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When you have one of those hugely important, life-changing decisions to make, how do you decide? Do you talk to people and get their opinions on what you should do, do you make pros & cons lists, do you put your options on a dartboard and then spear hopefully just one choice?

The last taxing life-changing decision I had to make was whether I should major in psychology or music education for my undergrad degree, and since it was between just two choices I did a pros & cons list which pointed out that I really couldn't bare to drop out of music ed. But now I'm trying to decide on grad schools, which degree I want to get (mostly already decided but an interesting alternative has presented itself), where I want to live and what job I want for the upcoming year, and it's too much to make a list, and the people I talk to about it basically just say "Hey wow, all those options sound pretty cool." So, supportive, but not helpful in narrowing down the options.

So how do you decide for yourself important things like where to go to college, what career you want, where you'd like to live, etc.?

I usually just ask a few people what they think. Then try to weigh up the pros and cons.

My current decision, whilst not overly life changing, is whether to move in with a mate whilst I do my masters degree. If I stay on campus then access to resources is easier, library is on the doorstep etc, but if I move in with a friend then I dont have to look at the same 4 walls for a year. Plus it might actually force me to learn to work in the library, as that's the only place I'll be able to go.

The decision is still being made, but I generally talk to as many people who have been in that situation as possible and canvas opinions of people I know and don't know. In the end however, the final decision comes down to me based usually on what sounds like the best idea at the time.

Life changing decisions are not my friend. I'm the kind of person who beats around the bush endlessly when it comes to decisons that affect my own life. I get buired in the minutae. Sure I can make work decisions and hell, I can even make decisons for other people. I get to the point where I have to tell myself 'just close your eyes and jump'. Not a very sound strategy on the surface, but after you've absorbed all the information needed to make a choice, sometimes you just need a little kick in the ass to get moving.

From what you've said, you sound a bit like me in that respect. You know all you can know about your choice, and you've all but made it. You said as much yourself. What you need to do now is ask yourself "is this alternative a viable choice, or just another distraction?" Then, you need to administer the aformentioned kick in the ass and jump.

My problem with soliciting advice about big decisions from friends is that they almost always advocate choices and ideas about what to do with one's life that affirms their own choices, decisions, and circumstances more so than they'd really consider would be best for you.

I didn't ask anyone advice about whether or not I should move away from CT for a school year, but just made an announcement that it was a probable course of action for me. My long-time friends and relations who've moved on from the North East were all supportive of the idea, while my friends whose future seems to be rooted are were not so much. The sort of friends who can give you advice about yourself without thinking of themselves at all are rare in my experience.

It's helped me I've been friends and have known people who've taken extremely varied paths in life and it's helped me realize that my own path may be unique.

For the most part I'll take to my closest friends and family, people who occasionaly know be better than a know myself, for the rest of it I follow my heart, sometimes i make the wrong choice, sometimes I've been burned badly, but I'll die with few regrets.

I ask advice from those I trust.

Failing that, Magic 8 Ball.

I usually consult my handy dandy magic 8-ball.

Really, I'll talk to my family and closest friends, get their opinions, and then make a decision. Although, I haven't had to make too many huge life-changing decisions as of yet.

EDIT: Goddamnit Dalton, the magic 8-ball was MY idea!

I tend to go with the flow of things normally, but if there's something I need to choose then I ask various people, such as friends, parents or teachers/lecturers or professionals if I can.

I think the biggest decision I made recently was to get involved with a girl while still with my current boyfriend, so having a three way relationship. I dont mean that I was cheating on my boyfriend but both of us were seeing her at the same time as seeing each other. Before this I had denied that I could possibly be bi and would run a mile whenever a woman came on to me and so I needed to sort out that aspect of me and also the slightly odd arrangement of a three person relationship.

I trust precedent. If I face a major decision, I like to weigh the outcomes suffered or enjoyed by people of like mind who have made a similar decision in the past.

Well, I had to decided whether to stick with my physics degree, or change over to comp sci. I laid out a timetable for both paths and when I discovered that comp sci would allow me to schedule absolutely no classes before noon, I knew I had a winner.

Tossing darts at a board, coin-flip, rolling dice, reading the tea-leaves —the usual scientific methods.

Decide on what has happened before. If nothing of precendent like this happened before, simply rely upon what I think will work out best.

I find out as much as I can, waver in indecision until the last moment, then suddenly make a seemingly arbitrary decision.

I've only had one major one, and that was whether to take physics or engineering at university. I was a bit simple with the decision to be honest, I choose which one I was more excited about. Then I found I could do materials science in physics, so I was sold. Now I just hope I'm right.

Call together the consillium, get as much advice as possible, wallow in the advice till just before the time when the decision needs to be made, and then flip a coin.


Or,if I'm monetarilly poor on that day, roll a die.

I usually procrastinate until I'm out of options.

Find out which option involves the least work possible while getting me more or less to where I want to go. For instance, given the option of taking computer science or electrical engineering, I chose the former since the courses are a lot easier and at the end I still have a degree that'll get me a decent job.

I take lots of drugs and alcohol and fry like a motherfucker for twelve hours, and then when I wake up the next morning, my mind is so broken, shattered, and uninhibited by unnecessary factors that making a decision is usually a snap. That's how I decide whether or not to work on a show, anyway.

When I have life changing decisions, I talk to my friends.

"Think with your head, see with your eyes, but follow your heart".....no idea what that means, but anyway, usually I talk to a bunch of people, not even necessarily to get there opinions but just as a way of sort of forcing me to verbalise all my thoughts about the matter with somebody else. I of course do as much research as I can, but more often than not I've found that no matter how much research I do etc. I usually end up going back to my gut instinct.

I've learned that, for me, unless there are VERY compelling reasons otherwise, I'll usually go with my intial feeling on a subject. Now that I've realized it, it's started to save me a lot of time, actually, as I recognize that I probably WON'T change my mind, if the options don't have a drastic cost attached.

I think I just wemble till the problem goes away. If it dosen't, then usually the circumstances will dictate only one possible course of action, which I will in all probability miss because I am avoiding the problem, but undertake anyway out of some sort of survival or I-can't-stand-it reflex.

I solicit the opinions of friends and co-workers that I trust. I talk to people who have faced similar decisions. If it is a major financial decision I run then numbers, seek out information on the internet, etc. I do make pro and cons lists sometimes. Sometimes I sit up at night worrying myself over such a decision. I do that less now that I am older, but I remember suffering much "angst" over chosing a major and 9 years after graduating from SJSU I don't work in the field my degree is in, nor do I work in the field that was my original first choice when I attented SJSU.

RedImperator wrote:I usually procrastinate until I'm out of options.

I've been guilty of this as well, but just as often if not more so I ask for advice from some trusted people, then weigh that and finally make my decision by gut instinct.

Edi