New Zealand man claims to have been raped by wombat

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-03-27 11:25am

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,342099,00.html

Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat

SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.

Sorry, it was too funny not to post.

tim31 · Post by **tim31** » 2008-03-27 11:28am

Bloody Kiwis, as though being forced to accept their television programs wasn't enough they have to send us people like this

Oskuro · Post by **Oskuro** » 2008-03-27 11:43am

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.

I don't care if the prosecutor was trying to politely address his alcoholism, or openly mock the man, but that statement, in court, deserves an standing ovation.

Walsh · Post by **Walsh** » 2008-03-27 11:50am

Huh, what a coincidence. My uncle got raped by a ram, and now he speaks fluent Kiwi.

Zixinus · Post by **Zixinus** » 2008-03-27 11:53am

What would have been more amusing, if it wasn't just some alcoholic stunt, but somehow true.

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2008-03-27 12:26pm

LordOskuro wrote:
Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.
I don't care if the prosecutor was trying to politely address his alcoholism, or openly mock the man, but that statement, in court, deserves an standing ovation.

Whenever I hear such statements, I'm always reminded of a book I read about the Jersey Devil when I was a kid. Almost every eyewitness account of the Jersey Devil took the form of this:

"After drinking a bottle of whiskey, I awoke to see the Jersey Devil dancing on my toolshed."

So from this, we can conclude that if you drink a bottle of whiskey in a single sitting, no only will you see the Jersey Devil, but you'll also be raped by a wombat or or marsupial appropriate to your location.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2008-03-27 12:31pm

Aussy speach wrote: SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Well, that's one way to gain a new language. So, would a camel make you speak Arabic, or a goat? And British english, a cow perhaps?With the French, no idea

.

tim31 · Post by **tim31** » 2008-03-27 12:41pm

^A frog, of course.

White Haven · Post by **White Haven** » 2008-03-27 01:08pm

Or possibly a grape vine, although that'd be something of an impressive trick.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2008-03-27 01:21pm

White Haven wrote:Or possibly a grape vine, although that'd be something of an impressive trick.

Well, one for the men, one for the girls

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aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2008-03-27 01:36pm

Maybe he was referring to WOMBATS...

wjs7744 · Post by **wjs7744** » 2008-03-27 01:48pm

What did he even mean, "speaking Australian"? Last time I checked, Australia was an English speaking country. Although expecting sense here is probably a silly thing to do.

pucky18 · Post by **pucky18** » 2008-03-27 02:50pm

What did he even mean, "speaking Australian"? Last time I checked, Australia was an English speaking country. Although expecting sense here is probably a silly thing to do.

I believe he meant it in a non-literal sense, as in him gaining some sort of "understanding" of Australians. how even an alcoholic could think that is beyond me.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2008-03-27 05:05pm

It could be worse a drop bear would have also given him a bad case of the clap...

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2008-03-28 03:44am

Motueka eh? Booze was not the only long term influence.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2008-03-28 03:46am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:It could be worse a drop bear would have also given him a bad case of the clap...

naturally, you never know where these Australians have been, look at that poor bloke who got raped by a Wombat.

Gaidin · Post by **Gaidin** » 2008-03-28 06:53am

Fear the wombats. FEAR.

Spyder · Post by **Spyder** » 2008-03-28 06:04pm

We're only a small country guys, we need to keep ourselves in the news somehow.

That being said, I'd say the guy was probably as high as a kite.

ShadowRider77 · Post by **ShadowRider77** » 2008-03-28 06:25pm

Wombats are evil. They hate us because we are free. They want to destroy our way of life. We must strike at them first, and we must strike at them hard...

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2008-03-28 08:37pm

What did he even mean, "speaking Australian"? Last time I checked, Australia was an English speaking country. Although expecting sense here is probably a silly thing to do.

I believe he meant it in a non-literal sense, as in him gaining some sort of "understanding" of Australians. how even an alcoholic could think that is beyond me.

He called the police as a joke. You are both retarded.