Pillow Talk

[J]

The communists won, the revolution is almost complete - they've now seized our means of production by making us move all our factories to China, soon, the Golden Billion will suffer the fate of the bourgeoisie.

[Raw Shark]

YES WE'RE STILL FRIENDS, NO I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH HE'S HIM HE'S KINDA SKANKY

HEDONISM BOT: Ho-lee shit.

ME: I told you you'd like it. It reminds me of the first time I drove you, from the Fascinations on Santa Fe and Mississippi, when you told me you just sucked like twenty dicks.

HEDONISM BOT: I need to play that again and jerk off right now.

ME: Don't bullshit me, you already are.

HEDONISM BOT: I'm not not already jerking off...

ME: Uh-huh.

[Raw Shark]

The communists won, the revolution is almost complete - they've now seized our means of production by making us move all our factories to China, soon, the Golden Billion will suffer the fate of the bourgeoisie.

This conversation has drifted so far, but fuck it. Testing. I personally think China is Communist in name only at this point. With our diminished reputation they're about equivalent to us as a capitalist world power. Buddy of mine from high school lived in Shanghai for 15 years as a school teacher. Had a great time there. Met a nice girl.

[Raw Shark]

Kid had no luck with women here (we actually had a friendly rivalry over the same girl in high school that never panned out for either of us; she was into the "bad boy" type which didn't describe me back then if you can believe that), but apparently 6'4" skinny white guys get mad ass over there. The money he made there is next to worthless here, but our money is heading in that direction anyway and he learned a second language and brought the 5'0" cutie back with him so I'mma put the experience in the win column for him overall.

[J]

This conversation has drifted so far, but fuck it. Testing. I personally think China is Communist in name only at this point. With our diminished reputation they're about equivalent to us as a capitalist world power. Buddy of mine from high school lived in Shanghai for 15 years as a school teacher. Had a great time there. Met a nice girl.

I believe they're a post-communist hybrid system in both their government & economy. Most of their important industries are still state owned and the people can vote for anyone they want as long as they're communists. Russia works on a similar system, except you vote for Putin or the communists.

Meanwhile, in America,

[Raw Shark]

I think the Jews are great people. Asked one to marry me once. The government of Israel, not so much.

[muse]

The communists won, the revolution is almost complete - they've now seized our means of production by making us move all our factories to China, soon, the Golden Billion will suffer the fate of the bourgeoisie.

This conversation has drifted so far, but fuck it. Testing.

Stephen Harper = Ronald Reagan
Justin Trudeau = Barack Obama
Pierre Poilievre = Donald Trump

I'm moving to Siberia if Poopy Pierre gets elected.

[Raw Shark]

I'm moving to Siberia if Poopy Pierre gets elected.

I had a dream where I was a Siberian native once. A magic-doin' shaman. Wore snowshoes everywhere. Built an igloo every night. My spirit animal was a wise-ass talking ferret named Mukluk who gave me endless shit.

[Raw Shark]

Seasons in the Abyss...a fellow Slayer fan I see. I type like Yoda when high I am. High AF I am right now. Friend warned me, about Slayer he did, when found out I had tickets to show. Slayer loud AF, louder than imagine, you can. Right he was, my friend, and mastered the Shatner comma, I have.

Y'know, I've broken a lot of teeth in fights (mostly my own), but nowhere near what I've done having fun in the pit. Surprisingly, my teeth still look... kinda average. As a musician, I consider myself a jazz guy, but metal was my first love and it's been nice to revisit it with a woman who missed out.

[Raw Shark]

HER: I could never keep!

ME: I could never keep!

HER: I could never keep my life from burning to the ground!

ME: I should've learned my lesson, I'm a man who's been around.

HER: But I just couldn't keep my middle finger down!

[muse]

I had a dream where I was a Siberian native once. A magic-doin' shaman. Wore snowshoes everywhere. Built an igloo every night. My spirit animal was a wise-ass talking ferret named Mukluk who gave me endless shit.

There was a month where all I got on Youtube was videos of nomadic reindeer herders in northern Russia. I think a bunch of Mongols took a wrong turn in Kazakhstan and ended up in Siberia instead of Serbia so they had to give up their horses and start herding reindeer instead.

[Raw Shark]

I had a dream where I was a Siberian native once. A magic-doin' shaman. Wore snowshoes everywhere. Built an igloo every night. My spirit animal was a wise-ass talking ferret named Mukluk who gave me endless shit.

