Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Borgholio]

DOUCHE #1: Oh my fucking God, we have a white cab driver!

DOUCHE #2: This can't be happening! How do you even exist!?

YOUR DRIVER: Well, once upon a time in 1977, there were two white people and they fucked, see...

A long time ago, in a drunken stupor far far away...

[Raw Shark]

Raw Shark, I love your style.

Thanks! I try to entertain.

DOUCHE #1: Oh my fucking God, we have a white cab driver!

DOUCHE #2: This can't be happening! How do you even exist!?

YOUR DRIVER: Well, once upon a time in 1977, there were two white people and they fucked, see...

A long time ago, in a drunken stupor far far away...

I was born the week ANH was released, if you want to bring that into it...

[Borgholio]

I was born the week ANH was released, if you want to bring that into it...

Should ask your mom if your dad ever asked her to dress as Leia...

Or on second thought, that might require the use of some brain bleach.

[Raw Shark]

I was born the week ANH was released, if you want to bring that into it...

Should ask your mom if your dad ever asked her to dress as Leia...

Or on second thought, that might require the use of some brain bleach.

Yeah... no...

[Kanastrous]

It's when the dude dresses as the Death Star and the lady as Alderaan, that I start to wonder.

[Borgholio]

It's when the dude dresses as the Death Star and the lady as Alderaan, that I start to wonder.

Sounds like a recipe for beating your wife...

[Elheru Aran]

Or-- considering the joking stereotype about nerds?

All the guy might need for a costume is a bucket of grey body paint.

You're welcome

[Borgholio]

You know...I could probably get a really fat guy to paint himself grey, add some dark "trench" lines around his folds, then glue a neon green stick in his bellybutton...

[Kanastrous]

All of the fat people whom I know have too much dignity, for that...

[Kanastrous]

(working out a locker-room area of a set for a science-fiction film)

"These could be showers, here."

"Well, we don't want to see people naked in the shower."

"I do."

"So do I."

"Well, okay, I secretly do, too."

[Lagmonster]

I'd be far more suspicious and on-guard if I walked into a public facility where everybody was showering while clothed.

[Kanastrous]

Suggests very poor local water quality, at a minimum.

[Raw Shark]

NEW INSPECTION GUY: Yeah, I shouldn't let this go. Just the engine leak by itself needs to be shopped right now, plus you've got two bald front tires, and you need a new serpentine belt.

YOUR DRIVER: Yeah, I'm not putting it in the shop on a Friday afternoon, walking three and a third miles home in the rain, and missing a whole weekend of work before they even look at it. I'll do it Monday.

NEW INSPECTION GUY: Also, you really need a car wash.

YOUR DRIVER: IT'S RAINING.

NEW INSPECTION GUY: Yeah, well, they told me it was important. Look, I can't just let you go with this many repairs just because you want to.

YOUR DRIVER: [shows $10] What if it wasn't me asking, but Mr. Alexander Hamilton?

NEW INSPECTION GUY: [eyes widen] Uh! I dunno, I really shouldn't...

YOUR DRIVER: C'mon, man, cut Al Ham a break. Dude got shot in the nuts.

[Spekio]

10 bucks? Really?

[Raw Shark]

10 bucks? Really?

Gotta groom 'em to expect ten early, or else you've got 'em all up on your shit for twenty before you know it.

[InsaneTD]

Again, style points, though I must admit to being mildly concerned about bald tires in the rain. Though if by bald, you mean they are just at the wear bars then they can last s while yet.

[Enigma]

Again, style points, though I must admit to being mildly concerned about bald tires in the rain. Though if by bald, you mean they are just at the wear bars then they can last s while yet.

Not really. If he drives a lot then those tires will be completely useless in no time.

I used to be a delivery driver back in my hometown and on average drove at least 250 miles a week. I normally bought 4 used tires (about half or two thirds the tread thickness of new tires) every six months.

[Raw Shark]

Again, style points, though I must admit to being mildly concerned about bald tires in the rain. Though if by bald, you mean they are just at the wear bars then they can last s while yet.

