How to end the Enterprise Nightmare

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » 2003-08-16 12:20pm

Steal a page from Red Dwarf! Have the Archer guy finally get a little communicator beep right in the middle of some crisis and then have him say "Freeze Program". We discover it was all a Holonovel.

Why do I get the feeling this will not happen?

TheDarkling · Post by **TheDarkling** » 2003-08-16 12:25pm

People would still complain if that happened anyway.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-08-16 02:48pm

Ugh, not the "so it was all a dream..." copout.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-08-16 03:36pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Ugh, not the "so it was all a dream..." copout.

Which was actually already used on Enterprise, showing their fine level of writing.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-08-16 04:10pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Ugh, not the "so it was all a dream..." copout.

Isn't that how the Far Side comics ended?

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » 2003-08-16 04:12pm

What's your point? It still gets the thing over with.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-08-16 04:13pm

RogueIce wrote:Isn't that how the Far Side comics ended?

And The Bob Newhart Show and St. Elsewhere to name a few...

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-08-16 04:15pm

Jeremy wrote:What's your point? It still gets the thing over with.

The point is that it's a retarded and lame idea. In fact it's no better than just cancelling the series outright in mid-season or something.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-08-16 05:01pm

This is what I was hoping for during the entire duration of "Voyager."

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2003-08-16 05:07pm

Jeremy wrote:Steal a page from Red Dwarf! Have the Archer guy finally get a little communicator beep right in the middle of some crisis and then have him say "Freeze Program". We discover it was all a Holonovel.

Why do I get the feeling this will not happen?

It would not erase the memory of the experience. It's still BURNED INTO OUR BRAINS!!!!

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-08-16 08:33pm

But if we do this, Archer has to walk out of the holodeck and turn into a nerdy whiney little wimpy trek nerd (lets name him DarkStar).

I actually think the best way to make enterprise better would be to have so many crossovers its not funny. Have some space phenomena thingy cause Sam Beckett and Al Calavici appear on Enterprise, for a few episodes and then have Chekhov and all of his alternates in other TV shows (Alfred Bester!

) appear, ala Chekhovs Enterprise. I honestly thing the shear insanity and fun-ness of such a story arch would be classic, and very much worth watching. then ofcourse you have to end the series in some way, like Archer finally gets the universe back to normal, when a ship comes on screen, Archer goes "son of a- BOOM" enterprise blows up, series over, everyone rejoices that they finally got a decent season and that the shit is gone.

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-08-16 10:16pm

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:
Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Ugh, not the "so it was all a dream..." copout.

Which was actually already used on Enterprise, showing their fine level of writing.

The ploy works sometimes if it's well done, like on Newhart.

And The Bob Newhart Show

You've got it backwards, it was the end of Newhart that turned out to be dream of Dr. Hartley.

TurboPhaser · Post by **TurboPhaser** » 2003-08-17 04:08am

Although I dont think Enterprise is bad, there have been a few eps that left a bad taste in my mouth. (No, I did not eat the video)

Hows this for a final ENT episode:

(Enterprise is flying through space)

T'Pol: I am detecting a temporal signature ahead. Oh wait, No i'm not because I think time travel is gibberish. See? That belief demonstrates this series is retro.
Archer: Yeah whatever, put the .....time....uh, 'thing' onscreen.
Hoshi: Ooh! Its so pretty!
T'Pol: Detecting a vessel emerging through it Captain.
Archer: Can you identify it?
T'Pol: Hull markings read: 'USS Enterprise, NCC-1701- (dramatic pause) - 'D'
Crew: Gasp!
Archer: (jumping up and down) Its proof! I'm right I'm right! Time travel exists! Send a message to the Vulcan High -
Reed: Sir, they are powering weapons!
Archer: Red Alert! Oh wait, we don't have those yet.....

(E-D Bridge)

Picard: Make it so.

(Space: E-D fires torpedo, it hits the NX-01 and is promptly obliterated)

Captains Prolouge, Stardate: 85425.437. We have destroyed the rogue Enterprise, and have returned to our own time. We dont know where the hell that ship came from, it just appeared in our databanks. However, all is well, the time-line is restored. Starfleet is currently investigating Admiral Braga, for he is under suspicion for tampering with the time line.........

Is that a good enough way to finish ENT?

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » 2003-08-17 04:18am

Korjkun and Turbophaser do have pretty good ideas.

Spanky, I'm going out on a limb here to say that you are probably tired of reading people bitch about Enterprise.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-08-17 04:20am

Since I've only seen about ten minutes of ENT, I really don't care what people say as long as it's reasonable or correct.

