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PotC - On Stranger Tides *Spoilers*

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Crazedwraith
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 03:16pm 

Emperor's Hand


Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Cheshire, England
Well I just came back from this. All in told I expected it to be a bit naff and so it was.

The shenanigans in England were mediocre but watch-able enough but as soon as they set sail and introduce Penelope Cruz's character everything becomes rather slow and tedious.

As ever very little actual pirating is done and I don't think they're in the Caribbean at any point either.

The spanish side were hilarious both in being terribly undeveloped and second for being collossal dicks, they track down the fountain of youth only to kick dirt in everyone's faces. Knock it over. And tell everyone to shut up and worship God properly.
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JME2
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 03:40pm 

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Joined: 2003-02-02 05:04pm
Posts: 12144
Yeah, I wasn't interested in seeing this and your review cinches it.
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Nephtys
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 03:42pm 

Sith Acolyte


Joined: 2005-04-02 11:54pm
Posts: 5991
Location: South Cali... where life is cheap!
It was a terrible movie. Not that I expected anything otherwise, but just---- too many characters, too many just 'out of nowhere' sorts of things, and nothing but random jumping around acrobatics and boring swordfights.
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Crazedwraith
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 03:46pm 

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Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Cheshire, England
There are lots of people. I wouldn't be as kind as to call most of them characters.

Hell did they even give the mermaid fancying missionary a name?
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Nephtys
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 03:55pm 

Sith Acolyte


Joined: 2005-04-02 11:54pm
Posts: 5991
Location: South Cali... where life is cheap!
Crazedwraith wrote:
There are lots of people. I wouldn't be as kind as to call most of them characters.

Hell did they even give the mermaid fancying missionary a name?


Yeah. It was stupid, he just gave her one. At least he got eaten at the end. That entire sub-plot was just a waste of time. Also, why'd she suddenly have legs? She never even used them.
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Crazedwraith
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 04:03pm 

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Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Cheshire, England
No, I meant did the missionary himself even have name, spoken aloud on screen?
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Magellan
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 09:51pm 

Youngling


Joined: 2011-03-25 12:53pm
Posts: 98
I really needed something to do tonight so I just tagged along with a few friends.

Oh my god, I never watched a movie before where I just flat out did not give a shit about anything. 30 minutes in, I was just out of it. I mean ... the mermaids actually lived up to the hype (the cool part of the movie), I could not picture why they kept getting mentioned in ads and everything, but once they showed up, I was like yeah, I can see why they were scared. And then I just went back to not giving a shit.

And oh my god Mr. Religious was annoying, and what the hell was that at the end with him.

What was the point of the Spaniards? They just show up, shit on everyone's day and just leave.

Ugh ...

Hands down the most unnecessary movie ever made.

I'll write an actual review at some point, but I just needed to rant for now.
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Coalition
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 10:45pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2002-09-13 11:46am
Posts: 1237
When Jack starts the mutiny, gets to that one location in the stern of the ship, announces that the ship is theirs, and then the door opens behind him. That at least was a good scene.

Similar for Gibbs when he picks up the giant bag of bottles at the end. In hindsight, that would make a lot of sense; waste not, want not.

For those that do watch it there is a scene after the credits, where Penelope Cruz' character is on the island, and sees Jack's little Voodoo doll wash up.
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Gaidin
PostPosted: 2011-05-20 11:21pm 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2004-06-19 12:27am
Posts: 1289
Personally I had no problems with it. Just a purposeless zany adventure.
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KlavoHunter
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 03:36am 

Jedi Master


Joined: 2007-08-26 10:53pm
Posts: 1342
No ship-to-ship battles, no truly memorable sword-fights like the ones I vividly remember from ALL of the previous three movies; NO FUCKING BLACK PEARL; every scene was ridiculously dark and hard to see; and I'm pretty sure the Spanish were only included to troll the shit out of us, the audience.


Unless that all happened before the scene where Jack's in London at that fat fucker's dinner table, because we were a few minutes late, I missed a teensy bit.
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General Soontir Fel
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 04:15pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2005-07-05 02:08pm
Posts: 447
For what it's worth, there is an overriding theme that hit me.

You can't change who you are, nor can anyone do it for you.

Jack, Angelica, Blackbeard, Barbossa, the mermaid--at the end, they all remain in their true natures.
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Guardsman Bass
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 05:49pm 

Cowardly Codfish


Joined: 2002-07-07 12:01am
Posts: 8510
Location: Beneath the Deepest Sea
It was pretty meh, and my least favorite out of the movies. I came close to groaning every time the missionary guy would be in a scene, although the mermaid attack was cool.

It also felt very drawn out, like a 90-minute movie stretched and padded into a 2-hour film (which is rather amusing, since the first POTC film was longer and better).
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GeorgeOrr
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 08:00pm 

Youngling


Joined: 2011-03-05 03:50pm
Posts: 55
Magellan wrote:
Hands down the most unnecessary movie ever made.

