choice of bodyguard

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-04-30 11:31am

You're a struggling smuggler in the star wars universe at the time of Return of the Jedi. For some reason, Q has taken a liking to you and says he will provide you with any bodyguard you wish, who will fullfill a wookie life debt to you like Chewbacca did with Han Solo but only for 10 years, and so for the next 10 years that bodyguard will accompany you wherever YOU go with their sole function being to protect your life from any external dangers. They can't remove you from the star wars galaxy - they only follow you around.

You can chose any mortal sci-fi character from outside the star wars universe(no fantasy/comics!). Remember, they're only there to protect your life, they're not your sex slave, secretary, or valet.

Scenario A) Assume that you will be simply facing conventional dangers of a smuggler from bounty hunters, spice-jackers, customs officials, mercenaries, crime syndicates, and angry drunks and spice addicts.

Scenario B) In addition to the dangers of a smuggler, assume that Thrawn, the resurrected Palpatine(s), Ysanne Isard, the Hutts, Borsk Feilya, and even Talon Karrde will all decide at one point or another that you need to be captured because of your friendship with Q.

Who would you choose as your bodyguard and why in these scenarios?

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-04-30 11:37am

scenario A) I can't think of anyone better than Kirk here. He's a cool guy who'd be fun to hang around ('cept he'd always be stealing all the ladies) but he'd also be able to think very well on his feet and get us out of seemingly hopeless situations.

scenario B) have no idea. Maybe John Murdoch from the end of Dark City. Someone with vast telekinetic powers would be very helpful here.

1337n1nj4 · Post by **1337n1nj4** » 2004-04-30 11:38am

I'd want a Xenomorph.

I mean, c'mon. Who's gonna fuck with you having that thing following you around?

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-04-30 11:45am

It can be anyone...?

Mace Windu, in full Clone Wars Neo Dragon Balls of Brass mode.

Oh yes, that will be enough for any senario. Imagine some long hair like Chewie trying to take him on

Talk about having your arms ripped out...try having your chest caved in by TK-enhances punches.

spongyblue · Post by **spongyblue** » 2004-04-30 11:45am

A) Macguyver. If that guy can get the shit done with toothpicksand backing soda, imagine what he can do with star wars tech.

B) Optimas Prime(G1). Technically, transformers are mortal, just extremly long lived. Prime Just kicks ass.

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-04-30 11:49am

[12yr-old voice]

Mace Windu could kick Optimus Prime's butt!

[/12yr-old mode off]

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-04-30 11:49am

18-Till-I-Die wrote:It can be anyone...?

Mace Windu, in full Clone Wars Neo Dragon Balls of Brass mode.

Oh yes, that will be enough for any senario. Imagine some long hair like Chewie trying to take him on Talk about having your arms ripped out...try having your chest caved in by TK-enhances punches.

It has to be a mortal character outside the star wars universe. It was obvious to me that jedi/sith characters would be perfect in those scenarios, that's why I specified it as a non-star wars character.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2004-04-30 11:51am

A Culture offensive drone should do.

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-04-30 11:51am

Oh...crap i dint read all of that

Hmm, ok, well...i pick...*looks down line of characters*...uh...

Richard Seaton. Cuase he has the Skylark. And cause i could then kick ass. Seriously, he's plainly human, and yet he can wipe out a galaxy. I think that'll tide me over for ten years.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-04-30 11:59am

I reckon I'd probably go with Lazarus Long. First, of course, I would make very very sure that I had some kind of incentive for him to remain my bodyguard... and i would make sure he couldn't get out of it in any way... he'd be good for scenario A (although I'd have to make him wear pants so he wouldn't always be humping, what with his usual kilt!)

And #2? How about... Rincewind? Just glom myself onto him, and hopefully nothing'll be able to touch me! Failing that, Coin the Sourcerer would work very nicely, I reckon...

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-04-30 11:59am

Both of my choices would be from sci-fi books that, probably, you haven't read.

1) Skua September. The man is the kind of guy you'd want watching your back; cool, intelligent, and unstoppable.

2) Jed from Jed the Dead. For a mostly-dead alien, he's the best bodyguard in the universe...or well, his coffin is.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-04-30 12:50pm

Scenario A) Assume that you will be simply facing conventional dangers of a smuggler from bounty hunters, spice-jackers, customs officials, mercenaries, crime syndicates, and angry drunks and spice addicts.

Scenario B) In addition to the dangers of a smuggler, assume that Thrawn, the resurrected Palpatine(s), Ysanne Isard, the Hutts, Borsk Feilya, and even Talon Karrde will all decide at one point or another that you need to be captured because of your friendship with Q.

