I'm going to try rewriting "Nemesis" (long post)

[Metrion Cascade]

I've been working on a script for "Nemesis" that makes a little more sense, but find that B&B have made mistakes in the previous flicks' plots (and series' plots, and technology, and Federation politics, and...) that make it pretty hard...but I'd like suggestions on this nonetheless. I guess some specific areas should be established:

1.) The Enterprise-E.
What tech should the Enterprise have or not have, and how should it figure? This being weapons, transporters, engines, what have you.

My ideas for the E-E: It should (like any ship its size) have several thousand of each type of torpedo. I'd like quantum torpedoes of course, and I don't think photons are obsolete either. I think Voyager should be as utterly ignored as possible (no Janeway cameo!!!), but that armor looks great. I'd make it a combination of quickly replicated metal armor, forcefields, and holograms that disguise the weapons ports. The joystick in "Insurrection" wasn't a bad idea at all (Trek controls are generally unintelligible, which this gamer can't stand), but I'd make the manual controls more comprehensive (an obvious throttle on one side, pitch controls and such). And I'd mount them in front of the center chair instead of the middle of the bridge. I'd also work on new controls and displays that look like you can actually understand them. How many numbers do you have to memorize to operate one of these consoles? No. No more Okudagrams or LCARS or whatever you want to call it. I want buttons and handles. And fewer colors on the screens. Glad to finally see pen input again, though. My whole deal with the controls - some Trekkers can't stand a technology if they don't know how it works. I can't stand not knowing how a ship is piloted. I see this or that maneuver and think, how'd they do that? Obviously you can put thrusters all over the ship or say it's got omnidirectional engines, but I always obsess over how you'd TELL the ship to do this or that.
And no more exploding consoles. But I do have one possible explanation for why the inertial dampers don't take care of weapons impacts. Maybe the dampers are part of the engines (one set for warp and one for impulse), and take their cues directly from the maneuvers the ship is making.

2.) Cinematography.
I thought that "Nemesis" had the best photography and rendering of any Trek production, but it lacked a certain scale of the sort found in SW or a decent Spielberg flick (I loved the visuals in "Artificial Intelligence"). There should be oodles of ships flying around Romulus, and I'd like to see the Scimitar's weapon in action, both from space and on the ground.

3.) Plot.
Shinzon didn't have sufficient motivation for his attack on the Federation (the whole "bow before anyone as slaves" bit just doesn't work). Maybe he's still bent on replacing Picard? Or better yet, some Federation mistake during the Dominion War got one of his commands destroyed, and a shitload of his Reman buddies killed. Things have just gotten worse for the Remans since the war, and Shinzon blames the Federation for getting them involved in the first place. Maybe he's come to see the Federation as a magnet for trouble from other quadrants - the Dominion, the Borg, etc. I also had my qualms about his age - he was created long before Picard was captain of the Enterprise, so there'd have to be some explanation for how they knew Picard would become so important. Maybe the Stargazer posting was more momentous than we previously knew?
Let's explain why Worf is back. He really could say, "Diplomacy's interesting, but I'd rather bust some heads." And not see Wesley Crusher. Ever again. And not mention that he ever existed. He's our dark secret, okay?
I hated the way they turned back the clock on Data's emotional development, although I thought the emotion chip was a cop-out to start with. I thought Data should have found emotion through his own efforts. Anyway, I'd have him be somewhat emotional in this one. And I'd have him cry when he realizes that yet another brother is going to be a disappointment. I'd handle it this way. He's wiping tears outside the lab where B4 is stored, then dries his eyes, steels himself and walks in. He has the conversation with B4 about the Reman programming, but just as he's about to turn B4 off, B4 says, "Brother...I...do not want to be dangerous." And this makes Data's whole week. He smiles and replies, "We'll find a way to help you." B4 is satisfied by this, and Data shuts him off. And I think B4 could be just as endearing without having to be a crude prototype. Let's just say he lacks any real-world experience and is basically a really smart child.
I'd also like to see Data angry at the brainwashing of his brother, and have a beatdown scene vs. the Viceroy. I'd cut out the whole mind-rape thing with Troi, and make the Viceroy the one who reprogrammed B4. So one way or another Data finds himself on the Scimitar, and beats the means for de-brainwashing B4 out of the Viceroy. He leaves the Viceroy alive, but the Viceroy moves to get a weapon and shoot Data in the back. He manages to get Data in the shoulder (with little damage and perhaps an amusing expletive from Data), but Data pulls a knife from a desk and chucks it into the Viceroy's throat. Why Data's not armed, I'm not sure. Maybe he's disguised as B4, and this is just before the scene where he rescues Picard from the Reman doctors.

4.) The Scimitar.
I find it wholly absurd that a handful of Reman conspirators could build a ship that two of the biggest military-industrial complexes (Starfleet and the Romulan Star Empire) in the quadrant couldn't rival. So the Scimitar is a captured Dominion experiment, and wasn't used in the Dominion war because the planetkilling weapon didn't work yet. Shinzon perfected it, also adding the cloak. This still makes the Scimitar's acquisition a hell of an accomplishment on Shinzon's part, and explains why he's able to find enough Remans to man it (Dominion ships don't seem to need large crews to operate them).

5.) Data.
Other things I'd establish about Data - he's beefed himself up since the unfortunate impaling incident, and is now fortified against blunt force weapons, stabbing, small firearms, and energy weapons up to a certain yield (although this doesn't have to all be explained verbally). And he's got site - to - site transporters built in.

