That gives me an idea. I had intended this to be very short, but had too much fun writing it. I’m guessing I’m tilting the figures in Trek’s favour somewhat, but what the hell. Assuming RSA stays in command without the CMO inexplicably relieving him of duty, he has his ship facing off against an ISD. After both ships tell the other to surrender and neither of them doing so (though the Fed first officer was trying to tell his captain that it may not be the best course of action without tipping off the imperials), communication is severed.Wyrm wrote:I hate Captain Anderson already. I'm not much of a fan of the underdog getting its ass kicked, but Scooter deserves to lose, all the while ranting about how he must school the ISD about the superior Treknology.
In the interest of karma, however, I'd like to see the other two saps... er, the captains of the other two ships be able to placate the Imperial captain without too much damage.
Then, RSA says "give them a warning shot, phasers at minimal power, 200m to their left. Show them what they're dealing with"
Tactical officer-who-should-have-promoted-long-ago says "sir, for a warning shot to work, you don't fire a padded shaft 200m to their left, you fire a steel tip into their leg!"
RSA "just shut up and fire!"
Imperials, seeing this, get the idea and fire a couple of LTLs at the ship, only they don't miss.
Fed helm officer: "Sir! Shields down to 87%!"
RSA: "you can't be reading the display correctly. We barely felt anything!"
First officer: *mutters something about inertial dampeners and structural integrity fields*
RSA: "very well, fire a phaser blast at their weapons. Try not to hurt them, mind"
Tactical officer: "No effect, sir"
RSA: "Don't give me that, you must have missed or something, how else could they have survived?"
Helm officer: "Captain, with all due respect, he didn't miss"
RSA: "I'll pretend you didn't say that"
Imperials are sitting there, their shields shrugging off the negligible damage.
One officer says to the captain: "Are they going to try to fight?"
Imperial captain: "I hope so. This is getting boring. Let's make things more interesting. Fire a couple of ion cannon bursts at them, see if they wake up to reality at all"
Imperial gunner: "Yes, sir!"
*Blast strikes the ship, causing it to shake less than gently*
Tactical officer: "Sir, our shields are down!"
RSA: "What the hell did you do? I didn't ask you to drop shields!"
T.O.: "I did nothing, they knocked out our shields!"
RSA: "Impossible!"
Science officer: "Actually sir, given the firepower of that ship, it's well within their capabilities"
RSA: "I'm done with toying with them, raise shields, fire phasers and quantum torpedoes. Time to put them out of their misery!"
T.O.: "Their shields are holding!"
RSA: "your scanners must be malfunctioning! No Imperial vessel can withstand that kind of firepower!"
T.O.: "they just did!"
Imperial captain: "Ahh, they have some spirit, after all. Fire a couple of MTLs at them; see if they'll come to their senses!"
Imperial gunner: "Sir, you think they will survive?"
Imperial captain: "only one way to find out"
*ship takes a massive impact. Everyone is thrown to the ground*
Engineering officer: "Sir, we have multiple hull breaches, main power is offline, shields, weapons and propulsion are all gone"
RSA: "Helm, what the hell did we hit?"
Helm officer: "It wasn't me; more of a case of what hit us!"
T.O.: "Screw this, I've had enough" *pulls out phaser*
First officer: "hail the Imperial ship!"
RSA: "what the hell for?!"
Imperial officer: "Sir, they are hailing us!"
Imperial captain: "Let's hear what they have to say. Put them through."
*Image appears on screen*
Imperial captain: "Are you going to surrender before we blow your ship to hell?"
Federation first officer: "Sorry about all this, our captain thought it would be a peachy idea to attack your ship in a pissing contest. Would you consider letting us go if we turn him over to you?"
RSA: "What the shit?! I didn't agree to this!"
F.O. (to Imperial captain) "One moment, please"
Imperial captain (Struggling to keep a straight face) "by all means, take as long as you need"
F.O. (to RSA) "Shut the fuck up!" *stuns RSA* "fucking idiot. That's better. Only a shame I didn't kill him for his incompetence; if this were a Klingon ship, he'd be Targ food by now" *turns to viewscreen* "So, how about it?"
*Imperials are rolling around laughing by this time* Imperial captain: "How about what? Oh sure, just before you do, be sure to put him in a straight jacket first"
F.O. "with pleasure"
Imperial captain: "and one more thing. Next time one of your captains decides to have a go, tell him to come back when he's increased his fleet's size, firepower, speed, just about everything a few orders of magnitude. We're in no hurry"
F.O. (grimly) “Indeed”
DITL points out that while searching the database for some MAN, Deanna had narrowed the search to people who had been at Utopia Planitia and on the ship itself but did NOT think to exclude females as some of the people the computer brings up are women.
From l-r: Lieutenant, Captain Neral, Command Master Chief
From l-r: Engineering Chief Kistun, Tech Lieutenant
From l-r: Tech Lieutenant, Tech Ensign
