Finally put up a review of Nemesis on the main site!

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-11-02 04:20am

Shinzon looks like Wesley Crusher. Same actor or disturbing coincidence?

Dark Primus · Post by **Dark Primus** » 2003-11-02 06:20am

I haven't laughed this hard for a long time. It made my day. Hell I'm reading it again.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2003-11-02 07:35am

Shinzon looks like Wesley Crusher. Same actor or disturbing coincidence?

No, Wesley was played by Will Wheaton and Shinzon was played Tom Hardy.

There was however a disturbing similarity between the two.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2003-11-02 10:52am

Howedar wrote:If you'd actually read "Porta", you'd never have said such a thing, even in jest.

I have read Portal. And I do not say it in Jest. (I agree it's a horrible Fan Fic however)
That just shows how bad Nemisis is

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-11-02 11:52am

Shinova wrote:Shinzon looks like Wesley Crusher. Same actor or disturbing coincidence?

(Insert "Wesley, I am your father!" joke)

BlkbrryTheGreat · Post by **BlkbrryTheGreat** » 2003-11-02 03:58pm

That it takes two pages to point out the MAJOR plot holes in Nemesis just goes to show what a misconcieved greasy, sloppy, bucket of cow shit it really was.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-11-02 04:40pm

That it was. By the way, I just made a few minor edits to clarify things for those who have never actually seen the movie, so if the pages look funny, hit "refresh".

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-11-02 04:58pm

That movie looks almost as bad as Battlefield Earth.

CJvR · Post by **CJvR** » 2003-11-02 05:56pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:(Insert "Wesley, I am your father!" joke)

You think anyone would admit to that voluntarily?

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2003-11-02 06:07pm

I'd admit to being wesley's father.

I'm sure back around the time he was concived, Bev Crusher was probably a babe.

That, and you know the old saying 'I had a hand in bringing you into this world, so I can take you out'.

*Insert sound of Wesley dying painfully here*

Sothis · Post by **Sothis** » 2003-11-02 06:37pm

Lol!!!! Oh, Nemesis would have been worth it, if only to hear Picard tell Janeway to fuck off... I would have fell out my seat laughing if I'd heard that...

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2003-11-02 07:22pm

It's a great parody Mike, but are you planning to do a tech analysis at some point? Or was it such a bad movie that you don't want to bother?

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2003-11-02 07:45pm

Hmm.....

Star Trek: The Scimitar Strikes Back

Fuck! We've been rammed again!! The bridge is in ruins!!

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-11-03 01:53am

Poe, that is messed up...

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-11-03 02:07pm

LOL, Mike. Just LOL.

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2003-11-03 04:14pm

EmperorMing wrote:Poe, that is messed up...

I immediately saw a KISS stage when I saw that poor excuse for a "bridge"!

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-11-03 06:47pm

Wow. I'd heard bad things about the film but...Wow. I'm not going to even spend the money to rent the DVD. I'll wait until its on TV.

Still needs MST3K commentary.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-11-03 10:58pm

Nice review Mike, very funny. I still have not seen the movie. I thought the idea of dune buggies was cool until I saw the rear facing gun. Uh okay, I guess those turret with pintle mounts from the 20th century are too old fashion. Id still sleep with Troi.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-11-04 12:17am

OMFG LMFAO!!! Excellent synopsis, Mike!

When are we gonna get some REAL writers in Trek? Say... Falkenhorst? Or Sheppard? Course, I'm partial to 'Rebels-Overthrow-Feddies-and-Engage-in-Realistic-Space-and-Ground-Combat-to-Kick-Ass' kinda stories

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-11-04 05:58am

What the hell is going on with the lighting?? Couldn't they afford a few more lights? Gah!

I was thinking on buying the DVD for the sake of completeness, but after that pictorial... no way, I'll just let Insurrection be the low point on Star Trek movies.
What was the whole point of the B4 sub-plot? What a shameless ST II rip-off!

AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THE LIGTHING?????

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2003-11-09 04:49am

I rather liked the Scimitar design, but I might save the wings-spreading bit until it was firing on a planet (insert technobabble about multiple discharges having to mix outside the ship). I will say this - Ron Perlman's voice was just killer in the theatre.

Now, about that catwalk - weren't they on the ship's lowest deck in that scene? I don't know, since the number of decks has kept increasing. It was 24 said Picard in First Contact, then some goldshirt said 26, and now it's 29 says Worf in Nemesis. Unless the Remans made some vertical headway before Riker and Worf arrived. And how many dozens of Star Wars scenes take place on catwalks over bottomless pits? And what where the bolts made of - glass? Styrofoam?