6.) The Romulan warbirds and other artistic concerns.
I see no reason that any given race's ships have to be of a certain color, so I'd make these things red or silver. And I'd have them called "Tal'aura class." Let's say Senator Tal'aura (the one who kills the Senate) was overseeing the construction of this new class, and had a couple ready to use against Shinzon.

7.) Action.
Let's keep the Argo chase, but make the Kolarins a xenophobic race that's just developed warp drive and is still largely nomadic. So we can fire our phasers all we want. Let's give the Argo seatbelts, armor plating and shields, and make it a little more inventive design (maybe three wheels, 1 in front and 2 in back, each on a housing with a single seat?). I'd also like to see the runabout take missile damage just after the car jumps into it (explaining why the shields aren't up yet), so it can fly but is no longer spaceworthy. The Enterprise has to fly in low and tractor it into a shuttlebay (it could bank sideways to turn the shuttlebay towards the runabout).
I liked the battle against the cloaked Scimitar, but let's send some warp-capable shuttles (fighters) through the Bassen Rift to warn the Fleet. There could be a warp-speed chase, with ships exploding and the debris dropping out of warp. Finally the fleet is warned, and we get a nice big battle against the Scimitar.
I'd explain the Scimitar's ability to disable the E-E's warp drive with the fact that...well, 56 disruptor banks and 27 photorp tubes. As the E-E approaches the Rift, we see an insane hail of weapons fire pouring out of the cloaked Scimitar, targeting the engines (Shinzon can't destroy it, since he needs Picard's blood...). And maybe the E-E's armor can't be deployed at warp.
I'd give the Fleet time to arrive by having a longer battle aboard the Enterprise. Let's say the Scimitar disables one of the Romulan ships, then tractors it into the Enterprise while destroying it with torpedoes. This doesn't totally wreck the armor, but creates a visible gap that lets the Remans beam aboard and try kidnapping Picard. And it allows the holographic face-to-face between Shinzon and Picard, albeit later. And if the armor on the front edge survives, we can rip the Scimitar in half when we ram it.

8.) Other stuff.
A word on the replicated armor - replicators are not the same thing as SW Duplicators (which I'm not even sure are canon tech, canon to me meaning in any SW movie). Duplicators rearrange existing matter. Replicators work more like transporters. They turn energy into matter (and back - that's how you get rid of the dishes). But this would explain why the armor can't be deployed at warp - it takes too much energy at once to replicate the metal bits. Once the armor is up, you can go back to warp, but by then the E-E's warp drive is already damaged.

Any other ideas?[/i]

[Patrick Degan]

Unfortunately, this is sort of like trying to re-float the Titanic.

[Robert Walper]

I like alot of the ideas here.

Regarding Data, a more drastic upgrade on his part would be awesome. Imagine:


Geordi walks into a science lab Data has been working in for days now.

Georid: "Hey Data, what are you up...HOLY SHIT! What in heaven's is that!"

Data: "I designed a new android body for myself. It's a hyper titanium alloy battle chasis powered by two advanced fusion power cells. Once I've transferred my positronic brain into the skull, I will have the chasis encased in synthetic living tissue. Due to the thickness of the body, my musculer appearance will be significantly larger than you are used to."

Geordi: "The thing looks like a metal skeleton with red eyes. Doesn't look as advanced as you..."

Data: "I have decided against making the model easily disassembled or including high quanitities of useless LED displays. I have gone for functionality and durability."

Geordi: "I don't know Data...that thing looks like a killer to me."

Data: "If that is the case, perhaps I should rethink naming the chasis 'Terminator'."



Well, ain't gonna happen. But technically, neither is your rewritten Nemesis other than being a fan fic.

[Sea Skimmer]

Unfortunately, this is sort of like trying to re-float the Titanic.

That's easy; all we need is three midget subs and some buoyant foam , no this is more like trying to peice the Mont Blanc back together.

[consequences]

All I can say is make the killing of the senate scene better. These are a bunch of paranoid operators who have survived to the top of the Romulan power structure, shoe them attempting all of their little escape plans, only to be outmanuevered.

[Metrion Cascade]

I like alot of the ideas here.

Regarding Data, a more drastic upgrade on his part would be awesome. Imagine:


Geordi walks into a science lab Data has been working in for days now.

Georid: "Hey Data, what are you up...HOLY SHIT! What in heaven's is that!"

Data: "I designed a new android body for myself. It's a hyper titanium alloy battle chasis powered by two advanced fusion power cells. Once I've transferred my positronic brain into the skull, I will have the chasis encased in synthetic living tissue. Due to the thickness of the body, my musculer appearance will be significantly larger than you are used to."

Geordi: "The thing looks like a metal skeleton with red eyes. Doesn't look as advanced as you..."

Data: "I have decided against making the model easily disassembled or including high quanitities of useless LED displays. I have gone for functionality and durability."

Geordi: "I don't know Data...that thing looks like a killer to me."

Data: "If that is the case, perhaps I should rethink naming the chasis 'Terminator'."

