Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Currently the roads, sewers, water, gas and power lines are being rebuilt and it's a mess

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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Dalton »

Doing a hit on the new KFC Double Down after a long day of HCR coverage...

Me: "That sandwich should come with a side of health insurance."
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

I just love our director. He *really* gets excited when describing the scenes he wants to do...

Right now there's a big meeting wending its way through the office, and from the next room all I can hear is him bellowing,

"AND THEN WE GET THE BIG FUCKING EXPLOSIONS! BOOM! BOOM!! THEN THEY ROUND THE CORNER, RIGHT?! AND THERE'S *ANOTHER* BIG EXPLOSION! FUCKIN' BOOM!"

Can't remember the last time I found a director this entertaining.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Stravo »

"Here is our memo on file maintenance and docketing for the tax matters."

*Looks at the memo*

"I'm asking input from all of you on how we can best update these procedures because I think it's time to do so."

*raises hand*

"Yes?"

"This memo is dated 1996"

"Right. Hence we need to update our procedures especially in light of new technology."

"New technology?! Windows 97 wasn't even out when you guys drafted these procedures."

"Your point?"
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Losonti Tokash »

Kanastrous wrote:I just love our director. He *really* gets excited when describing the scenes he wants to do...

Right now there's a big meeting wending its way through the office, and from the next room all I can hear is him bellowing,

"AND THEN WE GET THE BIG FUCKING EXPLOSIONS! BOOM! BOOM!! THEN THEY ROUND THE CORNER, RIGHT?! AND THERE'S *ANOTHER* BIG EXPLOSION! FUCKIN' BOOM!"

Can't remember the last time I found a director this entertaining.
Is it Michael Bay?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

No.

I do not love Michael Bay.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Losonti Tokash »

Yeah, from what I recall he's kind of an asshole. But he also loves cussing and explosions, so it seemed possible. :P
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

When this fellow cusses, it's for laughs and for emphasis. When Bay cusses it's frequently to belittle and insult people. YMMV.

Actually, I do remember the last director I found this entertaining - we did an episode of a tv show called Medium wherein the heroine keeps having nightmares of being trapped in the role of Barbara in Night of the Living Dead. The director - who is about 6'6" - had particular ideas regarding how he wanted his zombies moving, so while scouting a cemetary location he's all No, no, I want my zombies to move like *this* - (adopts leaning, shambling gait and twists up his face in a horrible grimace, flops his arms at his sides and staggers between the headstones) - Unnnnnnng! NNNNNNg! BRAAAAIIIINS!

Freaked out most of the crew. He's good.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Losonti Tokash »

Fair enough. Guess I should post a quick story now to make up for it.

Recently I got a part time job working at Bodies the Exhibition, which just opened for a limited engagement here in Omaha. I was explaining the rules to some visitors.

Me: ...and please, do not touch the bodies.
Visitor: What if they touch us?
Me: Then I would suggest you aim for the head.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Is that one of those dead-people-missing-their-skins exhibits?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Losonti Tokash »

Yep! Pretty fucking cool, in my opinion. Especially the area on the circulatory system. Among other things, there's a couple specimens which are just the blood vessels in an arm or leg, without all the fleshy bits that would normally be in the way.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Dalton »

Kanastrous wrote:When this fellow cusses, it's for laughs and for emphasis. When Bay cusses it's frequently to belittle and insult people. YMMV.

Actually, I do remember the last director I found this entertaining - we did an episode of a tv show called Medium wherein the heroine keeps having nightmares of being trapped in the role of Barbara in Night of the Living Dead. The director - who is about 6'6" - had particular ideas regarding how he wanted his zombies moving, so while scouting a cemetary location he's all No, no, I want my zombies to move like *this* - (adopts leaning, shambling gait and twists up his face in a horrible grimace, flops his arms at his sides and staggers between the headstones) - Unnnnnnng! NNNNNNg! BRAAAAIIIINS!

Freaked out most of the crew. He's good.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by GuppyShark »

Project Developer: And this is the database server, it's running Linux.
Me: Linux isn't part of the Standard Operating Environment.
Project Developer: Exactly! That means we can do whatever we want!