I just have a thing against silly ideas.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2003-08-17 12:42pm

Actually, I'd like to see Enterprise destroyed in the opening battle of the Earth Romulan War

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » 2003-08-17 04:42pm

I just have a thing against silly ideas.

Okay

Publius · Post by **Publius** » 2003-08-17 08:20pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:I just have a thing against silly ideas.

Does that mean that you, too, are opposed to William Shatner's chimerical Iron Chef USA abomination?

Publius

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-08-18 05:51am

Solauren wrote:Actually, I'd like to see Enterprise destroyed in the opening battle of the Earth Romulan War

Enterprise is an exploration vessel, not a warship. That's why they arm it with low-yield-but-easily-replenishable energy weapons instead of the powerful nukes that'll be used in the Romulan War.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-08-18 01:26pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Enterprise is an exploration vessel, not a warship. That's why they arm it with low-yield-but-easily-replenishable energy weapons instead of the powerful nukes that'll be used in the Romulan War.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

Which is why it would bee destroyed??

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-08-18 02:28pm

kojikun wrote:
Drooling Iguana wrote:Enterprise is an exploration vessel, not a warship. That's why they arm it with low-yield-but-easily-replenishable energy weapons instead of the powerful nukes that'll be used in the Romulan War.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.
Which is why it would bee destroyed?? :roll:

Which is why she wouldn't be anywhere near the front lines to begin with.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-08-18 05:18pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Which is why she wouldn't be anywhere near the front lines to begin with.

Desperation makes people do stupid things.

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » 2003-08-18 07:01pm

Desperation makes people do stupid things.

That and working in Star Fleet

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-08-20 08:52pm

This is how to do it. Posted once more with some new additions, this is the new series that will put an end to the mess created by B&B.

Space...

A battle damaged Constitution refit approaches Earth. As it flies past our point of view, we see the words NCC- 1701A USS Enterprise painted on it.

Bridge...

Uhura speaking: "Captain, we are receaving a message from Admiral Baddecision, he is once again congradulating us for or success over Khittomer, but still insist we must put the ship in drydock for decommissioning... Captain?"

Camera pans over to captain's chair to find Kirk asleep, he slowly wakes up

Kirk speaking groggly: "Lieutenant, I just had the worst dream. I dreamth that a hundred or so years from now, there would be an Enterprise-D, whose captain is a bald french man with an strong english accent. His crew was composed of a pussy first officer, a wussy android, an idiot Klingon, and this really annoying little boy. It was horrible."

Checkovf: "Surely Captain, it can't be so!"

Kirk: "It gets worst, they fly around space spouting this new Federation communist pacifist nonsence. And their ship almost blows up every week. Their only defense involves a man with a cheese grader over his eyes spouting some nonsense for long periods of time. Words like subspace disturbance and quantom singularity. Scotty, those words mean anything to you?"

Scotty: "Not in'd least bit Capt'n"

Spock: "There is no logic to this Captain, why would Starfleet field a ship with such problems?"

Kirk: "I don't know Spock, I, just, don't, know"

McCoy: "Damnit Jim!, you know dreams are nonsense."

Kirk: "But it was so vivid!"

Commercial break

In sick bay, Kirk is lying on a medical bed facing up

Kirk: "And then there was the space station, filled with these wierd religious nuts with funny things on their noses. And the captain was bald too, and a really bad actor. But there was this hot chick named Dax."

McCoy: "Damnit Jim!"

Kirk: "No wait bones, then there was this other ship named Voyager, her captain was a woman. At least I think she was a woman, she sounded like a man. But there was this other chick with numbers for a name, but her personality was inferior to that of a peice of toejam. This part of the dream took forever, at least seven years."

Checkovf: "What a tewwable wessel to work on"

Kirk: "Damn straight, but that wasn't the end. Well it was the end, but there was this new beginning. It was about this new, I mean old, ship named 'Enterprise'"

Spock: "That is highly illogical Captain, our previous ship was the Frederation's first to bear that name."

Kirk: "I know, that's what makes this part of the dream so unusual. Aside from the fact that it did not resemble anything of that era, the two smartest people on board were a small dog and a Vulcan lesbian in spandex. It made no sense, and none of the women wore miniskirts! Why bones?! Why?!"

McCoy: "Well it's over now. Relax Jim, it was only a dream, only a dream."

Fade to Space

Roll Credits

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-20 09:14pm

None of these endings involve the phrase "stand by the atomic cannon for firing" which makes them completely unacceptable to me.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

How to end the Enterprise Nightmare

How to end the Enterprise Nightmare

Re: How to end the Enterprise Nightmare