Har de har har. The jury's still out on Data vs. a T-800, but titanium is crap by Trek standards. And I wouldn't go for the living tissue, either. One more vulnerability, and not much of a disguise (they can scan past it). Besides, the T-800's batteries are good for 120 years, while Data's cells "continuously recharge themselves," presumably from any external source available (maybe light, gravity, ambient radiation?). But I would have him mount some weapons inside his forearms. Even better - he can now replicate whatever he needs - he sticks his hand out, and suddenly there's a phaser emitter built into it! That was one of my ideas for another story - a "synthesis gauntlet" that you wear on one arm, that replicates various weapons as you need them. And he could probably hide a quantum torpedo warhead inside that schnozz of his. Maybe a holographic outside is in order too. Maybe there could be a scene where we see a Reman walk into the lab where Picard is being held, shoot the guard, turn into Data, get Picard, turn back into a Reman, and then they make their escape.
Maybe I'd make B4 a female. But she'd look like Bjork in the video for "All is Full of Love." Now that's what an android should look like. I'll send a picture to anyone who requests it (although I think I'll make that android my avatar anyway).

[Superman]

The music was good.

[Metrion Cascade]

Nemesis, revised script, version 1.

Notes: You’ll notice some spelling changes - Shinzon is now Perak Shen-Zaahn (pa-ROK shin-ZAHN). This seems more consistent with the examples we’ve seen of Romulans with two names. I also think Shen-Zaahn’s relative immaturity could make him very volatile (think Anakin Skywalker in “Attack of the Clones”). I really liked Tom Hardy’s performance, although Hayden Christensen might have pulled it off too. Or Heath Ledger (sigh). I have left out Sela, as her backstory is too complex. My B4 is Data’s equal in every sense, but has a naivete that places him nearly on the level of the original B4 for a time. I was also very disappointed by the writers apparently turning back the clock on Data’s emotional development, and have left it intact in this film, albeit refined by experience. Worf’s presence is explained as the result of a total incompatibility with the diplomatic life. And Wesley Crusher does not appear at all. I have also created first names for Donatra and Suran.

Characters:

Capt. Jean-Luc Picard.......................................................Patrick Stewart

Lt.Cmdr. Data / B4..............................................................Brent Spiner

Perak Sen-Zaahn..................................................................Tom Hardy

Cmdr. William T. Riker..................................................Johnathan Frakes

Counselor Deanna Troi.........................................................Marina Sirtis

Dr. Beverly Crusher.......................................................Gates McFadden

Lt. Cmdr. Geordi LaForge....................................................LeVar Burton

Lt. Cmdr. Worf....................................................................Michael Dorn

Viceroy..............................................................................Ron Perlman

Commander Eris Donatra.......................................................Dina Meyer

Commander Vox Suran.....................................................Jude Ciccollela

Senator Tal’aura..........................................................Shannon Cochran

Praetor Hiren...........................................................................Alan Dale



OPENING CREDITS/SCENE 1:

The words “Star Trek Nemesis” form as we fly through a starfield. The camera pushes in past the words towards a planet the camera is approaching, and as the camera slows to a stop, a bright green flash appears on the surface, turning into a shock wave that gradually spreads across the surface. As it moves, the land and water behind it take on a slightly glowing greenish tint, but otherwise look the same.

Cut to an aerial (forty or so feet up) shot of a city street, a marketplace in a city full of Romulan architecture. Pull backwards along the street while decreasing in altitude, until the camera comes to rest in the center of the street, at eye level. Sleek passenger vehicles hover above the ground, moving slowly to accomodate pedestrians. Various and sundry Romulans are conducting business, some sitting at outdoor restaurants, others walking with brightly colored shopping bags of clothes, flowers, etc. Guards casually stroll the cobblestones, reminding us that this is not the freest of societies. A small child chases a stray ball into the center of the street, recoiling at a car that suddenly halts. But not to avoid him.

Cut to the front of the car. The driver, visible through the canopy, is staring off into the sky, and what he sees is reflected in the glass - a faint green glow on the horizon. Slowly pivot left, showing those on the sidewalk transfixed on the same sight. Arrive at the 180 degree position just in time to see an impossibly fast green cloud slam into the camera, seemingly evaporating on impact. There is no shaking, or apparent physical impact, and the camera begins to pan left again. It arrives back at the driver, who looks around questioningly as the green wave rapidly fades behind the car. Suddenly the driver can’t breathe. He tries to cough, but can’t.

Cut to an overhead shot of the glass canopy, as the driver leans back in agony, denied even a final scream, only able to die. Pull upward from the street, slowly rotating clockwise 90 degrees to show the other drivers and shoppers silently collapsing. Cut to ground-level shot of a child’s hand crumbling to dust as an undamaged ball rolls past it.


SCENE 2:

Open on a shot of a damaged D’Deridex class Warbird flying away from the planet, which has a green tint and is glowing green in spots but otherwise looks as it did in the opening credits. A few spots burn white, possibly due to suddenly unmanned ships crashing on the surface. The Warbird approaches the camera, which pivots right to follow it. As the Warbird starts to get smaller, a white bolt of energy streaks in towards it.

Cut to an overhead shot of the Warbird, with its nose facing the bottom of the screen. Slowly rotate downward to face the Warbird’s nose as more bolts streak in from just above the shot, but apparently all coming from the same point.

Cut to left side view of a Romulan commander sitting on the edge of his seat, holding on as his ship is rocked by incoming fire.

Romulan commander, furiously moving hands across his console: Please tell me our signal is getting through to Romulus.

