(RAR)Your going to kill someone and you will be caught

[Mr Bean]

By act of ROB you have recently suffered a misfortune at the hands of one Mr Body (Clue is a great movie go watch it) and whatever moral inclinations you might have against taking the life of another have been removed by ROB. You know your going to kill Mr Body and you know as Mr Body exists only to die at your hands you will be suspected once he's dead. He's already gone to the police and while they don't believe him when Mr Body turns up dead or fails to turn up at all you will be arrested.

Hiding your murder or waiting is impossible, you have thirty days and all of your present resources to kill Mr Body, however the question here is not how would you kill him, but how you would kill him to result in the least legal punishment. Self defense or temporary insanity defenses won't work, your job is to kill Mr Body knowing you will be arrested and charged but being charged with the least punishing crime.

In case your wondering what brought this on, local news story about two men who had an altercation at a highway gas station, one man punches the other who falls backwards trips over the divider and rolls down onto the shoulder of the highway. The punched man stands up and tries to run across the freeway is hit and dies, the man who punched him the local judge ruled could only be charged with assault as he did nothing to make the man run across that freeway.

So how will you kill Mr Body and yet get the lightest sentence? Your resources are your own and your going to be spending time in prison no matter what you do, Mr Body must die.

[SilverWingedSeraph]

You're

[General Zod]

If i were in Florida I could just claim self defense.

[Dr Roberts]

Push him in front of a car whilst in the Shadows. I can then claim he was a crazy guy trying to frame me so he killed himself. Prove otherwise.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Presumably the best way would be to arrange for him to disappear at sea or in a wilderness somewhere and never be seen again. No body, no forensic evidence, no (to the best of my knowledge) murder charge.

[aerius]

I will try to arrange some sort of drinking & drowning "accident" where the guy gets completely falling over drunk (several times the legal BAC limit) then conveniently ends up drowning in a lake. If I understand my province's laws correctly, I'll get dinged for some liquor law related offences, most of which will likely get dropped if I have a good lawyer. Chances are I'll end up with a fine and if I'm really unlucky I might do a bit of jailtime.


Or I could get Mr. Body to ride a bicycle, then get myself drunk and run him over. Quite a few drunk drivers in my province have hit & killed bicyclists this way and all they got was some minor impaired driving charges for the most part.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Throw a party in a tall building with a balcony. Invite Mr. Body with the announced intent of burying the hatchet. Get him very drunk. Say something to insult him (shouldn't be too difficult if he's blasted. Position myself so he can throw a punch, I can dodge and he'll stumble over the railing, with myself tragically unable to catch him in time. Utterly tragic.

[Mr Bean]

Presumably the best way would be to arrange for him to disappear at sea or in a wilderness somewhere and never be seen again. No body, no forensic evidence, no (to the best of my knowledge) murder charge.

The ROB has decreed the police will arrest and prosecute you. Mr Body has told them you intend to kill him, if he vanishes you'll be arrested as you are his only enemy of note. So far aerius is the only one not going to jail for premeditated murder.

Remember, in this scenario vanishing the corpse does not help you. You still will be arrested, you still will be tried and convicted. The goal is to get the most minor crime possible on your record.

[Block]

Presumably the best way would be to arrange for him to disappear at sea or in a wilderness somewhere and never be seen again. No body, no forensic evidence, no (to the best of my knowledge) murder charge.

The ROB has decreed the police will arrest and prosecute you. Mr Body has told them you intend to kill him, if he vanishes you'll be arrested as you are his only enemy of note. So far aerius is the only one not going to jail for premeditated murder.

Remember, in this scenario vanishing the corpse does not help you. You still will be arrested, you still will be tried and convicted. The goal is to get the most minor crime possible on your record.

No body no crime.

[Mr Bean]

No body no crime.

By act of ROB your now African American, the trial is taking place is Mississippi and Mr Body is the great grandson of General Robert E Lee and married to Shawn Hannity's Sister.

Try again

[J]

I shall feed him to the tigers! Or, more accurately, I shall arrange to have him feed himself to the tigers.

My city has a zoo with tigers, it's also located in a place where trespassing onto it isn't overly difficult. After consuming a suitable amount of alcohol (him, a lot more than us), our victim along with myself and some of my friends will sneak into the zoo after hours and make our way to the tiger exhibit. Mr. Body will then be strongly "encouraged" to jump the fence and attempt to kick a tiger in the ding-dong. If all goes well, he will (sadly) not survive to tell his tale of derring-do. The zoo has many security cameras so everyone will see that the late Mr. Body climbed into the tiger exhibit of his own free will.

I, along with my friends, will be charged with trespassing, public intoxication, and possibly a few other misdemeanors related to the above, most of which will be dismissed with the aid of a good lawyer. I don't think I'll see the inside of a jail again once I make bail.

The only problem I see is ensuring the tigers are suitably stressed out prior to and during the event, otherwise, they might not kill him.

[2000AD]

Problem is the RL event you gave seems to be a spur of the moment thing, whilst the RAR is premeditated and the 'target' already has suspicions, so he probably isn't going to be gullible enough to go along with any of the 'get him drunk and then ...' plans.

