Klingon programmers...

[EmperorMing]

TOP 12 THINGS LIKELY TO BE OVERHEARD IF YOU HAD A KLINGON PROGRAMMER


12. "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"

11. "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!"

10. "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon."

9. "Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!"

8. "What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases.' Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake."

7. "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM."

6. "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak."

5. "I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again."

4. "A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!"

3. "By filing this PCR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!"

2. "You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!"

1. "Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!"

[EmperorMing]

And on another note, just *try* and offshore this programmers job...

[Sarevok]

Why don't you send it to developers magazines ? They would love it.

[Sir Sirius]

Old, very old.

And you forgot a few.
- Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
- Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
- My program has just dumped Stova Core!
- Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
- Our competitors are without honor!
- Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
- Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
- Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.

[Uraniun235]

I like it.

[Tribun]

A question:
Why is it so easy and widely used to make jokes about the Klingons? Is it because since the beginning of TNG that they lost thier deph and became one-dimensional? (really, the TNG Klingons were cardboard outcuts compared to the ones of TOS and especially ST VI)

[The Kernel]

A question:
Why is it so easy and widely used to make jokes about the Klingons? Is it because since the beginning of TNG that they lost thier deph and became one-dimensional? (really, the TNG Klingons were cardboard outcuts compared to the ones of TOS and especially ST VI)

That's exactly why. I mean, it a culture that is so geared towards combat and fanaticism, can you imagine the Klingons that actually sit down and code the software that runs the disruptors onboard their warships? How about the Ferengi engineer that designed the support pillers for the Marauders? Maybe you can imagine the Bajoran that actually did something besides being a religious zealot?

[General Zod]

after TNG alot of the races seem to be stereotyped greatly, unfortunately. but at least it makes them easy cannon fodder for gag materia.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Sorry boys, already done. Var'aQ, anyone?

[Sarevok]

That's exactly why. I mean, it a culture that is so geared towards combat and fanaticism, can you imagine the Klingons that actually sit down and code the software that runs the disruptors onboard their warships? How about the Ferengi engineer that designed the support pillers for the Marauders? Maybe you can imagine the Bajoran that actually did something besides being a religious zealot?

I remember the Ferengi scientist in "Suspicions". When Dr Crusher was surprised that he was a scientist he said "I know what you are thinking. A Ferengi scientist ? That is a contradiction in itself". The question is how did the Ferengi ever develop science and technology if there are no Ferengi scientists.

[Sharp-kun]

4. "A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!"

I think I'll try that next time my lab head complains

[BlkbrryTheGreat]

I remember the Ferengi scientist in "Suspicions". When Dr Crusher was surprised that he was a scientist he said "I know what you are thinking. A Ferengi scientist ? That is a contradiction in itself". The question is how did the Ferengi ever develop science and technology if there are no Ferengi scientists.

Probably Communistic propagand from the Federation or Starfleet Command; wouldn't want the "sheepole" to think that ther's something to capitalism, now would they?

[neoolong]

I remember the Ferengi scientist in "Suspicions". When Dr Crusher was surprised that he was a scientist he said "I know what you are thinking. A Ferengi scientist ? That is a contradiction in itself". The question is how did the Ferengi ever develop science and technology if there are no Ferengi scientists.

Probably Communistic propagand from the Federation or Starfleet Command; wouldn't want the "sheepole" to think that ther's something to capitalism, now would they?

Nog in Deep Space Nine talked about the history of the Ferengi. He mentioned how quickly humans developed space travel, while I think they traded for it or something.

A lot of their technology may have been traded for or stolen rather than developed by themselves.

[The Kernel]

Nog in Deep Space Nine talked about the history of the Ferengi. He mentioned how quickly humans developed space travel, while I think they traded for it or something.

A lot of their technology may have been traded for or stolen rather than developed by themselves.

Does that mean the there aren't any Ferengi that know how to build a toilet? Man, I would have hated to visit the Ferengi homeworld before they established contact with other races...

[Howedar]

Having done some programming, that list kicks ass.