Male voice offscreen: I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know how many of them there are, but we’re still being jammed and I can’t find the source.

Cut to close-up of Romulan commander, sweat on his brow, a trickle of green blood along his right cheek.

Romulan commander, to no one in particular as he stares into his console: Thirty million dead...Engine room, we can’t warn home by subspace. It doesn’t look like anyone else escaped from Oberon. Tell me we’ll have warp drive back -

Cut to overhead, nose-down shot of Warbird starting to burn in places, and suddenly shattering as a white-hot light floods the screen. Pull back as the flash recedes, and burning chunks of the ship become visible spreading apart. As the ship’s debris shrinks to fill the center of the screen, a transparent ripple in the shape of a vessel moves between the camera and the wreckage, just slowly enough to be identifiable as a cloaked vessel. Follow the ghost downwards, simultaneously rotating clockwise to match its attitude. Level out just as the shadow returns to complete invisibility, moving towards the sun in the distance.

Cut to rear shot of a bald male human sitting on the bridge of the Scimitar, the Viceroy to his right wincing slightly at the sight of the Romulan sun. To his left stands a female Romulan officer, turned slightly to address him.

Donatra: Sir, they would have listened to me.

Shen-Zaahn: Commander, to hail them we would have to stop jamming them. If they had warned Romulus, it would have made our next task that much harder. And the fewer of you Romulans I have to trust, the better. Viceroy, check on our senator friend.

Viceroy, turning to answer: Yes, sir.

Donatra, swallowing pride: We’ve been receiving signals from Romulan ships loyal to Senator Tal’aura. I should review them and see which commanders I know can be trusted.

Shen-Zaahn, in bored tone: You do that. And let’s hope the Senator can be trusted as well.



SCENE 3:

Open on shot of Romulan capital, pushing in on Senate until it is well-framed in the center of the shot. Fade in words “ROMULAN IMPERIAL SENATE” at bottom of screen.

Cut to overhead shot of Romulan Senate floor, which is actually a circular computer display showing orbits of Romulan system and the locations of the fleet within it. Commander Suran walks across the display from the top right, knowing it will change momentarily. But few of those present will be alive long enough to see.

Suran, walking across display: A dozen Warbirds have been found with the crews dead, no traces of any known weapon present. Our investigators say they simply dropped dead at their posts, but the corpses are just hydrocarbon dust. Five more Warbirds have been destroyed by what must have been a small fleet of cloaked Dominion ships. Shen-Zaahn has made his capabilities clear. He attacks our forces on his terms and at his leisure, while we learn nothing we can use to defend ourselves. (Cut to eye-level wide shot of Suran) Now we get reports of intelligence couriers disappearing as they leave our military bases on Oberon. If he knows the Tal Shiar we have left from the war are headquartered there, he could exterminate half our intelligence community with a few shots. We must acknowledge the Reman government’s sovereignty or risk irreparable damage to our infrastructure.

Cut to Praetor Hiren, perched on a bench beneath the Romulan emblem.

Hiren: That’s enough. Shen-Zaahn’s forces, however disproportionate their abilities, are a splinter group. Their guerilla tactics and stolen vessels indicate a vastly inferior base of support. (cut to side shot of Hiren looking down at Suran) It is you who read this situation as imminent defeat, Commander. You who buy into Shen-Zaahn’s tactics. They do not lend legitimacy to the cause of Reman independence, and will not destabilize this government. (cut to Suran with disappointed expression on his face) The Senate has already considered Shen-Zaahn’s proposal and in light of these acts of war, has rejected it. Our agents will find out where he is hiding, and will end his attempts to force this Senate’s hand. (cut to shot of Tal’aura fingering a small purple device on her desk, looking tense, with a blurry Hiren in the background) Neither terrorists nor the military dictate policy on Romulus. (cut to Hiren) You have your orders. Return to your patrol and keep the Senate apprised of your findings.

Cut to Suran.

Suran, nodding slowly: Yes, sir. (glancing at Tal’aura and walking out with another commander)

Cut to wide shot of Senate, centered on the space between Hiren, and Tal’aura standing to his left.

Tal’aura: If you will excuse me, Praetor. I have an appointment with the Tholian ambassador.

Hiren: Of course, Senator. (turning to senate as Tal’aura walks out, leaving the small purple device on her desk.) If there’s no other business, I move for a vote on (cut to bird’s-eye close up of device as it opens with a greenish glow from inside) opening trade negotiations with Selles 2.

Cut to low-angle shot of device starting to project a green column of light upward, with Hiren in the background.

Hiren, turning to face device as energy helix forms: As you know, the Reman mines haven’t been filling their quotas for months...

Cut to bird’s-eye shot of device projecting a bright green flash upwards. Cut to wide floor-level shot of Senate as an array of green energy rings forms on the ceiling, then fly apart, their green energy dissipating over the Senate.

Cut to close up of Hiren suspiciously eyeing ceiling. Cut to wide shot from
Hiren’s left as he steps down onto the floor.

Hiren, getting up and pulling back his robe to expose a disruptor on his belt: What was that? Security, bring back Senator Tal’aura.

