Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Eternal_Freedom]

Context: I'm on a work-experience program with a small web development program, supposedly writing content for websites but in reality doing whatever is needed.

Boss: Hey, Phill! I need you to draw up some designs for our new business cards. They need to look good

Me: Um, ok, I'll give it a shot, but I'm not a graphic designer and I can't draw worth a damn.

Half an hour later

Boss: Hmm, these aren't very good, are they the best you can do?

Me: Yeah, I did say I wasn't an artist, I'm an accountant.

Boss: Yeah well you should have been able to do better than this.

Ten minutes later, after I return to my initial task.

Boss: Phill, how come that article has taken you so long?

Me: You had be spend half an hour drawing up business card designs.

Boss: Did I? Oh well, just hurry the fuck up will you?

I am so glad tomorrow is my last day. I could tolerate this shit if I was getting paid (I could count to ten and calculate how many extra pennies that gets me.

[Broomstick]

So, right in front of me, this customer opens up a cosmetic and tries it out. She makes approving noises, then puts the open on back on the shelf and takes an unopened one. She looks right at me, smiles, and says "I would never purchase an opened bottle?"

WTF? When did THAT become acceptable? It's not a generational thing - she was definitely older than me, and I remember being raised if you break it/open it/use it you bought it.

I swear, the cosmetic aisles are inhabited by invisible poo-flinging monkeys. Except messier.

[Borgholio]

So, right in front of me, this customer opens up a cosmetic and tries it out. She makes approving noises, then puts the open on back on the shelf and takes an unopened one. She looks right at me, smiles, and says "I would never purchase an opened bottle?"

WTF? When did THAT become acceptable? It's not a generational thing - she was definitely older than me, and I remember being raised if you break it/open it/use it you bought it.

I swear, the cosmetic aisles are inhabited by invisible poo-flinging monkeys. Except messier.

Isn't that something your LP department should deal with? That counts as theft.

[Spekio]

After 30 long minutes of explaining to a client why I redacted his contract a particular way:

-Whathever you say goes, I was not really paying attention.

2 hour later, I receive a call from said client:

- Why did you do X!!??

[Broomstick]

So, right in front of me, this customer opens up a cosmetic and tries it out. She makes approving noises, then puts the open on back on the shelf and takes an unopened one. She looks right at me, smiles, and says "I would never purchase an opened bottle?"

WTF? When did THAT become acceptable? It's not a generational thing - she was definitely older than me, and I remember being raised if you break it/open it/use it you bought it.

I swear, the cosmetic aisles are inhabited by invisible poo-flinging monkeys. Except messier.

Isn't that something your LP department should deal with? That counts as theft.

Yes, but we minions are under strict orders not to confront anyone. We can report it to security, but in the overall scheme of things a lipstick or an eyeshadow may not be worth pursuing. They just write off the loss. Of course, that all adds up over time, it's truly an amazing sum how much the company loses over the course of a year to this sort of thing.

[Raw Shark]

DRUNKEN FRATBOY: So then I tell the hot Russian bartender chick with the tits like basketballs that I want to buy us both a shot of whatever she wants-

YOUR DRIVER: She's Israeli.

DRUNKEN FRATBOY: Huh?

YOUR DRIVER: Nevermind, go on.

DRUNKEN FRATBOY: So she tells me she wants to drink this shot that has a real scorpion in it! She's actually got a jar of real scorpions behind the bar!

YOUR DRIVER: How'd that go?

DRUNKEN FRATBOY: It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Hey, are you sure we're going the right way?

YOUR DRIVER: Let me get this straight: You let a hot girl who you're not taking home right now talk you into paying to drink a scorpion, and you're questioning my judgment..?

[Borgholio]

Drink a scorpion? Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned tequila worm?

[Raw Shark]

Drink a scorpion? Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned tequila worm?

That was apparently just not enough of a choking hazard. The funny part is that I totally know this girl; I've driven her home a bunch of times. We talk about movies, mostly.

[Borgholio]

And THAT explains how you knew she was Israeli.

[Raw Shark]

DRUNK AMERICAN GIRL: [out the window] HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!! WHOOOOOOO!

SEMI-DRUNK BRITISH GUY: [to me] This is why we call 4/7, "Good Riddance Day..."

[Zaune]

Spoiler: We don't.

[Raw Shark]

Spoiler: We don't.

Meh; he's still funny. ;]

[LadyTevar]

Spoiler: We don't.

Meh; he's still funny. ;]

Nitram did, but only because I kept trying to drag him to celebrations.

[Darth Nostril]

Zaune is wrong.

