Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

OT: anything goes!

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Dalton
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Dalton »

Director: "Al, start your move. Al, pan left. AL! PAN LEFT! Did we lose PL with ground zero? AL!"
[response from ground zero]
Director: "Oh, your name is Art. Get ready to start your move."

***

Director: "Bob. Bob? Bob? If your name isn't Bob, it is for the next three minutes."

***

Director: "Pan right. Pan right. No, your other right."

***

Director: "Do what you're doing, not what I said."

***

The anchor sneezes loudly.
Director: "JESUS CHRIST!"

***

After a bad switch...
Director: "Ahhh, you fucking suck! Not you, Jay."
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Soontir C'boath »

:D I'd like your director's job. Sounds like anyone can do it.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

I was once running one of three cameras in a studio shoot, taking footage of candidate interviews for the county government where I lived in Maryland - we were using the local public television station's small stage. And the director is kind of a wiseass, and he's delivering this constant monologue about the interviewees over our headsets. And this one lady is being interviewed: she is a person of impressive girth, wearing a blinding green pantsuit, big chunky shiny green plastic jewelery, a green clutch bag, and green eye shadow. And the on-headset commentary turns to stuff about Kermit the Frog, and the Jolly Green Giant, and Sprout, and Jabba the Hutt on St. Patrick's Day, and etc, and after a couple minutes' muffled coughing and snorting I finally lose it in this one big sharp loud barking whoop of laughter, and have no choice but to hang up my headset, lock my pedestal, and walk off the stage. The supervisor finds me leaning against the hallway wall giggling uncontrollably, failed to get any coherent explanation out of me, goes off in search of the director and, upon learning what happened, proceeded to rip him a new one through which one could easily have driven a loaded semi.

It was an education in on-set comportment, that's for sure.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

this morning, I swipe in two minutes late after being held up by an employee asking questions about pay for discipline matters.

Boss (asshole from the dining room): your late, why are you laughing?
because: I just got done explaining that we are supposed to handle union stuff on our off hours, because if it isn't during our off hours they have to pay us for it.
Boss: So that's why they give you union guys so many personal days.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Background: working on the new Star Trek project...

In a side meeting with one of the Art Directors...

Art Director: This stuff is great, and you've really got us covered. You've truly done yeoman service.

Me: 'Yeoman' service? I don't think I've got the legs, for it. Or the ass.

Other Designer (mumbling): Well, *I* wasn't going to say it.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

from when I was just a stupid coustomer.

*Me waiting at a restaurant between classes for a damn long time during my lunch*
Owner: hey howlong has this guy been sitting here!
Waitress: but Grandpa our SHOWS ARE ON!!!
Owner: here let me get you a starter and a drink

*I proceeded to eat there every day for the next year*

four months later:
Owner: So you turned 21 today, you lunch and your first beer are on the house.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Discussing a long, protracted, fraught process of scheduling and laying out which sets go where on what stages, a process which has taken about three weeks so far and does not really appear any closer to satisfactory completion (script keeps changing, budgets keep shifting, taking the schedule along with 'em, etc)

Art Director: It'll be done -some- time, just don't know when.

Me: Well, they want it in theaters Fall 2012. So first it has to be posted, before which it has to be cut, before which it has to be filmed, before which the sets have to be up. So...some time before Fall 2012.

Art Director: You know, I hear they have an opening for a new Studio Executive.

Me: Anything to get me offa your staff, huh?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Lisa »

Haven't read all 17 pages so it may be a repeat of some one else's tech support moment... this happened a few years back when i worked on the internet help desk...

me "I'd like you to right click on the icon that says 'my computer'"
customer "ok hold on a moment" <puts phone down>
customer "ok I had to find a marker, my pen won't write on the screen"
me "what? no, not w r i t e, right as in left and right, use the right mouse button"
fortunately for the customer i caught them before they actually wrote on the screen

another call back when format and reinstall wasn't the thing that fixed everything
me "to fix your issue we need to go into the registry"
them "registry?"
me "yes, it's a bunch of settings for your computer, to do this click on start go, to run"
them "ok"
me "type in regedit"
them "where"
me "in the box we just opened"
them "but it says something else, how do i take that out?"
realizing unless i get some one else on the phone my handle time is going to be shot for the month.
me "do you have a young kid that might be able to use the computer?"
them "yes, my son, he's 12"
me "ok lets put him on the line"
son gets on the phone, pleasantries are exchanged
me "we need to go into the registry and fix a couple lines, to get there we have to type regedit into the run box on the screen, can you do that?"
son "sure"
guided the son though the registry in 2 minutes and fix the lines saving about 1/2 an hour, endless repeating of how to do the same steps over and over on how to navigate through the registry and my sanity

a few years later I see this vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL24aNugo_4 and i have to wonder if he worked with me and heard my call (it would have been 1999/2000 when I was working on the internet hell desk)

since i switched to notebook support i no longer have to hear about people switching off their monitor thinking they've switched off the computer...
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by GuppyShark »

Overheard: "I don't really care what time I get in any more, if I'm late, I'm late. I leave on time but." :P
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by White Haven »

Ooo...kay, this one was weird even on the rarified levels I operate in. No exact quotes, because it was entirely too long a conversation for me to remember them. So a pair of Russians walk into the shop, asking about buying a used laptop and a copy of Microsoft Office. Pretty standard fare so far. Then they start asking about the possibility of recovering data from Outlook-stored email off of a backup external hard drive. Again, standard enough. Now things get strange. They ask if it's possible to do this without transferring the (large, multiple) PST files off of the external drive. Ooookay...theoretically, yes, but that's going to be seriously slow trying to load multiple large (presumably multi-gigabyte) PST files via a USB connection. For some reason they're evasive about, they don't want to copy them. Getting odd, here...