It'll be fine; it rarely rains for more than an hour here.

~~~~~~~

SEVEN DEADLY SINS WEEKEND IN DENVER:

PRIDE: [coked out of his gourd] Yeah, nobody makes more money than me.

YOUR DRIVER: That is a bold claim, Sir.

~~~~~~~

GREED: Yeah, I made four bills tonight with the Broncos and Rockies in town, but I lost it all on Yahtzee at Herb's. What could I do? I was hot!

~~~~~~~

ENVY: How the fuck does that douchebag have a girl like that on his arm, and I'm in a cab by myself?

~~~~~~~

GLUTTONY: C'moooooooonnnnn! Why won't you just take me to Taco Bell!? I'll give you whatever you want, I just need it so bad!

~~~~~~~

YOUR DRIVER: No, seriously, buddy, I need you to sit up and stay awake, or this ride is over.

SLOTH: No, I don' wanna.

YOUR DRIVER: Okay Sleepy, here's your stop.

SLOTH: [not opening his eyes or moving] Thanks! Have a good night, cabbie.

~~~~~~~

WRATH: I fucking hate that guy!

YOUR DRIVER: Huh?

WRATH: Right there! Revving the engine on his pussy rice machine while my baby's in the shop! I should get out and kick his ass!

YOUR DRIVER: Um.

WRATH: Do you think I should get out and kick that faggot in the face before the light changes green?

YOUR DRIVER: My philosophy is that you should never think twice and always follow your joy, Bro.

WRATH: [gets out] Hey! HEY, FAGGOT! Yeah, I'm talking to you!

YOUR DRIVER: [quietly drives away]

~~~~~~~

[CONTEXT: This girl was crying and wearing the worst bridesmaid's dress ever, I shit you not, when I picked her up. Primary Red with poofy sleeves and just awful. She also seemed to have a major aversion to saying the word "blowjob."]

LUST: I can't believe you found it! I've been walking around for hours. You are such a lifesaver, I'm sorry I can't give you more money! I feel like I should be doing some mouth stuff or something!

YOUR DRIVER: Uh..?

LUST: You know, mouth stuff. Come back here with me and I'll show you.

YOUR DRIVER: Why does this shit only happen when I have a girlfriend?

LUST: C'mon, it'll only take five minutes! I've had a horrible day and I need to blow off some steam somehow...

YOUR DRIVER: Holy fuck.

[Kanastrous]

WRATH: I fucking hate that guy!

YOUR DRIVER: Huh?

WRATH: Right there! Revving the engine on his pussy rice machine while my baby's in the shop! I should get out and kick his ass!

YOUR DRIVER: Um.

WRATH: Do you think I should get out and kick that faggot in the face before the light changes green?

YOUR DRIVER: My philosophy is that you should never think twice and always follow your joy, Bro.

WRATH: [gets out] Hey! HEY, FAGGOT! Yeah, I'm talking to you!

YOUR DRIVER: [quietly drives away]

Perfect.

[Borgholio]

Part of me wishes you had stayed behind to see who got splattered first.

[Raw Shark]

Part of me wishes you had stayed behind to see who got splattered first.

You and me both, amigo. Honestly, I kind of hate the guys who ride motorcycles downtown at night because of the way they tend to act, darting in and out of traffic and basically daring me to kill them, then posturing like they're a badass because I'm merciful, so watching a Harley Guy in leather and a Kawasaki Guy with a helmet who are not particularly skilled at hand-to-hand combat slowly beat the living shit out of each other in the middle of the street seems like a very entertaining form of free wacky-armor gladiatorial combat to me.

[TronPaul]

Co-Worker: These fuck-ups will get lost in the noise of our other fuck-ups.

[madd0ct0r]

well tonight I found out when you get a lot of top claibre engineer grads drunk and ask them to state which renewable energy is best

[Zaune]

What did they come up with?

[madd0ct0r]

a long rambling discussion on nitrate cycles as applied to the char output from microwave driven wet pyrolysis of cattle waste.