Though Body has gone to the police to say he thinks we're going to kill him, do we have any actual motive? I know you've already said we'll be arrested and charged, but if we have no motive presumably that makes a pretty weak case.

As to how I might do it, that's limited by my own resources being limited. If I had a bit more than I'd stage a break in at my home (or have someone actually break in) whilst I was away for a weekend and have enough 'stolen' to justify myself being a victim of identity theft. Hire a hitman as discretely as I can who will make sure the body isn't found. Combine 'no body, no crime', with no motive and ID theft to say it wasn't me.

[Mr Bean]

Though Body has gone to the police to say he thinks we're going to kill him, do we have any actual motive? I know you've already said we'll be arrested and charged, but if we have no motive presumably that makes a pretty weak case

See my post to Block and the OP. Body did something to wrong you pretty bad, also Mr Body is a beloved figure of the community not a random man on the street. I leave the what he did open because it's not important. It's enough the average jury will think you automatically have a motivate because if they were in your shoes they'd kill Mr Body too.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Is it absolutely necessary to kill him or can we just ruin his life? Arrange for his ID to be swiped by some nefarious third party and have all his money spent on gambling and hookers in Vegas. Have the bills sent to his home (if he's married) and time it to coincide with him being away on a business trip.

Boom, his money is gone, his wife is enraged enough that she might off him and I can stand back and express sympathy for his position, saying that while he wronged me I would not wish this on anyone.

Then, and only then, when he is broke and a hobo on the street, i discreetly knife him in some back alley. That way the police will think it's the work of some violent loneshark out to collect debts.

[mr friendly guy]

Can you bully him into killing himself by verbally abusing him physically and attacking their social media pages.

[Lusankya]

I hire my shitty ex to kill him. Then I admit everything and turn us both in, hopefully getting a plea bargain of some kind, and even though I get to go to prison, at least my shitty ex gets put away too, and good riddance.

[aerius]

Problem is the RL event you gave seems to be a spur of the moment thing, whilst the RAR is premeditated and the 'target' already has suspicions, so he probably isn't going to be gullible enough to go along with any of the 'get him drunk and then ...' plans.

He's going to be so drunk off his ass that he won't recognize his own mom, and if it takes my buddies and an anal beer bong to get him there then that's what it's gonna be. It doesn't matter how he gets that drunk as long as he can fall into a body of water under his own power and drown.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

Lure him to a country where bribery is commonplace and greenbacks go far, duh. You then pay the police to destroy the evidence, and then intentionally lowball the bribe to the prosecutor so that he only charges you with a minor crime instead of nailing you for murder or letting you go entirely (as he would have for a big enough bribe), for which you do time for in that country. The fact that you got convicted and did time at all as an American citizen in a country with such notorious corruption standards means that the US police will be satisfied that the result is legitimate and not open an investigation when you go home, and because you did your time overseas it won't even count as a felony on your US record, so you're back to voting and the shooting range the moment you get home.

[Alferd Packer]

Why get him drunk and then drown him or whatever? Just get him so drunk that he passes out and aspirates on his vomit.

[J]

Problem is the RL event you gave seems to be a spur of the moment thing, whilst the RAR is premeditated and the 'target' already has suspicions, so he probably isn't going to be gullible enough to go along with any of the 'get him drunk and then ...' plans.

We shall wear disguises, like these fine gentlemen.

Ok, fine, feeding him to the tigers is out so he'll just have to drink himself to death at a frat house. Mr. Body shall be kidnapped escorted to the wildest frat party I can find and liquored up until he dies of alcohol poisoning or chokes on his own vomit. Everyone at the party is charged with disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, underage drinking, and the usual out of control party things.

[aerius]

Why get him drunk and then drown him or whatever? Just get him so drunk that he passes out and aspirates on his vomit.

It's less suspicious. Every year we have dozens of people in my province who drown after binge drinking at the cottage, on a boat, while ice fishing or whatever, it's common enough that the cops won't investigate it too deeply. People who die from alcohol poisoning or choking on their own vomit after drinking often end up in the news so it brings down a lot more heat from the investigators. And there will be too many questions, like why was the late Mr. Body funneling beer from both ends at the same time? I'll get sentenced in the court of public opinion after the police & media frenzy and end up with much longer sentence than I should when they throw the book at me.

[muse]

I don't know...run him over with an elephant and see if there's anything in the books for that?

[SirNitram]

Lure him into York, and give him a bow and arrow. Murder him. ADamantly claim you thought he was a Scot. Perfectly legal.

[Hamstray]

Become a member of the Russian parliament and then poison him with Polonium.

[Lord Pounder]

Seems getting Body drunk off his ass is the way to go. The hard part is getting him there. You need to remain clear headed enough that you can arrange it but you would need to be doing some drinking or Body who knows you hold him bad intentions will be suspicious.

My tactic in the rare even that I hated someone enough to not only wish death on them but to arrange it would be to be a great pains to convince him I've changed me mind, this might take years. When enough time has passed I'd suggest we become friends and arrange to go hunting with him, when his back is turned shoot the bastard and claim you thought he was a deer.