Cut to close up of Hiren as he starts to choke. Cut to shots of Senators trying to stand and run out, but falling to the floor. One fumbles with a small device, and momentarily we see a transporter effect around her, but it stutters and fades as she turns to dust, transporters apparently blocked. Another sits in his chair, looking around the room with a bored expression. As the other Senators fall dead, he casually stands, and as he curiously walks past the crumbling Hiren towards the door, he flickers, apparently a hologram. Cut to a shot of Tal’aura standing in the hall outside, leaning against a wall looking guilty. She looks up as footfalls approach, and (cut to wide shot down the hall at her) the surviving Senator stops next to her.

Senator, sarcastically: That was impressive, but you destabilized my hologram. Let’s hope you don’t do the same to the rest of the quadrant, hmm?

Tal’aura says nothing, hurriedly turning to walk away as the camera follows her down the hall.

[Metrion Cascade]

Superman wrote: The music was good.

Yes, but some of the best music in the movie isn't on the soundtrack CD, which pisses me off. I'm also pissed at how they mixed down the climax at the end of "Unbreakable" for the soundtrack CD. There's a great surge just as Elijah Price explains his motivations, and it's not in the CD version.

[The Silence and I]

Interesting, as far as your ideas go you and I have similar lines of thought regarding Nemesis. And I like what you have started here, I wanted to do something like this but have opted for scrapping Insurrection and Nemesis and recombining elements to make a longer, better 9th movie, and no tenth movie (or maybie a a two part movie).

[Chris OFarrell]

Any other ideas?[/i]

Interesting rewrite.

This is my basic idea of a rewrite. I'm trying to keep all the characters (Shinzon, B4, the Viceroy e.t.c) while adding a couple of others. I'm also trying to stay with as many elements of the story as possible, good or bad. The only things I am realy changing is Shinzons real motives and the location of Remus. Which is now in another system 1 light year away, the two planets settled at the same time by the Romulans when they first arrived.


The attack on the Senate is as usual, however this time it is carried out by a Military aid to one of the Fleet Admirals (who both make excuses and leave the senate before setting off the attack). As the thing go's off, the Guards first try to evac the senate (to find the doors sealed), beam out (to find a transporter inhibitor in operation) and duck and cover (which does no good at all funnily enough). The Senate is also many times the size of the one in Nemesis, a REAL senate of dozens of people led by the 'continuing committee' introduced in DS9. Who were about to order the Remens plee for recognition in the empire denied and the fleet to use all necessary force to defeat the (small but not TOO small) Remen navy and execute Shinzon for treason.

The person who sets off the device is none other then Commander Selea. The General she is with is the head of the Tal'shiar (Koval, also introduced in DS9). They meet the cloaked and hidden Shinzon (not revealing who he is) in a room a short distance away and he announced 'it is done'. Shinzon thanks him, then promptly shoots him, commenting that he has no use for a Federation spy. The head Romulan Admiral who has also backed him and also is in the room then comments that now its time for the Federation. Shinzon agrees, but he has a slightly different tone to his voice, one that the Admiral misses, but Sela doesn't. Fade out the intro with her giving a guarded look at him, that he does not see.

Back on happy happy Earth, we have a rather different 'weeding'. Cut out the crappy speech and Datas singing. And the horrible Jokes made by everyone. And Wessly Crusher (nothing against the actor, just the Character). Just finishing with the 'I now pronounce you Man and Wife' by Picard who is performing the ceremony. Then going onto the happy mingling by everyone. Lwaxana is there and is highly emotional, going on about how she is no good at weddings and from there to running after Picard. Again. To the amusement of everyone else. Worf is there simply on diplomatic leave from his Job. Martok sent a targ as a present. Riker calls him fluffy. Worf and Riker share a quite moment where Worf admits he is very happy for both of them and though he still considers Troi a close friend, the love of his life will always be Jadzia. Who Riker and Worf share a toast to in memory.

Shortly after we go to Spacedock in orbit where the E-E is just finishing upgrades on its systems, the first fleet ship to integrate some of the advances Voyager brought back. Meaning the Armour technology and a warp drive twice as fast as it used to be. As well as an astrometics lab like Voygers. The plan was for the ship to depart on a mission in a week when the new XO arrived and Rikers command was ready at the Utopia yards, but the coupe on Romulas changes that. Picard is requested by Shinzon (who they still don't know who he is) and so Riker postpones his transfer and official promotion while they go off to Romulas with the fifth fleet (which is going to fortify the already manned boarder in wake of the instability). On the way there they get a signal from a boarder outpost that a strange signal has just started up in the Neutral zone. On a planet in the zone they find out it’s a modified version of the homing signal that caused Data to take over the E-D in that episode. It’s a distress call equivalent. The planet has a crust that is laced with Kelvenite making transport pretty much impossible without pattern enhancers, as well as focused sensor scans from orbit damn hard. So they set down in the Argo (redesigned to be a somewhat more sensible design with a fully enclosed and lightly armoured exterior and a single defensive turreted phaser cannon in the middle of the roof with an enclosed gunners capoula. Picard, Data, Worf an a MAOC (as now all Starfleet ships carry a platoon of them) land and go searching. The firepower was taken partly because of the hostile locals but also because of a fear of what this android is. They find all the pieces then come under attack. Picard gunts ‘to hell with the prime directive’ and the MAOC blasts away with the phaser turret, blowing up the pursuing jeeps before some tanks arrive, leading to a narrow escape into the holographicly cloaked shuttle, causing all the locals to wonder WTF is going on.