For both of them either a Culture ROU (Killing Time or one of it's bretheren) or an upgunned GCU. Minds are people too.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-04-30 01:02pm

The Shrike. It's always nice to have a bodyguard who is capable of wiping out the Imperial navy.

Plus, having it freecast and turn all your potential enemies into red mist, thus removing them before they can act is a nice benefit.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Dahak · Post by **Dahak** » 2004-04-30 01:06pm

Yes, the Shrike, definitely.

There not much who would be a worthy oponent for it...

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-04-30 01:07pm

Elheru Aran wrote:I reckon I'd probably go with Lazarus Long. First, of course, I would make very very sure that I had some kind of incentive for him to remain my bodyguard... and i would make sure he couldn't get out of it in any way... he'd be good for scenario A (although I'd have to make him wear pants so he wouldn't always be humping, what with his usual kilt!)

And #2? How about... Rincewind? Just glom myself onto him, and hopefully nothing'll be able to touch me! Failing that, Coin the Sourcerer would work very nicely, I reckon...

think discworld chars count more as fantasy than sci-fi. Far as who i'd pick for a bodyguard, that's easy. (assuming x-men counts as sci fi anyway) Gladiator of the Shi'Ar Imperial Guard.

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-04-30 01:10pm

hrm. actually, scratch that, OP just said no fantasy/comics. so . . .hows about a Predator then? Or possibly a culture drone.

Bob the Gunslinger · Post by **Bob the Gunslinger** » 2004-04-30 02:44pm

I would choose Ivanova. Why? Certainly not to protect me.
But if I've got to spend 10 years in extremely close quarters with someone who feels that she owes me a debt, I choose her.

Or Charisma Carpenter.

You heard me right. Not Cordy.

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2004-04-30 04:07pm

The Guyver. A single organism that can resurrect the dead from the tiniest bit of bio matter left on the medallion, a pair of dual atom smashers on the chest, flight, vibro arm blades and regeneration. It's got it all and is stored in a nice little pocket dimension.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-04-30 04:11pm

I'm with Necron here, something nice from the Culture would fit the bill perfectly...I think a ROU or GCU would be a bit of overkill for the bodyguard brief...but damned if they wouldnt be fun!

Kerneth · Post by **Kerneth** » 2004-04-30 04:21pm

I have to agree with the Culture Combat Drone.

The GOU or ROU is...well, vastly overkill. Besides, that's not a "bodyguard", that's a starship. A Combat Drone actually IS meant to function as a bodyguard, and since a single Combat Drone is a match for an ISD...that's about all the bodyguard anybody in the SW universe is likely to need. Even a Jedi or Sith is going to have issues dealing with one of those.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-04-30 04:23pm

Kerneth wrote:I have to agree with the Culture Combat Drone.

The GOU or ROU is...well, vastly overkill. Besides, that's not a "bodyguard", that's a starship. A Combat Drone actually IS meant to function as a bodyguard, and since a single Combat Drone is a match for an ISD...that's about all the bodyguard anybody in the SW universe is likely to need. Even a Jedi or Sith is going to have issues dealing with one of those.

But think of the fun of riding your bodyguard to work every day!

Er...that sounds pretty bad doesnt it?

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-04-30 05:00pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:
Kerneth wrote:I have to agree with the Culture Combat Drone.

The GOU or ROU is...well, vastly overkill. Besides, that's not a "bodyguard", that's a starship. A Combat Drone actually IS meant to function as a bodyguard, and since a single Combat Drone is a match for an ISD...that's about all the bodyguard anybody in the SW universe is likely to need. Even a Jedi or Sith is going to have issues dealing with one of those.
But think of the fun of riding your bodyguard to work every day!

Er...that sounds pretty bad doesnt it?

Not once you realize this is the Culture. I'm sure the ship has an avatar set to sexy some where.

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2004-04-30 07:44pm

Super Smith from Revolutions, with all his in-Matrix abilities. Oh, wait, that would mean I would have several billion bodyguards. Oh well.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2004-04-30 07:48pm

Sod combat drones, this is for guarding my person, not wiping out my vacation resort.

I'll have a Special Circumstances drone.

Kitsune · Post by **Kitsune** » 2004-04-30 10:37pm

For the first situation, I think I would chose a gay major from the Mercenary company "Hammers Slammers" named Major Stuben.

For the second, is Dahak from "Fourth Imperius" considered mortal? He can be killed, thoretically. Probably not, maybe Alicia DeVrees assuming Megeria comes along.