StarDestroyer.Net BBS

What do you hate about yourself? It’s a simple question really. What is it about yourself that you do not like and wish you could change? Your personality, your body, what?

I’ll start things off.

I hate how I don’t have the willpower to commit to proper study and education. Throughout high-school I constantly battled with getting work done and getting the grade. I am smart enough, I could learn the subject and do the work, but I had to actually bother with doing it. My parents constantly badgered me to get the work done. In college I had the same problem yet again. Failed a math class once and dropped out of it twice. 4th time I pass through with more then 100% because I finaly bothered to do the homework. When it came time to doing my graduate studies, I didn’t bother doing the work.

Now I recently took up training to become a conductor for BNSF. Well not anymore. Because I didn’t study for some of the tests I failed out of the program. It was a wonderful job and it paid well, but I couldn’t be bothered to do the studying.

I hate how I don’t have the willpower to do the studying and do the commitments that I should be taking care of.

I hate my own lack of insight. I never think very well ahead, but I am getting better at this.

My body. Not just because I am quite overweight (I can change that, if I work at it), but the fact that I ended up with a medium height, stocky body with relatively stubby legs, a long torso, and small hands. Not to mention a squat-looking face with an extremely prominent chin. I'm sort of an anti-Adonis.

I also have a VERY bad time with compulsions of a variety. I'm not Obsessive-Compulsive, but I've been on and off a few diets, and I can literally feel my willpower disintegrate within the presence of certain foods. In fact, in examining my life, it seems to be right now that I simply last through the tediousness of my work so that I can come home and enjoy my compulsive, lazy pleasures. Basically, my life is basically living from hot spot to hot spot, with no real happiness.

My lack of self-confidence, my lack of coherence and speechcraft, my overweight state and tendenct towards corpulence, the fact that I think faster than I can speak, making it very hard to understand me.
And I procrastinate horribly

Physically: I'm a pencil-necked geek. No upper body strength whatsoever. None.

Emotionally: I'm angsty, I can become a nihilistic suicidal asshole sometimes, I'm a greedy, unremorseful prick, and I'm completely full of self-loathing, as you can see. I'm very bad around women. Not that I can't say anything, it's that I act like a fucking pervert.

Psychologically: Same problem as Alyeska. I can't take time away from my useless me-time to get things done or commit to a task.

Perhaps the worst bit of self hating (and certainly the ost self defeating) is how much I hate reliving all of my past failures. At the same time I have great difficulty not doing so, I seem to naturally be able to recall past failurein the midst of everyday conversation and not just alst weeks screw up but stuff from when I was like 7. I will relive it as if it is happening now and I hate it because no mater how much I know I can't change things it seems like I should have no matter that a seven year old needs to make some mistakes.

I'm a coward, and my self-confidence is rock bottom. I hate that.

Alyeska wrote:I hate how I don’t have the willpower to commit to proper study and education. Throughout high-school I constantly battled with getting work done and getting the grade. I am smart enough, I could learn the subject and do the work, but I had to actually bother with doing it. My parents constantly badgered me to get the work done. In college I had the same problem yet again.

I had (and still have) much the same problem. If I didn't think the work was important and I wasn't learning anything, more often than not I'd end up going "fuck it, I ain't doing this BS make-work crap". I saw some assignments which were legitimate work as stupid BS make-work, and I'd end up not doing it. My last year of university was particularly bad and I barely scraped by in half my classes. In my first 2 years of university where I actually tried since I was aiming for co-op, I had mostly A's and B's, in my last year when I just wanted to get it done with, I barely had a C average.

The absolute inability to get over things. When something happens to me, it can take me months to move on.

Im fat and lazy, with no motivation to work out.

My temper. Occasionally I will, for no reason, blow my stack. When that happens everyone needs to stay out of my way, I will be nasty, cruel and I'll say awful things to the people I love most.

I have most of the characteristics already listed above...

While I could stand to lose some weight, that's not a real issue. What I hate the most is my failure to attract a girlfriend. Throughout highschool and college I asked several wonderful girls/women out, and got shot down everytime (at least the last one was nice enough to give me a parachute). I'm two years out of college, have an excellent position at work and the start of a good career. I'd love to have someone special to share it with, but I have absolute no idea to find that person, especially since I'm introverted and not much on the local social scene. That's what knaws on me, and what I hate most about myself.

The other bad trait I have is the opposite of most people's here - when I get my mind focused on a task, I refuse to let go until that task completed to my high standards. This has caused me to burn out several times since middle school, and I'm currently headed for burn out again, but my primary work project is just so damn cool!

Physically: I'm mildly overweight (about 15-20 pounds, depending on the day and my recent eating habits) and incredibly clumsy. Part of that's due to a knee injury that healed wrong (pulled tendons in high school), although it's gotten better since I began doing aikido.

Psychologically: I'm very mildly manic-depressive (the stereotypical "female" mood swings? Yeah, that's me, even though I'm a guy) and have a couple phobias...large dogs, things near my eyes, and "open" heights. I'm fine in an airplane, but being on the roof of a one-story building scares me shitless.

Other: I don't come across as "confident" to most people, which has hurt my job search. Truth is I'm not really confident in social settings; I'm an introvert by nature, and that makes a lot of the "typical" guy stuff very uncomfortable for me. If I were any more introverted, I'd be a shy person. I'm not (quite), since I'm very outgoing when I'm with people I know or if it's just a group of people goofing around, but anything serious I clam up over.

