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Thanks.evilcat4000 wrote:Good chapter. The fighting between the Federation boarding party and the Jedi was well done.
Because who knows what sort of things they're packing? Plus IIRC on Ferderation transporters have the ability to disarm weapons in. transportersMajor Diarrhia wrote:Even Starfleet from Star Trek: Enterprise has palm sized stun grenades, I don’t see why the Romulans would’t have them too. Especially 200 years later. I don’t think gas grenades would be particularly effective on Trek ships seeing as how, at least on Federation ships, atmospheric systems can replace poisoned air with a second or two when ordered. Then again, I’m guessing you have it that the Romulans recognize the engine for what it is, that’s why they use a gas grenade. Why not have them transport the mercenaries right to the brig without even firing a shot in the first place?
Of that I am aware. I should go over that. I actually type the words as I would say them.The bounty hunter captains words didn’t seem to flow naturally, it was a bit stilted.
Crap, forgot to add a bit. Thanks for pointing that out.I think internal tractor beams have been shown to be precise enough to lower vessels without making a racket.
Thanks.Good foreshadowing with the capture of that vessel. In fact there is a lot of good foreshadowing all over the chapters.
Remember back in chapter 3? They said beaming him out would be difficult. The team was supposed to take him to a better location.How did they beam in in the first place? Why did they send an away team instead of just beaming him off?
Think of it, Kaldor was parfectly calm, waves his hand and a bulkhead falls down behind them. After that comment wouldn't you put that together?Actually that entire situation situation is just plain weird on top of the obvious Dark Jediness going on which explains why he wasn’t curious as to why the Federation would be interested in him: why did they fire on him when he waved his hand at the bulkhead, did they really relate the hand wave plus comment to bulkhead falling, why were they unable to communicate after getting in and how did they expect to communicate with the interference going on?
FC happened in 2373, this (Set between season 5/6 in 2374/5)Was First Contact before or after this time period?
Not to my recollection.Has anyone ever calculated the maximum number of shots a Jedi has ever blocked per second?
Suggestions on how to improve the dialogue will be taken.Even though this sets up some good future precedents the wording of the away team encounter didn’t seem natural.
This will be on hiatus while I do some more of The Priest.I wrote:Charlenn woke up in his cell. It was dark, the room shook repeatedly and violently. His armour and it's hidden tools were gone. The situation was bad.
He could make out a panelling that could very well be a door. Charlenn started clawing at it, trying to pull it off. It wasn't working. He tried to push it, ramming it with his shoulder. It felt like it was starting to give.
Effias was strapped in a chair in an interrogation cell, passing in and out of consciousness. There were half a dozen guards around him, all reassigned here once the announcement of the boarding parties was made. Apparently there were higher priorities, the officers were called out again. Upon leaving, the last one gave him an injection. He lost consciousness.
Mortenn was also in an interrogation cell, theough he was fully conscious. There was only one other person in the room, it was the Romulan belief that one lone person in the room can be more menacing than ten. His interrogator him was carefully brutal. He seemed fond of injecting him with nitric acid, only in non vital areas, nothing that would endanger his life. When the guards back was turned as he reached for his various "implements", Mortenn tried so slip his hand free of the restraints, no such luck. He wasn't going anywhere without his captors aid.
"Attention all officers in the security block, lock down all prisoners and head to section 47A."
"This is your lucky day human." The Romulan interrogator set a menacing sharp instrument back on the table, picking up what looked like a blaster rifle.
"Let's go!" He pushed on a button the conrol panel, typing in what Mortenn thought to be a security code. Once again he was glad to have a photographic memory. The clasps on his wrists sprung open.
"Come with me." The guard was obviously concerned his prisoner might spring free and wreak havok on the ship, his weapon was drawn and aimed right at Mortenn. The guard turned his back to punch in the authorisation code to open the door. Morten leapt at him, wrestling the gun from his hands, turning it and firing. The guard took a second to completely vaporise, he'd never seen a vaporising weapon on an ordinary guard before. These were clearly a paranoid people. One shot and all evidence of a murder was gone.