All movies are unnecessary. All of them.
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Tritio
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 10:11pm 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2009-09-09 03:10am
Posts: 183
Location: Singapore
It was better than the last two although not as good as the first. Pretty much what I expected; fight scenes, quips, and Jack Sparrow hilarity. Barbossa was as good as ever. Blackbeard was the typical evil and predictable bad guy. The preacher was downright stupid. The Spanish were outrageously unnecessary. They basically showed up (in an impressive manner), said fuck you to everyone, and left within 5 minutes, without finishing their job! And what happened to the zombified crewmen of Blackbeard anyway?
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Majin Gojira
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 10:42pm 

Sith Acolyte


Joined: 2002-08-06 11:27pm
Posts: 5661
Location: Philadelphia
Apparently, nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition.

(I'm sorry, that had to be done sooner or later).

But from the sound of things, they just kinda pop up at the end and say "Fuck you!" to the storyline, so it seemed appropriate.

I'm warry about it, just from all this negative response.
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Magellan
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 11:29pm 

Youngling


Joined: 2011-03-25 12:53pm
Posts: 98
Tritio wrote:
It was better than the last two although not as good as the first. Pretty much what I expected; fight scenes, quips, and Jack Sparrow hilarity. Barbossa was as good as ever. Blackbeard was the typical evil and predictable bad guy. The preacher was downright stupid. The Spanish were outrageously unnecessary. They basically showed up (in an impressive manner), said fuck you to everyone, and left within 5 minutes, without finishing their job! And what happened to the zombified crewmen of Blackbeard anyway?


[Reveal] Spoiler:
A giant piller fell and crushed both of them during the final action scene. How'd you miss that?
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Magellan
PostPosted: 2011-05-21 11:33pm 

Youngling


Joined: 2011-03-25 12:53pm
Posts: 98
Majin Gojira wrote:
Apparently, nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition.

(I'm sorry, that had to be done sooner or later).

But from the sound of things, they just kinda pop up at the end and say "Fuck you!" to the storyline, so it seemed appropriate.

I'm warry about it, just from all this negative response.

We saw them in the opening scene, then Barbossa looks at them while sailing and doesn't attack, then Jack and Barbossa temporarily get captured by a few henchmen, and then they just show up during the climax, destroy the place and leave. Their leader had like 5 lines at best. :lol: One of which was actually funny though, it something like "let that man be known for his bravery" or something like that.
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Pelranius
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 12:48am 

Sith Devotee


Joined: 2006-10-24 11:35am
Posts: 3106
Location: Around and about the Beltway
I see that Bishop Waleran simply won't stop dicking around with Richard Shiring.
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Tritio
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 08:38am 

Padawan Learner


Joined: 2009-09-09 03:10am
Posts: 183
Location: Singapore
Magellan wrote:
[Reveal] Spoiler:
A giant piller fell and crushed both of them during the final action scene. How'd you miss that?


[Reveal] Spoiler:
Oh right. So those were the two who were crushed. I'd gotten used to the camera being in their expressionless, ugly faces so much that I don't think I recognised them.
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xerex
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 02:15pm 

Jedi Knight


Joined: 2005-06-17 08:02am
Posts: 769
okay so I'm going to be the contrarian and say i found it an exhilarating ride.

1. Missionary's name was Phillip btw, the mermaid calls him that. Also its ambiguous whether he really dies in the end.

2. the Spanish played the same role of the Vorlons in the Babylon 5 episode "Deathwalker" After everyone spends all this blood and effort in getting the key to immortality , they show up and say 'Humans are not ready for immortality.' it also gives a different motiviations than the pirates and a different take on the concept of faith.

3. Zombies and Magic Blackbeard were kinda unnecessary. Regular Blackbeard would have done just as well. but at the same time Blackbeard was great.

4. The thing is this movie was basically three movies running in parallel. Jack Sparrow , Barbossa, and the Missionary. and Jack Sparrows was the weakest. its the other plots that are the driving force, Jack is just taken along for the ride. had the movie taken Barbossa as the protagonist it would have been a much more focused narrative.

5. Loved the beginning with King George. Jack is being his usually odd self moving chairs about, dropping a hankerchief, moving food about.....and then as makes his escape you realize he was laying the groundwork for his escape all that time. Moral dont get distractive by Jacks mannerisms , focus on what he's actually doing.
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Guardsman Bass
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 02:32pm 

Cowardly Codfish


Joined: 2002-07-07 12:01am
Posts: 8510
Location: Beneath the Deepest Sea
xerex wrote:
4. The thing is this movie was basically three movies running in parallel. Jack Sparrow , Barbossa, and the Missionary. and Jack Sparrows was the weakest. its the other plots that are the driving force, Jack is just taken along for the ride. had the movie taken Barbossa as the protagonist it would have been a much more focused narrative.