On board the ship, they find out the B4 was an android made after Lore, but before Data, as a test type for Data. It never had the advanced programming Data or Lore received, or so you think. Of course its just a facade that was presented hiding the just as advanced ‘evil’ android under it that the Remans programmed. Data again attempts the full neural transfer which does the wonderful thing of providing it all Data’s access codes, which it over the next time uses to ‘gain access’ to lots of interesting info on the upgrades the E-E received, which was the question mark Shinzon did not know about. They discuss what Starfleet knows about Shinzon and discover a disturbing fact. When the Remens were allowed to build up a fleet for use in the Dominion war, he transferred Sella to his personal staff from her ‘punishment’ desk job on Romulas. The reason of course is that she is quite an Authority on Picard, which is something they guess as relevent given that Picard/Enterprise was requested specifically by the new Government. Worf receives note that the Klingon empire has increased its border patrols as a result of the Coupe, led by Martok himself. They are still somewhat paranoid over the Romulans you can understand.

The E-E arrives at Romulans. It is strangely quite, little traffic. They are told to stand by. Instead Worf 17 hours out suddenly begging to raise shields, we only wait 30 minuets before Worf gets understandably agitated. The Scimitar then decloaks and Worf comments that it is a ship heavily based on the Dominion ‘Yez’hon’ class Destroyer, with advanced Remean copies of Dominion technology through and through. They speculate that Shinzon captured one at the keel-hull stage, kept it hidden from the Romulans and finished it at They beam across again with much the same results. Back on the E-E, B4 sabotages the advanced Voyager defensive technology that would have made the ship more then a match for a group of Scimitars. Picard has dinner with Shinzon again, however there is a great deal more under the dialogue probing of each other. Shinzon comes across as a guy who is not afraid to take action but wants only peace for his people, equal rights under the Empire. Picard of course buys none of it. They make polite diplomatic musings, then Picard beams back up. A few seconds later, Shinzons Viceroy and Sella enter. Sella gives her reading on Picard, that he didn’t believe a word he said. Shinzon chuckles, commenting that you can never keep a secret from yourself. Sella then comments that the Romulan fleet is in position at the staging points on the Romulan side of the Neutral zone. We then reveal that Sella and the military backed Shinzon because he promised that he would retake the Neutral zone as the Star Empire was slowly running out of resources and there is enough raw material in the zone to keep them going for centuries. As a bonus, it would get rid of the lingering symbol of the humiliating defeat the UFP handed to them hundreds of years ago. Sella is then dismissed abruptly. We then get introduced to Shinzons illness and Sella spy’s it from the door as in the movie.

Back to the E-E. Troi is mindraped by the Viceroy and reports it to Picard. During this, Picard, Data and B4 are suddenly beamed away. Riker go’s to Red Alert as the Scimitar jumps to high warp for Remeus. The E-E blasts in pursuit. They both arrive a few minutes later, the Scimitar cloaking on arrival. With no other choice, Riker starts scanning the area for them. On the Scimitar, Picard is shown the disease that is ravaging Shinzon. The only cure is a transfusion of whatever from Picard, some TB thing that can’t be cloned or replicated. That would not kill him, but would be rather painful and take weaks to recover from. B4 is with Shinzon and reveiles his real personality and contempt for his Brother trying to becone ‘more human’. B4 then leaves and go’s to taunt Data for a while. Data then taunts him back, pointing out that with his emotion chip (oh yeah, Data still has it and it will be USED in the movie, unlike ST9-10) he is a supperior life form. This lures B4 in close enough that Data is able to disable him and substitute him. Shinzon leaves Picard after reveling his plan. He laughs when Picard accuses him of planing to undo omething that kept the peace for hundreds of years saying that was nothing but a tail to keep the Romulans out of the way. No, his plan is to use his super radiation waepon on ROMULAS, in revenge for hundreds of years of oppression. Picard is appaled, trying to talk him out killing billions upon billions of people for a petty vendeta, trying to relate it to his crazed vendetta against the Borg. He almost gets through, but doesn’t. Shinzon storms off to the bridge until they are ready. On the E-E, Geordi is using the advanced astrometic sensors to scan for the Scimitar, with no effect. However he does detect something unexpected, a Klingon Neg’Var class warship hovering around. Riker thinks then dismisses it, not attempting to communicate for fear of alerting the Scimitar. On the Scimitar, Data playing B4 disables the Guard and starts to free Picard, then Sella suddenly opens the door behind them, weapons leveled. Picard starts to tell her about Shinzons intentions, she waves it off saying she also overheard him. She gives Data her rifle and sidearm, frees Picard, and unloads access codes to the ships doors and shuttles to data. She then starts to leave. Picard asks why isn’t she coming with them, she simles and says she has a better idea, running off before Picard can stop her. He mutters ‘Like mother like daughter’ before he and Data start moving for the shuttlebay, Data playing the guard escorting prisoner thing. Shinzon arrives on the bridge to see Sella isn’t at her usual place at the Tactical station. He guesses what happened when the computer says she isn’t on the ship and orders a lockdown and finding of Picard & Data. And the arrest of Sella. Who beams away to somewhere that Shinzon can’t trace, hoping to draw attention from Picard and Data running for the shuttlebay. Shinzon isn’t fooled and a running firefight stars. The Remens weapons on stun of course. More or less the same thing happens, they blast through the ship then out of it, beamed aboard the E-E which then races for Romulas at high speed, Shinzon in hot pursuit. B4 is found on the Scimitar, now somewhat pissed. The Viceroy tells Shinzon that he is rapidly weakening. The Enterprise arrives at Romulas and prepares to defend the Federations once enemy from attack. Shinzon arrives, cloaks and starts attacking.

