Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Questions
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Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Questions
Hello everyone! I am Youngla0450, a newly registered user. I discovered this site, and am very interested. I need help. I need a through description of the Galactic Empire compared to the United Federation of Planets. I need it to be clearly organized and detailed. Thanks!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
I'm only going to say this once:
Do your own legwork. We are not your personal assistance service.
There are reams and reams of description of this very issue all over the stardestroyer.net main site and on the forums. Start digging. With a bit of work, you will find everything you requested and then some.
Your topic asking this exact same question in the fanfics subforum has been disapproved, because the answer to it would have been what I told you here.
Do your own legwork. We are not your personal assistance service.
There are reams and reams of description of this very issue all over the stardestroyer.net main site and on the forums. Start digging. With a bit of work, you will find everything you requested and then some.
Your topic asking this exact same question in the fanfics subforum has been disapproved, because the answer to it would have been what I told you here.
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Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp
GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan
The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die
Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp
GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan
The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Umm....read the main site?
Here is a short overview, various technological aspects, a potential imperial campaign and how the Federation would view things.
There's much more than that, but that's the basic overview.
In a nutshell: The Empire crushes the Federation without any problems.
Why? Well, quite simple: Their technology is incredibly more advanced.
The Empires ships are thousands of times faster (crossing the Galaxy in 1-2 days rather than half of it in 70 years). That allows them to attack the Federation with overwheling numbers at all times.
The Empire has thousands of times more firepower (their light shipweapons can completely vaporize large asteroids, the Federation would need hundreds of torpedoes just to shatter them).
Likewise, their shields are far, far stronger.
The Empire has greater numbers - millions of ships compared to hundreds or thousands.
The Empire has way more industry - they could build the second Deathstar in about 10 months (6 for 60% as seen in the movie).
Another important note: Tricks don't really work.
Transporters do not work trough shields or dense metals, and imperial ships have both.
Technobabble solutions are not practical enough to be used on a wide scale - and there might very well not be any at all, given that imperial technology is vastly different and superior to Federation technology.
It's just not a fair fight. It's like taking modern battleships and matching them against ancient galleys - while the galleys don't even have a numerical advantage. Except that's it actually worse.
The above is all based on very carefull scientific analysis of the series and movies. If both universes were real, it's what would happen.
Here is a short overview, various technological aspects, a potential imperial campaign and how the Federation would view things.
There's much more than that, but that's the basic overview.
In a nutshell: The Empire crushes the Federation without any problems.
Why? Well, quite simple: Their technology is incredibly more advanced.
The Empires ships are thousands of times faster (crossing the Galaxy in 1-2 days rather than half of it in 70 years). That allows them to attack the Federation with overwheling numbers at all times.
The Empire has thousands of times more firepower (their light shipweapons can completely vaporize large asteroids, the Federation would need hundreds of torpedoes just to shatter them).
Likewise, their shields are far, far stronger.
The Empire has greater numbers - millions of ships compared to hundreds or thousands.
The Empire has way more industry - they could build the second Deathstar in about 10 months (6 for 60% as seen in the movie).
Another important note: Tricks don't really work.
Transporters do not work trough shields or dense metals, and imperial ships have both.
Technobabble solutions are not practical enough to be used on a wide scale - and there might very well not be any at all, given that imperial technology is vastly different and superior to Federation technology.
It's just not a fair fight. It's like taking modern battleships and matching them against ancient galleys - while the galleys don't even have a numerical advantage. Except that's it actually worse.
The above is all based on very carefull scientific analysis of the series and movies. If both universes were real, it's what would happen.
SoS:NBA GALE Force
"Destiny and fate are for those too weak to forge their own futures. Where we are 'supposed' to be is irrelevent." - Sir Nitram
"The world owes you nothing but painful lessons" - CaptainChewbacca
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." - Wilhelm Stekel
"In 1969 it was easier to send a man to the Moon than to have the public accept a homosexual" - Broomstick
Divine Administration - of Gods and Bureaucracy (Worm/Exalted)
"Destiny and fate are for those too weak to forge their own futures. Where we are 'supposed' to be is irrelevent." - Sir Nitram
"The world owes you nothing but painful lessons" - CaptainChewbacca
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." - Wilhelm Stekel
"In 1969 it was easier to send a man to the Moon than to have the public accept a homosexual" - Broomstick
Divine Administration - of Gods and Bureaucracy (Worm/Exalted)
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See your Point
I see your point. Thanks for the advice. I will be writing a fanfiction story on a site called fiction.wikia.com about their encounter.
