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Worst Star Trek vs Star Wars fanfiction you have read

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Earth001
PostPosted: 2011-07-11 11:02am 

Youngling


Joined: 2011-06-29 11:15pm
Posts: 135
I would like to know what are some of the worst Star Wars vs Star Trek fanfiction you have read all together? My memory is bad on this one but I remember a long time ago I was reading a STvSW fanfiction where the Enterprise D was under attack by Darth Vader and the author was giving all the details of the ship exploding around them and at the end when they where about to be defeated Darth Vader asked the crew to join them and then that is where I lost it by them saying "Coooll!!!!!" I gave up hope looking for a Star Trek vs Star Wars fanfiction for a while till I found conquest.
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Eleas
PostPosted: 2011-07-11 11:05am 

Jaina Dax


Joined: 2002-07-08 05:08am
Posts: 4626
Location: Malmö, Sweden
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Littlefoot
PostPosted: 2011-07-11 07:38pm 

Youngling


Joined: 2009-01-08 03:02am
Posts: 93
Location: Arkansas USA
not as bad as portal(?), but I still feel like ripping my eyes out as punishment for reading that crap
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The Vortex Empire
PostPosted: 2011-07-11 07:46pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2006-12-11 10:44pm
Posts: 1155
Location: Rhode Island
I closed the page as soon as I saw it was written like a screenplay. That's a sure-sign that the story is a steaming pile of shit.
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Darth Tedious
PostPosted: 2011-07-11 11:20pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2011-01-16 09:48pm
Posts: 1066
At least it was really short! Could you imagine 20 pages of that stuff? :lol: :banghead:
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Eleas
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 07:23am 

Jaina Dax


Joined: 2002-07-08 05:08am
Posts: 4626
Location: Malmö, Sweden
Darth Tedious wrote:
At least it was really short! Could you imagine 20 pages of that stuff? :lol: :banghead:


It'd be about four times as long. If you want, I could creatively rearrange the first few chapters of Portal to look like it was written by PAUL, and you need no longer wonder. :)
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Eleas
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 07:41am 

Jaina Dax


Joined: 2002-07-08 05:08am
Posts: 4626
Location: Malmö, Sweden
As a token of my good will, I will offer you all a quick preview, a glimpse of the end result. No, don't thank me.


Portal, the JACQUESening wrote:
The sensors are detect a worm hole anomaly.

Data: The energy is not in the database although they are similar to the anomaly Archer four eight years ago.

Picard nodding at the aimless puzzle. Take us in.

A minute later we see the anomaly on the main view screen. Its energy over two kilometers across.

Data: Are sensors see the wormhole. This wormhole has no event horizon but a time distortion is there.

Picard: Is it stables? Picard asked.

Data: No sir.

Riker: Is it dangerous?

Data: No sir. I've analyze the worm hole and it is growing into a threat. We should go inside.

Picard: Make it so.

The anomaly lights up with an energy glow. Everybody is astonish!
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Darth Tedious
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 07:56am 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2011-01-16 09:48pm
Posts: 1066
It's like an enema for your brain! :D
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Eleas
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 08:03am 

Jaina Dax


Joined: 2002-07-08 05:08am
Posts: 4626
Location: Malmö, Sweden
Darth Tedious wrote:
It's like an enema for your brain! :D


Nicely put and yeah, writing it was worse. :) What astonished me is how much I had to cut. It's very threadbare -- Kennedy's plotting and characterization is pretty damn poor, but at least Portal doesn't read like something scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin at 3 am.
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Panzersharkcat
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 08:44am 

Jedi Council Member


Joined: 2011-02-28 06:36am
Posts: 1621
Grammar Nazi senses tingling!
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Eleas
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 08:45am 

Jaina Dax


Joined: 2002-07-08 05:08am
Posts: 4626
Location: Malmö, Sweden
Panzersharkcat wrote:
Grammar Nazi senses tingling!


I regret nozhink! Do your vorst!
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Omeganian
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 01:02pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2008-03-08 11:38am
Posts: 472
Location: Israel
The Vortex Empire wrote:
I closed the page as soon as I saw it was written like a screenplay. That's a sure-sign that the story is a steaming pile of shit.


I don't know. This one seems rather tolerable to me (Not a Star Trek fic, Andromeda).
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Night_stalker
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 06:32pm 

Retarded Spambot


Joined: 2009-11-28 04:51pm
Posts: 1017
Location: Bedford, NH
Honestly, a pretty decent chunk of the Unity Saga, partly because of Janeaw-, I mean, the Oracle's timetraveling abilities, which meant that the Oracle became the sort of Chessmaster that would put Tzeench to shame. It was really annoying to hear how she was able to do so much damage, and her little psychotic break didn't endear me to her.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4553345/1/S ... f_the_Jedi
Between the awkward to read dialogue, the magic ST technobabbling out a solution, the fact that the Empire seems to suffer from not being able to actually hurt the good guys, and a plot that sounds absurdly naive, I would advise avoiding it at all costs.
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Panzersharkcat
PostPosted: 2011-07-12 10:37pm 

Jedi Council Member


Joined: 2011-02-28 06:36am
Posts: 1621
Eleas wrote:
Panzersharkcat wrote:
Grammar Nazi senses tingling!


I regret nozhink! Do your vorst!

