Dirk Nowitzki Hasselhoff

[Shroom Man 777]

A randome altarnate realty hippotheticel senareo altarnate histry.



Dirk Nowitzki Hasselhoff

London NBA Playoffs
1916

Ludwig Bigwig grinned as he penetrated the United Kingdom's defense. He moved fast, faster than any of the fools could've imagined, and he defeated them thoroughly. He dribbled the ball as he did his fast break, his blitz break, past their point guard and their forwards, making his way to the very heart of their defenses. Winston Churchill was the center of the British Empire, but Ludwig Bigwig was taller and more athletic than he - so he leapt up into the air and delivered a slam dunk, Winston Churchill completely unable block him.

Now the ball was in the British's court. There was a whistle. Their coach Queen Elizabeth was calling for a substitution. Ever since the invasion went sour for the Brits, the Americans came with their lend-lease, and the Englanders were taking advantage of that. Winston Churchill was now being switched with Shaquille O'Neil in the center role. He was also tall and athletic. Ludwig Bigwig had met his match.

John Bull was the power forward of the British Empire, he drove the ball to the German court. He passed to Margaret Thatcher, who was from the WNBA but was playing for King and Country. She went to the three point line and tried to make a shot. But her feeble eyesight and long girly hair got in the way of her eyes and her shot missed, bouncing off the ring.

Ludwig Bigwig tried to make a rebound - leaping up into the air to catch the ball. But he was not unchallenged. Shaq likewise launched himself into the air - his massive black form shadowing Ludwig Bigwig's fair features. The American lend lease player proved formidable, overpowering Ludwig Bigwig and retrieving the ball. Both of them landed on the floor. Shaq had the ball. Ludwig didn't.

But Ludwig grinned. A great Germanian grin. Goldstein grimaced.

While Ludwig Bigwig distracted Shaq, another Ludwig - Ludwig Earwig - stole the ball from the American lend lease before he could do anything with it. Ludwig Earwig was an insectoid creature, his natural habitat was in the soil where he would dig funnel traps to ensnare unwitting ants and other prey. But here, in the basketball battlefield, he was just at home as he was in the wild.

Ludwig Earwig's grin was a mirror of that of Ludwig Bigwig's. He passed the ball to another Ludwig - Ludwig Hedwig. Hedwig was a Germanian barn owl whose skill in basketball was more magical than even Magic Johnson - because Hedwig had spent all his life watching the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived. He flapped his wings and dribbled the ball with his clawed feet, careful not to puncture it with his claws. He soared high and mightily and delivered a slam dunk on the British side of the court - before any of the Brits could stop him.

Queen Elizabeth - the UK coach - sagged her shoulders in defeat.

Suddenly a horn blared, signaling that the game had reached half-time. The players shuffled to their locker rooms. Ludwig Bigwig looked over to the British side and saw that Queen Elizabeth was chastising her team. The American Alfred F. Jones was also there, for he was supervising the lend lease and had provided them Shaquille O'Neill, for all the good it did.

Bigwig grinned. He went to his own locker room, together with his fellow tall and athletic Germans. There they met their coach Kaiser Arcturus von Austerlitz. He praised them for a job well done. After the exhausting ordeal of invading Britain in the NBA playoffs, they were on the brink of victory! He urged them to continue their play, and to make sure they still had enough energy to continue on, they were given brattwursts and sauerkrauts.

So they sucked their sausages together.

The half-time horn blared again, and the Germanians filed out back to the court. They passed by the sexy fraulein cheerleaders who had donned Viking regalia, with armored brassiers and horned hats and shields and swords and pom-poms. Their rendition of the Ride of the Valkyries had riled the German audience up.

"LET'S GO LUDWIG!" the audiences cheered as they stamped their feet and clapped their hands.

"LET'S GO BIGWIG!" the audiences cheered again.

"LET'S GO EARWIG!" and again.

"LET'S GO HEDWIG!" and again.

As one they faced the British, those sorry sods who had managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Ludwig Bigwig eyed his main rival, Shaquille O'Neill. Ludwig Earwig glared at his counterpart, power forward John Bull. Ludwig Hedwig's large unblinking owl eyes stared at the UK's point guard, Margaret Thatcher.

Then Winston Churchill reentered the game, switching places with another Brit. With Winston Churchill, a center, and Shaq, another center, both in the game, it meant that the British were emphasizing their defensive play. No matter. Ludwig Bigwig dismissed that, for their blitzkreig would overwhelm the UK no matter what.

Winston Churchill regarded his Germanian adversaries and harrumphed.

"I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.

At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of His Majesty's Government-every man of them. That is the will of Parliament and the nation.

The British Empire and the French Republic, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native soil, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength.

Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."

Winston Churchill said this.

"O RLY?" Ludwig Hedwig asked.

"Yes, really." Winston Churchill replied.

"NO WAI!" Ludwig Hedwig laughed. Then he grinned, despite not having a human mouth with teeth but rather a beak. He grinned a Germanian grin.

Goldstein grimaced, somewhere there in the audience.

The invasion of the UK continued.

The Germans would win.