Brittany Spears's kids are screwed. What can we do?

[Superman]

The real tragedy of the whole ridiculous situation is the fact that this white trash bitch has already had a couple of kids. I guess they're having custody battles for them now, right?

No matter which of those two idiots raises these kids, they're going to be screwed. So what should we do in a case like this?

I propose the following; we give these two kids to a motherless chimpanzee at the San Diego zoo. No matter how you look at it, they will be much better off than with either of the two retards who are trying to get them now. The chimpanzee mom will raise them as her own. They will never go hungry either, as zoo staff will always make sure they have food, and patrons will provide them with extra peanuts.

It's a win win situation.

Any other ideas?

[Boyish-Tigerlilly]

Why would you give them to a motherless chimpanzee? Wouldn't you give it to a mother who is childless?


But in seriousness, I wonder if there could be a way to have stricter parenting regulations. Something like a test, or a license, or some stronger regulations on how they treat thier kids.

[Darth Fanboy]

The problem with giving the kids to the chimps is that the children of white trash are not an exotic endangered species. A place like San Diego Zoo is really quite above it. I think Britney's kids should go to whomever wins custody of Anna Nicole's kid as a sort of "bonus prize".

[Karza]

I think Britney's kids should go to whomever wins custody of Anna Nicole's kid as a sort of "bonus prize".

You made my day, sir

That being said, maybe the kids aren't yet completely on the Dark Side, and they might actually grow up as normal people in a good foster home?

Reminds me of the Dilbert strip where Dogbert set up an agency for regulating parenthood, because "Something had to be done. All it took in the past was a few body parts and ability to follow basic instincts."

[Darth Wong]

One of the ironies about our modern age is that the people who are least capable of raising children tend to have the most children. The only difference between Britney Spears and the country's vast swathes of trailer trash is the size and cost of her trailer.

[Patrick Degan]

Reserve space for them in the same psychiatrist's office Michael Jackson's kids will be going to, I suppose...

[Tolya]

Free psychiatric admission cards signed "Im Britney Spears kid" should be handed over to those poor children.

I dunno if there is anything else that can be done.

[Solauren]

Her behaviour as of late should be enough to have her kids taken from her and put into a foster home, with both parents + there familes not being allowed contact with them until they past drug tests, and take extensive courses on parenting.

Either that, or the Chimp, but the poor kids are already being punished enough just by having Spears as there mother.

[Trytostaydead]

One of the ironies about our modern age is that the people who are least capable of raising children tend to have the most children. The only difference between Britney Spears and the country's vast swathes of trailer trash is the size and cost of her trailer.

You never saw that episode of Family Guy where Peter is talking to a bunch of addicts, "Have lots of kids because you don't know which one will make it to hollywood! Hollywood!"

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Any other ideas?

Two words: Wire. Mother.

[Superman]

Two words: Wire. Mother.

To sew her vagina up?

[Master of Cards]

Two words: Wire. Mother.

To sew her vagina up?

I think coathanger would be better for the effect spanky

[Vehrec]

Two words: Wire. Mother.

To sew her vagina up?

Nah, Spanky's talking about an experiment where baby monkies were given a choice between staying with a wire surogate that had milk, or a cloth surogate that had no milk. They always went cloth, even keeping a single toe on it at all times when they absolutely had to feed streaching out as far as they could to reach the nipple of the bottle attached to the wire mother.

[Big Orange]

How does American society seem to allow freaks like Michael Jackson, Anne Nicole Smith, Elvis Presley, Britney Spears, OJ Simpson and many, many others to get very rich and then totally blow it in a spectacular manner, permanently damaging themselve and everyone else around them? Where are the fucking checks and balances in the entertainment industry? It seems to be populated by too many freaks, fools and sociopaths.

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Thank you, Vehrec. At least somebody here's done their homework...

[The Yosemite Bear]

Well as soon as Courtney Love's daughter gets emancipated.....

(what am I the only one who can see the new TV reality show?)

[Superman]

How does American society seem to allow freaks like Michael Jackson, Anne Nicole Smith, Elvis Presley, Britney Spears, OJ Simpson and many, many others to get very rich and then totally blow it in a spectacular manner, permanently damaging themselve and everyone else around them? Where are the fucking checks and balances in the entertainment industry? It seems to be populated by too many freaks, fools and sociopaths.

Yeah, you can take Elvis OFF that list, doucher. How dare you list the King with Brittany Spears...???

I say good day to you, sir! GOOD DAY!

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Well as soon as Courtney Love's daughter gets emancipated.....

(what am I the only one who can see the new TV reality show?)

Frances Bean Cobain has my utmost sympathy. I can't imagine what it'd be like having Courtney Love, of all women, as a mother...

[Superman]

Well as soon as Courtney Love's daughter gets emancipated.....

(what am I the only one who can see the new TV reality show?)

Frances Bean Cobain has my utmost sympathy. I can't imagine what it'd be like having Courtney Love, of all women, as a mother...

Not to mention that she gave her "Bean" as a middle name. Damn crack head parents...