Physically: I'm quite unfit, though I try my best to correct it.

Psychologically: I am incredibly short-fused and tend to emotional outbreaks if I let my control slip.

I hate my general athletic insufficency, and I hate my lack of courage to do things in public. You wouldn't believe how freaked out when I have to do any sort of public speaking at all, even though it usually turns out alright.

My Laziness and lack of willpower to do thing right now and not let them hang until it is almost too late

My pre-occupation with sex is a problem. I wouldn't say I'm a sex addict, but I tend to drift off while at work thinking about it, and that's certainly a bad thing.

The better question is "what don't you hate about yourself"? Heh.

Physically I am quite unattractive. I'm overweight by about 20 or so pounds (I guess), my lips stick out in an unpleasent manner, my chin sticks out way to much and about the best part of my face are my eyes, I'm a hairy mo-fo for whatever strange reason.

Emotionally I'm very fragile. My childhood sucked a big one as I was teased EVERY DAY and had a father who lost his temper very easily made me both nervous about loud noises/offending people and disliking people in general it's made be extremely introverted, but when people actually do get to know me I can get rather whiney (something I've actually learned to control a bit better recently).

Pyschologically I am unmotivated and lazy. Whenever I try to do something like get more excersize I do so for a couple weeks or so and then stop, simply because it's easier to stay at home and do nothing. Trying to get myself to take the appropriate classes or trying to motivate myself to move out or ask a girl out comes down to a "why bother" dead-end. "Why bother asking her out? It'll just end like my last two relationships; I'll fuck it up by being a dumbshit and she'll leave me for someone better." "Why bother to move out? Takes to much effort and it'll just cause too many problems with my family." "Why bother taking those classes? I'll never succeed, anyway." As is rather obviously I'm filled with a lot of self-loathing. Heh.

Darth Wong wrote:My pre-occupation with sex is a problem. I wouldn't say I'm a sex addict, but I tend to drift off while at work thinking about it, and that's certainly a bad thing.

And then you find out you've typed the words "anal sex" several times in some project report paper you're writing up, and one of the parts drawings you did in CAD looks suspiciously like a bunghole.

Physically: I'm extremely skinny/underweight, and I've always been more than a bit self-concious about this.

Psychologically: I sometimes just can't let things go at all. I spend months dwelling on the exact same thing. Related to this is me keeping everything bottled up inside myself, without releasing any anger etc. I also get jealous very easily of others, and am never really very thankful for all that I do have.

Other: Although I've been told I'm very good in front of an audience or group, I can sometimes absolutely suck at making conversation "small talk" with people. Outside of my circle of friends, which I can talk to effortlessly, with others I really struggle to come up with things to talk about. Though I have been trying to work on this.

Also I'm very lazy and unmotivated, and too willing to let others do things for me. Part of being the youngest in the family I suppose

I have a serious self confidence problem. Worst of all, it's totally justified. Everything I've ever committed myself to seriously has been a stunning failure.

I obsess over certain things to the exclusion of everything else. Those obsessions are never anything useful either, and they can and do crash without warning.

I am pathologically lazy, not just physically but mentally. I will sometimes go out of my way to avoid serious thought or original research. I must say this is my worst defect of all- but it is one I am constantly struggling with (unlike my physical laziness, which I just roll over and submit to).

Physically, I think I'm unattractive, but to add insult to injury it's no one's fault but mine. I have a decent body to work with, I just lack the sense and skill necessary to make myself presentable. This and my appearance is pretty much the exact opposite of my personality. I'm frail, timid and emotional, but my body is tall, stout and hairy. Something got mixed up somewhere and some girl has my body.

Oh, and I'm a selfish, irresponsible, immature asshole.

I manage to sit around not doing the things I ought, even when working on important projects. My worst vice is procrastination.

C&P:

Alyeska wrote:What do you hate about yourself? It’s a simple question really. What is it about yourself that you do not like and wish you could change? Your personality, your body, what?

I’ll start things off.

I hate how I don’t have the willpower to commit to proper study and education. Throughout high-school I constantly battled with getting work done and getting the grade. I am smart enough, I could learn the subject and do the work, but I had to actually bother with doing it. My parents constantly badgered me to get the work done. In college I had the same problem yet again. Failed a math class once and dropped out of it twice. 4th time I pass through with more then 100% because I finaly bothered to do the homework. When it came time to doing my graduate studies, I didn’t bother doing the work.

Now I recently took up training to become a conductor for BNSF. Well not anymore. Because I didn’t study for some of the tests I failed out of the program. It was a wonderful job and it paid well, but I couldn’t be bothered to do the studying.

I hate how I don’t have the willpower to do the studying and do the commitments that I should be taking care of.

Pretty much the same here.

I'm not lazy, when I start work (physical or mental) I tend to put a lot of effort into it. I like to do a complete job of something I start. What I lack is motivation. Another thing I rather dislike about myself is that I lack so much confidence with trying new things. It's debilitating, and its annoying because I understand the illogical part of it, I just can't do much about it (and it's not necisarily that I'm shy, I GAIN confidence quite quickly once I start something).

I blame my parents.

Constantly second-guessing myself and refusal to let go of my past failures.