Enterprise Engineers

The Dude · Post by **The Dude** » 2003-11-21 02:01pm

I got to thinking about what life would be like on the Enterprise for competent engineering staff:

<Main Engineering>

Lt.JG Jones: ...yeah, they're in a meeting right now. Peter said there's some kind of neutral zone emergency and we're the closest ship. Now you get to see what I was talking about in your orientation.

Ens. Ishii: Oh, shit.

Jones: God knows what they're going to come up with this time; he'll be down here soon.

Ishii: How the hell did he end up on the Enterprise?

Jones: I TOLD you, his aunt is married to Admiral Preston.

Ishii: That still doesn't explain how he gradu...

Jones: Zip it, Ensign. Here he comes.

<In walks Lt.Com. Geordi LaForge>

LaForge: Well, we have to get to the neutral zone in four hours. We're going to need to increase engine power by 36.094367 percent to 489 trillion Giga-joules.

Jones: Umm, sir...

LaForge: We don't have time for debate, Lieutenant. The Federation's very existence is at st...

<Communicator>: Riker to Laforge. Please report to the Bridge. Data just accidentally said something really funny, and now he looks really confused!

LaForge <to Communicator>: I'll be right there!
<to Jones> : Jones! I proposed, and the bridge crew agreed, that the wisest course of action is to remodulate the quantum phase injectors to increase the matter-antimatter annihilation yield! Get to it!

<LaForge exits>

Ishii: <falls to the floor, gasping for breath>: BWAHAAHAHAAA *gasp* power *gasp* trillion AHAHAHH Joules *gasp* quantum pha-HEEEAHHHAHAH!

Jones: Ensign! Control yourself!

Ishii: <slowly rises, wiping tears from his eyes and giggling>: Sorry, sir. What the hell are we going to do?

Jones: The same thing I always do. We'll build a batch command to shut down the holodecks and non-essential replicators for "maintenance" and divert that power to engines. We might have to shut off some of the external lights, too.

Ishii: He won't know??

Jones: I'll dress the command as a "Modulate Quantum Injector" button on the bridge engineering console.

Ishii: Why don't you just tell the Captain that he's full of shit?

Jones: I FUCKING TOLD you. His uncle is an Admiral! Do you think I want to spend the rest of my career fixing goddamn sewage processors on the moon?!? Besides, as long as the bridge officers think he's some sort of superwhiz, he'll be uptop in conferences all day instead of down here fucking things up.

Ishii: You're a real bastard.

Jones: That's "You're a real bastard, SIR" to you, Ensign.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-11-21 02:16pm

LOL...classic

.

Though you should've made the explaination of lights being lowered or turned off to heighten tension amongst the Bridge morons.

Still very true, and great use of Treknobabble.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-11-21 02:40pm

Hahahaha, classic.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-11-21 04:41pm

Beautiful!

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2003-11-21 06:45pm

Why can I imagine this really happening?

The Silence and I · Post by **The Silence and I** » 2003-11-21 11:01pm

Oh this should be cannon! Just think about the issues it could resolve, beautiful, beautiful

Yes, I can so invision this happening.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-11-21 11:06pm

Perfect. Just, perfect.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2003-11-22 01:33am

That was excellent.

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-11-22 01:37am

Now everybody's going to be demanding more of the Bastard Starfleet Engineer From Hell... not that it's a bad thing

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-11-22 02:35am

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-11-22 07:35am

Nay, ARCHIVE!

The Dude · Post by **The Dude** » 2003-11-22 07:20pm

Crayz9000 wrote:Now everybody's going to be demanding more of the Bastard Starfleet Engineer From Hell... not that it's a bad thing

Maybe once I've got some more time on my hands I'll sift through Mike's STTNG canon database for a few ideas and put together a short fanfic, in which the intrepid duo's adventures consist mainly of saving the Enterprise and its crew from the command staff.

The Dude · Post by **The Dude** » 2003-11-22 08:20pm

Star Trek: The Dilbert Principle