I wonder if part of that is because the movie is actually based on a book that was originally completely separate from the POTC saga.

xerex wrote:
5. Loved the beginning with King George. Jack is being his usually odd self moving chairs about, dropping a hankerchief, moving food about.....and then as makes his escape you realize he was laying the groundwork for his escape all that time. Moral dont get distractive by Jacks mannerisms , focus on what he's actually doing.


Does Jack really think that far ahead? I get the impression that he sort of just goes with it, winging it from one instance to the next.

That said, Barbossa certainly saw it, which is why he asked why Jack wasn't in manacles when he walked in.
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xerex
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 02:52pm 

Jedi Knight


Joined: 2005-06-17 08:02am
Posts: 769
Quote:
xerex wrote:
5. Loved the beginning with King George. Jack is being his usually odd self moving chairs about, dropping a hankerchief, moving food about.....and then as makes his escape you realize he was laying the groundwork for his escape all that time. Moral dont get distractive by Jacks mannerisms , focus on what he's actually doing.


Does Jack really think that far ahead? I get the impression that he sort of just goes with it, winging it from one instance to the next.

That said, Barbossa certainly saw it, which is why he asked why Jack wasn't in manacles when he walked in.


well he puts a chair put of place, 10 mins later that out of place chair is actually perfectly placed to smash a window.

He drops a handkerchief. 10 mins as he escapes guard slips on it.

later in the movie when barbossa and jack are entering the Spanish camp, Barbossa just stops. jack asks what he's doing and B says he's planning his escape (before he is even captured), isnt that how jack does it ?......jack says well yes but he also sometimes wings it.
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septesix
PostPosted: 2011-05-22 05:32pm 

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Joined: 2002-07-04 01:48am
Posts: 384
Location: 2*** West 38th Vancouver
I gave it some thoughts after watching it and I think I found where this movie doesn't work for me while the first one did:

1. Jack Sparrow isn't crazy enough. The London scene , while great, still can't quite compare to the hijinks from the original. Even worse for me personally, it was weird seeing Sparrow 'planning' his escape, instead of just crazily winging it around. The best part of the first 3 is always when he's pulling seemingly stupid stunts and yet somehow always managed to pull through. When he didn't get enough of those the movie really suffers.

2. The female lead couldn't play off Jack enough. Penelope Cruz simply doesn't have the same chemistry with Depp as Keira Knightly did. There's not a single scene between them that has any kind of feelings at all. Even the funny bits seemed forced.

I did like the mermaid's attack, but I also agree that the whole missionary and the mermaid story feels completely tack-on and unnecessary.

I like the take on the Blackbeard and his voodoo dolls, which is another interesting take on the supernatural evil pirates. The Spanish is a nice surprise too, with motivations that's completely unexpected and yet oddly authentic. Too bad they were so under-developed.
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xerex
PostPosted: 2011-05-23 08:14am 

Jedi Knight


Joined: 2005-06-17 08:02am
Posts: 769
I wonder if they had integrated Jack and barbossa's plots if the story would have been more cohesive?

try this.

Movie starts as originally but Jack's escape fails and he and Gibbs join Barbossa (who still has two legs) on the Black Pearl with a letter of marque. The crew is part Pirate part British. The missionary (Phillip) is part of the British complement. They set off as per . The missionary get a bit more screen time so his character is developed.

They then run into wreckage with a single survivor on board-- Angelica. She says she was on a Spanish ship attacked by Blackbeard . same back story with Jack as original. Que hijinks with her and jack. She learns only jack knows the route to the Fountain.

then they run into Blackbeard. cue sea battle in which the Pearl is captured. Jack, Phillip and others are captured by Blackbeard. Angelica turns out to be Blackbeard's daughter and first mate who was lost in the earlier battle with the Spanish.. Meanwhile Barbossa , Gibbs and few others escape the battle. Barbossa is injured.


Anglica reveals she wants jack to save her father's life . She tells him about the prophesy. Que visual of Barbossa waking up with his leg amputated and going all Captain Ahab.

BB used the prisoners from the Pearl as mermaid bait and then continue as in original.
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Darth Fanboy
PostPosted: 2011-05-24 01:40pm 

DUH! WINNING!


Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
Posts: 11181
Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
I liked it, and I agree it was better than the second and third films while being weaker than the first. I liked the plots and I am glad that Phillip's screen time was relatively short compared to what dumbass Will Turner got in the "duology".

The only things I would have changed:
[Reveal] Spoiler:
Instead of the voodoo doll at the end have Penelope Cruz find SEA TURTLES!

Get rid of the magic ropes.

Get rid of ships in bottles and have the Pearl instead hidden somewhere with Jack walking back on deck at the end, Barbossa mistakenly believing it sunk but actually repaired and held for later.

Battle between English and Spanish on the high seas.
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