21 Things that never happen in Star Trek

beyond hope · Post by **beyond hope** » 2003-09-14 02:13am

Despite heroic efforts by the Enterprise crew, they are unable to activate or even discern the function of an alien device they've come across. Alternately, despite knowing the function of the device and the device offering an easy means of escaping whatever fix they're in, they remain totally unable to make it work.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-09-14 04:51am

Exonerate wrote:A ship hit by several Quantum torpedos continues to function.

"Sir the Romulon Captain says: "Damn the Torpedoes, I reinforced my front arc, and I have just begun to fight, Eat Hot Death you Commie Scum"

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-09-14 07:12pm

68:Any Enterprise attacked by Klingon birds of prey doesn't get the living shit kicked out of it(A,C, and D at various points).
69:Data gets a steady girlfriend(difficult these days admittedly).
70:An order to keep children off of the bridge sticks.
71: Spock declares the object of a sensor scan to be "Boring captain, utterly boring".
72: Doctor Mccoy exhibits an amazing array of non-medical skills, and cheerfully puts them to use

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-09-14 09:01pm

Exonerate wrote:A ship hit by several Quantum torpedos continues to function.

*cough*Nemesis*cough*

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-09-15 01:06am

73: Data announces in a monotone "I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed"
74: An intruder enters the Enterprise, and is promptly subdued by their state of the art security system and crack personnel
75: A space anomaly is detected on scanners, but turns out to be a sneeze that wasn't wiped off the display
76: the main crew is killed to a man, and is replaced by an entirely different crew.
77: A personnel transfer of a main character isn't revoked after a season or two.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-09-15 01:19am

How about someone notices how many times the same actor/actress have playied multipal roles.....

Hey, don't you look familiar?

Hey spock, that Romulon Commander looks just like your Father!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-09-15 01:25am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:How about someone notices how many times the same actor/actress have playied multipal roles.....

Hey, don't you look familiar?

Hey spock, that Romulon Commander looks just like your Father!

That's easily explained away by addtional transporter related cloning incidents.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-09-15 01:29am

Or evil parallel universes, or time travel problems causing people to become their own ancestors.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-09-15 07:52am

Sea Skimmer wrote:That's easily explained away by addtional transporter related cloning incidents.

Transporters can not only clone them, but can change their "species" as well? Wow!

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-15 11:30am

An officer reminds his peers that the technobabble they spout is meaningless jibberish.

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2003-09-15 01:40pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:An officer reminds his peers that the technobabble they spout is meaningless jibberish.

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Ahh the `O`neil Effect`

By the way Vulcans and Romulans are the same species so they can plausibly explain away why the Romulan commander looks like Sarek

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-09-15 03:23pm

Someone actualy hands over money to Quark.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-09-15 06:02pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:An officer reminds his peers that the technobabble they spout is meaningless jibberish.

Damnit, I don't remember the episode, but I remember Picard (or was it Riker? I think both of them said it at one point in time) saying "In English, Data."

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-09-15 10:51pm

That, and "Shut up Wesley"

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-16 10:42am

Uraniun235 wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:An officer reminds his peers that the technobabble they spout is meaningless jibberish.
Damnit, I don't remember the episode, but I remember Picard (or was it Riker? I think both of them said it at one point in time) saying "In English, Data."

I'd like to see more of that.