[Enigma]

One of my co-workers had to leave early as he wasn't feeling well, so another was sent to my section. I asked the guy if he ever used an ultrasonic welder before and he said no. The moment he said that the lights in the warehouse flickered. I turned to him and said, "Next time I ask you a question, don't say no."

[Borgholio]

Caller : "Hi, when I launch your software it's giving me an licensing error."

Me : "Ok, in the bottom-right hand corner of the screen do you see the icon for our update software (licensing is handled by the update software)?"

Caller : "No, I don't."

Me : "Ok it needs to be running for you to launch our software. Go to the program folder and launch the update service."

Caller : "How do I do that?"

Me : "First, click on the Start button..."

Caller : "What's that?"

...

Me : "The round button in the bottom left corner of the screen."

Caller : "I don't see one."

Me : "Do you see any round buttons anywhere on the screen in any of the corners or any button named Start?"

Caller : "No."

Me : "Ok, I will have to connect to your computer to troubleshoot. Please open a web browser and go to our remote support website."

Caller : "What's a web browser?"

Me : "The Internet."

Caller : "I don't know how to do that."

...

Me : "What operating system are you running?"

Caller : "What's an operating system?"

Me : "You might have to have your local IT tech call us so we can get connected. K, thanks...bye."



Seriously, this is so basic it boggles the mind how you can use a computer without knowing how to launch a program from the Star menu or open a web browser. It's like trying to teach someone how to drive a car and you first have to instruct them on what keys are and how to use them.

[TronPaul]

Co-worker: Are you trying to reproduce?

[Zaune]

Seriously, this is so basic it boggles the mind how you can use a computer without knowing how to launch a program from the Star menu or open a web browser. It's like trying to teach someone how to drive a car and you first have to instruct them on what keys are and how to use them.

They probably never were trained to use a computer, not beyond the absolute bare minimum needed to do their job.

[Luke Starkiller]

Seriously, this is so basic it boggles the mind how you can use a computer without knowing how to launch a program from the Star menu or open a web browser. It's like trying to teach someone how to drive a car and you first have to instruct them on what keys are and how to use them.

They probably never were trained to use a computer, not beyond the absolute bare minimum needed to do their job.

My 8-year-old knows what the start button is and how to open 'webpages'. My 3-year-old knows how to 'hit the round button'. There is no excuse for an adult not being able to follow such basic instructions.

[Broomstick]

I know a fair number of businesses who have their business computers rigged up to do only one or two things and nothing else. The end user has zero access to the operating system, the "Start" button, or anything else. If anything goes wrong there is nothing the user can do and IT must be called.

If that is a person's only experience with computer no, they won't have a clue about following your instructions to go to the start button or do a lot of other things taken for granted. Quite a few adults still don't have computers outside of work, as remarkable as that sounds. It's getting rarer, but it's far from inconceivable for that sort of situation to occur.

[Zaune]

Most schools have their PCs similarly locked down, ostensibly to prevent vandalism, but it also makes actually learning anything beyond how to use the supplied programs excessively difficult. You can't learn if you aren't allowed to make mistakes.

[Raw Shark]

YOUR DRIVER: Okay, sure, I guess I can buy that it's possible that the government built a secret city / military base under DIA, but what would they use it for? I mean, they've already got Buckley Air Force Base right there, which is kind of huge...

NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK: Right, that's what I was talking about before with the illegals, man!

YOUR DRIVER: I don't follow.

NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK: Think about it! Why do you think it's so easy to get a green card in this country?

YOUR DRIVER: Uh, I thought it was really hard to get a green card unless you have a lot of money or a good job. That's why so many people try to sneak in.

NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK: Right, that's how it was, but now Obama's bringing millions of illegals in and hiding them in plain sight by giving them green cards. They're stockpiling military weapons under DIA for it. That's why they're building the light rail line out to the airport, so they can send train after train full of guns out there. That way, we won't realize what's happening until they rise up and take away the country from us!

YOUR DRIVER: But if they have green cards, they're here legally. And why would Obama want a foreign uprising on American soil? Wouldn't that end his presidency?

NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK: He's not afraid of them, he's afraid of real Americans because we have guns and we're not afraid to fight him for what's ours!

YOUR DRIVER: So, let me get this straight: You think Obama wants to provide a disorganized mob numbering in the millions with military weaponry, in order to disarm and control the country?

NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK: [goes broken record; stops being funny; doesn't tip]

[Borgholio]

I can practically smell his brain smoking from here. Did you smell an exhaust leak by any chance during that ride?

[Raw Shark]

I can practically smell his brain smoking from here. Did you smell an exhaust leak by any chance during that ride?

I was mostly just watching dipshit for sudden moves at that point.

[Borgholio]

No security barrier?