Mortenn headed for the cell door. When there he punched in the same code that the guard had put in when freeing him from his interrogation chair. The wall dissolved to reveal a room with no living guards, and what appeared to be a few cells locked closed. There was what looked like a central control panel on a table near the wall. He rushed to it, pushing in the authorisation code. It didn't work. He tried repeatedly, no success.
"This tends to work." He thought to himself. Mortenn fired his new rifle at the cell doors, making them dissolve and the surrounding walls turn an odd shade of green before melting away. "Charlenn!" he cried, "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, I tried to kick the door down, bruised my leg. Any idea where the Captain is?"
"None, I'd wager he's in one of these cells, stand back." His phaser rifle rang out again, this time, revealing the cell of Captain Effias. His limp self lying there.
"Captain!" They rushed over to him.
"He's... dead."
"Dead?"
"Yeah."
There was a monent of silence. This was the man who commanded and kept the team going.
"Ok, let's get out of here, we'll mourn later. I think there's another one of these strange blasters somewhere near that table."
"Right, let's get out of here."
The two remaining bounty hunters stormed the hallway, it was almost pitch black, clearly the ship had taken serious damage. From what they could see there were only two options, right or left.
"Let's get going!" Charlenn said enthusiastically.
"Which way?" Mortenn sounded curious.
"This way." They darted off down the right corridor.
You mean something like antishock armor?:shock:Gandalf wrote: Because who knows what sort of things they're packing? Plus IIRC on Ferderation transporters have the ability to disarm weapons in. transporters
Actualy I don't.Gandalf wrote:Remember back in chapter 3? They said beaming him out would be difficult. The team was supposed to take him to a better location.How did they beam in in the first place? Why did they send an away team instead of just beaming him off?
None the less, has a Federation ship ever transported through Dominion shields?Seriously, I don't think I would, considering that it's a combat situation and that sort of thing happens. Two things though, a bulkhead is just he nautical term for wall, so you just had the Jedi pull a wall out of the coridor.Gandalf wrote:Think of it, Kaldor was parfectly calm, waves his hand and a bulkhead falls down behind them. After that comment wouldn't you put that together?
As for the comm thing, it's always worth a try, they clearly weren't going anywhere.
I don't think bulkheads or beams have been shown to fall in Dominion ships?I would love that.CaptainChewbacca wrote:In ROTJ, Luke blocked seven or eight nearly simultaneous shots while on the sail barge. I'll have to check my tapes, if you want.
If you could get how much time passes betwene each shot too that would be even more significant I think.Weirder things have happened.Major Diarrhia wrote:You mean something like antishock armor?:shock:Gandalf wrote: Because who knows what sort of things they're packing? Plus IIRC on Ferderation transporters have the ability to disarm weapons in. transporters
Not that I can recall.Actualy I don't.Gandalf wrote:Remember back in chapter 3? They said beaming him out would be difficult. The team was supposed to take him to a better location.How did they beam in in the first place? Why did they send an away team instead of just beaming him off?
Well not much has been seen of the interior of Dominion ships in battle. But they have exploding consoles too. See: A Time to Stand.Seriously, I don't think I would, considering that it's a combat situation and that sort of thing happens. Two things though, a bulkhead is just he nautical term for wall, so you just had the Jedi pull a wall out of the coridor.Gandalf wrote:Think of it, Kaldor was parfectly calm, waves his hand and a bulkhead falls down behind them. After that comment wouldn't you put that together?
As for the comm thing, it's always worth a try, they clearly weren't going anywhere.
Cool.I would love that.CaptainChewbacca wrote:In ROTJ, Luke blocked seven or eight nearly simultaneous shots while on the sail barge. I'll have to check my tapes, if you want.
I’ll have comments up soon.
What exactly do you mean by this?Gandalf wrote: His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
He's on a romulan ship so that would be a disruptor.Peregrin Toker wrote:What exactly do you mean by this?Gandalf wrote: His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
BTW - I liked Mortenn's reaction to first seeing a phaser in use, especially considering the context.