Picard then gets a rude shock when the futuretech does not work thanks to B4’s sabotage. The armour does not engage and the only three Transphasic torpedoes on board when fired at the Scimitar, fire unarmed and simply explode on the shields. The Scimitar disables the E-E’s warp drive so she can’t run and a brief battle ensures before Shinzon contacts Picard. He is confused at why Picard is defending an enemy which was gladly about to go to war with them. Picard comments that he simply does not understand the Federation and pleads with him to step back, that once he moves over that line he won’t be guaranteeing freedom for his people but assuring their destruction. Shinzon fails to listen and breaks the connection. Picard fealing defeated and knowing Shinzon/himself is beyond redemption, walks back out onto the Bridge. At which point two ships Decloak. One a Klingon Neg’Var class attack cruiser, one Sella on a Romulan Warbird. The warbird is similar to the De’Deradax class. Slightly elongated, with a smaller wingspan and the central part of the ship 80% filled and not hollow. Sella and Martok hail the Enterprise. Martok says he was curious what was going on and Sella says she still has a few friends left in the military and kept one Warbird close to home. Though the rest of the fleet is at least a day away (though they are coming) Picard tells he has to buy them both drinks, and the battle royal commences.

The battle proceeds much the same way as the movies did. Basically with the three good ships trying to keep Shinzon from frying fifty billion people. The Neg’Var and Valdor are both disabled with massive damage and the E-E is left in the same state as when the bridge was blown out. But the three ships were able to take out the Scimitars weapons and most of its shields as well as crippiling its manouvering drives. Shinzon ignores the crippled ships and orders a boarding party to the Enterprise. Seveal hundred Reamen troops beam on the E-E’s lower decks (the important areas are protected by transporter scramblers) led by B4..Worf and Data lead the MAOC’s and security forces in one hell of a battle, with REAL tactics and GOOD weapons, GOOD accuray on both sides. The battle spreads thorugh half the saucer section but is contained and pushed back. There is a cool Android battle ending with Data (circuits exposed and damage over his body) sending B4 (damaged even worse) with him down an endless shaft ™ to shatter into dozens of pieces. Data is able to grab onto a ledge just as he starts falling through and climbs down to reveil inside B4 is the Romulan Emerrgency transport unit.

With this last hope gone, Shinzon gives up any hope of capturing Picard and surviving. By good fortune, when its drives were crippled, the ship was pointing directly at Romulas. Shinzon orders it fried and the ship starts to power up its Dominion superweapon. Picard beams over to stop Shinzon then the transporter fries. Riker rants that there must be SOMETHNG they can do to stop Shinzon if the Captian fails. He askes about ramming and Geordi comments that with only manoeuvring thrusters and in its current shape, the E-E would just crumple like a bear can on her remaining shields. Geordi then says the armour generators are back online. And if they manoeuvre directly between the Scimitar and Romulas with the armour engaged, it should block the radiation weapon…though it would kill everyone on the ship. Riker doesn’t hesitate and the ship slowly moves to block the LOS, the armour deploys.

In the tubes, Data quickly pulls a chip out of his neural net and replaces one in B4, typing away furiously as he sees what is happening outside.

On the Scimitar, Picard enters the matrix chamber (which is NOT on the bridge) unchallenged. Then he hears Shinzons voice, he had anticipated this move. Cool phaser battle in the dark ending with both weapons disabled. Picard kills Shinzon with the pipe thing. Data then arrives via the ETU with only seconds to spare. He beams Picard back, then blasts the matrix which blows the entire ship up again. Picard arrives back on the E-E, rather depressed at the loss of Data. Sella hails them and says the RSE will long remember this day and that Picard truly has a friend now.

Cut too the Enterprise officers, Martok and Sella sharing a drink to everyone who died on their ships. Picard makes a special mention of Data, that in sacrificing himself for everyone without hesitation, he proved that he was as Human as any of them. Martok comments that it was a good death in battle saving his ship and friends without hesitation, something the Klingons say will be remembered in song for ages to come. Sella says that twice data thwated her plans and escaped her grasp and she is damn glad that he did and promises his sacrifice will never be forgotten. And that it will usher in a true new era for the Quadrant as old barriers come down.

Martok comments it was a glorious battle. Repairs have been done sufficent to get back to the Empire and he should go before the Romulan fleet shows up. Worf says he will see him in a month or so, martok grumbles not to take tooo long on his vacation, he needs someone to go targ hunting with.

Cut to a month later at the Utopia Plantia yards where the E-E is finishing its refit. Rikers ship is ready and he and Troi disembark. As the replacements arrive. The new councillor is one Esri Dax, she and Worf share a quick hug before Worf disembarks. He tells Picard it was an honour serving with him, one last time before he catches his lift back to the Empire. The new XO is some clueless newb who reminds him of Will when he first arrived. And so we finish with Data doing a VO of the ‘Space the final frontier’ thing as we zoom in on the mostly intact remains of B4 in a science lab as the eyes on the head suddenly open and Data says ‘Woah. That was a hell of a trip’, then cut to credits.

