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Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-12 01:10pm
by Fire Fly
Link
Dear Mr. Colbert,
Recently on your show, you tapped into a sore spot in our nation's psyche: the eternal struggle between mayonnaise and Miracle Whip. And surprisingly, for a man of your impeccable intellect, you've chosen the wrong side. A side doomed to a painful, drawn-out, utter and complete defeat. Like the Plantagenets in the Hundred Years' War. Or whichever one was the cat in "Tom and Jerry."
Mr. Colbert, we found your attacks a little harsh, occasionally funny, and at times, wholly inaccurate (for the record, our target is 18-35, not 34). But unlike most advertisers who are so mayo, who would back down at the slightest whiff of controversy, and pull their advertising from not just your show but from your entire network and all its sister entities -- we intend to do the opposite.
On Thursday, November 12, we will dominate the airspace on your show. With every commercial break, your viewers will be exposed to hardcore Miracle Whip attitude and revelry. You will see our legion of (as you call them) "mayo nay-sayers" snarfing sandwiches topped with our one-of-a-kind flavor in a very cool and totally hip way. They will be in your face and massively dope. It goes without saying, they WILL NOT TONE IT DOWN. And you will begin to see the soft, bland white walls of the mayo empire begin to collapse under the weight of its own whipped-egg pretentiousness.
Think about it Mr. Colbert. In a sense, we will own you.
We're on a mission. We're taking no prisoners.
We're raising Hell, Man.
THE BOLD MARKETING TEAM AT MIRACLE WHIP
Origin of the First Blow
My only regret is not having a tv to see these commercials.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-12 01:17pm
by Themightytom
I am a fan of miracle whip.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 06:06am
by JointStrikeFighter
wtf is miracle whip
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 06:44am
by salm
JointStrikeFighter wrote:wtf is miracle whip
Mayonaise manufactured by Kraft.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 09:48am
by Lusankya
What's the difference between Miracle Whip and Kraft Mayonnaise?
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 09:52am
by salm
According to Wikipedia it´s cheaper to produce, is produced a bit differently and contains a couple of different spices than normal Mayo.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 09:55am
by Themightytom
salm wrote:According to Wikipedia it´s cheaper to produce, is produced a bit differently and contains a couple of different spices than normal Mayo.
Ahem. It has a tangy zip. I am a fan of the zip of course, as well as the tang.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 09:58am
by salm
Themightytom wrote:
tangy zip.
Please elaborate.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 10:21am
by Themightytom
salm wrote:Themightytom wrote:
tangy zip.
Please elaborate.
Its spicy mayonaise. The same way spicy mustard is more interesting in terms of taste, miracle whip is more interesting than regular mayonaise. its great on sandwiches, and sometimes I make tuna fish with miracle whip and relish.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 01:55pm
by Wing Commander MAD
Quick note, the generic versions are called salad dressing spreads or salad dressing. You may or may not recognized the term.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 02:20pm
by dragon
And it has a lot of fat than mayo.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 03:01pm
by Frank Hipper
Miracle Whip is a slightly sweet, slightly tart mayonnaise; mayonnaise with a soupcon of vinegar and a little sugar.
While Miracle Whip is a factory produced, corporate conglomeration, the original recipe it's based on is the salad dressing for cole slaw, and off-brand products are sold as "salad dressing".
(see W.C.MAD above)
Mayonnaise is nasty on sandwiches, sorely lacking something, after you get used to Miracle Whip.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 04:39pm
by Resinence
The idea of a massive faceless corporation that makes mayonnaise trying to be "hipster" is revolting, though completely predictable in the cycle of things. I have to agree with Colbert, they are tryhard cunts, and anyone who puts a freakish abomination of mayo and salad dressing on a perfectly good sandwich should be taken out back and put down. I feel the urge to rant about how hipsters are the worst kind of fake, pretentious and culturally bankrupt 'movement' but I doubt many people here have actually had the displeasure of conversing with a group of these cretins.
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 05:26pm
by AMT
Resinence wrote:The idea of a massive faceless corporation that makes mayonnaise trying to be "hipster" is revolting, though completely predictable in the cycle of things. I have to agree with Colbert, they are tryhard cunts, and anyone who puts a freakish abomination of mayo and salad dressing on a perfectly good sandwich should be taken out back and put down. I feel the urge to rant about how hipsters are the worst kind of fake, pretentious and culturally bankrupt 'movement' but I doubt many people here have actually had the displeasure of conversing with a group of these cretins.
Spoken like one who has never had the simple sublime majesty that is cool whip on a breaded chicken sandwhich
Re: Miracle Whip Goes to War With Stephen Colbert
Posted: 2009-11-13 05:38pm
by Frank Hipper
Despite a few attempts, this is obviously going to produce little beyond one-liners.
Locked.