He was interrogating, was very brutal, but was careful about it. He'd hurt you, a lot. But he wouldn't kill you accidentaly. Like precision torture, he knew just where to make it hurt.Peregrin Toker wrote:What exactly do you mean by this?Gandalf wrote: His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
Well spotted.Crazedwraith wrote:He's on a romulan ship so that would be a disruptor.Peregrin Toker wrote:What exactly do you mean by this?Gandalf wrote: His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
BTW - I liked Mortenn's reaction to first seeing a phaser in use, especially considering the context.
That doesn't fit at all with the dead captain. Ok, I'm going to do my comments now.Gandalf wrote: Theoretically this means he could torture you until the end of time.
Was this his mind playing tricks or was whatever he was pushing really moving?Gandalf wrote: Chapter 6
He tried to push it, ramming it with his shoulder. It felt like it was starting to give.
Strapped to what though in the room? A chair, a wall, the floor, ceiling maybe? How about a variable gravity cell so the rear wall becomes the floor like in that SG-1 episode?Gandalf wrote: Effias was strapped in an interrogation cell
Screwy sentence.Gandalf wrote:His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
Actually I find this way too convenient that all the guards were ordered away. And it’s obvious that all the guards are officers since no one is there to greet Mortenn when he escapes.Gandalf wrote: "Attention all officers in the security block, lock down all prisoners and head to section 47A."
It should be more reminiscent of a pistol. For that matter the interrogator himself shouldn't’t be armed, there should be two guards outside the cell waiting for the interrogator.Gandalf wrote:"This is your lucky day human." The Romulan interrogator set a menacing sharp instrument back on the table, picking up what looked like a blaster rifle.
He should have had restraints that attached to the seat so he would never be unrestrained. Gaurds should have come in first before he was unrestrained. There shouldn’t be a particular interrogation chamber, each cell should act as its own interrogation chamber so prisoners don’t have to be moved.Gandalf wrote:The clasps on his wrists sprung open.
The weapon should have been on stun considering that the Romulans wanted to interrogate these guys not kill them for no good reason. Secondly, I’m pretty sure use of even vaporizing weapons leave bodily evidence. Even if that’s not right, how many times have we been told of evidence of weapons fire in the vicinity of some place? Of course he wouldn’t know this stuff but maybe it could be brought up later or something.Gandalf wrote: The guard took a second to completely vaporise. One shot and all evidence of a murder was gone.
So the doors are holographic? Again, I protest there being no guards at all, at the very least there should be one guard. On top of that a weapons discharge in the brig should have sounded a klaxon immediately, let alone any weapons discharge on board the ship at the very least should have alerted security immediately.Gandalf wrote: The wall dissolved to reveal a room with no guards
I’m rather surprised that worked. I would think a people as paranoid as the Romulans would use brig shields strong enough to hold off many such blasts rather than just be strong enough to fight off the pounding of a prisoner?Gandalf wrote:"This tends to work." He thought to himself. Mortenn fired his new rifle at the cell doors, making them dissolve
If the door is a shield with a holographic projection, there is no reason why the disruptor should have effected the surrounding wall.Gandalf wrote: and the surrounding walls turn an odd shade of green before melting away.
Shouldn’t that be foot?Gandalf wrote: "I'm fine, I tried to kick the door down, bruised my leg.
Why is he dead if they were being so careful in interrogation?Gandalf wrote:
"Captain!" They rushed over to him.
"He's... dead."
The corridor isn’t lit properly?Gandalf wrote: The two remaining bounty hunters stormed the hallway, there was nothing there that they could see. Just a long darkness either way.
He was trapped with a forcefield. So it wasn't going anywhere easily.Major Diarrhia wrote:Was this his mind playing tricks or was whatever he was pushing really moving?Gandalf wrote: Chapter 6
He tried to push it, ramming it with his shoulder. It felt like it was starting to give.
That was meant to be in a chair, forgot to mention it. Though the SG1 thing would have been neat.Strapped to what though in the room? A chair, a wall, the floor, ceiling maybe? How about a variable gravity cell so the rear wall becomes the floor like in that SG-1 episode?Gandalf wrote: Effias was strapped in an interrogation cell
Of this I am aware, I'm getting grammarical help.Screwy sentence.Gandalf wrote:His interrogator him was carefully brutal.
