually did that. For that very reason.
1. NO CONSCIENCE!
A Republican man will never whine in the middle of the night—let alone in the middle of screwing you—about the girlfriend/wife/whatever he is “devastating” by sleeping with you. He just does it. It’s all about him—he needs to be the best you ever had, and that can be a good thing if your getting off is contingent on his. He doesn’t even stay for breakfast. (Though if you do make him breakfast, he is eternally grateful and will go down on you for another several hours.) One word: pancakes!
2. NO TEARS!
A Republican man will never, ever cry. Not on election night (no matter what happens). Not when you’re breaking up with him (what, you think he cared?). Not even when he’s having “a problem I’ve never had before, really, I’m not kidding, I swear.”
3. A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE
I’ve dated Democrats whose nights have been ruined (forever!) due to some stupid-ass comment by Bill Frist on Hardball. I’ve watched them go all mopey, argue with the TV…and then their little weenies disappear. Not so with GOPers. Republicans, particularly when naked, do not want to sit around and talk about Social Security privatization. Or Iraq, for chrissake. Or why (oh, boo hoo, get over it!) Kerry lost. They don’t even want to sit around naked and talk about George W. Bush. They just want you to sit on them.
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
Republicans are happy to watch Jon Stewart with you. They think he’s a riot. They don’t parse every word he says in an effort to figure out if “The Huffington Post” will approve. They just laugh, pour another cocktail, and decide upon which couch they will fuck your brains out after the show.
5. FOREPLAY
Democrats often need something incredibly erotic—like Meet the Press—to get revved up, particularly on a Sunday morning (there are only so many sections of The New York Times). Republicans, on the other hand, don’t even need Fox News to get it up. They understand that foreplay is about sex. And lots of it. Democrats are too busy checking if the condoms you keep in the jar by the bed are good for the environment. And by the time they figure that out, we’ve all lost our erections.
"By the time they figure that out, we've all lost our erections?"
The entire list is phrased to imply that the other partner is the man (even going so far as to identify him as the "Republican man"), and the writer/partner is obviously implied to be a woman. But #5 makes it clear that the writer is also a man. So is this a guide to Republican GAY sex?
Did the writer of this article just accidentally "out" himself? No wonder the credit line reads "Anonymous".
"It's not evil for God to do it. Or for someone to do it at God's command."- Jonathan Boyd on baby-killing
"you guys are fascinated with the use of those "rules of logic" to the extent that you don't really want to discussus anything."- GC
"I do not believe Russian Roulette is a stupid act" - Embracer of Darkness
"Viagra commercials appear to save lives" - tharkûn on US health care.
Darth Wong wrote:
The entire list is phrased to imply that the other partner is the man (even going so far as to identify him as the "Republican man"), and the writer/partner is obviously implied to be a woman. But #5 makes it clear that the writer is also a man. So is this a guide to Republican GAY sex?
Did the writer of this article just accidentally "out" himself? No wonder the credit line reads "Anonymous".
This is below the 10.5 on the linked article.
*The author wishes to remain anonymous for fear of cutting off her supply.
So, since the author seems to be confused or "flexible" as to his/her gender. Maybe it is Ann Coulter.
By the pricking of my thumb,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, locks,
Whoever knocks.
But hang on... if a Republican wrote this, how the hell am I supposed to trust it? The amout of distortions on that side of the Amcerican political system is baffling, this has just made me convinced that every Republican is actually a 15 year old kid with a monocole trying desperately to get a bra open with a can opener whilst simultaneously ejaculating over the entire bedspread before falling backwards onto the back of his head killing him.
"Yeah, funny how that works - you giving hungry people food they vote for you. You give homeless people shelter they vote for you. You give the unemployed a job they vote for you.
Maybe if the conservative ideology put a roof overhead, food on the table, and employed the downtrodden the poor folk would be all for it, too". - Broomstick
Lord of the Abyss wrote:If Republicans are so good in bed, why do they use prostitutes so much ? When the Republican Convention comes to town, sex workers come in from all over due to the massive Republican demand for paid sex. For example :
If they're so good, why do they need to pay for it ?
he might be a VI.. but that's a damn good point.
They have to fuck something while their SO's are recovering?
They say, "the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." I suppose it never occurred to them that they are the tyrants, not the patriots. Those weapons are not being used to fight some kind of tyranny; they are bringing them to an event where people are getting together to talk. -Mike Wong
But as far as board culture in general, I do think that young male overaggression is a contributing factor to the general atmosphere of hostility. It's not SOS and the Mess throwing hand grenades all over the forum- Red
