Officer Exchange

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-22 07:31pm

Here's an odd vs.

Assume the Federation and Empire meet and mysteriously do not instantly declare war on each other (Hard to imagine I know, but countries do things like this). Instead they initiate diplomatic relations.

Shortly afterwards they have an officer exchange program much like the one that had Riker work on a Klingon ship for a while. A single Imperial officer is made first officer of a Feddie Galaxy while a Federation commander becomes first Officer of a Star Destroyer.

What happens next? What problems will these officers find?

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-07-22 07:32pm

The Imperial Officer is seen as a freak.

The Federation Officer doesn't survive the first day.

Shadow WarChief · Post by **Shadow WarChief** » 2002-07-22 07:39pm

The imperial officer relieves the captain of command on grounds of treachery for refusing to fire on a hostile vessel.

The feddy officer gets to meet the shiny new interrogation droid to make sure that he's not trying to subvert the empire with his incompetence.

Mr. B · Post by **Mr. B** » 2002-07-22 07:43pm

Imperial: leads a one-man mutiny and spaces the rest of the crew and brings the ship to the Empire.

Federation: Spaced by the Captain.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-22 10:31pm

The Imperial officer goes crazy when the ship is fired upon and the captain INSISTS on sitting there and hailing them. He then attempts to mutiny, but since sitting back and watching while the other side shoots at you is a standard ST maneuver the rest of the crew refuses to assist him. He is thrown into the brig and returned to the Empire following the engagement.

The Federation officer goes crazy after the captain informs him bridge officers do NOT usually go on away missions by flying TIE fighters to unknown planets. He eventually is returned, but he has become so claustrophobic from being stuck on the bridge the whole time that he refuses to re-enlist in SF.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-07-22 10:38pm

The Imperial officer, unable to find a bathroom, takes a quick and covert leak behind the tactical station.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2002-07-22 10:41pm

The Imperial Officer is denounced as a militarist freak, because he behaves like an actual naval officer.

The Federation Officer is probably liked by the crew because of his wide knowledge. But he is equally disliked because he's a wishy washy peacenik.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-07-22 10:41pm

Originally posted by Master of Ossus

The Imperial officer goes crazy when the ship is fired upon and the captain INSISTS on sitting there and hailing them. He then attempts to mutiny, but since sitting back and watching while the other side shoots at you is a standard ST maneuver the rest of the crew refuses to assist him. He is thrown into the brig and returned to the Empire following the engagement.

The Federation officer goes crazy after the captain informs him bridge officers do NOT usually go on away missions by flying TIE fighters to unknown planets. He eventually is returned, but he has become so claustrophobic from being stuck on the bridge the whole time that he refuses to re-enlist in SF.

LOFL, that was too funny! I love the part where the Fed is told that it isn't normal for a bridge officer to go on away missions!

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-07-22 10:41pm

The Federation officer, after losing badly to stormtroopers in a fearce game of Sabacc, explains that he has no idea what this strange concept of "money" is. He is quickly fragged.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-07-22 10:47pm

Originally posted by USAF Ace
The Federation officer, after losing badly to stormtroopers in a fearce game of Sabacc, explains that he has no idea what this strange concept of "money" is. He is quickly fragged.

Hehe, I would rather think that they, sell him for a slave or as a volunteer to scientific experiments!

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2002-07-22 11:29pm

I think they'll have to return the Imp officer in a straightjacket after he clawed the bridge crew to death because they wouldn't fire (he defeated the ship after that).

The Federation officer would not be in a suitable form of matter to be returned.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2002-07-22 11:40pm

The Imperial officer would be brigged for screaming right into the Captain's ear 'FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!' during hostile situations. Beyond that, he would be popular, for his way of seeing when a trap is, in fact, a trap before it happens.

The Federation officer would be berated for cowardice when suggesting hailing a Rebel ship they are pursuing, and is eventually transferred to a science vessel, where he becomes an asset to the crew.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-07-23 01:33am

No he wouldn't. The fed officer's reliance on technobabble to solve problems would actually be a hindrance, since Imps don't rely on technobabble to...say... fix the toilet.

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2002-07-23 01:58am

The Imperial officer returns with a full report on the military preparedness of the Federation,which makes the Admiralty laugh there bums off . The federation officer after tryiong to use technobabel on the Captain is reasigned...to clean the toilets in the stormtrooper barracks where a dianoga thats hidding in the waste system eats him.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-07-23 02:10am

Both officers die.

The Federation officer orders the tactical officer to drop shields after being fired upon by an unknown attacker, in order to show that they do not have hostile intentions. He is promptly shot.

The Imperial officer suffers a massive aneurism after discovering that the chief engineer has just taken the entire shielding system off-line for three hours during a mission (as opposed to a maintenance stop at spacedock), for an uninterruptible process called a "level one diagnostic".