They were all all ordered away becasue Jam' Hadar were on the ship, once the prisoners were in lockdown the bigger problem is repelling them.Actually I find this way too convenient that all the guards were ordered away. And it’s obvious that all the guards are officers since no one is there to greet Mortenn when he escapes.Gandalf wrote: "Attention all officers in the security block, lock down all prisoners and head to section 47A."
I've seen prison guards with rifles. Also, the other guards had been called away to fight the Jem' Hadar. They though they had the guy under control.It should be more reminiscent of a pistol. For that matter the interrogator himself shouldn't be armed, there should be two guards outside the cell waiting for the interrogator.Gandalf wrote:"This is your lucky day human." The Romulan interrogator set a menacing sharp instrument back on the table, picking up what looked like a blaster rifle.
The clasps were attached to the seat. Why leave a chair with items in it when you can have an unfurnished cell with minimal to no lighting. Also, this is a galaxy full of 24th century MacGuyvers, leaving them anything will be bad.He should have had restraints that attached to the seat so he would never be unrestrained. Gaurds should have come in first before he was unrestrained. There shouldn’t be a particular interrogation chamber, each cell should act as its own interrogation chamber so prisoners don’t have to be moved.Gandalf wrote:The clasps on his wrists sprung open.
The weapon was on vapourise becasue if the prisoner got out of hand there'd be no guarantee that stun would hurt him. Disruptors don't leave bodily evidence. In Face of The Enemy we see this. Have disrupros even been seen on stun?The weapon should have been on stun considering that the Romulans wanted to interrogate these guys not kill them for no good reason. Secondly, I’m pretty sure use of even vaporizing weapons leave bodily evidence. Even if that’s not right, how many times have we been told of evidence of weapons fire in the vicinity of some place? Of course he wouldn’t know this stuff but maybe it could be brought up later or something.Gandalf wrote: The guard took a second to completely vaporise. One shot and all evidence of a murder was gone.
The doors arent holographic, I thought of it as a coloured force field. We see disruptors being discarged on the bridge of Romulan ships with no alarm. I don't see why the brig would have an alarm is the bridge doesn't.So the doors are holographic? Again, I protest there being no guards at all, at the very least there should be one guard. On top of that a weapons discharge in the brig should have sounded a klaxon immediately, let alone any weapons discharge on board the ship at the very least should have alerted security immediately.Gandalf wrote: The wall dissolved to reveal a room with no guards
I’m rather surprised that worked. I would think a people as paranoid as the Romulans would use brig shields strong enough to hold off many such blasts rather than just be strong enough to fight off the pounding of a prisoner?[/quote]Gandalf wrote:"This tends to work." He thought to himself. Mortenn fired his new rifle at the cell doors, making them dissolve
I just thought it would be a neat effect. Creative license.If the door is a shield with a holographic projection, there is no reason why the disruptor should have effected the surrounding wall.Gandalf wrote: and the surrounding walls turn an odd shade of green before melting away.
I was thinking more of a kneeing motion.Shouldn’t that be foot?Gandalf wrote: "I'm fine, I tried to kick the door down, bruised my leg.
I didn't say they were being careful with the captain, as they left they injected him with something. Evidently they were a little smarter than the other guy.Why is he dead if they were being so careful in interrogation?Gandalf wrote:
"Captain!" They rushed over to him.
"He's... dead."
It had been damaged in the attack.The corridor isn’t lit properly?Gandalf wrote: The two remaining bounty hunters stormed the hallway, there was nothing there that they could see. Just a long darkness either way.
I know, I realised I wrote myself into a corner when I had them captured. Originally they were written as Klingons, but I couldn't find a good reason for them not to kill the bounty hunters.In the beginning it is reminiscent of Jon Sheriden’s tourcher in B5.
This chapter smacked too much of Deus Ex Mechana.
I tried to write the last section disjointedly, as to represent his thoughts from an external perspective.I wrote:En route to the bridge, the reality of Kaldor's actions started to sink in. The dead faces, their screams and the images of the bodies haunted him. He'd killed clonetroops, but you could never see their faces. It was like breaking equipment. They didn't show fear, scream or cry out.
