At the Frequesquan Neutrality Conference
Exarch Decius wrote:"Good Morning Melchett, I trust the cake you gave to President Hank wasn't too laced with alcohol?" smiled Decius. "Now on to business. Since you are here, and the Emperor is .. somewhat dispensed with the MESS-Shepistan war, along with other important matters, the Emperor has me to do his bidding.
To start off, one thing the Emperor has noticed, is that you haven't... a definite defence policy. Byzantium has been gearing up to fight off possible threats, yet... Shroomania has indulged in defence cuts over the last few years. As much as we understand.. the Shroomanian inclination for hedonism, surely you would like to aid your neighbours against potential threats?
"Of course. The Sovereignty of Shroomania, its Mushroom Military and Parliament, have ratified the Continental Defense Plan. Also, we have made an about face in terms of defense spending. The budget has been upped to 3.7% of the total national GDP of Shroomania - bringing it to a startling 92 billion dollars.
"We are carrying out incremental upgrades of many of our systems, particularly in radar and command, control and communications systems, in concordance with the PeZookian-headed Continental Defense Plan - so that we may better coordinate with our allies in the SNC, and Canissia as well. We are also purchasing more fighters and more bombers, and are in fact working with PeZookia in producing more cruise missiles - many of which will be going to our submarine forces.
"I've heard from some of my friends in the Mushroom Military," Melchett said slyly. "That Shroomania, and PeZookia, intends to use this submarine force as a kind of deterrent when certain new revolutionary advances in 'strategic systems' have been made. Of course, my friend, I am no expert military analyst - but rest assured that Shroomania has not been taking recent world affairs lightly, and we are in fact making sure that we are prepared to face any new situations with our pants on.
"We will aid our neighbors against potential threats, and we would expect the same in return from our friends and allies as well - especially considering who is just a skip across the pond from us."
The answer was satisfying to the Byzantine head honcho. For a politico, Melchett McMeistervater certainly knew his stuff since prior to his political career, he was in fact a member of the Mushroom Military - before they decided to turn the Army and Mushroom Marine Corps into a bunch of eunuchs in fatigues.
Melchett reminisced about his days in the military:
Before snapping out of it and returning back to business.
Exarch Decius wrote:Further, we are also concerned with Shroompeace. Here's the location of the submarine bay they used to store that damn submarine of theirs. Go and do something at once!"
"My friend, Shroomanian Intelligence has known about Shroompeace's activities for quite some time. We have tried to apprehend them, but that has only forced them to take up residence elsewhere. That submarine bay has been vacant and unoccupied for years.
"We've been monitoring Shroompeace, however, and from their communications we have ascertained that that damned submarine of theirs is in fact heading for Royal Kingdom of Zoria as we speak.
"Now, there's nothing Shroomanian authorities can do about that," Melchett watched the Exarch's reaction closely. "But that is why the SHAFT, has been coordinating with Zorian authorities in the apprehension of these people."
"And how has that been coming along, so far?" the Exarch, who had not expected this, inquired.
"Well, we'll see if the outcome will be satisfactory for us," Melchett answered. "Now, I hope that I have answered your questions satisfactorily, Exarch Decius, for I too have some questions that I must ask you."
"Indeed?" the Exarch raised an eyebrow. "As they say in Shroomania, 'shoot' - but not literally."
"Would it be acceptable to the members of the Slavic National Confederation, or at least Byzantium, if the Sovereignty of Shroomania was granted 'observer status' in the SNC?
"Shroomania is ethnically Germanglo-Saxon, not Slavic, but we believe that the SNC is quite a considerable force in the Old Continent and its members include our allies, PeZookia and Byzantium, as well as the CSR - who we are actively courting - and the USSR, which has been rife of surprising developments lately.
"You yourself sir have spoken of Old Continental neighbors aiding each other against potential threats, and we in Shroomania believe that increased cooperation, coordination and integration with our neighbors - many of whom are in the SNC - is imperative to this goal of mutual defense."
Somewhere in the Central Sea
The sinking of the
Shroom Viking, the largest supertanker in the world, galvanized the Shroomanian Navy. Though war had not been declared against Shepistan, the fact that hostile submarines were sinking merchant ships was enough to convince the Navy to scour the Shroomanian seas for any unidentified submarine - and to destroy it.
The wrench fell and landed on the steel flooring
hard. The ensuing sound of metal on metal, that audible
clang, could be heard even through the depths of the ocean. Oh, and for such a relatively small noise, it sure was loud. Almost as loud as the sound of Centurion Vassilev being chastised by his Captain for his severe fuck up.
So far, the IBNS
Excelsior's infiltration mission into Shroomanian waters had been going well. The wrench-dropping threatened to compromise that, however.
"Navigator, did anyone hear us?" the ship's captain asked tentatively.
"I fear so, captain," the navigator, who was hunched over the sonar sensor console, replied with consternation. "In any case, I can hear something else as well."
"What is it?"
"I hear
splashes."
After this debacle, the IBNS
Excelsior carried on - and soon found itself amidst a Shroomanian Navy live-fire military exercise. They were undetected, but with so many Shroomanian ships play-acting actual military operations with actual military weapons, it was certainly unnerving.
The military estimates of the Sovereignty of Shroomania's Mushroom Military were inaccurate. When just months ago, the MM could've been seen as lax and soft and out of shape, the same could not be said for the Mushroom Military of today. The state of world affairs, with half a dozen wars going on at the same time in no less than three continents, had convincingly kicked the Mushroom Military off its arse and forced them to gear up.
While the seamen and Centurions of the
Excelsior would not find the
Steve Shroomwin or the Shroompeace people they sought, they would be the first ones to witness first hand the Mushroom Military getting its ass in shape.
Watching the Mushroom Military getting its ass in shape was certainly not an enjoyable experience (on part of the depth charges and all).
Meanwhile...
Off the shore of Zoria
It was an ignoble end to the
Steve Shroomwin and Peter Shroomcocks' war on whores - with Zorian tugboats pulling Shroomcocks' mighty vessel to port.
It was long, hard, and full of seamen.
"Fuck this bullshit!" Shroomcocks spat.
Results:
Shroomania will help its neighbors.
Shroomania wants to be an observer in the SNC, so it can watch you guys do your whatevers.
Those Byzantium dudes just had the ride of their lives and have the living Jesus scared out of them.
Those Shroompeace dudes are now in Zorian custody.