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-07-23 02:11am

The Imp officer is thrown in the brig for immediately firing on a Romulan ship as it decloaks.

The Fed officer is thrown in the brig for not immediately firing on a rebel ship as it drops from hyperspace.

After they return the officers, the Fed officer gives his report to the captain, who, there after, promptly wets himself. The Imp officer gives his report to the Captain who laughs his ass off all the way to the nearest Turbolaser gunnery and promptly blasts the utter fuck out of the Fed ship.

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-23 02:27am

My own take:

The ships meet shortly afterwards.

Feddie Captain: "Please take back your commanding officer. He executed our chief engineer for incompetence when a Holodeck tried to kill him."
Imp Captain: "Certainly comrade. Sadly I'm afraid our Chief engineer executed your commanding officer for requesting that we rewire the subharmonic distributors to our plasma ion manifolds in serial with the medial quantum disruptors. Apparently your officer thought this would increase our power output by 10% but it also makes the power plant of the ship so unstable explodes at the drop of a hat. I can't imagine any person willingly getting on a ship with one of these "Warp Cores" that this process would create. Anyway, we're sending over a shoebox with your commander's remains inside now."

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-07-24 11:34pm

Imperial officer insists on leaving Federation ship when he realises that it's completly slave rigged. (recall the Katana failure, when the OR tried to design their ships in a similar manner.) Can't leave because he refuses to use transporter and all shuttles were destroyed two episodes previously.

Federation officer insists on leaving Imperial ship when he realises that he can't get his daily massage, there being no holodeck. Can't leave because they're already 100 light years away and Imperial officers DON'T leave their command on a whim, unlike, say, certain French captains that we might be acquainted with.

Both officers spend their entire trip feeling absolutely miserable and then get home, lock themselves in their room and don't talk to anyone. Nothing is really gained from the exchange.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-25 12:03am

Lusankya wrote:Federation officer insists on leaving Imperial ship when he realises that he can't get his daily massage, there being no holodeck. Can't leave because they're already 100 light years away and Imperial officers DON'T leave their command on a whim, unlike, say, certain French captains that we might be acquainted with.

Or Captain Archer, who went light years out of his way to drop off a frickin' EARTHWORM!

BTW, I have no idea what Hoshi actually does on the ship. She's on the bridge crew, but all I've ever seen her doing (in my combined 1.5 episodes of viewing, taken from what appeared to be four different episodes) is whining or listening to the computer talk. My friend told me that she's supposed to be the best translator in the world, but she never seems to input anything into the computer, and she never even seems to translate anything herself. All she does is sit there and freak out because her pet earthworm isn't eating, or freaking out because of claustrophobia or something.

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-25 12:12am

I think Hoshi's supposed to kick in in the event that the Universal Translator fails. I think they actually had an episode about her uselessness and how little she actually accomplished.

Imperial officer insists on leaving Federation ship when he realises that it's completly slave rigged. (recall the Katana failure, when the OR tried to design their ships in a similar manner.) Can't leave because he refuses to use transporter and all shuttles were destroyed two episodes previously.

All shuttles destroyed? What manner of disaster could possibly destroy all shuttles? Feddie ships seem to have several million dessicated shuttlecraft in boxes and when one is blown up they just add a drop of water and a new one forms from a little pellet or something. They never run out of shuttlecraft. The real problem is even the Delta Flyer wouldn't keep up with an ISD, much less overtake one.

Ya know, it occurs to me the Imp Officer might actually get to liking the Feddie ship, what with it making him any food he wants and having holodecks to play in and such. The creature comforts do appear far superior, and the Imp might not realize the entire ship is basically a flying bomb until it sees combat. . .

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-25 12:14am

She reminds me of that girl in Galaxy Quest, where all she does is repeat whatever the computer says. That was GREAT, BTW.

Isolder74 · Post by **Isolder74** » 2002-07-25 12:46am

I think that the Imperial Officer would find it strange that his Fed Captain could remain in command after being responsible for so many debockals (this is after reveiwing His record) he also find the idea of being expected to go on dangerous missions with surface units the job of generals not XO's. as a result of his refusal to hold his fire when a hostile vessel threatens so he would be thrown int the brig.

on the other hand the Feddy Officer would end up twitching on the floor at the feet of Vader when he reports why he didn't pass on the order to fire on that rebel cruiser that got to fire one volley at the ship because he thought that it was immoral to fire on a vessel until it calls and informs you it intends to attack

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2002-07-25 12:57am

How would the Klingons,Romulans,Ferengi,and Cardassian officers react if they were exchnged onto an Imperal ship

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-07-25 01:00am

The Imp officer commandeers the Fed ship, and singlehandedly wins a battle against the threat of the week. The Fed officer faints during battle, expecting his console to explode, and is summarily demoted for gross incompetance. If Thrawn were in command, Rukh would have executed the man.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-07-25 01:02am

Darth Yoshi, who is that on your avatar?