His thought was interrupted by the swish of the bridge door opening. Konama had a satisfied grin on his face, seemingly unsurprised by this new visitor on the bridge. "Mr. Thann! Welcome to the bridge."
"Thankyou." Kaldor's face was expressionless. How could this Vorta have known about his coming to the bridge?
"I bring good news, we have beaten back the Federation, you apparently proved quite a distraction, with all the attention that was paid to this ship, the rest of the fleet was able to vanquish the Federation with little difficulty."
"Very good. Are we pursuing them?" His aggression and pride were building again.
"Yes we are, we will have caught up to them within the hour. Might I ask what happened outside my quarters?"
"A Federation team tried to capture me. I... objected."
"I understand you kill them quite brutally, with some sword of bladed weapon?"
"Yes, my lightsabre." Kaldor drew his lightsabre to show them, before the blade was fully extended, half the Jem' Hadar on the bridge had their weapons on him. No one showed signs of intimidation.
"Everyone, please lower your weapons. We're all friends here." Everyone eyed the Jedi, he slowly retracted his lightsabre. The guns were lowered. There was a tense feeling on the bridge.
"You were saying...?"
"It's the weapon of a Jedi Knight, better than any of these clumsy blasters of yours."
"Blasters?"
"Yes, the weapons everyone here seems to have." He indicated to the guards on the bridge.
"Oh, right. They're called disruptors here."
"May I return to some quarters?" Kaldor sounded impatient.
"There are none available, all I can do is a storage bay," Konama tried to sound accomodating, not to anger or make his guest uncomfortable. This man might help vanquish the Federation.
"I'll take that, I just need a place to rest."
The storage bay was cluttered, mostly with Ketracel White and repair materials. Kaldor found a comfortable place to sit and meditate, it was quiet, and had minimal lighting.
He sat down, and started to relax his mind. Almost immediately the images of the dead again started to reappear, but this time they were accompanied by a small twinge of pride and satisfaction.
Kaldor's thoughts were violently conflicted. Even in the usually calm face of Jedi meditation, he had a worried and strained look on his face. He couldn't purge his dark feelings, they felt good, and at the same time wrong. Like when a small child disobeys an elder for the thrill of it.
This wasn't right.
Not the path.
Not the way.
But was it so wrong to enjoy fighting? Jedi were exceptional at it. Why not enjoy it?
The thought of taking a fighter and engaging an enemy was appealing. With his Jedi reflexes he could show these people what he was capable of.
He would only be earning the trust of his new hosts, a thing to be encouraged. He would he helping them deal with an enemy.
The faster he ended it the fewer casualties there would be. He'd be doing a valuable service.
Perhaps he could get his own ship. His fighter was not going to cut it, it was more for transport, not fighting.
He could be one of the greatest fighters this galaxy had seen.
Kaldor felt a new power in him.
I know that it may or may not resemble a recent SW movie.Trogdor wrote:First post!
Edit: Hm, a Jedi with conflicting emotions leaning towards the dark side. I can't say that's exactly original, but you're doing it pretty well. I think he might find that his figher is more than up to the job of helping to deal with the Feds.
I know not everyone who reads posts, I was just curious.Son of the Suns wrote:Yes, but everyone who reads it is not going to post everytime you put up a new chapter.
For reference purposes, how do I pronounce that?Stofsk wrote:I'm still waiting for my spectacular death scene.
"Ensign Szitovszky reporting - YARGHHH!!!" Dies as a replicator blows up after an order for coffee, mainly because someone kicked it and the plasma conduits felt like being a bitch.
Se-tovs-ky, sorta phonetically. My username is actually the nickname my friends gave me at school. It's supposed to be easier to pronounce.Gandalf wrote:For reference purposes, how do I pronounce that?Stofsk wrote:I'm still waiting for my spectacular death scene.
"Ensign Szitovszky reporting - YARGHHH!!!" Dies as a replicator blows up after an order for coffee, mainly because someone kicked it and the plasma conduits felt like being a bitch.