Then they start talking about changing the BIOS date stamp so that it looks like all of this took place in August. My boss does his usual 'my English isn't great,' '...what?' moment, which is for once totally appropriate. Then they reluctantly reveal that the information is... 'sensitive,' and that they want to do this without leaving any trace that the file's been accessed since August. At which point my boss and I are giving each other The Look and wondering if we really want to be involved in whatever these two fruitcake Soviet rejects are up to. Lastly, they start asking about untraceable, secure deletion of individual files, before finally telling us that 'they'd think about it' and filing out.

They didn't look, sound, or feel corporate and they were clearly at least pretending to be on a short budget, so...intelligence? Russian mob? I'll probably never know, but I'm damned curious.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Enigma »

Not a conversation but a sign I saw while working.

Paraphrasing from a warning sign on a plastic molding injection machine, "When needing to thrust hand(s) or your body into molding are. Please stop hydraulic pump and turn off and lock out main power disconnect."

I don't know how things are done in Japan but as far as I know, no sane human being would thrust their hands or themselves into a machine that could crush an human body effortlessly and fill it with plastic. :)

Another warning sign that made more sense but could have made even more sense if the warning about going around the safety door did not include not to go through it. Kinda hard to do when it is a thick plexiglass with a metal frame. lol
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

the fun of working in a kitchen....

busser: whats the kind of yoga that helps you stay hard?
me and several others" Tantric
busser" how do you spell that?
waiter: I could use some rum


how we all don't get fired for harrassment I don't know.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by LadyTevar »

Sign on Copier at work:
Out of Whack

More Whack on Order
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Gay coworker explains Grinder, to a conservative and fundy co-worker
me: well that gives new meaning to Nick Cave's new band (Grinderman) and that awful porno mustache he's sporting...
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Col. Crackpot »

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looks like this one is getting shipped back to the fed
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Wait staffer holding up a new presidential dollar coin: Whose "William Henry Harrison"?
Me: Shortest Presidential term in US History
Him: Did someone kill him?
Me: Mother Nature & a Darwin Award, he had a way too long innogeration speach during a blizzard came down with Pnumonia and died all in two months.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

ok everything is being run through the overworked potroom machine.
Manager: we these glasses washed now! turn that dish machine on
Me: well I'm generally opposed to turning on water and power to a washing machine while the plumbers are working on it, and likely to get electrocuted or burned.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Guid »

I rang one of our clients because they'd faxed me to ask me to e-mail them something. I had tried to oblige but the e-mail had bounced back. I rang to ask if I could check the e-mail address.
Woman at Shop: Oh no, I'm sure he's written the e-mail right. I was on the phone just now, when did you send it?
Me: Ummm... I don't think that....
Woman at Shop: When did you send the e-mail?
Me: About half an hour ago...
Woman at Shop: Yep, I'll have been on the phone then. Send it again, I'll hang up.

And so she did.

I resent

It bounced.

Thankfully another person rang back from there later in the day and we found the root of the problem (they'd put .com not .co.uk on their e-mail address. Apparently the person in charge of e-mail does this "all the time")
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Kanastrous »

Phone call from the Art Director with whom I've done some fun shows, on a project I start tomorrow:

Him - Hey, I just spoke with (the other designer already there) and you're getting her rate, but she said her rate is a bit less than you might be used to. It's $XX.XX (a figure a bit -more- than the rate I had actually expected, for a tv pilot) on a fifty-hour week. Is that okay?

Me - Well...hmm.

Him - Come on, man.

Me - All right, okay. Seeing as it's you.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by tim31 »

My voice carried as I was discussing the office coffee habit yesterday

Rach: Coffee, I do love you

Me: It's an abusive relationship though

Man at desk, thinking I was entering his own convo: lol what??
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

well from a long time ago (1990)

(I still can't believe that the guys on the other end put us on the air)

preparing for the news broadcast part of the the show.
"Cowboy": how do you pronaunce N.I.G.E.R.? I know that it's not the N-Word
Me: Ni (like rhymes with Hi), ger (like Jury), but that sounds too much like the N-Word. I'll have to use my BBC journalist voice ans slow down and E-Nun-Cee-Ate.
"Cowboy": Hey Colin their broadcasting us.
Me: great now no matter HOW I pronaunce it people will still hear it the wrong way. Ok Today a US Marine Helocoptor crashed in Africa, killing all aboard, we would tell you the name of the river they crashed into, and the country that it happened but the FCC wouldn't approve, because it sounds too much like one of the words were not allowed to use.

hey Dalton has anything happened to you like that?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Dalton »

No, but we have had somewhat similar instances in the past.

Were you in a college class or something? When were you an anchor?
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by CaptainChewbacca »

I always pronounced the country Nigh-jeer, to avoid confusion.
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by Scottish Ninja »

Actually I think since it's a Francophone country the appropriate pronunciation is something closer to Nee-zhair. (I don't speak French so my pronunciation could be off, but wiki says that's about right.)
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Re: Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Dalton wrote:No, but we have had somewhat similar instances in the past.

Were you in a college class or something? When were you an anchor?

yup, sophmore year of college when this happened.
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The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin
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