Enterprise Engineers
Posted: 2003-11-21 02:01pm
I got to thinking about what life would be like on the Enterprise for competent engineering staff:
<Main Engineering>
Lt.JG Jones: ...yeah, they're in a meeting right now. Peter said there's some kind of neutral zone emergency and we're the closest ship. Now you get to see what I was talking about in your orientation.
Ens. Ishii: Oh, shit.
Jones: God knows what they're going to come up with this time; he'll be down here soon.
Ishii: How the hell did he end up on the Enterprise?
Jones: I TOLD you, his aunt is married to Admiral Preston.
Ishii: That still doesn't explain how he gradu...
Jones: Zip it, Ensign. Here he comes.
<In walks Lt.Com. Geordi LaForge>
LaForge: Well, we have to get to the neutral zone in four hours. We're going to need to increase engine power by 36.094367 percent to 489 trillion Giga-joules.
Jones: Umm, sir...
LaForge: We don't have time for debate, Lieutenant. The Federation's very existence is at st...
<Communicator>: Riker to Laforge. Please report to the Bridge. Data just accidentally said something really funny, and now he looks really confused!
LaForge <to Communicator>: I'll be right there!
<to Jones> : Jones! I proposed, and the bridge crew agreed, that the wisest course of action is to remodulate the quantum phase injectors to increase the matter-antimatter annihilation yield! Get to it!
<LaForge exits>
Ishii: <falls to the floor, gasping for breath>: BWAHAAHAHAAA *gasp* power *gasp* trillion AHAHAHH Joules *gasp* quantum pha-HEEEAHHHAHAH!
Jones: Ensign! Control yourself!
Ishii: <slowly rises, wiping tears from his eyes and giggling>: Sorry, sir. What the hell are we going to do?
Jones: The same thing I always do. We'll build a batch command to shut down the holodecks and non-essential replicators for "maintenance" and divert that power to engines. We might have to shut off some of the external lights, too.
Ishii: He won't know??
Jones: I'll dress the command as a "Modulate Quantum Injector" button on the bridge engineering console.
Ishii: Why don't you just tell the Captain that he's full of shit?
Jones: I FUCKING TOLD you. His uncle is an Admiral! Do you think I want to spend the rest of my career fixing goddamn sewage processors on the moon?!? Besides, as long as the bridge officers think he's some sort of superwhiz, he'll be uptop in conferences all day instead of down here fucking things up.
Ishii: You're a real bastard.
Jones: That's "You're a real bastard, SIR" to you, Ensign.
<Main Engineering>
Lt.JG Jones: ...yeah, they're in a meeting right now. Peter said there's some kind of neutral zone emergency and we're the closest ship. Now you get to see what I was talking about in your orientation.
Ens. Ishii: Oh, shit.
Jones: God knows what they're going to come up with this time; he'll be down here soon.
Ishii: How the hell did he end up on the Enterprise?
Jones: I TOLD you, his aunt is married to Admiral Preston.
Ishii: That still doesn't explain how he gradu...
Jones: Zip it, Ensign. Here he comes.
<In walks Lt.Com. Geordi LaForge>
LaForge: Well, we have to get to the neutral zone in four hours. We're going to need to increase engine power by 36.094367 percent to 489 trillion Giga-joules.
Jones: Umm, sir...
LaForge: We don't have time for debate, Lieutenant. The Federation's very existence is at st...
<Communicator>: Riker to Laforge. Please report to the Bridge. Data just accidentally said something really funny, and now he looks really confused!
LaForge <to Communicator>: I'll be right there!
<to Jones> : Jones! I proposed, and the bridge crew agreed, that the wisest course of action is to remodulate the quantum phase injectors to increase the matter-antimatter annihilation yield! Get to it!
<LaForge exits>
Ishii: <falls to the floor, gasping for breath>: BWAHAAHAHAAA *gasp* power *gasp* trillion AHAHAHH Joules *gasp* quantum pha-HEEEAHHHAHAH!
Jones: Ensign! Control yourself!
Ishii: <slowly rises, wiping tears from his eyes and giggling>: Sorry, sir. What the hell are we going to do?
Jones: The same thing I always do. We'll build a batch command to shut down the holodecks and non-essential replicators for "maintenance" and divert that power to engines. We might have to shut off some of the external lights, too.
Ishii: He won't know??
Jones: I'll dress the command as a "Modulate Quantum Injector" button on the bridge engineering console.
Ishii: Why don't you just tell the Captain that he's full of shit?
Jones: I FUCKING TOLD you. His uncle is an Admiral! Do you think I want to spend the rest of my career fixing goddamn sewage processors on the moon?!? Besides, as long as the bridge officers think he's some sort of superwhiz, he'll be uptop in conferences all day instead of down here fucking things up.
Ishii: You're a real bastard.
Jones: That's "You're a real bastard, SIR" to you, Ensign.
.
Yes, I can so invision this happening. 