[General Brock]

The real tragedy of the whole ridiculous situation is the fact that this white trash bitch has already had a couple of kids. I guess they're having custody battles for them now, right?

No matter which of those two idiots raises these kids, they're going to be screwed. So what should we do in a case like this?

I propose the following; we give these two kids to a motherless chimpanzee at the San Diego zoo. No matter how you look at it, they will be much better off than with either of the two retards who are trying to get them now. The chimpanzee mom will raise them as her own. They will never go hungry either, as zoo staff will always make sure they have food, and patrons will provide them with extra peanuts.

It's a win win situation.

Any other ideas?

Not my woman, not my kid, not my problem and none of my business.

The parparraNazis busy trying to make hay off their difficult situation are a bigger problem then she is though.

Spears seems to be getting some weird advice from her handlers/friends; she sang some nice songs, and was part of some nice memories because of those songs. Like Michael Jackson, she now being given enough rope to hang herself and ruin them.

My idea would be to execute her manager.

[Superman]

She's one of a million of these white trash idiots that breed like rabbits. It might not be your problem there up there in Canada, but when her kids grow up and kill someone from driving drunk, or get locked up, then it is our problem. Who do you think foots the bills for these idiots?

[Stark]

My idea would be to execute her manager.

Actually, I think adults have to take responsibility for their own decisions. Who would I blame if I went on a huge speed bender with one of my friends and ended up in rehab, destroying my family life? My dad? My friend? Or is it MY fault, for being a clueless selfish retard?

[General Brock]

My idea would be to execute her manager.

Actually, I think adults have to take responsibility for their own decisions. Who would I blame if I went on a huge speed bender with one of my friends and ended up in rehab, destroying my family life? My dad? My friend? Or is it MY fault, for being a clueless selfish retard?

What a nice idea. The world doesn't operate like that, though.

Who chose your friends; you or your parents? Do you have any mitigating chemical imbalances? What determined your choices and your perspective on them? How smart and mature are you, and where are your blind spots? Were you a child star and a huge source of income for your family and an entourage of cling-ons?

This whole individual responsibility thing seems hyped a lot by scammers wanting to elude responsibility for the harm they do to others.

At what point in her life did Britney Spears get to learn how to be a responsible adult? She's been an instrument of profit since her early teens. The point of executing her main handler would be to allow her the perspective of personal responsibility - from the angle of self-interest, not those making money off her image any way they can.

Spears is a has-been teeny bopper sensation, chosen for her pretty voice and jailbait good looks. Few child actors do well in adult life; why should she fare any differently, given her environment?

Her first marriage was to a childhood friend, Jason Alexander; her manager Larry Rudolph pressured her to annul it; she was less saleable as a chaste tease to his audience married. Then, no-one stepped in to annul her marriage to Federlane; what the hell made him better than her first choice?

Spears was given approval for her inappropriate 'girl power' sexual signals throughout her career. Not surprisingly, she is now having problems as those signals don't work for the non-pubescent. Her progression to try an up the ante in response to declining appeal is not unlike Madonna's, except Madonna's people somehow managed to bring the entertainment press in line. Do I hold Spears responsible for doing as she was trained to do? Or, do I look at the industry and the agents upon whom she relied upon for success as well? She's not an artist; she's not even a technician; she probably hasn't practiced her scales in years. Right now, she's seems to be this season's celebrity scratching pole, hilariously lurching from one faux-pas to the next.

If you've ever seen seen cliquey people out to haze or roast a rube, you'd see similarities to her predicament. This sort of cruelty sells, especially when the buyers can distance themselves from the act of victimization.

Look at Celine Dion and Shania Twain; their managers protect them and keep them out of trouble. Being married to the women is probably some incentive. What is Britney's manager doing? If he's not resigning for failing in his responsibilities to mentor and protect the merchandise, something's up.

[General Brock]

She's one of a million of these white trash idiots that breed like rabbits. It might not be your problem there up there in Canada, but when her kids grow up and kill someone from driving drunk, or get locked up, then it is our problem. Who do you think foots the bills for these idiots?

What are you talking about? Granted, people like Federlane seem too slimy to be allowed to breed, and that they do doesn't say much for the judgement of the women they catch.

However, Kory and Kaleb haven't done anything yet. Its a little early to be looking at them as untermensch, if ever.

Paris Hilton, to whom Britney apparently looked up to for guidance on celebrity womanhood, did not come from a trailer park.

Dick Cheney and George Bush didn't come from a trailer park either, and look what those scions of middle and upper America can do.

The trailer park caste may breed dross from time to time, as well as the occasional gold and silver, but so will every other. That's why the free world doesn't officially enforce a caste system anymore.

[Stark]

Are you some kind of Spears apologist? You go argue while it isn't her fault - you honestly seem to believe it's impossible to be in her situation and not be cripplingly retarded and ruin your life. I'd like you to prove that.

Personal responsibility is the cornerstone of maturity. If you're arguing that she's simply a cipher at the whim of her family, her agent, her poor terrible wealth etc, you're basically saying she's spineless and immature. Hardly an excuse, wouldn't you say?