Scenario: Capt. of a ship stranded in the Delta Quadrant...

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-12-03 03:11pm

... with limited supplies and no way of getting home anytime soon (your Science Officer calculates that it will take roughly 70 years at maximum warp, assuming that was possible of course).

Your crew is on the verge of mutiny and there are hostile and unknown aliens behind every spatial anomaly and planetary system. On top of that you've got a really annoying alien onboard making the crew sick with his weird food.

One day (after many trials & tribulations) you encounter a humanoid alien with incredible god-like powers (demonstrated time and again to your amazement and who's abilities are a matter of Starfleet record) who promises to take your ship and crew all home instantly, on one condition... you have sex with him (once).

What do you do?

Ted C · Post by **Ted C** » 2003-12-03 03:27pm

Can he take the form of a hot female?

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-12-03 04:36pm

Ted C wrote:Can he take the form of a hot female?

Frankly, if you're the doofus who stranded the crew out there in the first place, it would be your duty to take it up the ass from a Ron Jeremy lookalike if that's what the alien wanted.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-12-03 05:06pm

Hell yes... John De Lancie... phwoarr.... needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and my ass.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2003-12-03 05:13pm

Can I get a tech upgrade with that too?

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-12-03 05:15pm

Wasn't that the plot of a Voyager episode?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-12-03 07:18pm

I'd lube my ass up in a heartbeat. And I'd invite a few of those ensign cutie boys to participate, too.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-12-03 07:39pm

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:I'd lube my ass up in a heartbeat. And I'd invite a few of those ensign cutie boys to participate, too.

And why aren't I surprised?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-12-03 09:39pm

Aya wrote:
Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:I'd lube my ass up in a heartbeat. And I'd invite a few of those ensign cutie boys to participate, too.
And why aren't I surprised?

LMFAO!!!

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-12-03 09:41pm

Take one for the team as they say.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2003-12-03 10:28pm

I'd promote Ein to captain.

And if that doesn’t work, I'd have no other option...but to inform the crew we got a long trip ahead of us.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2003-12-03 10:39pm

Hmm, ever since being exposed SDNET residents such as Einny and the rest of Gale(?) I think I can take it up the ass and/or take his ass too.

Just bring the lube please.

~Jason

Kitsune · Post by **Kitsune** » 2003-12-03 10:42pm

I don't care if he has spikes on his thing, a Captain does what he must to save his soul.

If I was a member of the crew and the Captain did not want to do it, I would be tempted to space the captain and see the being will accept a substitute.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-12-03 11:55pm

Yes. My duty is to my ship and crew, not the durability of my anal wall.

I'd not enjoy it, though.

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2003-12-04 12:46am

This is exactly what I hoped would happen to Janeway.

I would say yes, because the alternative - flying through deep space, being beset upon by weird alien antagonists with weird alien haircuts (the Kazon), guys who want to steal my liver (the Vidians), stupid but plentiful Borg, stupid and gullible aliens, one obnoxious alien who'll cook posionous food - is too much.

Taking it up the ass would last how long? Whereas the alternative would have me listening to everyone's pathetic whinings for years and years.

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2003-12-04 03:21am

KhyronTheBackstabber wrote:I'd promote Ein to captain.

Could you get me to ensign?

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2003-12-04 05:48am

The real question is 'What do I get for two babies?'

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-12-04 06:03am

I've got one:

The alien has the means to get you home in an instant, but for the cost of you handing over one member of your crew for him to eat.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-12-04 06:07am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:I've got one:

The alien has the means to get you home in an instant, but for the cost of you handing over one member of your crew for him to eat.

Simple: I keep Boredshirtless in the brig for just that purpose!

Alien gets a full tummy, and I dispose of the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever seen. Win-Win All 'Round!!

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-12-04 07:32am

Kurgan wrote:... with limited supplies and no way of getting home anytime soon (your Science Officer calculates that it will take roughly 70 years at maximum warp, assuming that was possible of course).

Your crew is on the verge of mutiny and there are hostile and unknown aliens behind every spatial anomaly and planetary system. On top of that you've got a really annoying alien onboard making the crew sick with his weird food.

One day (after many trials & tribulations) you encounter a humanoid alien with incredible god-like powers (demonstrated time and again to your amazement and who's abilities are a matter of Starfleet record) who promises to take your ship and crew all home instantly, on one condition... you have sex with him (once).

What do you do?

you kidding? Id be in the DQ well far away from the Federation, I take the time to go find an uninhabited M Class palnet and set up that Utopia i've always wanted. I'd loot Voyager for equipment like a replicator and a holodeck maybe some furniture, and take several choice female crewmembers with me. Then i'dd tell the first officer to get fucking lost. And if he responds with "we're already lost" i'd say, "then go get found asshole! Later!"

Eons later, when the Federation finally explores that region again, theyll encounter the civilization that sprang up from my loins and be utterly conquered by it.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-12-04 10:28am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:I've got one:

The alien has the means to get you home in an instant, but for the cost of you handing over one member of your crew for him to eat.

Sounds like a job for Ambassador Neelix.

Tragic · Post by **Tragic** » 2003-12-04 11:24am

KhyronTheBackstabber wrote:I'd promote Ein to captain. And if that doesn’t work, I'd have no other option...but to inform the crew we got a long trip ahead of us.

I'm with this guy. I just can't imagine anyone doing that to me.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2003-12-04 11:36am

I'm with this guy. I just can't imagine anyone doing that to me.

I dunno- I would want to have a captain who would be willing to take a shot in the chest for me. On the same note, I would be very dissapointed if said captain wasn't willing to take the far less fatal shot in the cornhole.

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-12-04 12:32pm

Tsyroc wrote:Sounds like a job for Ambassador Neelix.

LMAO, my thoughts exactly.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-12-04 02:53pm

Forgot to add that it has to be an original member of the crew from the Alpha Quadrant, so no giving him Neelix or Kes or Seven.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Scenario: Capt. of a ship stranded in the Delta Quadrant...

Do you bang the alien?

Scenario: Capt. of a ship stranded in the Delta Quadrant...

Re: Scenario: Capt. of a ship stranded in the Delta Quadrant