[Darth Wong]

Metrion Cascade:

To put it bluntly, you're talking about standard fanboy shit. The biggest problem with Nemesis was its complete inability to connect the audience with the characters on any kind of emotional level (not to mention a completely meaningless plot), and you're worried about armour-plating the Argo, trying to make the space battle cooler, trying to tie into an old TNG episode, amping up the destructive display of the technobabble weapon, etc.

[TOWNMNBS]

Why bother *rewriting* Nemesis? The film was perfectly good as it is. Realy one of the best Trek films they put out next to TWOK. Adn they took all the important elements from that film and improved on them.

[Old Plympto]

Why bother *rewriting* Nemesis? The film was perfectly good as it is. Realy one of the best Trek films they put out next to TWOK. Adn they took all the important elements from that film and improved on them.

Holy crap! Is this for real?

[Col. Crackpot]

Why bother *rewriting* Nemesis? The film was perfectly good as it is. Realy one of the best Trek films they put out next to TWOK. Adn they took all the important elements from that film and improved on them.

are you on drugs?

What made TWOK good was William Schatner and Ricardo Montalban. Charectors that weren't 2 dimensional made TWOK good. A goddamn good screenplay that wasn't a ripoff of a 20 year old film made TWOK good. Those were important elements that made TWOK great. Nemesis was a half assed attempt to ride the coattails of TWOK and it offered nothing other than a spooky cool looking ship full of bad guys, a fun fighter ride and a halfway decent battle with a shitty finish.

[TOWNMNBS]

Hey everybody has their opinion. This one just happens to be mine.

I thought Nemesis was excitingand fast paced. While I found TWOK to be formulaic, and plodding.

[AdmiralKanos]

Hey everybody has their opinion. This one just happens to be mine.

Yours and that of the 4 other people on Earth who liked this movie more than ST2. Perhaps you can get them to sign up here too.

I thought Nemesis was excitingand fast paced. While I found TWOK to be formulaic, and plodding.

I guess the fact that none of Nemesis made any sense didn't bother you.

[Col. Crackpot]

Hey everybody has their opinion. This one just happens to be mine.

yes. and some people are of the opinion that making shit-porn is a worthy endeavour.

I thought Nemesis was excitingand fast paced. While I found TWOK to be formulaic, and plodding.

Huh? Nemesis was a cheap carbon copy of TWOK! Oh! NEWS FLASH! Jerry Bruckheimer makes movies that are fast paced. they still suck donkey dick.

[Alyeska]

Why bother *rewriting* Nemesis? The film was perfectly good as it is. Realy one of the best Trek films they put out next to TWOK. Adn they took all the important elements from that film and improved on them.

You don't know what made TWOK a good film obviously. When creating the concept for TWOK they director and writers agreed that they needed to pull an enemy out of Kirk's past who could be used as a nemesis of sorts. This is how they decided upon using Khan.

Now, what did Nemesis do? The director and writers of this movie said they were going back to the classics. The problem is they did not. Rather then copy the concept that TWOK used, they copied the plot instead. So because of this Nemesis failed to use the important film elements that made TWOK good.

Furthermore I would like to point out the stunning success of The Undiscovered Country. This movie was brilliantly portrayed and had something very few other Trek movies can really call on. It had a real plot that forced you to think. TUC and TWOK are easily the two best Trek movies ever. Nemesis was fun for some people to watch and painful for others. Because of this it will never rank higher then half way up the list of Trek movies.

[Alyeska]

Hey everybody has their opinion. This one just happens to be mine.

I thought Nemesis was excitingand fast paced. While I found TWOK to be formulaic, and plodding.

Actualy Nemesis was much slower then TWOK. TWOK had two battle scenes, three character derived scenes with the enemy, and one very well done prolonged battle. Nemesis had one drawn out battle scene with three ground skirmishes. TWOK pulled you in. I fail to see how you can claim rapt attention in Nemesis when some scenes were fairly useless.

[Kamakazie Sith]

Why bother *rewriting* Nemesis? The film was perfectly good as it is. Realy one of the best Trek films they put out next to TWOK. Adn they took all the important elements from that film and improved on them.

are you on drugs?

What made TWOK good was William Schatner and Ricardo Montalban. Charectors that weren't 2 dimensional made TWOK good. A goddamn good screenplay that wasn't a ripoff of a 20 year old film made TWOK good. Those were important elements that made TWOK great. Nemesis was a half assed attempt to ride the coattails of TWOK and it offered nothing other than a spooky cool looking ship full of bad guys, a fun fighter ride and a halfway decent battle with a shitty finish.

Indeed....a shitty finish. Can anyone remember the last good battle that Star Trek had?

[Kuja]

Can anyone remember the last good battle that Star Trek had?

Enterprise and Excelsior vs the BOP in STVI.

[Kamakazie Sith]

Can anyone remember the last good battle that Star Trek had?

Enterprise and Excelsior vs the BOP in STVI.

Which came out in 1991.

[Col. Crackpot]

Can anyone remember the last good battle that Star Trek had?

Enterprise and Excelsior vs the BOP in STVI.

which both kicked ass and was relatively realistic.

[Arthur_Tuxedo]

Just out of curiosity, Mike, did TOWNMNBS sign up immediately following the banning of "Timothy Jones" (I put that in parentheses because he's an impersonator)? I don't think I need to tell you that TOWNMNBS stands for The One Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken aka Tim Jones, after all, and the writing style is a dead ringer for our dear departed impersonator troll.