StarDestroyer.Net BBS

I was watching an improv-comedy show at a renaissance festival. Somehow, the two people on stage had built a mannequin out of a wooden bench, a beer stein, and a bowling ball. One of them decided to have it wear his gherkin (which he pronounced 'jerkin'). Here's what followed:

#1: Nah, it doesn't look that good.
#2: You really think so? But it's so hot out here, can't I just leave it off?
#1: No, put your gherkin back on.
#2: *pregnant pause* ....So you don't like me gherkin-off on stage?

~Damienkitty

To know that you do not know is the best. To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease.’

— Lao Tzu

and my personal favorite:

"The only true wisdom consists of knowing you know nothing".

--Bill S. Preston, esq. paraphrasing Socrates

"This U.N declaration is worth less than the paper it is printed on and we will treat it as such!"

*rips up declaration*

- Haim Herzog, Israel's 1975 UN Ambassador, in response to the U.N's "Zionism is Racism" decision. Heh.

"I think that this is the first war in history that on the morrow the victors sued for peace and the vanquished called for unconditional surrender." - Abba Eban, Israel's Foreign Minister in the Six Day War.

If there's a real life PWNED quote....

"I believe it's God's function to forgive them. Our job is to arrange the meeting" - Stormin' Norman, in response to a question as to whether he could "forgive" the terrorists.

After massacring 20,000 civilians who he'd previously promised could cross his territory, Caesar gave the following rationale:

"The Germans were quite intolerable neighbours"

Back when I was about to go off to university, competition was fairly fierce among the school mothers of my district.

One day, my mother ran into a woman at the store with whose son I had had pretty bitter on-and-off disputes in grade school.

The lady in question apparently announced to a number of other people present that, "My son goes to Vanderbilt, the Harvard of the South!" during an airing of the various schools to which their children were accepted.

My mother quipped back, "That's nice. My son goes to Harvard. The real one."

Not true, but since the other woman had no evidence to the contrary, damn funny.

It is better to have a good enemy than a bad friend.

Command is a poor substitute for leadership.


And this funny... said to a guy who had a horrible job.
"It's better than my last job."
"What was that? A fluffer for horse porn?"

"How about you, me and some of this pork?" Donnie Baker.