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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide - Phage
Posted: 2006-02-23 07:46pm
by Sonnenburg
Hopefully back to some weekly updates, your one stop shop for mockery of Voyager (I believe in truth in advertising). Phage, episode five of the series, introduces us to the Viidians, a race that looks like overcooked pizza. This is also that little slice of heaven that shows what Neelix would be like if someone stole his lungs: just as annoying, but now also filled with self-pity. A thorough examination, complete with the neverending bitchslap.
OVEG
Their immuno-technology is simply not up to stopping this thing, so the only way for them to survive is to steal organs, killing others so that they may live. Since Janeway basically lives her life by that code, she expresses her sympathy, but demands Neelix's lungs back. Well, turns out the aliens have already surgically implanted those organs into one of them, which means killing one of them. This is truly a moral dilemma for Janeway: on the one hand, she has a great opportunity to kill someone, but on the other hand, she'd then be saving Neelix's life. Tough call.
Posted: 2006-02-23 08:12pm
by Uraniun235
"The man drives a 700 ton starship so someone thinks he'd make a good medic." Doctor
...wait,
what? Is that a mis-quote?
Posted: 2006-02-23 08:15pm
by Sonnenburg
I always like to tag each review with one of the silliest lines of the episode. The Doctor reflects the question I asked all throughout the series: why take you best pilot and put him in a job that he is barely better at than anyone else on board?
Posted: 2006-02-23 08:47pm
by Bill_Dunaway
I love your site. The Superfriends/Voyager comparison was especialy hillarious.
Posted: 2006-02-23 10:08pm
by The Dark
Dude, put a link to the main in your sig. I love the reviews, because they point out the stupidity in layman's terms, and look at the "soft skills" stupidity as well as the technical munging.
Posted: 2006-02-24 01:05am
by StarshipTitanic
Why oh why did you spend money on Voyager DVDs? Aren't they around $100 a season?
Posted: 2006-02-24 01:10am
by Uraniun235
Where does it say he bought the DVDs?
Posted: 2006-02-24 01:51am
by StarshipTitanic
Uraniun235 wrote:Where does it say he bought the DVDs?
In one of the earlier reviews, or the Janeway description, he mentioned having the DVDs. Most of the screenshots would only be possible from a DVD, too.
Posted: 2006-02-24 03:12am
by Dalton
The Dark wrote:Dude, put a link to the main in your sig.
Like under the little WWW button?
Posted: 2006-02-24 04:11am
by Bounty
Uraniun235 wrote:"The man drives a 700 ton starship so someone thinks he'd make a good medic." Doctor
...wait,
what? Is that a mis-quote?
It's a 700
000 ton starship, but the rest of the quote is correct.
Posted: 2006-02-24 04:19am
by Connor MacLeod
Wait a minute.. they couldn't replicate Neelix's lungs?> WHy not?
Posted: 2006-02-24 04:24am
by Bounty
Connor MacLeod wrote:Wait a minute.. they couldn't replicate Neelix's lungs?> WHy not?
JANEWAY: Can’t we fit him with a pair of artificial lungs?
EMH: His respiratory system is directly linked to multiple points along his spinal column. It’s too complex to replicate. I may be able to surgically reattach the organs if we get them back. In the meantime I’ll have to search for other options.
Posted: 2006-02-24 04:51am
by Connor MacLeod
Bounty wrote:Connor MacLeod wrote:Wait a minute.. they couldn't replicate Neelix's lungs?> WHy not?
JANEWAY: Can’t we fit him with a pair of artificial lungs?
EMH: His respiratory system is directly linked to multiple points along his spinal column. It’s too complex to replicate. I may be able to surgically reattach the organs if we get them back. In the meantime I’ll have to search for other options.
that seems pretty limited to me.
Posted: 2006-02-24 05:43am
by Grand Moff Yenchin
They could've used something like that "clone Riker" trick without cloning the whole person, and clone a lung for Neelix.
Or recall some pattern buffer in the transporter and overlap it while transporting him, like how the 20th century Earth guy was removed of his memories in TOS.
On a fun thought, modify the drug Bone's gave that old lady in ST:IV (though this is based on a dialogue so its just a fun thought).
Posted: 2006-02-24 06:21am
by Erik von Nein
Hehe. That's hilarious. Reading the rest of them now. Freakin' sweet.
Posted: 2006-02-24 08:18am
by Sonnenburg
StarshipTitanic wrote:Why oh why did you spend money on Voyager DVDs? Aren't they around $100 a season?
I do it for the love of the hate.
Posted: 2006-02-24 08:19am
by Sonnenburg
Bounty wrote:Uraniun235 wrote:"The man drives a 700 ton starship so someone thinks he'd make a good medic." Doctor
...wait,
what? Is that a mis-quote?
It's a 700
000 ton starship, but the rest of the quote is correct.
You're right, the quote's been fixed. Thanks.
Posted: 2006-02-24 08:24am
by Bounty
Those reviews are hilarious, by the way. "I think we missed an atom..."
Posted: 2006-02-24 08:31am
by Sonnenburg
They cram seven people into an area the size of a large elevator, and every one needs to have their tricorder out... sometimes I actually feel bad for mocking this; it feels like I'm just pushing over a tubby child.
Thanks everybody, I'm glad you like them. Like I said, I'm going to try to get more disciplined and keep them coming.
Posted: 2006-02-24 08:39am
by Bounty
sometimes I actually feel bad for mocking this; it feels like I'm just pushing over a tubby child.
Don't be. Since they couldn't be arsed to write a moderately intelligent, watcheable show, you don't have any obligation to hold back.
Posted: 2006-02-24 10:50am
by The Dark
Dalton wrote:The Dark wrote:Dude, put a link to the main in your sig.
Like under the little WWW button?
D'oh. [/homer] I never check the buttons because I don't use them.
<_<
>_>
Forget I said anything.
Posted: 2006-02-24 04:39pm
by dragon
Ok here's something if they couldn't replicate his lungs why didn't they generate a few sets of organs and give them organs to the people suffereing from their phage. Hell just give them replicators and they could repliacte enough for there own needs.
Posted: 2006-02-24 05:13pm
by StarshipTitanic
Sonnenburg wrote:I do it for the love of the hate.
I have long hoped for the day someone like you would come.
Posted: 2006-02-24 05:19pm
by Ghost Rider
Sonnenburg wrote:They cram seven people into an area the size of a large elevator, and every one needs to have their tricorder out... sometimes I actually feel bad for mocking this; it feels like I'm just pushing over a tubby child.
Thanks everybody, I'm glad you like them. Like I said, I'm going to try to get more disciplined and keep them coming.
Ah the crushing of Voyager...and making me remember why some parts were "WTF?!"
Posted: 2006-02-27 03:07pm
by Lord Zentei
dragon wrote:Ok here's something if they couldn't replicate his lungs why didn't they generate a few sets of organs and give them organs to the people suffereing from their phage. Hell just give them replicators and they could repliacte enough for there own needs.
Wait... you though they would be using logic to make their decisions?