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Yeah, it won't really go well for the federation. Here's a rough estimate of what will go down. From here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Imperial ... _Destroyer, an Imperial 2 type star destroyer (relatively standard design), has a reactor capable of putting out at least 9.28E24W of power. Assuming 1/3 for weapons, 1/3 for shields, and 1/3 for other systems, an ISD can allocate out 3.093E24W each to its shields and weapons. It has more than 64 weapon turrets, not counting point defense, but I will go minimalist here and call it 64 and discount the point defense completely. Averaging out the power to each turret (not completely accurate because some are heavy, medium, and light but adequate to get my point across) we get 4.83E22W per turret.
Now, for the feds. From here: http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Tec ... Beam1.html, phasers fire at about 3E14 Joules per shot and from here:http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Tec ... pedo1.html, a quantum torpedo is about 5.4E17 Joules per shot. Also note that these are theoretical maximums. Now from here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmcqoqWD ... re=related, we see that the sovereign class enterprise can fire about 10 phasors every 4 seconds and 6 torpedoes every three seconds. Using the numbers mentioned above and assuming that our fed ships will only use the more powerful quantum torpedoes and have the weapon capacity of the most powerful ship in starfleet, this puts the firepower of our theoretical, overpowered, fed ship at about 1.08E18W. From the first link in this paragraph, typical federation shields can absorb 1.5E15J of particle damage. I will be extremely generous and assume this is per second, leading to 1.5E15W shields.
From these two paragraphs we can see that one ISD turret can one hit kill our fed ship. From here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASYW3P3t208, from 1:49 to 1:51, a turret at the bottom of the ISD fires twice, meaning each turret can fire about 1shot/sec, which means kill one fed ship/ sec assuming perfect accuracy. With 64 turrets, our ISD can kill 64 fed ships per second. Now, the highest estimation of the federation fleet I have heard on this website is 6000 starships (look around the forums for more info). Now, imagine a scenario where the entire federation fleet drops out of warp and engages one imperial 2 class star destroyer, where t=0 indicates the time where the ISD takes the first hit. The battle can be modeled by the linear equation s=6000-70t, where s is the number of fed ships and t is time in seconds. We also know that that each of the 6000 ships generates 1.08E18W of firepower or a total starting energy of 6.48E21 Joules imparted to the ISD's shields, and energy imparted to the ISD's shield decreases at a rate of 70*1.08E18 joules per second. So, rewriting the equation we have E=6.48E21-7.56E19t, where E is energy in joules and t is time in seconds. Using this equation we can find the time the fleet is defeated, using the fact that E will be 0 when this happens. The time comes out to be 85.71 seconds. Now, to find the total energy delivered to the ISD by the federation fleet, simply integrate the energy equation from t=0 to t=85.71, which yields the result 2.784E23. Now, a star destroyer with a 3.093E24W shield should be able to handle 2.651E26 joules of firepower. In short, the entire federation fleet engages one imperial 2 class stardestroyer and manages to deplete .1% of its shield before being destroyed. Now, looking at the fact that the empire has 25,000 star destroyers, millions of support ships, and a death star, any engagement between the empire and the federation would not go well for the federation.
Now, for the feds. From here: http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Tec ... Beam1.html, phasers fire at about 3E14 Joules per shot and from here:http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Tec ... pedo1.html, a quantum torpedo is about 5.4E17 Joules per shot. Also note that these are theoretical maximums. Now from here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmcqoqWD ... re=related, we see that the sovereign class enterprise can fire about 10 phasors every 4 seconds and 6 torpedoes every three seconds. Using the numbers mentioned above and assuming that our fed ships will only use the more powerful quantum torpedoes and have the weapon capacity of the most powerful ship in starfleet, this puts the firepower of our theoretical, overpowered, fed ship at about 1.08E18W. From the first link in this paragraph, typical federation shields can absorb 1.5E15J of particle damage. I will be extremely generous and assume this is per second, leading to 1.5E15W shields.