In my head: No, that means we've spent a ton of money building a database we'll have to shelve as soon as it has an OS glitch because nobody in the company supports it.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Korto »

Tuesday class had been consistently leaving the rooms a mess, forcing me to clean up after them, and I was pissed. I'd leave it and let them stew in it, except it wouldn't be them suffering, it'd be Thursday, who always cleaned after themselves.
I caught one, who I nickname "Deaf Old Bastard" (at least in my own head), leaving his tools out, sand all over the bench, and I demanded to know if he was going to be cleaning up.
"Oh, the cleaners will do it"
"The cleaners don't do the rooms", I pointedly tell him, "They do the hall and toilets. Not the rooms"
"Oh! Then who's supposed to do the rooms then?"
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Soontir C'boath »

Sounds like you are the instructor. Can't you threaten to fail these types by saying they didn't fulfill the part of keeping their work environment clean or something?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Plus Deaf Old Bastard is a jerk for deliberately adding to (well, thinking he's adding to) someone else's cleaning workload when he could damn well do it, himself.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Phantasee »

How far does that line of thinking go for you? Would you do up the bed in a hotel room, for example? My mother always does that even though the hotel staff are going to strip the sheets anyway.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

I usually leave the beds unmade for housekeeping to deal with - in fact, by making the bed I would be creating more work for the staff, since unmaking-the-bed before being able to strip the sheets is more fuss than simply pulling sheets off an unmade bed, anyway. Stripping and remaking a bed impresses me as a reasonable thing for the staff to do.

On the other hand I don't leave trash all over the floors, laundry scattered everywhere and wet nasty messes in the bathroom. I clean up the outrageous debris from my own in-room parties. I'm neither going to do their job for them, nor make the job so ridiculous as to be screwing them over.

When I stay in extended-stay places - usually when shooting on location for weeks or months - I leave the housekeepers a cash tip calculated by the number of weeks in my stay. Just my thing; I don't think less of anyone who chooses to do differently, but I feel good about leaving a little something extra for people who have to deal with cleaning my cage while I'm there. It's not like most housekeeping staff are particularly well-paid, for their work.

YMMV.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Korto »

Soontir C'boath wrote:Sounds like you are the instructor. Can't you threaten to fail these types by saying they didn't fulfill the part of keeping their work environment clean or something?
I'm actually the furnaceman. That means I maintain the equipment, order supplies, run the furnaces, and (relevant bit) keep the rooms clean and tidy. (I also pour the metal into the moulds, which can be very "exciting" in the case of some of the moulds made by some of the students).
They've actually cleaned up their act since (pun fully intended), after a while of me mentioning to them, and having a few words with the teacher, about what I thought of their cleaning habits.
It's interesting, because the classes are made up of all ages, from early twenties to some past retired. The young ones to a man listen to what you tell them, do what you suggest, are helpful around the place, and clean up after themselves. It's the bloody old ones who cause the trouble.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Stravo »

"Nothing will change in terms of people's work loads and responsbilities with this latest round of staffing adjustments. So I want to be clear - no one will be doing any more work than they already have."

Everyone nods like good little workers.

"OK, meeting over. Have a great lunch guys...Frank, do you mind staying behind for a minute?"

I pleasantly smile.

"Here is a list of things I would like you to take on to help us out..."

I smile pleasantly nodding and start to search for the head hunter's number I had stored on my blackberry while taking copiuos notes.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Co-worker reading from The Hollywood Reporter -

"Megan Fox compares Michael Bay to Hitler and Napoleon."

Me:

"Well, I have to admit that she's got a better grasp of history, than I would have credited her with..."
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LadyTevar »

Got a phonecall just before I left for the day yesterday. The elder man on the other end was insistent, demanding a BLANK death certificate so he could fill it out for his eventual death and cremation, because he didn't want to pay a funeral home to do it.

