NecronLord wrote:Even in her, less Surakian era, T'pol had an arranged partner. Torres says 'I thought Vulcan marriages were arranged' and Vorik doesn't put her right, instead talking about his. I would say that's enough to say that we can conclude that arranged marriages are the norm, and that the rituals in Amok Time are also part of most Vulcan culture; never once does anyone go 'oh wow they're doing the thing with the executioner.' With, presumably the attendant sexism and violence.
T'pol brought up the concept of choosing another mate, which Koss rejected, which seems odd for an arranged marriage that one is forced to take. T'pol only agreed to the marriage because of her mother's career(showing some problems with Vulcan culture at that time). It is also worth noting that we don't see any executioners at T'pol's wedding(whether this is because T'pol or Koss didn't hire them, Surakian reform made them necessary in later years, or it wasn't as prestigious a wedding as Spock's is unknown). Koss also notes how out of use and ancient the kalifee is. It does not appear to be something that happens regularly at Vulcan weddings.
Kirk and McCoy had never witnessed any Vulcan ceremonies before, and weren't steeped in Vulcan culture, they have no idea what is the norm and what isn't. Sarek, Spock's father, also married two human women(and a Vulcan princess, but I like to pretend that Star Trek V never happened), and it seems unlikely that Amanda or Perrin agreed to the executioner if their guests got too rowdy at the reception. It is logical(heh heh) to conclude that the focus on ritual came from T'Pring's family, and so the ancient customs were followed, and she wanted out of them. In Gravity, we have flashbacks to Tuvok as a youth, and his love for a Vulcan female is brought up. His potential marriage to T'Pel, his wife in the present, that he might be ruining by falling for this girl is not brought up, only his lack of control to his emotions, or his arranging of marriages for his children to be married. So, it might not be the norm, as we have more characters (Sarek, Tuvok, Tuvok's family, maybe Saavik and Valeris but we don't know enough about their personal lives to know) with no mention of arranged marriage than we do with it (T'pol, Spock and Vorik). It is a part of their culture, that is agreed, but does not seem to be the norm, or at least the majority.
Vorik was also more focused on getting into Torres' pants than explaining Vulcan's history and culture to her. Since the concept of proposing is also in the same conversation, it is likely that Vorik considered the matter immaterial to getting Torres to agree to mate, and how compatible the two of them would be, which was the crux of the conversation.
In no way am I saying the Romulans are better people or culturally superior, but that there are definately things about Vulcan that would make people not want to become Vulcan-like. It's unclear to me if the Unificationists want to assimilate to Vulcan traditions, or if they want to open a dialogue and peaceful exchange; the latter is infinitely more reasonable though.
As for the Vulcans, their culture is not purely rational, even though that is clearly their highest virtue. T'Pel has monks start praying for Tuvok's safe return (though admittedly, the Dominion War's resolution for the Federation does suggest that there is some virtue in prayer - perhaps Vulcan priests and monks actually worship whatever god of the week seems likely to do things for them!) and of course, their cultural artifacts are beautiful but clearly designed to evoke awe from a supposedly rationalistic people. It would be rather boring if they were completely rational.
What I am saying, is that there's plenty of reasons for a reasonable Romulan to not want to adopt Vulcan ways.
Agreed, Vulcans are clearly not purely logical, as they embrace beauty, ethics, empathy, and tradition. However, these parts of Vulcan culture, and the Vulcan openness to new ideas that the Romulans do not, are probably what attract Romulans to Spock's movement.(the kid whose parents gave him building blocks with Vulcan letters as a child, for instance)