From these two paragraphs we can see that one ISD turret can one hit kill our fed ship. From here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASYW3P3t208, from 1:49 to 1:51, a turret at the bottom of the ISD fires twice, meaning each turret can fire about 1shot/sec, which means kill one fed ship/ sec assuming perfect accuracy. With 64 turrets, our ISD can kill 64 fed ships per second. Now, the highest estimation of the federation fleet I have heard on this website is 6000 starships (look around the forums for more info). Now, imagine a scenario where the entire federation fleet drops out of warp and engages one imperial 2 class star destroyer, where t=0 indicates the time where the ISD takes the first hit. The battle can be modeled by the linear equation s=6000-70t, where s is the number of fed ships and t is time in seconds. We also know that that each of the 6000 ships generates 1.08E18W of firepower or a total starting energy of 6.48E21 Joules imparted to the ISD's shields, and energy imparted to the ISD's shield decreases at a rate of 70*1.08E18 joules per second. So, rewriting the equation we have E=6.48E21-7.56E19t, where E is energy in joules and t is time in seconds. Using this equation we can find the time the fleet is defeated, using the fact that E will be 0 when this happens. The time comes out to be 85.71 seconds. Now, to find the total energy delivered to the ISD by the federation fleet, simply integrate the energy equation from t=0 to t=85.71, which yields the result 2.784E23. Now, a star destroyer with a 3.093E24W shield should be able to handle 2.651E26 joules of firepower. In short, the entire federation fleet engages one imperial 2 class stardestroyer and manages to deplete .1% of its shield before being destroyed. Now, looking at the fact that the empire has 25,000 star destroyers, millions of support ships, and a death star, any engagement between the empire and the federation would not go well for the federation.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
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Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Re: See your Point
You're supposed to post replies into the topics you were already discussing an issue in, not as separate new topics, you fucking idiot! Threads merged.Youngla0450 wrote:I see your point. Thanks for the advice. I will be writing a fanfiction story on a site called fiction.wikia.com about their encounter.
If you fuck up like this again, expect to get the rest of your no-content posts to be disapproved.
Warwolf Urban Combat Specialist
Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp
GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan
The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die
Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp
GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan
The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die
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Re: See your Point
I do not know what you are talking about. I am sorry, but I just need to have a clarification.Edi wrote:You're supposed to post replies into the topics you were already discussing an issue in, not as separate new topics, you fucking idiot! Threads merged.Youngla0450 wrote:I see your point. Thanks for the advice. I will be writing a fanfiction story on a site called fiction.wikia.com about their encounter.
If you fuck up like this again, expect to get the rest of your no-content posts to be disapproved.
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Scroll sown to the bottom of the page. You will see a 'reply' button. Always use this when responding to a thread, even your own.I do not know what you are talking about. I am sorry, but I just need to have a clarification.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Only hit the 'new topic' button if you want to start another discussion. As an example, if you wanted to start a new discussion, like Optimus Prime vs. Darth Vader, who would win, you would hit the 'new topic' button.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Maybe that is what the moderator meant! I get it messed up always!Jake wrote:Only hit the 'new topic' button if you want to start another discussion. As an example, if you wanted to start a new discussion, like Optimus Prime vs. Darth Vader, who would win, you would hit the 'new topic' button.
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
If you always mess things up, maybe you shouldn't be writing a story if you're going to mess it up.
Commander of the MFS Darwinian Selection Method (sexual)
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Everybody, I mean no harm. I am actually a great writer. I have written several works about Star Wars, Star Trek, historical fiction, alternate history, etc. My father is also a great writer, having written several realistic fiction works.Vehrec wrote:If you always mess things up, maybe you shouldn't be writing a story if you're going to mess it up.
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Mind providing links, so we can actually judge that?
"No, no, no, no! Light speed's too slow! Yes, we're gonna have to go right to... Ludicrous speed!"
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Alright, here are some links:Srelex wrote:Mind providing links, so we can actually judge that?
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/The_Great_Fortress
and
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/Great_War ... rek_Galaxy
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Really? Really? That's your demonstration of your amazing writing skills? Are you serious?Youngla0450 wrote:Alright, here are some links:Srelex wrote:Mind providing links, so we can actually judge that?
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/The_Great_Fortress
Oh wow.
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Sounds like a cheap knockoff of Superman of me, only with more wank.
If you want to make an interesting story out of it, let them deliberately send out a computer to preserve some part of their civilisation. Without all the bullshit wank, just a computer/AI with some advanced tech.
That computer lands on/near earth and decides to basically do what Superman does - helping humans. Of course in other ways than Superman, due to it being an AI and all that.
That would at least be an interesting spin on some elements of Superman, and allows the exploration of the capabilites and effects of an AI.
If you want to make an interesting story out of it, let them deliberately send out a computer to preserve some part of their civilisation. Without all the bullshit wank, just a computer/AI with some advanced tech.
That computer lands on/near earth and decides to basically do what Superman does - helping humans. Of course in other ways than Superman, due to it being an AI and all that.
That would at least be an interesting spin on some elements of Superman, and allows the exploration of the capabilites and effects of an AI.