As for the Rift - maybe it's somehow so big that warping around it will take days or weeks? Simple answer to why they went through it.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-11-09 05:46am

Metrion Cascade wrote:I rather liked the Scimitar design, but I might save the wings-spreading bit until it was firing on a planet (insert technobabble about multiple discharges having to mix outside the ship). I will say this - Ron Perlman's voice was just killer in the theatre.

Takes a lot more than that to save a movie.

Now, about that catwalk - weren't they on the ship's lowest deck in that scene? I don't know, since the number of decks has kept increasing. It was 24 said Picard in First Contact, then some goldshirt said 26, and now it's 29 says Worf in Nemesis. Unless the Remans made some vertical headway before Riker and Worf arrived.

There's really no plausible place or reason for such a pit in the E-E.

And how many dozens of Star Wars scenes take place on catwalks over bottomless pits?

Only on the Death Star and the Naboo powerplant, both of which were definitely large enough to contain a number of such chasms (and one of which was designed by a flying species). And they were well-lit.

And what where the bolts made of - glass? Styrofoam?

That was quite pathetic, unless the entire structure of the ship was flexing, which would snap such bolts easily. Of course, if the entire structure of the ship was flexing, I would expect a lot more things to be leaking than we saw. At the very least, power should have failed throughout the entire ship as a result of their plasma conduit system suffering countless simultaneous ruptures system-wide. But of course, that would have killed the pretty forcefield holding Picard and his bridge crew away from the vacuum of space, so they couldn't do that.

As for the Rift - maybe it's somehow so big that warping around it will take days or weeks? Simple answer to why they went through it.

On the screen, it's no wider than it is deep, and their rendezvous with the fleet was not days or weeks away. Also, this doesn't explain the fleet sitting there stupidly while the E-E goes in but doesn't come out.

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2003-11-09 06:07am

Darth Wong wrote:
Metrion Cascade wrote: As for the Rift - maybe it's somehow so big that warping around it will take days or weeks? Simple answer to why they went through it.
On the screen, it's no wider than it is deep, and their rendezvous with the fleet was not days or weeks away. Also, this doesn't explain the fleet sitting there stupidly while the E-E goes in but doesn't come out.

The tactical display only showed the rift from one direction - maybe if you "turned" that image, the rift is a lot "taller" than it is thick. Like how a vertical wall one foot thick and fifty feet high won't look fifty feet high or six feet high if I parallel-project it from above in AutoCAD.

Maybe the fleet did wonder what was going on and did dispatch ships, but the battle was over before any could arrive. Data said just before the attack that it would take "approximately 40 minutes" to reach the fleet, and they remained at warp for just a few minutes past that statement. Personally I'd just have clearly stated that the rift was too big to warp around in any reasonable amount of time. I'd also have deployed some warp-capable fighters to fly through to warn the fleet when Shinzon attacked.

As for what it would take to save the movie, it's a lot easier to point at the specific flaws than write a different flick. I'll no longer attempt the latter. Honestly I fail to see how a decent Trek movie could be made these days given the absurd history imposed by B&B's writing. Too bad. I like the name Starfleet. I'm trying to come up with a neat name for my own space fleet. Maybe just the Navy. I also want a neat abbreviation for their ship names (USS will not do, but nobody told Roddenberry).

Rhadamanthus · Post by **Rhadamanthus** » 2003-11-09 09:29am

Darth Wong wrote: On the screen, it's no wider than it is deep, and their rendezvous with the fleet was not days or weeks away. Also, this doesn't explain the fleet sitting there stupidly while the E-E goes in but doesn't come out.

Actually, I always wondered why the fuck the fleet wasn't moving at maximum warp to meet the Enterprise as soon as possible. As far as anyone in the Federation knows Shinzon is running the Romulan Empire and they are at war, so why the hell were they sitting in Fed space waiting for the E-E? A bit late to worry about violating the Neutral Zone

But moving with the stupidity of the movie, the battle did not last long enough for any part of the fleet to arrive, and with the interfering particle of the week making up the rift, the fleet couldn't contact the Enterprise to let them (and the audience) know that they were coming.

Isolder74 · Post by **Isolder74** » 2003-11-09 02:09pm

Very nice. From what I have seen of the movie(I couldn't watch the whole thing) the comments are quite fitting!