Igor, fetch... the kampfy chair!
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Ahriman238
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 02:19am 

Sith Devotee


Joined: 2011-04-22 11:04pm
Posts: 2659
Location: Ocularis Terribus.
Bah! I don't see enough terribly written in my day?

I have to admit, it wasn't a crossover exactly but there was a Voyager/Groundhog Day fanfic where a member of the crew gets to go back to the day they arrived in the Delta Quadrant and do it all over again, with infinite retries. The catch? The crewman is Harry Kim. Poor, dumb Harry.

Naturally, the first thing he learns is how to discreetly murder Janeway.
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EnterpriseSovereign
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 08:52am 

Jedi Knight


Joined: 2006-05-12 12:19pm
Posts: 817
Location: High orbit
Littlefoot wrote:
not as bad as portal(?), but I still feel like ripping my eyes out as punishment for reading that crap

I agree, portal was one of those abortions that was clearly fanwankery- clearly it was written using just one hand :lol: :wanker:

And at the opposite end of the scale you have Conquest, which shows just how much of an advantage hyperdrive alone offers in a versus scenario, never mind all the other SW advantages :mrgreen:
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Luke Skywalker
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 03:53pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2011-06-27 01:08am
Posts: 264
Conquest actually underpowers Star Wars, allowing Star Trek ships to take out star destroyers in sufficient quantifies.

It also has the problem of Empire-wanking, implicitly attempting to justify the destruction of Alderaan (why Wong tries to justify this remains unknown) by claiming that destroying a planet is a valid military action. Just...wow. Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

But it's a well written story. Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.
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barnest2
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 04:00pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2010-08-22 07:47am
Posts: 1049
Location: Watching the levee break
Quote:
Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.

Quote:
Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?
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Panzersharkcat
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 05:10pm 

Jedi Council Member


Joined: 2011-02-28 06:36am
Posts: 1621
barnest2 wrote:
Quote:
Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.

Quote:
Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?

Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.
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barnest2
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 06:02pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2010-08-22 07:47am
Posts: 1049
Location: Watching the levee break
Quote:
Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.


That explains a lot. I've never actually read the story.
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Panzersharkcat
PostPosted: 2011-07-13 09:26pm 

Jedi Council Member


Joined: 2011-02-28 06:36am
Posts: 1621
That was in the main site, actually. Alderaan was never mentioned in Conquest. See link. It's definitely in character as an Imperial officer. The title of that page is "Alderaan, Planet of Traitors" and talks of Tarkin's tragic death and the honorable Darth Vader.
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EnterpriseSovereign
PostPosted: 2011-07-15 04:06pm 

Jedi Knight


Joined: 2006-05-12 12:19pm
Posts: 817
Location: High orbit
The planet seemed to be a pretty important one, though it was made up for the story just as Ruk's species (I imagined him to be much like the CG Gorn from IAMD). I did notice that ST did at least offer some resistance to an Imperial attack (Though why Picard didn't transmit sensor logs of his battle with the Romulans to the Imperials when they reached earth was beyond me, it would have proved that he did his damnedest to stop them attacking the ring station). I have to say, I have read sections of that story many, many times :D
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Luke Skywalker
PostPosted: 2011-07-15 04:10pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2011-06-27 01:08am
Posts: 264
barnest2 wrote:
Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.


Forgive my wording. I meant from a rational standpoint.

Quote:

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?


Anti-heroes are rarely genocidal, and villains being "good" is entirely different from a good protagonist.

Quote:
Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.


Actually, he has.
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Panzersharkcat
PostPosted: 2011-07-16 01:53am 

Jedi Council Member


Joined: 2011-02-28 06:36am
Posts: 1621
So that's where Rooting for the Empire came from. Huh.

Anyway, he never actually advocates it. He only says the situation is complicated. This was his only post in the thread.
Darth Wong wrote:
Good point, LC. What is "evil"? Is the mass destruction of non-combatants "evil"? If so, then what do you think of Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Tokyo, and Dresden?

Is the suppression of rights "evil"? If so, then how do you define those rights (which may not be as "self-evident" as you think)? How do you address the fact that all governments reserve the ability to suppress rights if they feel it is in the best interests of the state (or in some cases, the major media companies)?

Is dictatorship intrinsically "evil"? Only if you feel that democracy is intrinsically "good", and many people have died at the hands of both.

What about suffering and death? Is that bad? Of course. Is suffering and death acceptable if necessary to defned philosophical principles such as rights, democracy, and freedom? That seems to be what I'm hearing. When an idea is elevated above human life, is that evil? Historically, it has often led to acts which are universally decried as such.

In short, the situation's not that simple.

Never said blowing up Alderaan = good.
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Azron_Stoma
PostPosted: 2011-07-16 05:09pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2008-10-18 08:37am
Posts: 353
Location: HIMS Korthox III, Assertor Class Star Dreadnought
It seemed to me that Admiral Kanos starts off as a very machiavellian villian, even likened to Thrawn in the story itself by other characters. As the story progresses however his moral compass starts to shift, especially when Jacen crosses the moral event horizon. Q has a hand in this, poking fun at Kanos' doing all the things he does because it's what he feels Anakin wants, while never really weighing the pros and cons for himself.

When the time finally comes for Kanos to make his first command decision as the defacto leader of the Empire in the milky way, he decides to honor the treaty and stay true to his word. Rather than betray it like he originally planned.

It's been a while since i've read the story, but I think he even decides to pull his forces out of the Federation and return power to them. Then goes off to settle somewhere else and spread a new Empire based on new prinicples.
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