There was a month where all I got on Youtube was videos of nomadic reindeer herders in northern Russia. I think a bunch of Mongols took a wrong turn in Kazakhstan and ended up in Siberia instead of Serbia so they had to give up their horses and start herding reindeer instead.

This feels weird even for me, but I'd totally fuck a reindeer if it was Clarice from the Rankin-Bass Rudolph thing they play every December. Major crush when I was little. I mean, she has pretty eyes and a sweet personality. Applying mascara with hooves implies some outrageous manual dexterity. I'd hit that like the fist of an angry god.

[Raw Shark]

NOT SO CRAZY REDHEAD: I had no. Fucking. Idea. That you could cook like this.

ME: Really? We've known each other 13 years today. I love to cook.

NOT SO CRAZY REDHEAD: This is SO good.

ME: Maybe you should marry me?

NOT SO CRAZY REDHEAD: You know that's not an option.

ME: Yeah.

[Raw Shark]

ME: [sings] It doesn't matter who you pledge allegiance to, the house is burning down around us anyhoo...

HER: It matters who I pledged allegiance to!

ME: I know, but they sent you overseas for nothing but oil.

HER: [starts crying] I saw them die. I saw all my friends die.

ME: Okay. C'mere. C'mere. I pledge allegiance to you.

[J]

I think you two should sit down and watch 2000 Meters to Andriivka, the full movie is available on Youtube and way more intense than the trailer.

[aerius]

Don't watch that movie, it's way too real. Massed artillery & drones is a new kind of nightmare battleground.
Oh, and those are the early generation drones, they wouldn't even make it within 10km today.

[Raw Shark]

Don't watch that movie, it's way too real. Massed artillery & drones is a new kind of nightmare battleground.
Oh, and those are the early generation drones, they wouldn't even make it within 10km today.

Yeah I don't need that today and she doesn't need that ever.

~~~~~

ME: So, I heard we're seeing the same therapist about our drinking...

JEWISH EX: What!? Did she-

ME: No, no, it wasn't her. Let's just say I know people who tell me stuff.

JEWISH EX: What do you want out of this?

ME: We could talk about our problem as friends, over dinner? I have three pounds of pastrami from Katz's.

JEWISH EX: Now we're talking.

[Raw Shark]

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH:

HER: You ready?

ME: Yeah. You?

HER: You got ol' 1911'?

ME: Yeah. Black Betty locked and loaded?

HER: Yeah.

ME: Let's clean the rats out of this house. On three.

[Raw Shark]

We didn't shoot anybody, for the record. Just scared the bejesus out of them. The place will need a new front door and ceiling repairs; my steel toe boots and her AR-15 are loud and frightening. For what we pay in taxes the cops really oughta do more about crack houses when you've reported it twenty times. Lady down the road has a 3-year old FFS.

[Raw Shark]

ME: I admire your restraint. You only fired one burst.

HER: Baby doll, we said we weren't going to kill a motherfucker unless we had to.

ME: My turn to cook. Pasta tonight?

HER: Sounds good.

ME: You still like mushrooms right?

HER: Do I still like mushrooms?

[Raw Shark]

HER: Yeah I still like mushrooms.

ME: Oookay, I will get mushrooms.

HER: [sighs] I'm sorry, it's just been.

ME: Babe, I was there. So mushrooms, I'm thinking garlic and spinach?

[Raw Shark]

HER: Yeah I still like mushrooms.

ME: Oookay, I will get mushrooms.

HER: [sighs] I'm sorry, it's just been.

ME: Babe, I was there. So mushrooms, I'm thinking garlic and spinach?

[muse]

I just learned a new term for masturbation - flogging the dolphin

Why is the poor dolphin being flogged?

[Raw Shark]

I just learned a new term for masturbation - flogging the dolphin

Why is the poor dolphin being flogged?

Dolphins are pretty naughty. Like they'll just swim up to you down to pound out of sheer curiosity about talking monkey sex. Like, "Oh hey! What's that thing with the limbs!? I will find out by screwing it!" Also, their dicks are a foot long and prehensile in the males. Like, "Can unscrew a jar of pickles," prehensile. The females have Kegels that are almost dangerous. Woman from England married one in international waters where dolphins are obviously comfortable and whatever the fuck goes a few years ago and I am presuming she has no complaints about it.

[muse]

Sir Arthur Sullivan was a prophet. And possibly drunk along with everyone else at the table.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrXUcEh0ncE&t=874s