Some gems:
"I demand this under the West Virginia Freedom of Information Act!!"
Me, snickering because there's not a WV version: "I'm sorry sir, that's for documents on file only."
"Are you a lawyer! Which law school did YOU go to! I know my rights! I went to Harvard! Now are you gonna send me that blank death certificate?!"
Me, knowing there's no way in hell my boss will send one of those out: "No, we do not give out blank death certificates. I went to Marshall University, but my husband went to Harvard, did you know him there?" (Nit did go for a semester, but I didn't believe this guy went.)
"You have to give it to me under the WV Freedom of Information Act! Haven't you read it!!"
Me: "No sir, but I have read the WV State Code, and I cannot give you a blank death certificate"

I finally pawn the man off on SirBoss' answering machine, and politely wrote SirBoss a warning about the guy's ranting.

TODAY:
SirBoss came in, I asked if he got my note. Quote SirBoss snearingly: "He can no more FoIA (pronounced pho-ah) a blank certificate than he can FoIA my desk!"

At that point he'd not listened to the message. An hour later he came back by my desk.
Sirboss: Did you not recognize this guy's name?
Me: No... should I have?
Sirboss: He's a well-known, extremely excentric lawyer.
Me: :shock: Damn, he did go to Harvard!
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Edi »

So, I've transferred temporarily to a different division that handles the fault notification reports that helpdesk (where I normally work) files when the customers' internet or other services don't work.

Third day on the job:

Me: *opens first ticket of the day to find utter garbage, nearly all relevant information missing*
Me: Goddamn bloody incompetent asshat! I can't believe this shit! Right, this ticket gets rejected with a big fat "Incomplete information" tag! Next!
Coworker 1 (over ten years at that job): *bursts out laughing*
Coworker 2 (another veteran): Three days here and you've already got the attitude of a veteran! We'll make something of you yet!
Coworker 3 (yet another veteran): Now you get to see what we deal with every day!
Me: Bloody hell! No wonder HD has a bad reputation here...

*****

Yet another ticket where half the necessary info is missing:

Me: Goddamn, you'd think we'd have crystal ball issued here as standard equipment!
Veteran Coworker: Well, we do, but they sent it off for repairs and we haven't heard from it since...
Me: *mutters profanities at HD*


*****

Conversation at work with one of the customer relations managers after she helped clear a migraine inducing mess of fuckups over a couple of issues while I sorted out the technical side:

Me: Thanks a bunch for helping sort out this unholy contracts mess! If you ever need any help from the technical side, go ahead and ask and I'll sort it out!
CRM: Oh, don't promise me anything on a blank check, I've got tons and tons of problems cases I can sic on you... *evil grin*
Me: Well, whenever you forward any of that pile to the helpdesk bosses for investigation and I'm on shift, they'll just hand them to me anyway, so you need a worse threat than that to scare me...
CRM: *bursts out laughing*


*****

Today, after an entire day of dealing with tickets and headache cases, with just one or two properly filled tickets among the ones I managed to pick:

Me: Fucking hell, this is goddamn unbelievable! IT ISN'T THAT BLOODY DIFFICULT TO DO A TICKET PROPERLY!
Veteran Coworker: Yes, well, one would think so...
Me: When I go back to HD after this gig, I'm going to have to take a 2-by-4 with me and apply it to my coworkers there...
VC: Please do!

*****

Seriously, the HD instructions on how to do stuff are clear enough and half of that shit is automated and still half the cases we get from there are screwed up or incompletely checked.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by SCRawl »

It's funny you should mention the crystal ball, Edi. During my last permanent job I was a buyer, and one of the things I had to do was purchase brass architectural fittings from Taiwan on a quarterly basis. I kept trying to get projections from sales about what their needs would be, but they never gave me anything to work with, so I had to order based on my best guesses based on previous data. The exchange with the sales person went something like this:

Me: I'd need a crystal ball to either avoid either running out of stock or having excess inventory.

Sales: Oh, we used to have a crystal ball. One day it failed, and the repair place wanted too much to fix it, so instead we just hired you.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Being broken and therefore useless for its original purpose, the crystal ball is doubtless stuck to something somewhere, as a decorative architectural fitting...
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