SoS:NBA GALE Force
"Destiny and fate are for those too weak to forge their own futures. Where we are 'supposed' to be is irrelevent." - Sir Nitram
"The world owes you nothing but painful lessons" - CaptainChewbacca
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." - Wilhelm Stekel
"In 1969 it was easier to send a man to the Moon than to have the public accept a homosexual" - Broomstick
Divine Administration - of Gods and Bureaucracy (Worm/Exalted)
"Destiny and fate are for those too weak to forge their own futures. Where we are 'supposed' to be is irrelevent." - Sir Nitram
"The world owes you nothing but painful lessons" - CaptainChewbacca
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." - Wilhelm Stekel
"In 1969 it was easier to send a man to the Moon than to have the public accept a homosexual" - Broomstick
Divine Administration - of Gods and Bureaucracy (Worm/Exalted)
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
I'm going to hazard a guess that he's twelve.
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
The thing is, his spelling and grammar (just at a quick glance) strike me as better than the typical 12 year old's. Then again, I'm not really great at spelling and grammar myself, so I don't know.Ryan Thunder wrote:I'm going to hazard a guess that he's twelve.
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
All of you peoples, I have another work that is even greater then the Superman-based one. Here is the link:Serafina wrote:Sounds like a cheap knockoff of Superman of me, only with more wank.
If you want to make an interesting story out of it, let them deliberately send out a computer to preserve some part of their civilisation. Without all the bullshit wank, just a computer/AI with some advanced tech.
That computer lands on/near earth and decides to basically do what Superman does - helping humans. Of course in other ways than Superman, due to it being an AI and all that.
That would at least be an interesting spin on some elements of Superman, and allows the exploration of the capabilites and effects of an AI.
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/Great_Enterprise_Virus
I also have these:
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/Redosian_Empire
and
http://fiction.wikia.com/wiki/Galactic_ ... d_Universe
Then tell me what my writing skills are!
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
While I've seen plenty worse, I'm going to tell you that you need a bit more work before you can call your work 'great'...to put it gently.
"No, no, no, no! Light speed's too slow! Yes, we're gonna have to go right to... Ludicrous speed!"
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
I do admit I need more work. But I have been writing for years, trying my hand at science fiction, fan fiction, realistic fiction.Srelex wrote:While I've seen plenty worse, I'm going to tell you that you need a bit more work before you can call your work 'great'...to put it gently.
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
I will be brutally honest here. Your writing is awful. I mean, I'm not saying I haven't seen worse, I have, but that's because I used to make a habit out of trolling Fanfiction.net for the worst stories I could find, but this stuff is just not good at all. It's a bastardised mix of screenplay-style writing and short, clipped descriptions, the characterisation is so slim as to be effectively non-existent (Most of the characters act nothing like the original counterparts, and if you swapped around names it would be hard to tell the difference), the prose is sloppy and boring and manages to make even the most action-packed of moments seem utterly dull.
"Picard said, in his English accent, with his hand on his chin"
And Picard bursting out in tears, on the Bridge, over an Ensign dying?
If you've been writing for years, how did you not learn one of the very fundamental rules of good writing? "Show, don't tell."The bridge looked similar to the bridge in Star Trek Three: Search for Spock after Enterprise was disabled.
To be blunt, you have a long way to go before you can even call your writing "decent". Never mind "great".
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
I think my script-play is actually quite good. I have given some good description, and a lot of lines. Anyways, I think I am a great writer!SilverWingedSeraph wrote:I will be brutally honest here. Your writing is awful. I mean, I'm not saying I haven't seen worse, I have, but that's because I used to make a habit out of trolling Fanfiction.net for the worst stories I could find, but this stuff is just not good at all. It's a bastardised mix of screenplay-style writing and short, clipped descriptions, the characterisation is so slim as to be effectively non-existent (Most of the characters act nothing like the original counterparts, and if you swapped around names it would be hard to tell the difference), the prose is sloppy and boring and manages to make even the most action-packed of moments seem utterly dull.
"Picard said, in his English accent, with his hand on his chin"
And Picard bursting out in tears, on the Bridge, over an Ensign dying?If you've been writing for years, how did you not learn one of the very fundamental rules of good writing? "Show, don't tell."The bridge looked similar to the bridge in Star Trek Three: Search for Spock after Enterprise was disabled.
To be blunt, you have a long way to go before you can even call your writing "decent". Never mind "great".
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
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Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
Anyways, I believe the Federation will die when invaded by the Empire.
I love both Star Wars and Star Trek, and love to dip into the debates concerning the franchises!
Re: Galactic Empire vs United Federation of Planets Question
To be fair to trek, humans have only been in space for around 300 years. The old republic from star wars lasted around 25000 years, and it is not the oldest civilization there by a long shot (Rakata, Celestials). However, within around 900 years of humans in space in trek we have federation timeships and temporal civil wars. Give trek the same amount of time and who knows what could happen (fanfic idea anyone?).
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris' chief export is pain.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.